by Marla Monroe
Meanwhile, Kermit was stuck sitting on the mat staring up at everyone. Looking up he thought about the rope and the bell. He’d felt as if he’d accomplished something, yet looking at the rope he’d climbed it all seemed stupid, silly. It was only ten feet tall. The next tallest was fifteen feet and the one after that twenty-five. What was the fucking use?
“Are you getting up or sitting on your ass the rest of the day?” Lucifer barked from across the gym where he was helping one of the other therapists walk a newly fitted prosthesis patient.
The young man was only nineteen and had been injured on his first mission overseas. The waste of it all for what, a few feet or yards of ground that they’d already lost again? They fought in cities and towns where you never knew who was the enemy and who was an innocent. Maybe none of them were. Why else did some of the guys there hate being around children? They were the ones who’d befriend you then the next time they showed up to play a little ball, they were strapped with explosives. Maybe they didn’t have a choice, but who knew anything anymore? All he knew was that he’d gone over there to help a people who were being abused and tortured and to protect his country from the threat of nuclear weapons. He’d come back a confused mess with a worthless body to show for it.
“Get your ass up, sir! You know how to get back in that chair. Do it!” Lucifer’s shouts stirred the anger always burning in his gut now. Deep down he knew the other man only wanted to help him, but he wasn’t thinking from deep down. He was thinking with his gut that boiled and gurgled with rage.
“Fuck you! I may know how to get in the damn chair, but I can’t do it by myself, asshole!” he screamed back.
“Oorah!”
Kermit started to turn around and tell everyone in the gym to go fuck themselves when Rex walked over and held out one hand. Kermit looked at the man’s blunt cut nails on a hand that had once been in the same place. Looking up Rex’s arm to meet the other man’s eyes, he knew that something had to give. He couldn’t keep doing this with so much building up inside of him. He was going to explode one day.
Without saying a word, Kermit lifted a hand and clasped the other man’s wrist even as Rex’s hand wrapped around his. Kermit put his other hand on the arm of the wheelchair and used Rex’s strength to help him stand on his tender stumps then pull up into the seat of the chair. After climbing the rope twice, the added exertion of getting into the chair made it difficult for him to speak as he panted, but he started to tell the other man thank you anyway.
“I know. Save it. How much longer do you have before you’re through for the day?” Rex asked him.
Kermit looked at his watch. “Looks like I’m done now. Unless Lucifer wants to put me on the rack next!” he yelled the last little bit for the therapist’s benefit.
“You’re done! We’ll try out the rack next time,” he yelled back.
“Fuck! He’ll find one just to do it, too,” Kermit muttered as he used his fists to knock back the breaks on the chair.
“I’ll get the chair this time. I wanted to talk to you and I’m a little pressed for time. Mind?” Rex asked.
“Nope go for it. What do you want to talk to me about?” he asked, curiosity one of the few things he saw as a weakness for him. It always got him into trouble.
“We’ll wait until we make it to your room. Want another bottle of water?” he asked as they stopped at the counter to sign him out.
“Naw, thanks. I’ll have fresh ice water in my jug when we get upstairs. Um, I wanted to ask if there was any way to hook my friend Heath up with your friend you were telling me about. Heath’s having a hard time with the flashbacks. It’s happened at work and he’s scared to death he’s going to hurt someone.” Kermit liked the fact that Rex wheeled him like a racecar driver instead of a senior citizen on a Sunday walk like most of the orderlies tended to do.
“No problem. We can talk about that, too. Clark doesn’t have it completely under control, but he’s improving and he’s talking to some other guys who’ve been experimenting with something that might work for your friend, as well.” He hurried on to add, “Nothing dangerous or illegal. It’s totally above board.”
“I think he’s just about game for anything at this point. I don’t like seeing him beat down like this. He’s a good guy,” Kermit said.
“I know another guy who deserves more, too.”
