“Sorry about that. Is your ankle okay?” I asked with a frown. We were lucky it didn’t get more hurt the first time he fell.
He looked up at me with a soft smile as he watched me peel off the gear. “It’s fine.”
I worried my bottom lip. “You keep getting hurt around me.”
“I’m just happy to be around you,” he said earnestly.
This man who was infinitely patient with me. This man who pushed me outside my comfort zone while holding my hand so I wouldn’t fall. What sort of person acted like that? How was he able to be so open, so sure and sexy and confident?
I’m sure my nerves were part of it. I’m sure the residual fear added to it. And I was positive that final look he gave me pushed me over the ledge.
I attacked him.
I threw myself on top of him and pushed him back into the dirt. I lowered my mouth to his. There was no thought. I had to kiss him again. He tasted better than I remembered from last night. Better than our first night in Denver. His body was on fire beneath me and I wanted to warm myself against him. My whole body shook but so did his. It amplified the heat burning through me. Our tongues rubbed. He sucked on my lower lip. I moaned embarrassingly loud. I pulled back to breathe. His hair was a mess. I guess I did that. My hands were still tangled in it.
He wasn’t smiling. His eyes were ablaze.
“Was that okay?” I asked.
A second later, I was on my back and he was kissing me again. He spread my legs with his and pressed his rock-hard erection into me. It was jarring. How was he this hard this fast? I wasn’t complaining. It was clear where his swagger came from.
“Yes,” he breathed as I gasped for breath. His eyes flicked back and forth between mine. They roamed over my face, his nostrils flared. He seemed almost as surprised as I was. Gone was the charm, burned away by dark desire.
I pushed him up and over until I was on top of him again.
“Control freak,” he said teasing.
His blue eyes were wide and sparkling with lust as they shifted to search my face. They lowered to my chest where my boobs were dangerously close to falling out of my sports bra and shirt.
Free the nip!
He must have had the same thought because his head lowered and he pressed his face into my cleavage.
I gripped his head closer. Balancing on one arm, he managed to wrangle a breast free because one was in his mouth a second later. He sucked at it, flicked my nipple with his tongue.
“Sanders,” I gasped.
His hands roamed up my shirt. They gripped and moved frantically like he couldn’t decide where to touch first or where to stay. I didn’t mind.
This was madness. But I couldn’t stop. I was on the forest floor. I had leaves in my hair and a branch sticking into my thigh. I hoped that was a branch, otherwise I was way out of my league here. I was about to take this man in the middle of nature.
“Wait,” he said. His hand gently pushed me up.
I was still straddling him. His boner was placed perfectly so that I had to keep myself from grinding on it. God, I wanted to. So I did. He threw back his head and moaned. The strong tendons of his neck were so yummy I bent forward and bit into them. Mostly gentle.
He rocked against me.
“No, wait.” He shook his head. “Not like this. Not here.”
He was the picture of sexy. His eyes were hazy with desire. His lips were red and swollen from my kiss. He looked up at me like I was something to be desired.
Then his head seemed to clear as his words settled in. “You deserve so much more than this.”
“Meh.” I shrugged.
“No,” he said foggily. “I’m sorry.”
Reluctantly, I tucked my boob away and climbed off of him. He was probably right. People could walk up and I wouldn’t want to traumatize a vacationing family. “Why can’t I seem to control myself?” I asked myself out loud.
He looked up at me, his eyes burning. “I know why for me.”
He got up on his knees and let out a long breath, arms akimbo at his sides. He looked up through his lashes, his head slightly bent. “I know we talked about going slow. Being professional. I’m just having a hard time remembering why at the moment.”
“Me too,” I said honestly. Then I shook my head. “That’s part of the problem. Things go all haywire in my brain. Just now when you caught me … it’s like the moment we touch I forget my priorities and I just want to smash my face against yours.”
He chuckled. “Yeah. Same for me.”
“Maybe we should wear those giant sumo suits, you know the kind for wrestling at parties, whenever we’re around each other?” I suggested.
“You know, I’m weirdly into that. I don’t think that would help.”
I laughed, feeling at ease. He was so good at diffusing my embarrassment. He knew just what to say.
He was rubbing his chest with a pained expression.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Just a bit of heartburn,” he said.
I scooted closer. “I have antacid back at the hotel.”
His face scrunched. “I don’t think that’ll help.”
We were kneeling face to face. Just a breath away. I wanted so badly to lean in and kiss him more.
He grabbed my hands and held them between us. “I want to be a person you can rely on, Roxy, truly. I’m not just saying that. I want you to think of me any time you have to work through a problem. I want to be a person you can call if you have a flat tire. I want you to trust me.”
“I do,” I whispered and realized I meant it wholeheartedly.
“So.” He squeezed my hands. “If that means we have to leave all the physical stuff out of it, I’m willing to do that. If my attraction to you is complicating things, I can be better. I keep trying to be better.”
“It’s not just you.” We needed to get through this week without our bodies getting in the way. We had a job to do and then he was leaving. “But you’re right.”
“I really hate being right,” he said.
