When Constellations Form (Light in the Dark Book 4)

by Micalea Smeltzer

  “That’s okay. I am too. Our lives are about to change forever.” He leans over and kisses me. “I love you, and there’s no one else I’d rather take this journey with than you.”

  I lean closer to him. “Back at ya.”

  “Can I get you anything?” he asks, combing his fingers through my damp hair.

  “Water please, and more ice chips.”

  The cup I’d set aside is mostly melted now.

  “I’ll be right back,” he promises, and heads out of the room.

  Shirtless.

  He’s probably going to give all the nurses a heart attack.

  He’s not gone long and I take the water from him gratefully. I sip it slowly, afraid if I gulp it I might get sick.

  “Oh, fuck,” I cry, nearly dropping the cup of water. “This shit hurts.”

  I reach for his hand and he gives it to me gladly. I squeeze the life out of it, breathing through the pain.

  “Why’d I tell them no drugs?” I ask him. “I’m an idiot.”

  I breathe through the pain and when it subsides I let go of his hand. I don’t miss him shaking his hand out. I didn’t squeeze it that hard.

  There’s a knock on the door and Nova pokes her head in. “Here are your clothes. Jace grabbed them, and I didn’t check, so hopefully they’re okay. Is there anything else we can do?”

  Xander crosses the room and takes the clothes from her. “Would you mind asking Cade to run out the car and get Thea’s bag? It has stuff for her and the baby. It’s in the backseat of the car. He has my keys.”

  “Sure thing.”

  She disappears again and Xander heads into the bathroom attached to my room to change.

  “Oh, shit,” I cry. “Here comes another contraction.”

  I grab my stomach, breathing as deeply as I can, but my instinct is to hold my breath.

  “I feel like I need to push!” I yell. “Xander, hurry up. Go get someone.”

  He busts out of the bathroom, his jeans not buttoned yet and yanking on his shirt.

  “I’ll get someone … just hang on.” He flies out into the hallway and I hear him calling for help.

  The nurse from earlier comes in and I’m near tears again. “This baby is coming out,” I warn her. “Get the doctor.”

  “Let me check you,” she protests.

  “Now,” I seethe.

  Her eyes widen and she runs out in search of the doctor.

  Xander stands at my side, and I can feel his nerves radiating off of him. He’s trying to remain calm for me, but he’s barely keeping his cool.

  “You’re doing great, sweetheart.” He brushes my damp forehead off my forehead.

  Dr. Hawkins and two nurses burst into the room.

  He quickly gets his scrubs and gloves on.

  “You’re ready to push?”

  I nod. “Yeah, she’s coming quick.”

  “All right, Dad, why don’t you hold her leg up and will get this show on the road.”

  One of the nurses grabs my other leg and Dr. Hawkins gets ready.

  “On your next contraction I want you to start pushing,” he tells me.

  “I’m so hot,” I whine. My body is already drenched in sweat.

  He says something to one of the other nurses and she heads out of the room.

  “I feel one coming,” I warn, sitting up.

  Xander tightens his hold on my leg.

  “Push,” the doctor instructs.

  I bear down and I totally and completely understand now why you’d shit yourself giving birth, because that’s exactly what it feels like you’re doing.

  “It burns,” I complain, collapsing against the pillow.

  “You’re doing beautifully,” Dr. Hawkins assures me.

  The nurse comes back into the room and drapes a cold cloth over my brow. It helps immensely.

  I push again and again and again.

  “The head’s almost out,” Dr. Hawkins informs us. “Do you want to look?” he asks Xander.

  “Don’t you dare,” I warn.

  He looks anyway.

  His face lights up and he looks at me with awe in his eyes. “She has dark hair, Thea. She has my hair.”

  Before I can respond another contraction comes and I have to push again.

  I know my labor is going faster than normal, but this shit is still hard. I’m exhausted already, but all I want is to see my little girl.

  “Here comes another contraction,” Dr. Hawkins warns.

  “I can tell when one’s coming!” I yell.

  I push with everything I have, desperate to get her out.

