I reached out and squeezed his biceps without meaning too. The action surprised us both. I didn’t even know what happened. One moment I was standing there and the next my hands had a mind of their own.
He raised an eyebrow and cracked a smile.
Something shifted in me then. Like the final remnants of an ice cube dissolving, I gave in. I’d been trying so hard to maintain control when all I did was make everything worse. He came here to comfort me, to give me the dance I never had, even after my freak-out at Genie’s. It was time to just let our bodies take the lead for once.
“I was actually just about to leave,” I said, hoping he’d take the hint. Maybe we could go have a drink at the bar … maybe I could share with him the very expensive La Perla garter belt—purchased at sale seventy-five percent off—that held these stockings up.
His smile dropped. I realized too late how he would take that.
“Not sneaking out,” I said quickly, trying to poke fun at myself. “Maybe you and I …”
“This party is a stinker,” he said glancing around.
“Wait. What? What do you mean?” We looked around the room. More kids had moved to play with their phones at the tables.
He nodded looking concerned, hands deep in his pockets. “We have to do something.”
“I’ve done everything.” I started mentally going over the checklist for the party, the food, the decor, the music, everything had gone off without a hitch. But something was missing, I admitted to myself. It was … a bit of a snoozer.
“Let’s dance. Show them how it’s done,” he said.
“Right.” I laughed.
“I’m serious. Somebody needs to show these whippersnappers how to dance.”
“Whippersnappers? You’re so cool,” I said dryly.
He grabbed my hand and started tugging me to the floor. I froze. “What are you doing?”
“Come on. We have to pass on our traditions to the next generations. This is crucial.” He tugged me.
“Sanders. No. I’m serious. I do not dance.”
“Are you kidding me?” he asked and I realized my mistake.
“Okay, I dance. But I already told you I wasn’t myself that night.”
“Lie.” He threw out his arms frustrated. “Come on, Roxxo. Who cares what they think? You’re never going to see these people again.”
“Are you kidding me? It’s Green Valley, I’ll probably see half this room tomorrow.”
“True. Still, who cares? Aren’t you tired of holding on so tight all the time?” He came closer. He brought his hands around my head. For a moment, I thought he was going to pull me in for a kiss. I didn’t want that. Or did I want that? “Aren’t you tired of thinking all the time?” He pressed his forehead to mine in a frustrated growl. “Don’t you just want to dance like we did that night?”
I widened my eyes.
“Okay,” he amended. “Maybe not exactly like that night. There are impressionable young minds around us.”
His hands reached around for the clip that held my hair back. He pulled it out and ran his fingers through it. He was right. I just told myself to let go. Now I had to follow it with action.
“You’re broken in the brain,” I said but it came out a husky whisper.
“Likely. But you have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.” He scratched his nails against my scalp and ran his fingers through the length, until it flowed around me. I smelled my shampoo from my slightly damp hair and he leaned in to inhale it deeper. Little freak. I bit back a smile.
I was tired of overthinking. I was tired of being so afraid that a little fun would cause an entire backslide. Just then the peppy beat of the Electric Slide blasted from the speakers. My shoulders started to rock back and forth like some base Pavlovian reaction to the music.
“Come on, you know you want to,” he said with no shortage of flirtation in his voice.
I rolled my eyes. “This is insanity.”
I grabbed his hand and we went to the floor. “That’s my girl!” he shouted and I couldn’t help but feel delirious from his words.
“So is this like the Nutbush?” he asked.
He watched my steps and caught on quickly.
“I have no idea what that is,” I shouted over the music.
He stilled. “I have so much to teach you.” After a disappointed shake of his head, he started to move again.
A few girls hovering on the edge of the dance floor giggled and pulled each other to the center. I moved to the front to show them. It’s a superpower women sometimes have, the ability to learn line dances instantly and follow with ease.
“There you go,” I said to them. They laughed and shimmied without shame. I could tell they felt cute too and that made me feel good.
