Hearts Rekindled

by Patty Smith Hall

  John had offered her everything she wanted; to be respected and protected. To be honored for herself. Most important, to be loved. But she’d let her family drive wedges between them time and time again. Was it really so surprising that he’d decided he’d had enough?

  “Merri, are you okay?”

  She hummed noncommittally. Life hadn’t been the same since the day she’d opened the front door to her daddy’s house and accepted the envelope that had ended her marriage and destroyed her world. Only God had pulled her through then, let her climb up in His lap and rail at what she’d lost.

  Lord, I’ve prayed and prayed. Why can’t I feel You anymore?

  Faith is not a feeling. Preacher Williams’s words drifted through her. Is that what she’d been doing, relying on goose bumps and shivers rather than a living, breathing belief in God’s character, focused more on how she felt than trusting in the Lord?

  Oh, Lord, forgive me. Please forgive me for failing You.

  Something shifted inside her, loosened. Her lungs filled with the sweet fragrance of fresh earth and budding trees. And John.

  “Are you sure you’re all right? I’ve never seen you this quiet.”

  Merrilee glanced up at him. The brim of his hat shielded his eyes, but his mouth had tightened into a fine line, his voice deep with concern. He worried about her? Even after everything she’d done to destroy their marriage? Hope sparked into a tiny flame.

  She lifted her hand to his face, the short stubble a pleasant sensation against her tender palm as she cupped his cheek. “You’re a very wise man, John Davenport.”

  The hard line of his mouth softened, the corners turning up in a hint of a smile, a flush of color climbing in his cheeks. “I don’t know about that.”

  He’d never known how to take a compliment, maybe because he’d received so few in his life. “Well, you are.”

  “Thank you,” he whispered, his voice catching on the words. He shifted closer until only a few inches separated them. His eyes came into focus, the warmth and longing she found there setting her heart on a frantic pace. Her toes tingled, longed to rise up to their very tips and close the distance between them.

  But what about the things that really mattered, the issues that had torn them apart? The thought nailed her feet to the ground. He’d already told her he planned to leave again. Why? What was he hiding from her?

  And what about herself? Guilt lay in the pit of her stomach like a piece of granite. She hadn’t exactly been on the level with John about her reasons for helping Ms. Aurora. How would John respond if he learned the truth, that she’d spent the past years spying on her neighbors and friends? Would he see it as her patriotic duty or a breach of loyalty and trust?

  She took a step back, away from the protection his arms afforded, the warmth his embrace held. A slight chill ran through her as she moved another step away. “I ought to call the bank and apologize for missing my appointment. Hopefully, we didn’t inconvenience them too much.” Words tumbled from her mouth, but she didn’t care, just knew she had to make a quick retreat before John said something, did something that would entice her to stay.

  “Merri.”

  She pretended not to hear him, though her throat thickened at the worry in his voice, as she hurried across the side yard and up the porch stairs.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Why had Merrilee pulled away from him?

  John pondered the question as he relaxed on the porch swing, his arms crossed over his chest, his legs stretched out in front of him, the light scent of clean air and budding grass lingering on the night air. She’d been supportive of the way he’d handled Claire and Billy, stood beside him. In that moment, he’d felt like a real father, partnered with Merrilee to raise their daughter. United as one.

  Married.

  He let the swing coast to a stop. Taking her into his arms had been meant to comfort her, to chase away the disappointment over their daughter’s behavior, to convince her that she was a better mother than she gave herself credit for. John scoffed. Who was he kidding? Comforting her was just an excuse. Holding Merrilee had been in his thoughts since the very first day he’d shown up at the Daniels’s homestead with Claire’s letter.

  Why had he even allowed his thoughts to stray? He’d come back to Marietta with one objective in mind: to know his daughter. Not get tangled up with Merrilee again. But he couldn’t deny how right she’d felt nestled against his chest, the sheer joy of just being in her company. Maybe after serving his time, once he got settled in over at the Todd place, he could court her properly, see if they could build something solid, something that could last a lifetime.

  First, he had to settle things with the navy.

  The front door squealed softly, the lantern light from the hallway peeking around the corners as the shadow of a child stepped out on the porch, her movements slow and deliberate to prevent the long nightgown from tangling between her lanky legs.

  John frowned. What was Claire doing out of bed? He watched her for a moment as she hobbled over to the railing and grabbed the banister to steady herself against her crutch. She lifted her face toward the sky, moonlight cascading over her girlish features, so much like her mother’s that his breath caught on the surge of love that rolled through him. How could one tiny girl have wrapped him so tightly around her pinky in just a few days?

  “Dear Lord,” Claire said. “I’m sorry about today.”

  A tenderness he didn’t know was possible flooded through him. Claire spoke to God so easily, not hesitating to lay out her heart before Him. Just like her mother did back during their marriage. He used to tease her that dinner would be cold by the time she finished talking with the Lord, but that didn’t do anything to shorten her prayers. Why was Merrilee keeping her distance from Him now?