  “It hurts,” I whine. “Get her out,” I beg.

  “One more push,” Dr. Hawkins tells me. “One more and she’s here.”

  I begin to sob. “It hurts. I can’t do it.”

  Xander grabs my hand and I turn to look at him. “You can do this. You’re a warrior. You’re the strongest person I know.” He presses his forehead to mine. “Lean on me. You can do this.”

  Another contraction comes and I take a deep breath, bracing myself.

  I push as hard as I can, my eyes squished closed.

  And then …

  Her crying fills the air and they press her warm body to my chest. My eyes pop open and I instantly start sobbing as my eyes land on my daughter.

  My daughter.

  She’s tiny and pink and wrinkled and perfect.

  So damn perfect.

  She reaches out with an open fist and grabs Xander’s finger. I look up at him in awe, and tears are streaming down his face.

  “You did so good, sweetheart,” he confesses. “She’s perfect.”

  She lets out another cry, blinking wide blue eyes up at us. She opens and closes her mouth and I laugh.

  “She looks exactly like you,” I tell him. From her dark hair, to her pouty lips, she’s one-hundred percent Xander’s daughter.

  “She has your nose, though, thank God for that,” he jokes.

  “I like your nose.” He broke it when he was younger and it’s never been the same since. I think the crookedness gives him character.

  She stretches out her hand and he chuckles. “She has big hands. Maybe she’s going to be a football player like her daddy.”

  I narrow my eyes on him. “And maybe she’ll want to be a stripper? Did you ever think about that?”

  He glares back at me. “My daughter is not going to be a stripper—anything but that.”

  I shrug and kiss her warm head. “Mommy says she can be anything she wants. Even a stripper.”

  “And Daddy says we’ll discuss this more later.”

  I laugh, rubbing her plump cheek. “She’s so chunky and perfect,” I murmur.

  “Come here, Dad,” Dr. Hawkins instructs. “Why don’t you cut the cord?”

  Xander takes the strange looking scissors, looking at them quizzically. “I don’t want to hurt her.”

  “It’s fine. Just cut there.” Dr. Hawkins points to the area and Xander cuts the umbilical cord.

  The baby gives a little cry and Xander rubs her head. “I’m sorry, baby girl. I know it’s probably so scary here.”

  “We need to clean her up,” one of the nurses says, covering the baby with a blanket and plucking her off my chest.

  I instantly feel cold and reach out weakly for her.

  “We’ll bring her back,” the nurse promises.

  “You did so good.” Xander kisses me, his lips pleasantly warm. “I’ve never seen anything like that. It was incredible.”

  “I’m so tired,” I confess.

  He brushes my hair out of my eyes, his fingers lingering on my cheek. “You can rest soon.”

  “Thea?” Dr. Hawkins interrupts.

  “Yeah?” I ask, bringing my tired eyes to his.

  “You’re going to have to birth the placenta now. You shouldn’t have to do much work, but I just want you to know what’s going on, okay?”

  I nod.

  Xander rubs my arm, drawing my attention back to him. “You se
riously did so good, sweetheart. You’re a rock star.”

  I smile tiredly at him as our baby lets out a cry in the background. “Go to her,” I plead.

  “Thea?” Dr. Hawkins says again, worry in his tone that instantly puts Xander and I on alert. “Your placenta’s not detaching.”

  “W-what?” I stutter, my eyes flicking from the doctor to Xander. “What’s wrong? Is something wrong?”

  “It’s okay,” he rushes to assure me. “Your placenta is stuck and we’re going to have to go in to get it out. It’s nothing to panic over.”

  “Nothing to panic over?” I cry. “That doesn’t sound like nothing? Xander? What’s happening?” I plead with him, like he can make this go away somehow.

  He looks pale and helpless.

  “Shh,” Dr. Hawkins consoles me. “Really, this is fine, Thea. You’ll be in and out in no time.”

  The nurses immediately start to wheel me from the room.

  “What do I do?” Xander asks, looking helpless.

