by Skye Jordan
She paused to take a breath. Her mind was spinning. Words were spilling. She wasn’t even sure if she was making sense. “So even then, I put the future out of my head and just picked up as much work as I could everyday. It’s what I know how to do, just put my head down and keep going. It was just the other day, when my latest paycheck was been deposited that I saw my savings account tip over the total I needed. That’s when I knew, one-hundred percent, that school was real. The first time I knew I was really going to see that dream come true.”
He squeezed her. “Congratulations, baby.”
She huffed a laugh, but she didn’t feel happy, she felt just plain scared. “Now all this is happening with you, and I leave soon, and I can see that I’m not going to be able to just put one foot in front of the other anymore. I’ve always been able to walk away and return to everyday life without any problem. But I already know I’m not going to be able to do that now. And that creates all kinds of problems that force me to think about the future. And I’m not good at it. I just… It terrifies me.” She covered her face. “I feel like I’m going to fucking hyperventilate.”
“There’s something at stake in life now.” He said, his voice calm and quiet. “It’s easy to float through life when you don’t have much to lose. But the more you want something, the scarier it is to reach for it, because you risk losing it.”
She dropped her hands. “Maybe if it was just one thing at a time, it wouldn’t feel so overwhelming. But now there’s school and you…”
“Is it me?” he asked. “Or do things with your mother and sister have you wound up?”
When she looked into his eyes now, she didn’t just see the physical man anymore. She saw beyond his handsome features. She saw Tate, heart and soul. She saw Tate’s essence. And she didn’t want to let go.
She broke his gaze on a whispered, “Fuck.”
“Just say it,” he said, an edge in his voice. One that indicated he was preparing for something he didn’t want to hear. “Just get it out in the open. There’s no point—”
“I…love you.” She pushed the words out, sure they’d get stuck if she held onto them a second longer. And, damn, they felt so bizarre coming off her lips. Like her mouth wasn’t created to form them with this meaning.
They left Tate speechless. Which only made her nerves jitter harder.
“I mean, I think I do. I don’t have anything to compare it to. I just know this whole leaving thing has me really…messed up inside. And I didn’t even want to say the words because I know you’ve been hurt, and I don’t want to say things that might mean one thing to me and something else to you. I don’t want to hurt you. I just…I just… Shit, I just…love you. I love being with you. I love thinking about you. All I want to do is spend time with you—like all the time. And I hate the thought of leaving you, even when what I’ve been working toward for ten years is waiting for me in Paris. Even when I love Paris. And, shit, this is all just too damn weird for words.”
She pressed a hand to her chest and dragged in air to lungs that felt like fists. “I can’t breathe. I think I’m having a panic attack.”
“Oh, baby.” He wrapped both arms around her and laid back, dragging her with him. Olivia rolled to her stomach, stretching over him, trying to press every inch of her skin to his. When he doubled those thickly muscled arms around her and held her tight, it felt so good it hurt and tears blurred her vision.
“It’s not real, right?” she asked, searching for some sort of level ground. “This is some weird reaction to stress, right? I mean, we’ve known each other two weeks. That’s not how love works, is it? Not real love.” God her brain was in knots. She pressed her face against his neck. “See this is why I didn’t want to say anything. Because I’m so screwed up. And after what you’ve been through, hearing this is probably the last—”
He released her and lifted her head, kissing her quiet. A steady, solid, warm kiss that instantly stopped the spin and grounded her. She relaxed. Breathed. And sank into the kiss. Where she found everything she needed—affection, strength, confidence.
When he broke the kiss, he stroked her cheeks and looked deep into her eyes. “I feel the same way, baby. It feels fast, but it also feels right. Life is messy and love doesn’t always come when and where it’s most convenient. So, yeah, it’s scary. And after what we’ve both been through, it should scare the hell out of us. That means we really care. That means we’re serious. If we weren’t scared, Liv, it wouldn’t be real.” He kissed her again. “I love you, Liv.”
Panic fluttered beneath her ribs again. “But what about— How are we— This is—“ She dropped her forehead to his chest. “Shit.”
He started laughing.
A sweet sensation rippled through her, but she groaned in misery over how this would complicate everything. “Shut up. I’m freaking out here.”
His laughter faded and he sighed. His hands slid down her back, over her ass and held her to him as he rolled. When she was beneath him, Olivia parted her thighs and took his hips snug between her legs.
Tate rested on his forearms, the backs of his fingers skimming her face. “You’ve made me happier in these two weeks than anyone has made me in years.”
“I’ve pissed you off pretty good too.”
He smiled. “Only because it took you way too damn long to realize that resistance was futile.”
That made a little laugh bubble up.
“I know you’re leaving soon,” he said, “And I don’t want to stress you out. You’ve already got a lot going on. Let’s just take one day at a time right now. After the banquet, we’ll sit down together and make a plan. We have all kinds of time, Liv. Like my dad pointed out, Paris is only a seven hour flight away.”
“But I don’t know what I want to do after—”
“You don’t have to know that now. I don’t know what I’m going to do when my next contract comes up. We can’t always know where we’ll be a year from now. Nothing that’s happened for me in the last couple years has followed the plan I had in my head. So maybe planning that far in advance and making plans now based on what you think might happen then isn’t such a great idea. At least for us. And at least not right now.”