Who was I? Maybe this was the joy Suzie felt teaching a class at Stripped. I let the music take over. It was fun to line dance. I didn’t look cool but I didn’t care. This was fun. I could have fun, I was allowed.
More people moved to the floor. Soon at least thirty of us were dancing. Step forward, rock back. Shimmy.
“Alright, now. Come on, y’all!” the DJ yelled.
Sanders grabbed me and twirled me out. I let my head fall back, as the flashing colorful lights and the music made me feel a little drunk.
He pulled me back in, and we ground our hips in tandem, back and forth to the tempo.
“It’s electric,” he whispered in my ear. Sending chills down my arms despite the very cheesy retro song. I threw my head back and laughed. His eyes lit up. “There she is,” he yelled.
I covered my face, embarrassed for him. And yet … I was having fun. Even the parents joined in, most were closer to my age than the kids dancing. They knew this jam and the second the music started they recovered a piece of their past.
The energy pulsing through the Barn reminded me of that night the SWS had joined in with the rest of the crowd at the bar, dancing to Erik Jones’ singing. That very specific type of connection that comes with this sort of group bonding. God, who was I? I was a woman having fun.
I did a fancy shuffle and twirl just to show off.
Sanders fell to his knees and bowed in front of me. “I’m not worthy,” he yelled.
“You’re insane,” I called out, trying to tug him up. But he crawled on his knees as I dragged him along. I hid my face and laughed.
A few teens giggled at his antics. Some of the girls were doing their best to get Sanders to see their flirty smiles.
“Alright, let’s slow it down now,” the DJ crooned as the music melted into a slow country song.
Without discussing it, Sanders pulled me into his arms and we switched to a slow two-step.
He was a little sweaty as I dug my nails into his back to hold on. I had to admit, my lady bits quite liked the sight of that. I was taken back to our first dance together.
“Admit it, you had fun,” he growled in my ear.
“I admit you are crazy.”
“And you like it.” He pulled me so there was no space left between our bodies.
I did like it. I liked him so damn much. He didn’t even have a clue. I would have never done this for anybody else. He made me feel like nobody else ever had. He pushed me to my limit and then nudged me over the edge with one look. My body felt like it was tumbling head over feet into an abyss that I would never escape. He made me want to have him around all the time. He made me want things I couldn’t have.
“Let’s go outside,” I whispered.
His eyebrows rose slightly and he followed as I led him outside.
Outside, A few teens vaped under a flood light.
“That’ll kill you,” Sanders said to them.
They rolled their eyes. “Thanks, grandpa,” one said. But one look at my glare and they made their way back inside.
“I’m wounded,” he said dryly. Turning back to me, he said, “What’s going on, Roxxo?” His eyes pleaded with me. The deep blue of those depths drowned me.
I wanted to just
give in to what felt good and right. Him.
“Remember how I mentioned that crew, the Iron Wraiths, that I used to party with?” I asked.
We stood near the wall, leaning against the brick. He said, “Yeah, and you didn’t want to talk about it.”
“Well. I’m ready to now. I’m not going to go into all the details but I need you to understand something. Because I know I’m frustrating to be around. I wish I were as easy as my friend Kim. I’m not the most likable.”
“I disagree, but go on,” he said.
“I had a rough childhood. Not terrible but my parents forgot about me a lot. My brother was never around and skipped town the second he was old enough. When Gretch and I met, we were inseparable. We were everything to each other.”
He reached for my hand and tangled our fingers. I studied our intertwined fingers, finding the strength to share more.
“Well, little girls grow up and meet boys. Gretchen started hanging with this guy that was in a motorcycle club here in Green Valley called the Iron Wraiths.”
Surprise crossed his face.
“Yeah. It was bad. We got mixed up in their crowd. Then I started seeing this guy Jethro.”
“Ah, Sienna’s Jethro,” he said.
