by D. Kelly
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Quote
Part One: Every Ending has a Beginning
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Part Two: What Comes After
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Part Three: The Best Things Become a Triangle
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
A new day
Endless gratitude pages
Author Links
Excerpt from Releasing Kate
Copyright © 2014 D. Kelly
Editing by - Tiffany Tillman
Cover design by - Regina Wamba of www.maeidesign.com
This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author's imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information contact Dee Kelly www.dkellyauthor.com
This book contains mature subject matter and is not appropriate for minors. Please note this novel contains profanity, sexual situations and alcohol consumption.
Dee Kelly
P.O. Box 630185
Simi Valley, CA. 93063
Dedication
This book is dedicated to my husband and kids. Without them, my life would be boring and unexceptional. There is never a day that passes that I’m not thankful for their unyielding faith and love. I love you guys with all my heart and soul.
What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose. ~ Henry Ward Beecher
I CAN’T SLEEP. I’ve been lying here since Connor came back from checking on Kate at the gym. Kate, she’s my Katherine, and she’s even more breathtaking now than ever before. I have so many emotions flowing through me at the moment. The strongest of them all is heartbreak. I didn’t think it was possible to feel any more pain, until I saw her. Watching her pull inside herself, effectively distancing her emotions from us, was excruciatingly painful. I don’t want her to feel toward me the same way she feels about Joseph. All I wanted to do was pull her into my arms and tell her how much I’ve missed her, how much I love her, and how nothing in my life has made sense ever since I pushed her away.
I may lose my family, all of them, because of this self-inflicted clusterfuck I’ve created. Daniel, Connor, and Jake are my best friends, my brothers. Jess and Kate were my everything before this, and now everyone I love is wrapped up in this mess.
It’s not like I don’t know I fucked up, of course I know that. It’s going to take perseverance, time, and a whole lot of groveling to get Kate to even think about taking me back. I’m prepared for the fight of my life. Even though she has someone else, it shouldn’t be that hard to win her back. What we were, what we are, is impenetrable. I know it’ll take some time for her to realize we’re what’s best for each other. I told her in the letter I would honor a relationship if she was in one. I didn’t mean it. I know that makes me a dick, but I honestly never even thought it would be necessary. Our love is stronger than anything else she could have possibly found. I’ve been flailing for years without her, so I figured she had been, too. I didn’t expect her to welcome me with open arms, but I’m ready to fight—fight for her, and for my place in her life, and most definitely for my place in her heart.
I’m pissed off—no, I’m beyond pissed—I’m fucking furious that Daniel is the one. Even if I haven’t heard it from her, I’ve heard it from him. He’s my brother, my savior, and the guy Kate is currently fucking. Just thinking about it makes my blood boil. She’s mine, damn it, and no one should know what fucking her feels like except for me. That’s not exactly true, though, I never fucked Kate. I made love to her. I’ve been fucking all these random women ever since, but they’ve never meant anything to me. Daniel’s had her both ways—he’s made love to her and he’s fucked her. The fact that I know those details about them torments my soul in unimaginable ways.
I’m jealous as hell. I know it’s not his fault. I never said anything to anyone. I never gave her last name, never showed anyone the pictures that have been shoved under my bed. I never told anyone how beautiful I thought she was the first time we met, even though we were only seven years old. I never told a soul that watching her lose her mom broke a piece of me off that I’ll never get back. That piece of me is the piece of my soul that I gave to her. It’s the piece that our entire friendship and relationship grew from. It’s the purest part of my heart that was meant for her and only her.
I never told them that the first time we kissed I knew I could never be serious about anyone else, even though we were only in seventh grade. I didn’t tell them how before I asked her to be my girlfriend I threw up. Nobody knows that the night we made love for the first time I was so nervous that I threw up...again. They have no clue that when it was over, I cried in the shower like a pussy because I was so overwhelmed by it all. I never said how utterly in love I was, and how at eighteen years old, I was wishing for babies instead of college. Nobody knows any of it, because if I would’ve talked about her… that would have been admitting that I lost the best part of me. Willingly.
There’s no way I’m going to accept that. I know I fucked up. I know with absolute certainty that this entire mess is one hundred percent my fault. I don’t even blame my mom anymore; the decision was mine, and mine alone. I’m positive that as much as I feel like an asshole right now, it probably doesn’t even begin to describe how much of an asshole my friends think I am. Fuck, if I would’ve never ditched town on her birthday and just gone to Connor’s party, none of this would even be happening.
How is it even possible that she fell in love with him in two weeks? We knew each other almost our entire lives and I was so nervous trying to propose that night. I let the moment slip through my fingers a few times before it was too late and I missed it altogether. In two weeks, Daniel gets her to fall in love and promise herself to him, leaving me in the dust. What the fuck?