  I grab his hand. “Stay with her,” I beg. “She needs you. Please don’t leave her.”

  “But, Thea—”

  “No,” my tone is final. “Stay with the baby. I’ll be okay,” I vow.

  He watches me leave helplessly. They slap something over my face and everything becomes fuzzy.

  The last thing I hear is the baby crying and then …

  Nothing.

  Xander

  I watch as they take Thea away, my hands clasped behind my head. I still don’t quite understand what’s going on and I feel so weak and useless. I just want to be there for her, but she wanted me to stay with the baby, and I understand.

  We both no longer live solely for each other.

  Now we live for this tiny little girl.

  I walk over to her and the nurse cleaning her off. She now has a tiny diaper on. She flails her arms, looking up at me with big eyes.

  “You want to follow me over here?” Tthe nurse asks. “We’re going to wash her hair.”

  I nod, at a loss for words as I stare at my daughter.

  I can’t get over how small and perfect she is. Thea’s right, she looks exactly like me.

  The nurse carries her over to the sink and regulates the temperature of the water. She gets it right and then holds the baby so that only her hair gets wet. She uses a brush to come through her fine dark hair. I’m amazed by how much hair she has. It’s not an obscene amount, but it’s enough.

  When her hair is clean she dries off her head and brushes her hair. She slips a little blue and pink hat on her head and then swaddles her.

  “Okay, Daddy, are you ready to hold her?”

  It hits me then, that I haven’t even held her yet. I nod, unable to find the words to tell this woman yes.

  She smiles and hands her over.

  She looks up at me with big blue eyes. I’m sure those will change, since I have brown and Thea’s are hazel, but for now they’re beautiful.

  “She’s hungry. Do you know if you’re wife wanted to try to breastfeed?”

  “She wanted to try.”

  The baby opens and closes her mouth making a sucking noise.

  “She should be back soon, so as soon as she is we’ll try to get the baby to latch.”

  “Okay, thank you,” I mutter, but all my focus is on the baby.

  She leaves and finally I’m alone with my daughter.

  I smile at her in my arms. She looks like a burrito or a really fluffy football.

  I rock her back and forth and she lets out a little cry.

  “I know you’re hungry, sweetie,” I croon. “Mommy will be back soon.”

  She manages to get her little fists free of the swaddle and swings the wildly.

  I sit down in the chair, and I find myself just staring at her.

  She truly is the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen and I can’t believe she’s ours.

  “I’m your daddy,” I tell her, kissing her forehead.

  She yawns and starts making the sucking noise again.

  It isn’t long until Thea’s wheeled back into the room. Her eyes are heavy, like she’s tired, but she manages to smile.

  “You look good holding a baby,” she tells me.

  I chuckle. “Are you coming on to me?”

  “A hot guy with a baby? Hell yeah I’m coming on to you.”

  I laugh. Only my wife.

  “Give me my daughter,” she begs, holding out her arms.

  “The nurse wants you to try to feed her.”

  “I’m sure she’s hungry,” she agrees, taking the baby from me.

  The baby flails around wildly, searching for a boob.

  Thea tugs down her gown and gets her into position. The nurse comes in then and smiles.

  “Well, here I thought you might need my help and you’ve already got it. Is she sucking?”

  “I think so,” Thea says, rubbing her finger over the baby’s soft cheek.

  “If you need me, just hit the button on your bed,” she tells us.

  She closes the door and finally it’s the three of us alone.

  “Look at us.” Thea smiles over at me, and I swear even having just given birth she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. “We’re really a family now.”

  I kiss her and then I bend and kiss the baby. “I didn’t think I could possibly love you more than I did yesterday, but after watching that, and seeing her … I love you so much.”

  She smiles at me. “I love you too.”

  We both watch the baby again, unable to stop staring at her. I’m sure all new parents feel the same way—like if you blink this moment will be gone forever.

  An hour later the baby’s fed, burped, and with a clean diaper.

  “Can I let everybody back now?” I ask.

  Thea rocks the baby in her arms and nods. “Yeah, let them in. She’s ready to meet her crazy lovable family.”