The fear receded. Olivia could see clearer, breath deeper. “Really? You’re okay with that?”
“What did you expect? That I’d demand you live here when your whole life is there right now?”
“I guess I figured after what your wife did, you’d have issues with me being so far away.”
“Ex-wife,” he corrected. “And you’re right. That’s a trouble spot for me. If you’re not ready to stay with one man, or if you think your sexual needs are too high to be satisfied in a long-distance relationship, then this won’t work, because I could never share you.” His eyes took on a dull ache. “And I would definitely want to know either way before you leave.”
“That’s fair.” Her nervous flutters dimmed. “But I can tell you right now I’ve never been loved like this before. Not in ten years. Not anywhere in the world. So I’m not the least bit interested in trying to go out and search for something I have right here.”
Framing her face, he kissed her gently. “You make me feel like more of a fucking superstar than a stadium full of screaming fans.”
She lifted her hips, rubbing against his erection and his eyes closed on a groan.
“Why don’t you show me—again—just what a superstar you are, Mr. Donovan.
12
“Water break, guys,” Tate called to the kids. “Then we’ll finish up with skating skills.”
He glided to the bench and picked up his own water bottle.
Beckett slid up beside him. “Who’s picking the music today?” he yelled. “I’m tired of Connor’s rap crap.”
The kids laughed and a bunch of them called out Derek’s name.
“Set it up, Derek,” Beckett told the kid.
Derek skated toward the iPod linked to the rink’s sound system while they took a break.
“Things are lookin’ pretty tight with you two,” he said, watching Olivia laugh at something Joe was telling her. “She’s hanging with your dad, bringing lunch to your kids, watching your practices, catering your dinner…” He turned a grin on Tate. “And by the smile you’ve had on your face all morning, I’m guessing she’s just as sweet in bed.”
Tate squirted water at Beckett. “Shut up.”
“Which means yes.”
Tate couldn’t stop smiling.
“Have you guys talked about her leaving yet?”
“A little last night.” He glanced at Beckett. “I want to get through the banquet. Then the stress will be off, I’ll have her full attention, and we can work out the details.”
“Details?”
“Yeah.” Tate grinned at Beckett. “She wants to keep it going.”
Beckett raised his brows. “You’re okay with that? Long distance?”
“It’s certainly not my first choice, but she’s way too good to let go over distance.”
“You feel good enough about things between you that you’ll trust her?”
He lifted a shoulder. “Now, yes. Over the summer, yes, because I’ll be able to visit her. I hope that by the time the season starts she’ll be so in love with me that she’ll let me cover some of her expenses so she won’t have to work so much, and she’ll be able to come here.”
“Sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought.”
“Not really. Everything’s happened so damn fast.”
Beckett’s face broken into a grin. “Welcome to my world, bro.” When Tate laughed, Beckett slapped him on the shoulder. “Ain’t it grand?”
He looked over at his dad and Olivia again just as they laughed together. Then Olivia leaned into Joe and rested her head on his shoulder. The sight touched a deep part of Tate. A part Lisa had never reached during a year of dating or a year of marriage. Yeah, it was fast, but even Joe had already taken Olivia on as another daughter. She didn’t know it yet, but Joe would be one of the biggest blessings in her life the way he’d been in his, Mia’s and Rafe’s lives. And Tate loved being able to offer Olivia the support of such a great man.
His grin brightened and reached all the way into his chest. “Sure is.”
He called the kids to the top of the ice, lined out the drill order and pattern, then told the kids, “We’ve got a special audience today—my dad and my girl, Olivia, who’s brought you all killer eats to share after practice.” A collective cheer broke through the kids. “Make us look good, will ya?”
Beckett skated along the sidelines, offering coaching as Tate lead them through the exercises.
“Cue the music Derek.” Tate skated to the top of the ice. The kids were already lined up, ready to perform. Tate faced them and shouted, “Who’s ready?”
“We are!” They returned in chorus. This was one of their favorite parts of practice. Tate’s too.
“All right, Derek,” he paused and the kids joined him punching a fist in the air. “Turn it up.”
When a song from Nickelback blasted from the speakers, Tate put his hands on his hips and cut a look at Derek. A ripple of laughter rolled through the kids. Even Beckett laughed.
Tate asked Derek. “What part of “no questionable lyrics” didn’t you understand, dude?”
Derek just shot him that mischievous smile and shrugged.
“I’ll let you get away with it this time.” He pushed into his skates. “Anybody else tries it, you’re all getting pushups. Let’s go, guys. Impress me.”
Tate slid down the ice backwards, creating a smooth, slow stroke of his blades for the kids to follow. “Push and cross, push and cross, Derek go.”
Derek turned and followed, then the rest of the kids followed a few feet apart.
“Heads up,” Beckett called. “Toby, eyes on the wall not on the ice. Jason, keep your stick centered and still.”
At the rink’s curve, Tate took the exercise along the wall back to the other end of the ice, and continued for three more laps.
