by Marla Monroe
Kermit roared at the injustice of it all. If he could have reached the damn tray table he’d have knocked it across the room right then. He wanted something to beat up on, to get some of the anger and rage seething inside of him.
“Hey, man. Are you okay? We could hear you up on the next floor.” The big, dark skinned nurse walked into the room with a confused expression on his face.
“Yeah. I’m hunky-dory, man. Go on back down to the nurse’s station and play another round of poker. Not a damn thing wrong with me.” Kermit knew he was being an ass, but he didn’t really care at the moment. He wanted out of the damn chair without having to ask someone all the time.
“Actually I was helping one of the other nurses prepare one of the soldiers who didn’t make it tonight. We try to make them as presentable as possible when the family comes. Kind of hard to do that with some of them. They’ve been so mutilated and torn up. At least they aren’t screaming in pain when the meds don’t work. Tears me up when nothing we can do for them helps, you know?” He shook his head and started to turn around. “Well, if you’re okay. I don’t like leaving Gracie alone when it’s her patient. She gets so upset when she loses one.”
Kermit felt like the biggest kind of ass.
Fuck me! I can’t even be miserable without feeling guilty.
“Hold on,” he called out before the nurse had closed the door.
The big man stuck his head back in. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry about what I said. When you finish helping the other nurse, could you bring me a wheelchair?” Kermit asked.
“Sure. I’ll go get it now.”
“No. Help that other nurse, um, Gracie, so she’s not alone. She shouldn’t have to do that by herself. I can wait.”
“Okay. I’ll do that. Won’t be much longer.” The man left and softly closed the door behind him.
Kermit ran his hands over his oily hair that had grown out enough it was past his ears now. He needed a haircut, but he’d settle for clean hair at this point. When the nurse made it back with the wheelchair, Kermit planned to roll himself to the showers down the hall. They had big open stalls he could maneuver the chair into and transfer over to a bench where he could bathe and rinse off with the detached showerhead.
He sat back in the recliner and wondered what Abby was doing. Hank hadn’t said much about her the last few times he’d visited. Of course he hadn’t wanted to hear about her and had told Hank several times not to mention her. He knew she was still in Pleasant Grove which was why he’d wanted to move there and not stay close to the hospital. It was selfish of him, but he wanted to be near her. He also hoped that if Heath shared the apartment with him, she would visit despite his being there, too.
Kermit couldn’t deny that despite his claiming he didn’t think he could ever regain enough mobility to be a good husband, he still harbored a small seed of hope that just maybe he was wrong and he could do all the things she loved with time. More than anything, he wanted to be able to make love to her like he used to.
I’m setting myself up to be disappointed. I might learn to walk and swim, hell, I might even learn to run again, but I’ll never be able to do all the other things with her. If I can’t take her up against the door or make love to her in the shower until the water runs cold then I don’t deserve her.
That thought had him rethinking his plans to work toward being part of the triathlon. What was the use? Even if they somehow won, he didn’t give a rat’s ass about going to some private beach somewhere with Heath. The man had a hairy chest and snored like a freight train. He’d had enough of that when they’d bunked together while they’d been overseas.
It hit him that he hadn’t even asked his best friend how he was doing. Besides the PTSD episodes and nightmares he was having, the bullet he’d taken to the shoulder had nearly taken his arm off. Heath was damn lucky not to have lost his arm and would never have full range of motion again due to the plates and screws they’d had to use to save it. He had an entire new shoulder ball and socket in the process, but it would always give him trouble and prevented him from doing a lot of things.
Fuck, he’d been all kinds of insensitive and childish. Heath had just as much trouble going on as he did. The man was having trouble keeping a job because of the PTSD and his options were limited just like Kermit’s by his lack of mobility in that shoulder.
And there it was all over again. Rage and anger bubbled up, but at himself this time. Some fucking friend he’d turned out to be. While he’d still been overseas with Heath back at home going through three surgeries and then rehab, he’d shoved it in the back of his mind to deal with once he got home. He’d needed to keep his head on his job while there were lives at stake. Then, once he’d gotten home, he’d been all fucked up and going through two additional surgeries after the two he’d had while in Germany where they’d taken him immediately after the bomb.
Once he’d woken up for more than a few minutes or hours at a time, all he could think about was that he’d lost both legs. At some point it should have hit him that his best friend was recovering, too. Instead, all he’d thought about was himself. He was nothing but a selfish bastard, thinking only of himself. It was a wonder that Heath would have anything to do with him after the way he’d treated him lately.
Things were going to change. He might not get what he wanted, but he’d be damn sure he helped Heath and Abby get what they needed—each other.
Chapter Ten
Abby stepped out the back door of where she worked into the parking garage to find Heath leaning against the outside of her car waiting on her.
“Hey! What are you doing here?” she asked with a broad smile.
“I was hoping you might go with me and look at the house I found to rent. I don’t know anything really about what to look for, but I think this one is in good shape and is reasonable on the rent. Cable and water are included,” he said.