  I kiss them both before I leave the room and then I head down the hall to the waiting room.

  Inside the waiting room, it’s packed with family and friends.

  Jace, Nova, Cade, and Rae haven’t left, and my parents, and Thea’s mom have since joined them.

  “Do you guys want to come meet her?” I ask.

  I’m probably not supposed to let this many people go back, but some rules are meant to be broken.

  They all jump up, eager to meet the newest addition to our family.

  I lead them down the hallway into the room. They crowd around the bed and my mom, being the sap that she is bursts into tears.

  There’s room for me on the bed with my girls so I rest there.

  “Everyone,” I begin, and they hold their breath waiting for us to finally reveal the name. “We would like you to meet Xael Therese Kindcaid. Xael, meet everyone.” I pronounce the name like Zale.

  “What the kind of name is Xael?” Cade blurts.

  “Shut it, Cade,” Thea scolds her brother, glaring at him. “The greatest thing you’ve ever done is throw a football, I just birthed life. Life trumps balls.”

  “Xael,” my mom repeats. “I like it. It’s different.”

  “We wanted her to have a different, strong name, and we thought Xael did that.” I smile at my daughter, rubbing her small cap covered head.

  Thea smiles up at me, and despite how exhausted I know she must feel she’s stunning. “Xander, Thea, and baby Xael Therese.”

  Our family.

  Thea

  Two days later, and it’s time to go home.

  With a baby.

  I brush my teeth and change my clothes. I need a shower, desperately, but I’m waiting until I get home. I pull my dirty hair into a ponytail and call it a job well done.

  I enter the room and find Xander dressing Xael in her going home outfit—a cute sleeper with unicorns on it, and then swaddling her in the lemon swaddle Rae got her.

  I sit down on the bed as he picks her back up, rocking her in his arms.

  The nurse comes in with the discharge papers. “You
can’t send me home with her,” I plead. “I killed a hamster once. You can’t send me home with a baby. Tell her, Xander.”

  He chuckles, rocking the baby. “We’ve got this,” he tells the nurse. “Ignore her.”

  My jaw drops. “You’re no help.”

  “You’re going to be fine,” the nurse assures me, patting my hand.

  She goes over the papers I need to sign and then she helps us put the baby in the car seat so that we know we have her buckled in properly.

  She brings in a wheelchair to take me out, which I find completely unnecessary but she insists it’s protocol.

  That leaves Xander to carry the baby carrier and our stuff.

  Thankfully, I didn’t over pack … for once.

  Once outside, Xander sets down the carrier with Xael and goes to get the car.

  She fusses and I bend down, popping her binky back in her mouth. She sucks on it, but I know she’s getting hungry. Breastfeeding is hard, and even though it’s only been two days I’m close to giving up. My nipples hurt.

  Xander brings the car up to the front and hops out. He grabs the carrier and the nurse helps him make sure it’s locked into the base properly. Once Xael is in he helps me to sit beside her.

  “Good luck, guys.” The nurse waves goodbye.

  Xander gets in the car and looks at me in the rearview mirror. “We’re going home with a baby. This is crazy.”

  “It does feel weird,” I agree as he pulls out.

  He drives way more cautious than normal and it takes a full forty minutes to get home instead of twenty.

  When we get there he pulls into the garage and kills the engine. Normally, we’d hear Prue barking but Jace and Nova took her for the last couple of days, and they’ll be dropping her off later. We gave them one of the baby’s blankets that she’s been using so that Prue could get used to the smell. I have no idea if it’ll actually help, but it made me feel better.

  Xander opens my door and helps me out and then gets the baby.

  Watching him carry our baby into the house makes me fall in love with him all over again. Anytime he does anything new with our daughter I love him more. It’s such a unique thing, seeing him with her.

  He sets the carrier down on the floor and bends, getting her out. I sit on the couch and he hands her to me so I can feed her.

  “Are you okay?” he asks and I nod. “I’m going to go shower. I won’t be gone long.”