Kermit didn’t comment. No reason to. They both knew he was talking about him. Heath had some limited rotation in his shoulder and a mental kick in the ass to go with it, but he could still come out of this with a chance at a normal life. He didn’t have that option. He was missing the lower sections of both of his legs so there was no compromising or coming back from that. Not for him and what he’d had planned for his future.
My future with Abby. I had it all and threw it away thinking I could make a difference. Well the joke’s on me.
Rex pushed the door to Kermit’s room open then rolled him inside before closing the door behind them. He indicated the bed, but Kermit just shook his head and positioned the wheelchair across from the recliner and indicated that Rex should sit there.
“What was it you wanted to talk about?” he asked as he pulled the tray table closer to him so he could reach the jug to take a sip of the cold water.
“I don’t know if anyone’s told you, but I make my living as an author. I write murder mysteries. I’m working on one now that when it comes out, I plan to donate half my royalties off of that book to a veteran’s charity. I’m leaning toward the Wounded Warrior Project, but there are several more I’m interested in.”
“Sounds good. That’s really generous of you to do that,” Kermit said and meant it. “What did you need from me?”
Rex chuckled. “I’m getting there. It’s going to be another three or four months before I finish the book and another four or five months before it will be out for sale. I want to do something to increase sales and the awareness of veteran’s needs. That’s where you and some of the other guys come in.”
“Me? What do you want me to do? Make phone calls or something?” Kermit wasn’t impressed at that idea one bit.
Rex shook his head with a grin. “No. I’m planning a triathlon of sorts where each contestant pair up with two others to form a team. We’ll have four or five teams of three and set up a course to race on. Each of us will take one leg of the race and the winning team along with their spouses or steadies gets a trophy, and an all-expenses paid four-night stay at a condo in Puerto Vallarta on a private beach.”
“Sounds good on paper, but I still don’t see what it has to do with me.” Kermit said.
“I want you and Heath to be on a team,” Rex told him.
Kermit just stared at him for a few seconds before he realized his mouth was open. What. The. Fuck was this man’s problem? Couldn’t he see that he didn’t have legs? What the hell was he going to do without legs?
“You’re fucking crazy. I can’t stand up to fucking pee in a cup. How the hell do you think I’m going to run in some triathlon?” If he’d been able to, Kermit would have shoved him out the door and slammed it on him for even suggesting something like that to him.
“I don’t expect you to run or ride a bike. I expect you to do what you’re so fucking famous for, Frog. Swim!”
Chapter Nine
“Well? Are you going to do it?” Heath asked his friend.
He couldn’t believe that Rex had asked Kermit to swim in a fucking triathlon. It was ballsy and brilliant all at the same time. Of course with Kermit being stuck in the wheelchair at the time, there wasn’t much he could have done to the other man except maybe roll into him, but still.
“What? How the hell am I supposed to swim in a bathtub, much less a damn pool? The entire thing is ludicrous, Heath. The amputees at the gym here can’t compete in things like that. Why would he even ask them to?” Kermit punched the side of the mattress from his seat in the recliner.
“Maybe because he thinks you can do it. What’s stopping you, Kermit?
You know how to swim. You’ve got two arms and the top portion of your legs. Why can’t you do it?” Heath asked as he moved a few feet down the length of the bed to put him out of retaliation range.
“Fucking coward,” Kermit snarled.
“Really, man. What’s stopping you? You are. You’ve got it into your head that you can’t do anything. That’s bullshit and you know it. Bet your dick gets hard when you think about Abby. What do you do when that happens?” he asked. Kermit’s face went stone still. “Thought so. Still say you can’t do anything? How do you think Huck feels? He can’t jerk himself off without hands. And what about Mayberry? He’s blind and has a melted face on one side. You aren’t the only one who got a fucked up deal, Kermit. I’m sorry as hell, man. I feel sick at my stomach every time it hits me, but we’ve all got to move on and remember that Marines don’t quit—ever!”
Heath wanted to scream and cry all at the same time because he hated being hard on his best friend. Kermit had been there for him when no one wanted anything to do with him. Some crappy way to treat your friend.
