“Hey, Whitney,” Rochelle called from the front of the group. She waited for Whitney to catch up before continuing. “You have a good time last night?”
“Oh, it was okay,” Whitney said.
She fought the urge to look at Yolanda. Surely Rochelle didn’t remember that little interaction, or she wouldn’t be asking. Or maybe she didn’t think that such a small thing would have ruined Whitney’s night.
“You go out a lot?”
“Never. It was Maxwell’s idea.” She gestured to her friend, hoping Rochelle would take that as a hint to talk to him instead.
“Well, I’m glad you came. Next time, you should show us some moves when we have a dance-off.”
“You guys wouldn’t want to see my moves,” Whitney said in as joking a tone as she could. Doing much more than what she’d done was impossible with her injury.
“Come on, are you telling me you never did any dancing in the Marines?” Maxwell said. “All you ladies in a barracks together, closed off from the rest of the world… You must have gotten bored at times.”
He wasn’t that far off base. Some bizarre stuff had gone on during training. She had never seen a gayer group of straight women than when she was in the Marines. Apparently the men got even worse.
“Not quite like that,” she said.
“You were a soldier?” Rochelle asked.
Whitney grunted a response, hoping this wouldn’t go the direction that it always did. Of course, it did.
“Wow,” Marren said seriously. “Thank you for your service.”
Selena added, “You’ve done so much for our country. Thank you.”
Their sincerity was hard to take. Whitney shrugged it off, not wanting to talk about this for one second more than she had to. She should never have told Maxwell she was a veteran in the first place. It had just come out a while ago.
“It’s nothing,” she said, tense all through her body.
Yolanda glanced back at her, and she tensed even more. Whitney could hardly bear to hear the little child-friendly speech Yolanda gave to Jessie about what service members did. By the end of it, Jessie’s eyes were wide. She jumped down from Yolanda’s grasp to give Whitney a hug. “Thank you.”
The other women were smiling at her cuteness, but Whitney could only grimace. She needed to get off this topic. Luckily, Rochelle seemed to notice her discomfort. “Anyway, we’re almost at the point where I found some great kingbirds the last time I was here. I hope they’re going to be here again.”
The others watched as Rochelle pointed into the sky, while Whitney just shivered. She preferred to think about her “service” as little as she could. Valentine ran up to her side, and she rubbed her wiry fur. They had a closer bond than she’d had with a human since coming back. She always seemed to sense when she was in a bad mood, and she could rely on the dachshund to be there for her when she needed it.
She walked quietly for another few minutes, just listening to the conversations around her. The couples were too cute to be real, and Jessie and the dogs added some much-needed levity. Hopefully this group could hang out more. Everyone was nice, and she definitely needed some lesbian friends.
Except… She glanced at Yolanda, taking in her thin frame and long ponytail. She wished she hadn’t pissed her off last night. And from the looks of it earlier, Yolanda was still angry with her.
Maybe if she bonded with Jessie, Yolanda would talk to her again. She walked up to the little girl’s side. “Which dog is your favorite?” she asked.
Jessie looked from Biscuit to Valentine. “That one!” she said, pointing to Valentine.
“Would you like to hold her leash?”
Jessie clasped her hands together with palpable joy. “Can I really?”
“Of course you can.”
Jessie was so small that she would probably fall over if Valentine were to run, but the dachshund was the best-behaved dog Whitney had ever met. Valentine knew how to act around children.
“She’s so cute,” Jessie said as she stroked the dog’s bristly fur.
She played with Valentine’s ears, folding them over and over in a way that would have made a less calm dog angry. Valentine just stood there on her short little legs and took it. When Jessie moved to climb onto her back, Valentine let out a sharp bark.
“That’s enough, Jessie,” Yolanda said, glancing at Whitney. “Leave the dog alone.”
“But she likes it,” Jessie insisted.