In my heart I know he deserves to be happy. Kate makes him happier than I’ve ever seen him in all the years I’ve known him. I want him to be happy. He deserves a lifetime of happiness and love with a girl who feels the same. It just can’t be my girl, he can’t have Kate. I won’t willingly stand back and let this happen and that makes me the biggest asshole on the planet. Daniel saved me. Without him, who knows where I would be right now? And I’m going to pay him back by taking his girl. My girl.
After we see Kate, I need to talk to Daniel. If I’d tried tonight, we would’ve come to blows and that’s the last thing I want. If I can get him to listen to our story from the day I met her until the bitter end maybe he could understand she belongs with me. Understand that she owns my soul, that there isn’t a piece of my heart that doesn’t belong to her. He doesn’t have to like it, but if he can see that this is so much more than Kate being my ex-girlfriend, it might go a long way toward saving our friendship.
Since I’m not going to get any sleep tonight, I might as well think of the best way to explain it all to him. Going back to the beginning would be the best place to start…
Chapter 1
Back to the Beginning
Michael ~ 7 years old
“MICHAEL, ARE YOU okay back there, buddy? You’re awful quiet today… I know you weren�
��t looking forward to moving again, but I promise this is the last time for a long time.” That’s what he said last time and the time before.
“I’m fine, just hoping there are some kids in this neighborhood, Dad.” My dad blows air from his mouth; he does that when he’s trying not to get mad at me. It’s not my stupid fault we’re moving again. It sucks not having any friends.
“We’re only around the corner from Joseph, buddy. He has a daughter your age and she’s in the same grade. I told you about her. Her name is Katherine. We’re going over there for dinner tonight so you can meet her.”
“But, Dad, she’s a girl! I don’t want to be friends with a stupid girl! I want to play baseball not Barbies. Why did we have to move again? I finally had friends.”
“I get it, bud, I do, but you have to trust that your mother and I are doing this with your best interests in mind. This isn’t like last time, or the time before that. This time we own half of the company, and one day, when you grow up, you can work with your old man.”
Yeah right. “Nope, I’m gonna be a catcher for the Dodgers, not be stuck inside with grown-ups all day.” Great, now he’s laughing at me and it’s not funny.
“Michael, if you play for the Dodgers I’ll be at every game I can, but if that doesn’t work out I’ve got an office next to mine ready for you. Just trust me, this time will be different. I don’t want you to worry; this is going to be home for a long time. It’s a much nicer house than our last one, not as big as Joseph’s, but close.”
The houses on this street are really big, a lot bigger than our other house. I watch two girls get out of a car as we pass by but don’t see any other kids playing outside. None. I bet this neighborhood has nothing but stupid girls in it. I don’t see a park anywhere, either, which means I can’t ride my bike to the baseball field. This place sucks.
We park in front of a big white house and my mom’s car is in the driveway. It’s bigger than our last house but there are no kids on this street, either. At least those girls are just around the corner. Maybe they have brothers I can play with. It’s not too far to ride my bike; my mom will let me go a couple of streets over.
“Come on, Michael, let me show you the house before we go to dinner. We’ve got a surprise inside I think you’ll like.”
The house looks a lot like our old house inside and my mom is pretty happy about that. “Michael, all of your things are already in your new room. Why don’t you run upstairs and see if you can figure out which room is yours? We’ll be up in a minute.”
I take off running up the stairs as fast as I can. Right at the top is a big playroom just for me! There are action figures, video games, a TV, and a big couch; maybe it won’t be so bad not having a park close by. My room looks the same but bigger, way bigger, and I even have my own bathroom. This is awesome. My dad wasn’t lying.
“Well, buddy, what do you think?”
“It’s really cool!”
“Your mom thought you might really like to have a place to bring friends over and hang out.” What friends?
“If I make any new friends. This still sucks.”
“Give it time, buddy, you’ll make more friends than you know what to do with. Come on, let’s go to dinner and meet some right now.”
“Okay.”
The house we pull up to looks like the house those girls were at earlier. This house is a lot bigger than our house—they must be really rich! A very pretty lady with reddish hair answers the door and lets us in; she looks nice. “You must be Michael. We’ve heard so much about you. My name is Lila. I’m Katie Grace’s mom.” Lila places a gentle hand on my shoulder and calls for the girls. “Katie Grace, Jessica, come meet Michael and then you can all go up and play.”
They’re the girls I saw earlier. The one with reddish hair talks first, “Hi, Michael, I’m Katherine but everyone calls me Katie Grace, and this is my best friend Jessica. Want to come play Super Smash Brothers with us?” Cool girls that play video games? Maybe this won’t be so bad.
“Yeah, sure, I like that game.” Jessica smiles, she’s the one with the black hair but she hasn’t said anything yet. Katherine motions for me to follow them. She’s pretty… for a girl…too bad girls have cooties. Oh well, we’re just playing video games—it’s not like I’m gonna kiss her or anything.