Our foreheads dropped to touch, our hands still clasped between us.
“We’ll focus on this next week with MooreTek, so there’s no worry or complications, and then …”
“And then?” I couldn’t help the eagerness in my voice.
“And then I’d like to take you on a date, Roxy Kincaid. A real date. Fancy restaurant, nice clothes. The whole shebang. We’ll do this right.”
“That sounds nice,” I said.
Maybe I could manage this balancing act. Maybe I was enough.
Chapter 20
Sanders
I skipped into the lobby with a smile on my face and a whistle on my lips. I stopped short when I discovered Skip pacing the lobby of the Lodge gnawing on his thumb. He’d clearly been waiting for me because the second he saw me, he walked to meet me.
“Skippo? What’s up, mate?” I asked.
Skip pacing wasn’t always an emergency, sometimes he just got caught up in his head a little too much and just needed me to talk him out of there. But it was never a great sign. He scratched at his hair.
“I’ve been trying to call,” he said.
“I’ve been out showing Roxy the zip line. I told you I was going. I didn’t have a missed call. Sorry, mate.”
I led him to the couch where Roxy and I had held hands. I definitely wouldn’t smile about that now but the reality of the progress we’d made settled fully on me. After this week, she was open to dating. She was into me. That fucking amazing kiss told me that and so much more. I daydreamed of a time where I’d be able to take her places and hold her hand it public. And what if we did decide to open a branch out here? I could live in the same city as her. We could see each other any time we wanted. What a gift that would be.
But I needed to focus on the here and now.
“Tell me what’s going on,” I said when we were settled.
He ran a hand through his hair. “Ford’s Fosters wants to do a camping trip.”
> “Fantastic. How many kids?”
He shook his head like that wasn’t important.
“Explain?” I asked calmly.
“They can only go this week,” he said.
I understood immediately. “And did you tell Ford that it couldn’t be this week because of a prior client?”
“He said that he understood but he was in a bind because the other volunteer vendor pulled out last minute and the kids were really looking forward to it. They had the buses reserved and everything. He said he knew it was a last-minute shot in the dark.” Skip’s leg was bouncing so much it shook the whole couch.
“Why don’t you do the camping trip and I’ll do the MooreTek event. Serendipity that you’re here, then, hey?”
“I knew you were going to say that.” His thumb immediately went back to his mouth to chew.
“What am I missing here, mate?” I gently pulled his hand from his mouth.
This happened a lot too. Re: the ten steps ahead. Skip sometimes forgot that the rest of us were still in the present while he mapped out every possible series of events like Dr. Strange.
“I talked to Ford today,” he started. “I guess the company that cancelled heard that some of the kids had been in juvenile detention … which is just such bullshit. Kids like that need to experience the outdoors more than most. Statistics show that once a kid has—”
“It sounds like Ford needs help?”
He nodded. “I told him Outside the Box would help him.”
“Which is great. You know I want to help. But since I am otherwise engaged, you agreed to help?”
He nodded.
“Okay, so tell me where things went south.” I tried to meet his gaze but he wouldn’t focus on me.
“Ford hadn’t planned to go. He and Suzie are out of town for the week.”
I let out a breath. “I understand. You don’t want to take a bunch of kids you don’t know into the forest. I totally understand. I’ll talk to Roxy, there might be something else—”
He shook his head. “Jack is going. In Ford’s place. He’s—his friend Jack is going instead.” He glanced at me and looked away.
Okay, this time I really understood. I remembered how Jack and Skip were at each other’s throats. He didn’t want to be trapped in the woods with him when they couldn’t agree on anything.
“No worries, mate. You don’t have to go. Like I said, I bet Roxy—”
“I want to go,” he said. He looked at me and looked away. “It’s just two nights.”
“Okay. So what do you need from me?”
“Can you help me prepare? Maybe give me some topics to talk about?”
I kept my face serious. Was Skip worried about impressing Jack? Or did he not like him? Or maybe it was both. I needed to proceed with caution. “Of course. But you don’t need me. Just show him what you know about camping. You can build a fire in seconds. That’s hot.”
His eyes went wide and I regretted my bad joke immediately.
“It’s not like that,” he growled. “No. I just don’t know how to handle—you know, teenagers.”
I was so late to this party, but this time I really understood. He was so comfortable around me that I sometimes forgot that his slight speech impediment made him feel self-conscious. He was great when he knew the topic but he got easily flustered when conversations went off script.
“Teenagers are easy, Skippo. Just treat them like people. That’s all they want.”
“I didn’t understand them when I was one.”
“Nobody feels comfortable in their skin as a teen. But you’ll be great,” I finished. “You show them how to start a fire or catch their own fish and they’ll think you’re a god. The past, the things that happened, they don’t know any of that. You just walk in like you know shit and people will believe it. Plus, you have that sick beard. That instantly makes people believe anything you say.”
He blushed. “I’ll try. Maybe we can make flashcards before I go? So I don’t get stuck on my words. I’d like to be better about the customer side of things.”
“Of course. Whatever helps, mate. And if you need me at any point, I can leave and come get you. Okay?”