  He sat back into the swing and waited until Claire was finished before he spoke. “Having trouble sleeping?”

  “I...um...” She shifted her grip on the railing, taking the weight off her affected side. “I didn’t know anyone was out here.”

  “I spend a few minutes out here every night before I turn in. For some odd reason, I always feel closer to the Lord when I’m outdoors.”

  “Really?” Claire took a wobbly step toward him. “My cousin Maggie says she feels closer to God when she’s up in the air flying, but Mama says He’s with us wherever we are.”

  John tightened his grip on the swing’s chains after Claire hobbled another step. No wonder Merrilee was in such a hurry to get Claire into Warm Springs. It killed him not to help her. “Your mother’s right. He’s always with us, no matter where we are or what we’re doing.”

  “I was afraid of that.”

  The forlorn note in her voice troubled John. What could be tumbling around in her head? “Why?”

  She shook her head. “Nothing.”

  John wasn’t buying it. Obviously something troubled her, and it was his job to coax her into telling him so he could chase away her fears. “You want to sit out here with me for a little while?”

  She nodded, the lantern light revealing a grim determination printed on her face as she limped the last few steps to the swing. She sat down beside him and drew up her legs, covering them with the train of her nightgown, her tiny toes peeking out from under the hem. “So you’re not mad at me anymore?”

  Her question caused his heart to ache. “I was never mad at you, Claire Bear.”

  “But you made me and Billy smoke all those nasty cigarettes he’d found. Made me sick as a dog.”

  “Will you ever smoke again?”

  “No!”

  Which meant he’d gotten the point across. “I could have told you and Billy how sick you’d feel, but you might not have taken my word for it. So your mama and I had to let you find out for yourself.”

  “Oh.” She smoothed the white cotto
n over her knees, as if she were considering that for a moment. “How did you know we’d get sick?”

  Confession time. He leaned toward her, the faint scent of soap and little girl tightening her hold on his heart. “Ms. Aurora caught me with a few cigars when I was about your age.” He tapped the tip of her nose. “I was in bed for two days.”

  She chuckled weakly. “I should have told Billy to just leave me alone when he found me.”

  His daughter made it sound as if she’d been hiding. “What were you doing behind the barn?”

  Claire lowered her head, pale shards of lantern light turning her golden red curls into a fiery hue, the long strands forming a curtain around her face. “I thought Mama was taking me to the doctor again, and I didn’t want to go.”

  “Why not?”

  The night went still—the only noise an old barn owl hooting off in the distance. John studied Claire in the dim light, waiting for an answer. How would he ever be able to get her to trust him?

  Finally, she whispered, “I’m not getting better anyway.”

  He’d hit upon a bigger problem than misbehavior. “I don’t know if I’d say that. Maybe you just need a little more time to work with your leg, make it strong again.”

  “That lady in the Bible didn’t have to wait. My Sunday school teacher said she just had to touch the hem of Jesus’s robe and she was better.”

  “She believed that Jesus could heal her.”

  “And He did, right then and there.”

  Claire’s despair was beginning to make sense. He draped his arm over the back of the swing and leaned toward her. “And you think that the Lord’s not going to heal you because it hasn’t happened yet.”

  She lifted her head, the light catching on the tears lining her face. “I’ve prayed and prayed, but I still can’t jump rope or swing on the swing set or go to school like all my other friends do.”

  “Honey...” He put his arm around her and brought her close, her head coming to rest against his chest. She felt so small in his arms, this little girl who had turned his entire life upside down. “Just because you’re not completely better doesn’t mean God’s given up on healing you.”

  Claire hiccuped. “It doesn’t?”

  “No.” He smoothed a tangle of hair down her back. “Sometimes it just takes a little bit of time.”

  “How much time?” She tilted her head back, watching him.

  He brushed a thumb across the rose of her cheeks, her tears clinging to his fingers. “I don’t know, but God does. And He won’t be rushed. He does everything in His own time.”

  Claire lifted her head from his chest, her mouth twitching into a grimace. “I don’t like to wait.”

  John mashed his lips together to keep from smiling. Patience hadn’t been his or Merrilee’s strong suit, either. “Maybe that’s what the Lord is trying to teach you in all of this, to be patient and wait upon Him.”

  “I’m not sure I like that.”

  Yes, Claire was her parents’ daughter through and through. “Me, neither.”

  She rested back against the swing and glanced up at him. “You know, I didn’t like you too much this afternoon.”

  He hadn’t expected her to. But it didn’t stop the ache her words caused deep in his chest. “How about now?”

  “I understand why you did it. Mama says that God loves us so much, He lets us face the consequences of our actions even though it hurts Him.”

  The words pricked, but he pushed them away to reexamine later. Right now, his only purpose was to be with Claire. “Darling, your mother loves you just like that, too.”

  “What about you? Do you love me?”

  If she had asked him anything else, he might have found the strength to change the subject. But he knew what it was like to wonder if you were capable of being loved, had wondered for years if his father ever thought about him even in passing. No, he couldn’t deny his little girl. He pushed a long strand of her hair behind her ear. “Yes, Claire. I love you very much.”