Nickleback transitioned into Hall of Fame by the Script. “Now we’re talking,” Tate yelled, using his stick to point at Beckett. “Turn that bad boy up.” To the kids he yelled, “At the top of your lungs guys, let me hear it.” The chorus came on and together their voices filled the rink, and Tate felt higher than a fucking kite, dancing on his skates, adding little jumps, because he knew the kids got a kick out of it and it made Tate happy. “You can throw your hands up, you can beat the clock, you can move mountains, you can break rocks…”
From the side of the rink Beckett was yelling over them, smiling just as big. “No hot-doggin’ it like Donovan. Keep the bounce out of your step. Keep your sticks quiet. You’re going for smooth. When you’re a hotshot you can mess around on the ice too.”
The kids laughed, but kept skating and kept singing. “You can be the hero, you can get the gold, breakin’ all the records they thought never could be broke… Do it for your country, do it for your name, cause there’s gonna be a day when you’re on the wall of fame…”
On the next lap, Tate dropped his stick by the goal and began a serpentine pattern from wall to wall to work on the kid’s backward crossover skills to All In by Lifehouse.
“Damn, Derek,” Tate called. “You’re my DJ for the rest of the week.”
“Check your lyrics, Derek” Beckett cautioned like the dad he was.
“Killjoy,” Tate hit back, pulling laughter from the kids.
He’d never seen them skate so hard or so well. Tate’s whole world felt like it had fallen into perfect harmony.
“Reach for ice, cross under,” he called. “Reach, cross.” They were nailing the advanced drill, so he added another new skill and had them easing down to their forearms before pulling back to their feet. When they had a handle on that, he added a jump, landing on one skate.
They’d worked the length of the rink a dozen times and had all the kids red faced, panting and dripping sweat before he brought practice to a close.
Beckett tossed each kid a water bottle and they either dropped flat on their back on the ice to rest, or propped their backs up against the wall.
Tate took a drink from his own bottle and tugged off his helmet and wiped down while Olivia and Joe made their way toward them.
“That’s got to be the best practice I’ve ever seen, son,” his dad said as he followed Olivia to the bench and set down one of the bags of food. Olivia set the other down beside it. “I’m sorry I’ve got to leave.”
“Already?” Tate asked, stepping into the box.
“I’ll be back Saturday for the dinner.” He opened his arms for a hug, and Tate looked down at his dad’s clean casual travel clothes then at his sweaty practice uniform. “Dad—”
“Come here,” he ordered, wrapping his arms around him. “You should know better by now.”
Tate hugged him back and over his shoulder he found Olivia watching, her smile soft, her eyes filled with warmth.
“I just…love you.”
Her words from the night before shone in her eyes and Beckett’s heart swelled again.
Tate released Joe and he turned to talk to Beckett.
Olivia stepped up to Tate. “That was beyond amazing,” she said, glancing around at the boys, still sprawled out on the ice. “You’re even better with them than I ever imagined. Look at them. Lose are some damn happy kids.”
“That means I’ve done my job right. They’ll devour in minutes what took you hours to put together for them.”
“That means I’ve don my job right.” When he laughed, she said, “I’m going to walk to Metro with your dad and head home from there.”
“Okay.” He rested his butt against the half wall. “What’s on your agenda for the rest of the day?”
Smiling, she poked a finger to the middle of his chest. “Your dinner. I’m going to hit the grocery. Are you sure you want
to leave the menu to me? This is your last chance to make changes.”
He shook his head. “I trust you implicitly.”
She leaned into him and tilted her face up to his. “That means a lot to me.”
He dropped a kiss to her lips, letting it linger even though he knew one of his best friends, his father and all the kids in his camp were watching. When he lifted his head, he murmured, “Can I see you later? Take you to dinner? Or for a drink?” He lowered his voice. “Or massage your feet?”
“I think your feet are the ones that will need massaging tonight.”
“I won’t fight you on that.”
She laughed. “I would love to, but I need to try and talk with my mom. It would be good for me to sleep there tonight, even though I’d rather be with you.”
He sighed. “I understand.”
“But let’s find a little window to hook up. Watching you skate seriously turns me on, and I want to reward your body for all that hard work.” Her grin grew, her eyes sparkled. “I’m crazy about you, Donovan.”
He sighed, and dropped another kiss to her lips.
“Okay, kids,” Joe said. “Hate to interrupt, but I’ve got to get going. Sweetie,” he said to Olivia, “why don’t you stay?”
“Pfffft.” She waved the idea away. “If Tate had his way, I’d never get anything done.”
She squeezed Tate’s hand before she followed his dad out of the rink. And as Tate let the kids rest another minute, he watched them walk out together.
“Dude,” Beckett said. “I haven’t seen that grin on your face for fuckin’ years. She’s the best thing that’s happened to you since way before Lisa.”
Tate nodded and met Beckett’s gaze. “Without any doubt.”
He teased the boys by opening the grocery bags Olivia had left with, “Let’s see what we’ve got here.” He leaned down and breathed deep. “Oh, hell, this is heaven right here. I don’t know, Beck. Did they work hard enough for this kind of reward?”