“You’re moving here?” she asked. He hadn’t said anything about moving the last time she’d spoken to him.
“Yeah. I’m sick of that dinky apartment and living so close to the hospital. I like it here and I needed a new place anyway since Kermit’s going to be moving in with me,” he told her.
Abby’s jaw dropped open. What? This was the first she’d heard of this. Why hadn’t he told her sooner?
Because I won’t be welcome there when Kermit moves in. Heath hadn’t wanted to tell me until he had to.
“That’s good, Heath. I know you’ll help him adjust and look out for him. The main thing you want to look for in a place to live is that there are no major stairs or narrow hallways for him to maneuver a chair if he needs to.” Abby pulled on her most helpful persona that she used for work. She refused to be hurt by this. Heath was only doing what she’d begged him to do, watch out for Kermit since he wouldn’t let her.
“That’s one of the reasons I wanted you to come with me. I’m scared I’ll miss something important. I know you won’t.”
Abby wrapped her arms around him before she thought about it. “Thank you, Heath. I know you didn’t want to do this, but Kermit needs you and I need you to help him.”
The hug lasted a few seconds longer than it should have, but Abby had trouble pulling away. It felt good to be held and since she did care about Heath and knew him so well, it felt better than if it had been just someone she had decided to go out with. Heath gave her a feeling of security that she’d only ever felt with Kermit.
When she slowly pulled back, they both looked away and off into the distance as if to replace some boundary they’d crossed without realizing it. Abby needed to be careful with Heath. She could so easily fall for him. He was warm and caring just like his best friend, Kermit. Yet some of the things that drove her crazy about Kermit weren’t there in Heath, and some of the little things about Heath that bothered her, Kermit didn’t possess.
“Can you leave your car here for an hour or so?” Heath asked her.
Abby shrugged. “Sure. Where did you park?” Sh
e looked around but didn’t see his truck.
“I parked out on the street. Shoulder’s acting up so I didn’t want to have to maneuver all the turns by parking in the garage.” Heath led her across the garage and out to the street where she saw his truck parked halfway down the block.
“How did you get him to agree to move in with you?” she asked.
“Actually it was his idea,” Heath said without looking at her.
“Really? Oh my God! That’s great news. Why didn’t you tell me?” Abby couldn’t understand why Heath would have withheld that from her. He knew how worried she was about Kermit.
“I wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to change his mind or back out before I got your hopes up. I mean, look at you,” he said waving at her with one hand as he reached out to open the passenger door of the truck. “You’re vibrating you’re so excited.”
“How long have you been looking for a place to rent?” Abby asked, feeling a bit worried now.
“Just a week now. That’s why I wanted to show this place to you. If you think it will work with Kermit, I want to go ahead and grab it before someone else does. It’s harder than I thought to find a place here. The only apartments open were on the second and third floors of buildings. He needs a bottom floor, so this house seems like a good fit.” Heath didn’t look at her as he started the truck and fastened his safety belt. “I think he’s ready to get out of there and try to figure out what his new normal is going to bed.”
“That’s good,” Abby said staring out the side window. “That’s real good. Thanks, Heath. I really appreciate what you’re doing for him.”
“He’s my friend, too, Abby.”
Heath’s harsh answer had her turning to stare at the man. What had she said? Deciding that it was just a man thing and by telling him thank you so much she was making him uncomfortable, Abby let it go and watched as they passed familiar areas of the little community. When he turned down a street that was only a few blocks from her apartment, she started paying closer attention.
At the end of the block, the road formed a cul-de-sac with two houses in the circle. Heath pulled down the drive of the first one on the right. The house looked to be a nice size for two bachelors with clean lines and a comfortable-sized front porch that held two rocking chairs. She looked around and liked the look of the neighborhood.
“It looks like a nice place from the outside,” Abby said when Heath just sat there looking at the house.
“I liked it when I first saw it because even the front porch only has two steps up to it and a small step into the house. There’s an attached garage around back and a deck that only requires two steps to it.” Heath cut the engine and opened the door to step out.
Abby didn’t wait on him to come around and open her door, she jumped out by herself and walked around the front of the truck to meet him. The sounds of birds and the wind rustling leaves and branches was soothing as she waited for Heath to determine which door they’d go into, the back or front.
She watched him dig into his pocket and pull out a key attached to what looked a lot like a fishing bob. He stepped down the drive to the sidewalk leading up to the front porch. Once Abby had caught up to him, Heath unlocked the front door and stepped aside for her to enter first. The entrance was dark and the stale smell of an older home that had been shut up for a while still lingered.
The sudden explosion of light when Heath flipped a switch just inside the door had a small cry escape from Abby’s mouth before she could stop it.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you,” Heath said. “This is the entrance hall with a coat closet and this boot station.”
“It holds boots and you can hang your coat and scarves there as well. That’s neat. It’s big enough in here to be able to manipulate a wheelchair if needed, too,” she observed.