“It’s fine,” Whitney said, nervous to address Yolanda directly. “She’s very well-trained. She’ll be okay, as long as Jessie doesn’t try to climb onto her again.”
“I don’t want Jessie hurting her, or vice versa.”
“Okay. Another time,” Whitney told Jessie, taking the leash back.
Jessie huffed. “Fine. I’ll go play with Biscuit.”
Once she was gone, Yolanda started to move toward the others that were walking ahead of them. Whitney spoke, forcing herself before Yolanda could go too far. “Hey, I hope you’re not feeling weird about last night. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“No, it’s cool,” Yolanda said.
“I wanted to make sure you knew. I would never have done that if I thought it would offend you.”
“As long as you know I’m not gay,” Yolanda said, her lips setting in a hard line. The wrinkle in her forehead deepened.
Maybe Whitney shouldn’t have brought this up again. “I know you’re not. I’ll admit I got my hopes up a little when I saw you there, but I don’t care either way. We’re cool.”
The admission came out more easily than Whitney would have expected. Yolanda eyed her as if trying to look into her mind. All Whitney was feeling was regret, and she hoped that showed. In any case, whatever Yolanda found must have satisfied her. “All right,” she said.
“I never go out or anything,” Whitney explained. “I was just being friendly. You know, you used to be one of the people I talked to the most at the club.”
“Yeah, fair enough,” Yolanda said. “It’s no big deal.”
As Whitney glanced around, she took note again of the area’s beauty. Such a lovely environment for such an awkward conversation. She considered leaving things at that, but she had something more she needed to say. “Just so you know, I wasn’t looking to hook up or anything. I’m not like that. I only wanted to dance.”
“Look, it’s forgotten. Never happened.”
Whitney nodded. This was better… even if the other straight girls she’d hit on back in the day been a little more gracious about it. She remembered one who had danced with her, keeping her at arm’s length but being a good sport about it. Another had been so flattered by the compliment, she bought Whitney a drink.
Maxwell’s theory about Yolanda drifted into Whitney’s mind, and she pushed it away immediately.
“Your friend is a pretty good DJ,” Whitney said, trying to change to a neutral topic.
“Yeah, Rochelle is great,” Yolanda said. “We taught ourselves together way back when.”
“Have you been friends for a long time?”
“About twenty years.”
“Wow.”
Yolanda shrugged. “That happens when you live in one place your whole life. I never went anywhere exciting, like you did.”
“Hardly exciting,” Whitney muttered. “And I’ve always been here, aside from that.”
“You’re right, I didn’t mean to make it sound glamorous. I just find it so impressive that you were in the service.”
“It’s not,” Whitney said. “It was nothing.”
The others were slowing at the front of the group. With Valentine trotting alongside them, Whitney, Yolanda, and Jessie caught up. “This is the end of the trail,” Rochelle announced. “We’re going to turn back now.”
The trail really was beautiful, even if Whitney was feeling too many emotions to really appreciate it. She might have to come back here one day and hike it again. She wasn’t much for outdoor activities these days. But she could han
dle something like this, strolling with some friendly people… and even some not-so-friendly ones. She looked at the little girl on Yolanda’s back, the evidence that Yolanda would never return her feelings.
“I’m tired, Mama,” Jessie complained.
Instead of protesting, Yolanda just bent down in front of her. “That’s okay. Mama’s going to give you a piggyback ride.”
“Go, piggy!” Jessie exclaimed.
Yolanda swung her ponytail out of the way and hoisted her daughter up, then walked off with Jessie’s tiny legs dangling from her waist.
It was interesting. Yolanda was different around her daughter—softer, kinder. She normally tended to be almost bitter, sometimes defensive. With Jessie around, she was like a different person. A person that Whitney had to admit she liked.
Yolanda’s softer side was even more appealing than the woman Whitney had already come to know. She would have liked to spend more time around Yolanda.
She wished Yolanda would touch and hold her instead.