“That’s the one. And incidentally the reason the SWS exists—it stands for Scorned Women’s Society.” I cleared my throat. “We are all, uh, Jet’s exes.”
“That’s not weird?” he asked.
“It’s really not. It’s hard to explain. Plus, if I wasn’t friends with any of his exes, there wouldn’t be anybody left to be friends with,” I teased. My fingers itched for a smoke though I hadn’t since I left the Wraiths, just talking about that time brought up muscle memory.
“So, Jet and I dated. I worked at the Dragon Bar, this place where bikers hang out, to be closer to him and the MC. To a kid who had basically been abandoned, hanging out with the Wraiths felt more like family than anything I’d ever had. Gretch too. But she was gone with her guy more and more. Then they got engaged and she stopped coming around completely. She was trying to get him to leave. Anyway, that’s a whole other story. But the point was, I was Jet’s old lady. I had a place … even if it was a pretty shitty one in hindsight.”
I blew out a long breath.
“Then one day Jet stopped coming around the bar. Stopped coming around at all. He got out of the MC. I still don’t really understand how, to be honest. But he was gone. He left without a single look back. I was pissed. And I found myself abandoned to a group I wouldn’t have even been with if it hadn’t been for Jet and Gretch in the first place.”
“I’m so sorry,” he said.
“This is turning out to be a longer story than I thought.” I fixed my bangs unable to meet Sanders’ gaze. “Anyway, I was pissed. One day Gretch comes and says she was taking me away and Jet wanted to marry me to make things right. I just had to go with her.” I shifted on my feet.
“But I was pissed off and stubborn and let myself think I had found people who really cared. I told her to leave without me. After that, things got pretty bad. When you aren’t a single person’s old lady, you sort of become shared property.” I shook my head. “I won’t go into it. I convinced myself I was okay with things that I wasn’t. I did drugs and drank a lot just to cope. It was bad.”
“But you’re here now?” he prompted.
“Yeah. I got a second chance,” I said. “A few months later, Gretchen came back again. She was on a rampage. Her lover was dead. And I had been completely oblivious. Nobody told me anything. It broke through my fog to see someone I loved so fucked up. Her pain cracked right through the shell of hurt I’d built around myself. She was screaming over and over that they murdered him. That she was going to kill each and every one of them. She was drunk and sloppy, her clothes were a mess, her makeup was running. She looked skinnier than I’d ever seen her. Nobody was scared, a few of the guys laughed at her. But the gun she was waving around was real. That look in her eyes was real. I knew that girl well enough to know that she wasn’t messing around.
“I was pretty coked out of my mind and wasted, but I knew I had to distract Gretch. I had to make her see me. I went stumbling up to her. I can’t imagine how terrible I must have looked after so many months apart. It took her a moment to even register me. She was so far gone and lost in her own head. But when she did, the arm holding the gun dropped and she looked at me with sadness. Even in that situation I was the pitiable one.
“It was like a lightbulb suddenly turned on and I could see that I was in a room with cockroaches and filth all the while thinking I was in a palace. When she saw me, it seemed to break her too. In that minute, I made a choice. I never wanted to end up like this. I didn’t want either one of us to be broken by the Wraiths. I knew in that moment that if either of us wanted to be saved from that life, we’d need each other.”
I took a deep, shaky breath in. I had never shared this with anybody. But seeing Sanders’ patient, open expression, feeling his concern for us without judgment gave me strength to finish.
“I told her to take me away. She looked me up and down and she saw it too. The nights ahead of us. Prison maybe for her. Me being passed around like an object. Slowly morphing into my parents at best, a whore for the Wraiths at worst. It was this moment of extreme clarity. I knew we couldn’t go on like this. Even though no one had ever told us, we both understood that we were made for more than this. We believed in each other.”
“I’m so glad you did,” Sanders said in a low, steady voice.