“Sounds good.” He nodded and took in a full breath.
I put my arm around him. “I’ve got you, okay? We’ve got this. That’s why we’re partners.”
He tensed under my arm but nodded.
“Also, we need to talk about OTB. Dev called and said he still hadn’t talked to you. You said you were going to talk to the team.”
My chest tightened and I frowned. I was feeling so good about Roxy and our kiss. I didn’t want to think about this yet. I didn’t want to feel the rainclouds building up behind me.
“I know, I just—”
My phone buzzed. I jumped on the distraction to see a notification of a voicemail. “That’s weird. It didn’t even ring.” I slid the call log open. “Oh, it’s from an hour ago.”
My heart dropped. It was my dad’s home. Or rather, his last home.
“Everything okay?” Skip asked.
“Of course.” I smiled. “I’ve just gotta listen to this. We’ll talk more in the morning. Make a whole game plan. Don’t you worry, I won’t leave you high and dry.” I walked away as he opened his mouth to protest. I gave him a thumbs-up and he frowned. The world around me went silent as I listened to the message.
There was a shuffling sound and then the voice of the owner saying, “Hello, Mr. Olsson. This is Angelina Montoya from Sunrise Care Facility. I’m just calling to let you know that some of your father’s belongings still haven’t been picked up. I know this is an extremely difficult time but your father’s room is needed for a new tenant. This is the third time I have called without hearing back from you. Please come pick up his things as soon as possible. Unfortunately, if I don’t hear from you in the next week, we will have to move his things into storage at your cost. I’m so sorry for your loss, once again. Please call me back. Thank you.”
Acid churned up in my throat instantly. I had been flying so high with Roxy and our plans for the future but this news brought me crashing back to earth. It reminded me that I had escaped an entire life back in Denver. I would have to go back and deal with it. I needed to be better for Roxy. I needed to be better for Skip and the team.
I barely made it to a back hallway before my smile fell off my face. The pain in my chest was so tight I couldn’t catch my breath but I welcomed it. My dad had deserved so much more from me. I scrolled through my older voicemails, looking for one from a year ago when his condition had started to go downhill fast.
A second later my dad’s voice came on.
“Sanders? Sanders, my boy? How’s school? Taking it easy on those teachers, I hope?” His rich laugh rang in my ear. I closed my eyes tight against the pain. “Your mom says hi. We miss you, boy-o.”
I was so glad I was nowhere near Skip because in that instant my face crumpled. I gripped the wall to keep from falling.
The message broke me the first time I heard it. I had been out with a client. When I came back into service, I had this message from him. He was already so lost by then. So confused. I couldn’t bring myself to delete it. Now I listened to it as a reminder, like picking a scab off a wound to watch it bleed again.
The message ended with some shuffling. It was right before I put him in the home. I put a fist to my mouth and bit my finger so hard I thought the skin would break. I hoped it would. I’d give anything to take away from the pain in my heart. I’d break my own leg to distract myself.
Everything came crashing down around me at once. I came out here to help the business and to clean up my act. To prove to Skip that I could fix things. But what if that was all a flimsy facade to cover the fact that this entire trip was an act of complete selfishness? Wasn’t I just running away? Always, unable to bear the real world. Look at the emotional turmoil I was putting Skip through. He’d travelled across states for me. He was putting himself so far outside his comfort zone. I caus
ed this. He was on the verge of a breakdown again because of me.
And Roxy. What was I doing to her? She was trying to be better than her past all because I was pushing her to test her own boundaries. I was no good for anybody. I was selfish. I kicked the wall, relishing in the sharp pain in my toes.
I wanted to be better. I would protect those I cared about, even if it meant space from me. A storm was brewing outside but I would avoid the bridge this time. Hiking a trail was better than jumping out of a plane, right? I needed to just get away and figure out how to make everything right.
Roxy
I went back to my office in the Lodge after I dropped off Sanders to pick up a few things before I left for the night. I had a missed call on my cell from my mom. Was it already time for our monthly check-in? The back of my neck tingled with familiar daughter guilt as I debated returning her call. I let out a sigh and braced myself.
“Hey, Mama,” I said when she answered. I let go a slow breath out the opposite side of my mouth away from the mouthpiece.
“My baby,” her richly accented voice cooed. “How you doin’, sugar?”
“I’m fine. How are you and Daddy?”
“Oh we’re lovely. Just sitting out here listening to the crickets, thinking about you. Life is as good as it could get.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” I grabbed the pen and flicked it repeatedly against the desk.
Reminding myself that it could be much worse. Suzie and her father still struggled with his sloppy, embarrassing shows of alcoholism. His constant begging for money. Well, before. It did seem like going to AA was helping. But my mama and daddy were what I called quiet alcoholics or functioning alcoholics. They went to work, they paid their bills, and they never had the cops called on them. However, they rarely left the house and went through a couple handles of vodka every week. Still it could be worse.
“How’s your man?” Mama asked, her voice was slurred which meant that they must have been at it a while already.
The One That I Want (Scorned Women Society Book 3) Page 18