Five
With a four-year-old on her back, Yolanda couldn’t walk quite as fast as the women around her. The group moved ahead as she fell behind, and she found herself next to Whitney again for the return walk. She balanced Jessie as she looked down at the leash Whitney was holding. The dachshund stuck so close to Whitney, Yolanda imagined she didn’t even need the leash.
“That really is a good dog,” she commented.
“Valentine is amazing,” Whitney said. “I don’t know what I would do without her.”
“How did you pick the name Valentine? Get her on Valentine’s Day?”
“No,” Whitney said. “Her full name is Valentine Michael Smith.”
Yolanda frowned. “She has a different last name than you?”
“She’s named after a character in a book,” Whitney explained. “Stranger in a Strange Land. It’s Heinlein.”
It sounded familiar. “Science fiction, right?”
“Right. I got her right after I read that book a couple years ago. It seemed appropriate.”
“Cute,” Yolanda said. “It suits her.” And sci-fi suited Whitney somehow. Yolanda could picture her holed up with a book in a barracks, or wherever Marines hung out.
Yolanda glanced up at the women ahead of them. They were making a blatant display of their sexuality, holding hands and putting their arms around each other. The sight made Yolanda feel strange in a way she couldn’t quite explain.
Thankfully no one else was on this trail today. Yolanda would not have been happy if any normal people—straight people—had seen her hanging out with this crowd. Especially when she was walking along with Whitney like this. Her chest tightened as she realized someone could mistake them for a couple.
“Thanks,” Whitney said, and Yolanda was glad she was oblivious to her thoughts. “The character’s a girl, but I figured I’d play with gender assumptions.” Whitney paused. “How’d you come up with Jessie?”
“I didn’t have much input,” she said. “Her dad picked the name.”
“Oh, okay. So, uh…”
Yolanda could guess what Whitney was trying to ask. “We dated when we were in college. I got pregnant, not intentionally of course, but you know how it goes. He just couldn’t keep his hands off me, and…”
Whitney looked away. “Sure.”
“We decided to keep it, and that’s about all.”
“When did you break up? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Toward the end of my pregnancy. He met another girl.”
“That must have been rough.”
Yolanda shrugged. It had. After getting over the shock of preparing to be a mother, she’d been terrified at learning she might be a single mother. On the other hand, there was a sense of relief that she wouldn’t be in a relationship anymore. A young girl like her was meant to be single.
“It was okay,” she said. “They ended up getting married, so they’re a better fit than me and him. And I live with them now, so everything worked out in the end.”
Now Whitney looked at her in surprise. “You live with them? Isn’t that strange? Don’t things ever get messy?”
“It was odd at first,” Yolanda said, “but we’ve been living like that for a few years. It means we don’t have to split custody. He’d have a hard time getting the rights to see Jessie as much as he’d want to otherwise, and they give me cheaper rent than I’d pay somewhere else.”
She shifted the little girl on her back, making her squeal. Although Jessie was generally being quiet, Yolanda could feel her head whipping around as she looked at the different sights around them.
“For both me and Truman,” she went on, “the benefit is having another set of hands for childcare. His wife wasn’t sure about me moving in at first, but she got used to me. We don’t see each other as a threat. Of course, it helps that I’ve stayed single. I don’t know how Truman would feel about me bringing men home.”
Why did those last few words ring false?
“I guess it works for you,” Whitney said.
“Exactly.”
They continued to walk with pleasant conversation flowing. This was probably the longest they’d ever talked, definitely the longest since Yolanda started avoiding Whitney. After broaching the topic of her service, Yolanda would have thought that she’d be intimidated. She had never done anything so major for her country, or for anything else. Somehow, it was still easy to speak companionably with her.
“Look, she sees a squirrel,” Whitney said.
Valentine trotted along with her eyes on the squirrel that was running between the trees. Another dog might have chased after it, but she stayed at Whitney’s side. Yolanda was impressed.