“Yeah. That was one of the things that I liked about it. All of the halls and doorways are large. Either whoever built the place was a big man or they had someone who needed the wheelchair access, too.”
For the next hour, Heath gave her a tour of the house, asking what she thought about the bathrooms and if they would need to make changes to them or not. Abby enjoyed going over the pros and cons of some of the ideas Heath had and by the time they’d finished going over everything, she realized how much she’d missed being able to spend time with Kermit while he’d been deployed. Now he was back, but he didn’t want her around.
“So, I need to go put the deposit down and sign the papers, right?” Heath asked her as he helped her into the truck.
“Definitely! You’re not going to find anywhere as perfect for Kermit as this is without needing to make a lot of changes. Most rental owners won’t let you make changes that might affect the worth of the house,” she told him.
“Renting an apartment just wasn’t going to work,” Heath said. “Even if we could get one on the bottom floor, the doorways and all were too narrow for a wheelchair. I know Kermit doesn’t plan on using one, but he needs to be able to use one if he does need it.”
“I’ll help you get it ready so it won’t take so long. I’m sure he’s ready to get out of there now that he’s made up his mind. I don’t want to risk that he’ll change his mind,” she said. “All of his stuff is still in storage with mine. Do you want me to get one of my brothers to see about having it shipped up here?”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Heath said. “Look. Go ahead and have all of it moved up here. There’s no reason to keep a rental unit down there with both of you up here. Anything you can’t fit in your apartment we’ll store in the shed out back. It’s in perfect shape and has more than enough room for all of it. Hell, the house has three bedrooms. You could move in with us and there’d still be plenty of room for everything,” Heath said with a chuckle.
As if realizing what he’d just said, Heath closed his mouth and didn’t say anything more until he’d pulled up beside her car.
“You could have let me out at the entrance so you wouldn’t have to back out,” Abby said.
“There aren’t any cars around now, so it won’t be so hard. Plus, there’s no way I’m going to let you walk up the drive in the dark to get to your car.” Heath reached out and took her hand just before she slipped down from the truck. “Thanks for going with me. I really didn’t know what I needed to watch for in choosing a place for someone with Kermit’s injuries.”
“I’m glad I could help. Let me know when you’re ready to work on sprucing the place up. I’ll call my brother and get him to find someone to ship everything here. Then you can let him know when.” Abby slipped out of the truck and closed the door. She quickly unlocked her car door and climbed in, starting the engine as soon as she had the door shut and locked.
When she turned to back out, Heath’s headlights flashed as he bumped out onto the street and drove away. All the way back to her apartment, Abby blocked her thoughts to keep from thinking about her reaction to Heath. It wasn’t something she wanted to explore right then. Worrying about Kermit and their shaky future was almost more than she could handle. Adding to that the uncertainty of what to do with the rest of her life if Kermit really didn’t come around and she wasn’t sure she could handle even one more challenge. Adding impossible feelings for someone else just couldn’t happen right then.
But the moment she closed and locked her apartment door, Abby was lost. The time she’d spent with Heath helping him cope with his injury and the fact he wouldn’t be able to return to the Marines had all been as Kermit’s finance. There had been no possibility of anything ever happening between them. Then, that tiny instance when they’d thought Kermit was gone, she’d slipped and Heath had been there. It was only then that she’d realized that Heath had always had some type of feelings for her.
Now, with Kermit home but not wanting her anymore and Heath still present in her life, Abby realized how much of her feelings and emotions that concerned the other man she’d kept tightly locked away. Allowing them free to examine them now felt like cheatin
g to her, but Abby knew she needed to think about everything and where she was going with her life. One thing she had learned growing up with her wicked brothers was that life couldn’t be put on hold forever.
It was time that she stood on her own two feet and made the hard decisions in her life. For all the fighting she’d done to break free of her Marine Corps father and overbearing brothers, she’d then allowed Kermit to replace them and make the really big decisions for her. Well he might not be there for her anymore, so she had to take care of it all herself now.
She looked down at the glass of wine she’d poured for herself and sighed. She might as well get started now and figure out what she was feeling for Heath and how that affected what she felt for Kermit.
How can I love Kermit and yet have strong feelings for Heath as well? I’m not a loose woman. I’ve never jumped in and out of relationships. It’s been Kermit and that’s all.
Yet Abby couldn’t deny the warmth and satisfaction she had when Heath touched her or smiled at her. They weren’t appropriate feelings for her fiancé’s best friend. She would give herself the near screw-up when they’d both thought Kermit might be lost to them forever as the heat of the moment, an emotional weakness. But Abby couldn’t explain away how she’d been feeling about Heath for the last few months. The close friendship was developing into something too close to a relationship that wasn’t platonic for her comfort.
Heath had never pushed her or touched her in any way that could be considered suggestive until that one weekend. After that, she’d second-guessed every step they’d taken and every word they’d exchanged until she’d nearly driven herself crazy. Finally, she had put it behind her and refused to read anything into what they said or did in the future. That had been working wonderfully until Kermit had returned home and refused to see her then shut her out of his life.