“Think I’d rather lose my legs than my hands,” Kermit finally said without looking up. “At least I can rub one off now and then.”
Heath wanted to smile but was afraid to believe that the other man was really taking a step in the right direction. Hell, any direction right then would be the right direction.
“See. It’s all about the dick. I keep telling women it’s the most important part of a man’s body but they just don’t understand,” he said.
Heath waited until his friend looked up. Kermit’s eyes shone brightly with what he expected were tears. His friend looked over to where he had a fantastic view of another wing of the hospital and was quiet again for a few seconds.
“If I could do this, I mean, if I try to do this, do you think Abby would come back?” he asked.
Heath’s chest tightened to the point he had to completely sit on the bed to keep from falling down. It was the best thing he could have hoped to have come out of Kermit’s mouth.
“Man, all you have to do is want her and she’d be back. You can call her right now, and I promise she’d be over here before you could put the phone down.”
“I said maybe. I don’t know. I need to think about it. If I do try to do this, it means I have to figure out a way to get out of this place. Figure out what kind of job I can still do that I won’t hate. I don’t know, Heath. It’s just so much to think about.” Kermit looked away and Heath ignored what he saw running down his friend’s face.
Instead he stood up and walked over to the window and stared out at the brick wall across the way with the windows just far enough that you couldn’t really see in without binoculars. If he was thinking about Abby, he really hadn’t quit loving her at all. He just didn’t think he deserved her with his situation. Heath had known all of that but hearing it from his friend’s mouth eased a little of the guilt he felt for wanting Abby as his own.
“I’m scared, man. Scared that I can’t do this. I’ve never been afraid of anything before, not even when I knew we’d hit that IED, but this scares the shit out of me. It was so much easier to just not think at all. I could pretend my life was over and eventually I’d just cease to exist so why try? Heath, I’m really scared.” The sound of Kermit’s husky voice admitting that he was human and needed help tore Heath’s heart into pieces. When he answered his friend, his own voice wasn’t much steadier.
“Me, too. Me, too. But if you want to do this, I’ll be right there with you and we’ll either make it together or we’ll fail together, but we won’t quit until we reach the end.”
“So if I get a two bedroom apartment when I get out of here, think you can put up with me and share it?” Kermit asked in a stronger voice.
“Aw, honey. Are you asking me to move in with you?” Heath put on his best man-whore face and turned around. “I’m all yours, sweet thing.”
“God! I think I’m going to hurl,” Kermit said making a hacking noise.
“My lease is up next month. How about I go ahead and look for a two bedroom place for us. It might take a while if I wait,” Heath said.
“Yeah. That’s a good idea. Um, would you mind if it was somewhere in Pleasant Grove instead of around here? I’d rather not be all that close to the place. I may have to come here for rehab, but I don’t have to live near the place.”
Heath chuckled. “Man, I was the opposite when I got out. I wanted somewhere close so I didn’t have to drive so much.”
“That’s because you’re a lazy son of a bitch, Heath. Always have been, always will be. Guess what. This ain’t gonna be easy, man. You’re going to have to work your ass off to make up for my weakness,” Kermit said.
“Hey! I resent that remark. I made it through boot camp, combat training, and specials. That says something.” Heath grinned.
“Says you’re lucky and good at faking it. Do you fake it with the women?” Kermit asked.
Heath smiled. This was what he remembered about his friend. Always teasing him about his playboy ways. That sobered him like a bucket of ice water down the shorts. The last few years he hadn’t really dated all that much. He had no desire to be with anyone when he couldn’t have the one person he wanted. That wasn’t going to change, either.
“Screw you, Froggy. Any preference about the apartment other than two bedrooms and in Pleasant Grove?”
“Probably be a good idea for it to be on the ground floor even if there is an elevator. I don’t think I’ll be up to handling stairs for a while, if ever,” Kermit said with a grimace.