I squeezed his hands. “She wiped away the tears from her face, then nodded once. I took her hand and grabbed my bag from the bar, shoving the gun inside it. We turned to the door, holding hands like a lifeline. Some random biker tried to stop us but Gretchen looked him straight in the eyes and said, ‘I’m taking my best friend and we’re getting the fuck out of here. If you try to stop me, I will kill you.’ Completely sober. He stepped right out of the way. Out front she turned to me and said, ‘No ex left behind.’ She saved me that night.”
When I finally stopped talking, tears hovered in my eyes. I blinked them away.
“You saved each other,” Sanders said as he pulled me in for a hug. “And I’m so glad.”
I squeezed my eyes tight and the tears leaked out. When we finally pulled away from each other, I sniffed and said, “So now you see.”
“See?”
“Why this job is important to me. Why maintaining my focus is so important. Gretchen gave me a second chance at life.”
“And you’re worried that I’ll mess things up?” he asked with a small crinkle in his forehead.
“I’m worried that I’ll mess it up.”
I frowned. For so long that’s what I had thought. I thought if I gave in even a little to deeper desires, then I’d totally backslide. That I would ruin the second change Gretchen had given me.
“I don’t want her to feel like I’m wasting my chance,” I said honestly.
“People who love you, love you for the person you are, not your job or your clothes,” he said, our hands clasped together.
“I know she loves me, but I don’t have anything else I can offer.”
“She doesn’t need you to offer anything.” His gaze was piercing with intensity as he spoke. “I guarantee she just wants you to be happy. For you to feel like enough. Roxy, you as you are, is enough. You are more than enough. You are everything.”
His words soothed my loudest anxieties the way falling snow quiets the earth. I was enough. Could it be that simple? Sharing my past out loud, my fears felt so silly. But that was what I thought. That was how I’d been living my life. Of course Gretchen wanted me to be happy. Of course I could have some fun without losing everything I’ve worked for. But I needed to test this new revelation. I dropped his hands to pull him close to me.
“You shouldn’t say stuff like that,” I whispered as my heart pounded.
“Why?” His arms brought me closer so no space was left between our bo
dies.
But there was no more time for talking. There was only one thing left to do: to kiss the hell out of that man.
Sanders
There was no doubt in Roxy’s kiss. No hesitation. I kissed her back, her tongue flirting with mine, as I walked her back to the wall.
I’d missed these lips. I’d wanted this woman for forever. Before I even knew her, I needed her. The thought struck me so hard it would have taken my breath away if she wasn’t currently breathing new life into me. Her lips. Her touch. It all gave me life. A desire to be here. Be more. I understood now what she thought was at risk, that’s what made this moment all the more valuable.
My thoughts were a tangle of warring desires. I couldn’t rush this. I couldn’t slow down. I wanted to respect her and take things slow. I wanted to make her scream my name as I licked and tasted her. My hands were on her hips, stuck in place with indecision. My fingers restlessly worked the soft material of her dress.
I pulled away to take a breath, to check and see where her head was at. When I found her gaze, it burned with the same heat that ignited me from the inside out.
Okay, man, breathe.
My forehead dropped to hers. My whole body shook. I realized my hands were still at her hips, tugging her dress until I could palm handfuls of the material without meaning to. It stretched tight across her ass, revealing the tops of her stockings high on her thighs. I leaned back to confirm that they were indeed edged in black lace and bit my lip to keep from groaning at the sight. Panting, lips even more swollen than normal, Roxy blinked up at me through her lashes. If she noticed her fringe was a mess, she didn’t worry about fixing it this time.
“I like those.” I let go of her dress to drag a finger up the silky stockings clinging to her legs.
I was rock hard and had to shift to ease the pressure against my belt. Her gaze followed the action.
“Oh yeah?” A small smile crept up her lips up as she grabbed the hem of her skirt. Instead of fixing it lower like I expected, she slowly lifted both sides to reveal delicate black clasps and a garter belt. She stopped lifting just short of what I wanted to see the most.
The One That I Want (Scorned Women Society Book 3) Page 16