  A wondrous smile split Claire’s face as she flung herself against his side, her childish arms barely wrapped around his waist, her head resting against his chest as if it had been her favorite pillow since the day she was born. A surge of protectiveness and unconditional love roared through him, and without thinking, he dropped a kiss in her curls.

  “I love you, too, Daddy.”

  Daddy?

  “Please don’t be mad,” Claire whispered, burying herself deeper against his chest.

  Mad? He felt like a man in a maternity ward waiting room, willing the doctor to come out with news of his child’s birth. Only his daughter was here, holding on to him for dear life. John hugged her closer, burying his face in her hair. “You’re the reason I’m here, Claire Bear. But how did you know?”

  “Cousin Beau had a picture of the two of you from when you were working out West in his address book. He didn’t seem much interested in it so I took it. I put it back later, I promise.” Her voice broke. “I just wanted to know what you looked like.”

  John could barely move Claire back enough so that he could look at her, her arms were so tightly wound around him. “So you’ve known from the first?”

  “No. I snuck back in Beau’s room after he left with Edie and found the picture again.” She gave him a watery smile. The Davenport smile. “That’s when I knew.”

  He and Merrilee would have to keep on eye on this snooping little thing. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe I was a little afraid that you wouldn’t want to be my daddy. Because of my leg.” She drew herself up, her little body tense against him.

  He brushed a kiss against her forehead, then leaned over on one hip, pulled the creased envelope from its resting place in his back pocket and handed it to her. “I’ve loved you since the minute I got this.”

  “My letter?”

  “And I’ve grown to love you more every moment since.”

  Claire worried her bottom lip. “But my leg?”

  John tightened his arms around her, resting his chin against her baby-soft hair. Only time would ease her anxieties, but until it did, he’d be there to reassure her. “No matter what happens, whether you’re unable to walk without a crutch or hobble around for the rest of your days, I will always love you and the beautiful woman you become.”

  His heart lodged in his throat when she rested against him. This snip of a girl—part him, part Merrilee—had trusted him with her heart. He would do everything in his power to keep it safe.

  “You’re going to stay?”

  He wanted to—the Lord knew that was his prayer. But whether he did or not was up to the United States Navy. He wouldn’t lie to his daughter, no matter how much the truth hurt. “I have to go away for a little while, but I’ll be back. I promise you.”

  “Will you be gone long?”

  “I don’t know, but no matter how long it takes, I’m coming back, Claire. And then I’m not going to leave again.”

  A luminous smile broke out on her face, and John couldn’t help but be thankful she didn’t require any further explanation.

  “Good, because when you get back, I have something I want you to do for me.”

  He didn’t like the sound of that. What was Claire up to? But there was nothing he’d refuse her. “Anything.”

  “When you get back from wherever it is you have to go,” Claire started, her head tilted back, her eyes alive with excitement, “I want you and me and Mama to live together like a real family.”

  * * *

  Merrilee pressed herself up against the wall next to the front door, her shaky hand fisted against her roiling stomach to keep the nausea at bay. She’d come looking for Claire after finding her bed empty, never figuring to find her out on the porch conversing with John.

&nbs
p; I love you, too, Daddy.

  Tears thickened her throat, and she struggled to swallow. Their daughter finally knew the truth. Instead of the worry she’d felt since John had shown up on her doorstep, relief flooded through her and, oddly, tenderness.

  John had been so good with Claire this afternoon and tonight, strong but compassionate. He’d listened to her air her worries, helped her confront her fears. Loved her unconditionally. He was a man totally smitten, and a wonderful father.

  “Nothing good ever came from listening in on another person’s conversation, young lady.”

  Merrilee jerked her head in the direction of the stairwell where Ms. Aurora, her lean fingers gripping the banister, stood on the bottom step. Merrilee hurried over to her. “What are you doing up?”

  “I checked in on the twins, then figured I’d warm me up a cup of milk.” Her chest rose in a deep breath. “Lying in bed all the time isn’t as restful as everyone thinks it is.”

  “Maybe not, but you heard the doctor. You need to take it easy.”

  “Well, I can rest just as easy sitting at my kitchen table as I can upstairs with covers pulled up to my chin.” Aurora glanced to the door and nodded. “What going on out there?”

  Another jealous pang went through her. “Claire’s outside talking with John.”

  The look Aurora gave her made Merrilee realize how silly she was being. “Does that bother you?”

  She shook her head. Maybe she could shake the miserable feeling away through force of will. “No, Claire needs her daddy, and John...” She paused. “A person would have to be blind to not see how much that man loves her.”

  “Maybe it’s time y’all told her the truth.”

  “She figured it out on her own. She found an old picture of John in Beau’s dresser drawer along with his address book and kept it.”

  A soft chuckle rose from Aurora. “The little spy. Maybe the Allies should enlist her help.”

  “I don’t think so.” The words came out harsher than she’d have liked, but Aurora’s comment had hit too close to the mark. One spy in the family was already one too many.