“You concentrate on getting stronger, and I’ll find us a place to live.” Heath had already decided to get Abby to help him. She’d know what the other man liked. Have the right place would go a long way to keeping him up and out of the blues.
“So how do I go about recruiting a third person for our triathlon?” Kermit squirmed in the chair.
“Well, you’re doing the swimming part. I’m doing the biking part since I like to mountain bike. We need someone to do the running part. Got any ideas?”
“Abby likes to bike, too. She’d drag me along with the two of you to ride sometimes. I’d argue that I was a fish not goat and she’d point out that you’d go along with us surfing when you didn’t much like sand,” Kermit mused.
“Yeah. I remember,” Heath said in a quiet voice, encouraging his friend to think more about Abby.
After a few minutes of silence Kermit jerked his head up and scowled. “Are you seeing her now?”
“What? No! I wouldn’t do that to you. She wouldn’t do it to you, either, Kermit. You should know that.”
“Is she seeing anyone else?”
“No. She’s not. She’s working and that’s about it. She doesn’t go out at all that I know of.” Heath stared at his friend wondering where this was going. Did he want to see her now? That was almost too good to be true.
“I’d rather you date her than anyone else. I know you’d take care of her and treat her right.” If Kermit had said he wanted to fly to the moon, Heath wouldn’t have been more shocked than what he’d just said.
“Why would you say that? You’re going to get her back, Kermit. The two of you are meant for each other,” Heath insisted.
“I love her, man. I love her more than anything—enough to know that she deserves more than what I’m going to be able to give her.” Kermit looked down at the stocking covered stumps he’d pulled the sheet up to expose. “I’ll never be able to do all the things she loves to do anymore. Even if I can manage to get used to the prostheses they hook me up with, I know better than to think I can go mountain biking or surfing or make love to her the way she deserves. I know Abby. She’ll say it doesn’t matter, but it does.”
Heath swallowed hard. What was going on? One second Kermit hoped he might win Abby back and the next he was saying he could never give her what she deserved. If Heath didn’t do something, his friend was going to talk himself out of trying to get back his life, of reclaimi
ng the love of his life.
“There may be some things you can’t do, Kermit, but no one will love her like you do. Abby deserves that kind of love, don’t you think?”
Kermit looked up without even trying to hide that he’d been crying. “I love her more than that, Heath. If I can’t give her what she needs, what she deserves, I want it to be you. I know you will never hurt her. I know you love her just as much as I do or you would have taken her when you had the chance. You want her to be happy just like I do. That’s why I know you will make her a better husband than I can now.”
* * * *
Heath argued with him for nearly an hour before he finally gave up and left. He refused to listen to Kermit about Abby, but he had faith that he could convince him. His friend loved Abby just as much as Kermit. Before the bomb, he might have said the man loved her even more than Kermit had since he wouldn’t have been willing to let her go if she began to acknowledge her attachment to Heath. He would have sacrificed her happiness to keep her at the time, but now, Kermit knew that she deserved the best he could give her and that meant Heath.
It burned. It felt as if he were digging out his own heart with a dirty spoon. He was human, and by god, he wanted his life back. He wanted to still be looking forward to marrying Abby on the beach at midnight with their family and friends around them. He wanted to be looking forward to feeling their child kick in her belly. God, how he wanted to hold their child in his arms and promise them that he’d always take care of them. But that wasn’t an option for him anymore.
God, Abby. I love you so much my heart would pump your blood if it could. I’ll give you anything you need that I can. I just wish it wasn’t someone else to share your life with.
For a few minutes he’d thought maybe if he could swim in the triathlon that Rex wanted to have that maybe it meant he could do everything else he didn’t think he could do. He could be the man Abby needed and be able to provide for her if he could conquer the race. Then it hit him that it wouldn’t change anything in the long run. Yes, he might learn to swim with his prostheses and he might be able to walk and even land a halfway decent job he didn’t hate, but nothing would change what he couldn’t do anymore.