“It’s okay, Valentine. Go! Chase it!”
The dog took off, running after the squirrel with all the energy of a puppy. She let out a quiet yip when the squirrel ran away. Even her bark was adorable.
Jessie bounced on Yolanda’s back. “Mama, I want to sit on your shoulders!”
Yolanda bent down and lifted Jessie up, and she sat tall. When she brought her near the trees, she squealed as she reached out and touched them. She was definitely having a great time, and Yolanda congratulated herself on making the right choice about coming here. She was having a great time too, come to think of it.
She looked at the dog and at Whitney. It seemed like all of them were having fun. The broad smile that lit up Whitney’s face every time she looked at the dog or the child made her even more attractive. That woman would have been a real heartbreaker if she was into men. Yolanda wondered why she cared, then decided it was just so she wouldn’t feel bad about rejecting her.
“Spin around for me!” Jessie demanded from her lofty position.
What Jessie said went. Yolanda spun in circles several times until she nearly toppled into Selena. “Sorry about that!” She righted herself, still dizzy, as the little girl screamed with laughter.
“No problem. She is the cutest little thing!”
“I’m not little,” Jessie put in. Yolanda could hear the pout in her voice. “I’m four!”
“Of course you’re not little,” Selena said soothingly.
Sooner than Yolanda expected, they were back where they’d started. She reluctantly let Jessie drop to the ground in front of her bike. Ruffling her hair, she asked, “Ready to get in the basket?”
“You really put her in there?” Whitney asked.
Unlocking the bike, Yolanda shrugged. “Why not? Gets us from place to place. This town’s not so big that we need to drive.”
“I drive everywhere,” Whitney said, gesturing to an old beige Toyota parked nearby. “Don’t know what I’d do without it.”
The other women gathered around and departed, each saying goodbye to the rest. Yolanda was positioning Jessie in the bike basket when she realized Whitney was still standing there. Whitney stood with her hands in her pockets, shifting from foot to foot. Yolanda let out a breath as she looked at her.
“Look, I just wan
ted to apologize again for misreading the situation last night,” Whitney said.
Moving away so that Jessie wouldn’t hear them, Yolanda waved a hand. “We already discussed this. It’s fine.”
“I know. I just wanted to make sure. I didn’t know about everyone thinking you were gay all your life.”
“Well, now you know,” Yolanda snapped. “I’m straight.”
Yolanda knew she was being too harsh, but Whitney was reopening a wound that went back to her adolescence. It was as if someone had rubbed sandpaper on her over and over. The first time didn’t hurt that much, but the second time sure did. It got worse and worse every time someone did it. And it was always someone different.
She thought the wound had healed, but it had come open again once Whitney had started rubbing more sandpaper on it. With Whitney bringing it up over and over, it was ready to bleed.
“I get that,” Whitney said.
But Yolanda hardly heard her. “Is that little girl over there not enough proof of my straightness?” she demanded, pointing at Jessie.
The girl looked at her, her face collapsing. Yolanda’s tone must have been too harsh for Jessie, because she let out a wail.
As she sat there in the bike basket, her legs kicked and her tiny fists rose to her face. She gave another cry as her face turned red.
Yolanda had upset her daughter this time. She’d tip the bike over in about five seconds if she kept going like that.
She didn’t look at Whitney to see what her reaction was. “I have to go.”
Six
Valentine stood on her hind legs with her head poking out of the car window. Whitney could only see the side of her face from here, but she looked like she was having the time of her life letting the wind blow her ears backward.
If only Whitney could say the same. Today had been so nice at certain points, but it had gone bad now. She had fucked up by bringing up Yolanda’s sexuality again… twice. And the day was only going to get worse from here.
She steeled herself as she parked in the driveway of her parents’ house. She opened Valentine’s door, wishing she could bound out as enthusiastically as her dog did. Instead, it felt like she was going to the executioner.
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