Chapter 2
When she falls
Michael
“HEY, JESSICA, WHAT are we getting on our pizza tonight? I want pepperoni and sausage.” Jessica rolls her eyes at me. She just learned how to do that and she does it all the time when she’s annoyed, or trying to act like she doesn’t care, or whatever. Chloe said she’s going to smack her if she doesn’t stop. She probably will, too, because Chloe is super mean to Jessica.
“Sausage is nasty, I want peppers.”
Pizza is supposed to be full of meat. Then again, at least she doesn’t want anchovies...I don’t know why anyone would want those. “Peppers are nasty, why do you always want vegetables and fruit on your pizza?”
“Whatever, Michael. Katie’s going to want peppers, too, you know she will.”
I glare at her but finally agree, “Fine, we’ll get pepperoni and peppers.”
A huge smile breaks across Jessica’s face. Who knew peppers could make her that happy? “You like her. I knew it, but now I know it! You like Katie!”
That’s why she’s smiling. What the heck? “I do not!”
“You do too. If you didn’t like her you wouldn’t have given up your sausage so easily.”
Now I roll my eyes at her. “It’s called majority rule, stupid. There are two of you and one of me, so you guys win.”
“Um, guys?”
Oh great, how much of that did Katie Grace hear? I don’t want her to think I like her. I mean, I guess she’s cute for a girl, but she’s my best friend, so… yuck. “Hey, Katie Grace,” I answer, but my eyes are glued to my shoes.
“My mom’s almost ready, so we’re going to head to your house as soon as they leave. I had an idea for the pizza…you know, we can get all pepperoni but half with peppers and half with sausage—that would be perfect for all of us.” Yup, she heard us. She’s blushing and acting kind of shy. That’s just great.
“That sounds good, doesn’t it, Michael?”
“Um, yeah, that sounds good. Thanks, guys.” I finally look up and Katie Grace is smiling, not really at me, just in general. That’s a relief.
“Kids, go wait by the front door, please, we’re getting ready to leave,” Maryanne calls to us from the entryway. Tonight is going to be fun. We’re eating pizza, playing video games, and having a sleepover in my loft. Our parents are all going to some charity dinner that Lila is really excited about. Katie Grace said her mom has been really sad lately, but the past few days she’s been really excited about this dinner. That’s a good thing because her dad is kind of a big jerk. When Lila is sad, Katie Grace is sad, and I don’t like it when Katie Grace is sad.
We’re all waiting at the bottom of the stairs for Lila and Katie Grace. Maryanne had Katie Grace run a bottle of ibuprofen up to her because she had a headache. Whenever the grown-ups go out it always takes forever for them to leave. Girls take forever with all their dresses, hair, makeup and high heels. Yeah, they look pretty, but they look pretty in just regular clothes, too, and the rest of us don’t have to wait so long for them. Jessica doesn’t seem to care, though. She’s bouncing up and down with excitement.
“I can’t wait to see how Lila looks tonight! She always looks so pretty. I bet Katie Grace is going to look just like that when we get older.” Jessica looks excited and sad at the same time.
“She probably will and you’ll probably look just like Chloe. I’ll probably look like my dad—that’s just how it works.”
She shakes her head, “I don’t think so, Michael. You already look more like your mom and I’ll never be lucky enough to be pretty like Chloe.”
Stupid Chloe. She’s so mean to Jessica, always calling her fat. She’s not fat. My mom says
she’s pleasantly plump and that it wouldn’t matter if she was fat because she’s beautiful inside and out. Too bad Jessica doesn’t believe it.
“Jessica, you are pretty like Chloe. So what if you’re not starving yourself all the time to be skinny. Chloe is mean and you’re not. She’s probably mean because she’s hungry. I know when I’m hungry I can be mean. Don’t listen to her. None of us believe the crap she says to –you, so neither should you.”
She raises her sad blue eyes to mine and nods, “Thanks, Michael. I’m so glad you’re not a jerk like those other boys in our class.” I nod my head at her, but before I say anything else, Lila and Katie Grace finally come down the stairs. They’re both smiling but Lila’s doesn’t seem as happy as Katie Grace’s. Maybe it’s because her head is still hurting.
All the grown-ups start gushing about how nice they all look. They do look nice but I wish they would hurry up and leave. I’m starving. I haven’t eaten since my baseball game earlier. My dad and Joseph give my mom and Lila kisses. At least they’re on the cheek; it’s so gross when they kiss on the mouth. My dad says someday I’ll be excited to kiss a girl like that but I don’t think so.
“Okay, kids, remember the rules. Listen to Maryanne, clean up your messes, no scary movies, and in bed by midnight. Got it?” We nod at them with a chorus of “Yes, Moms” and “Yes, Lilas”
“Katie Grace, come and give me a hug since I won’t see you until tomorrow. I love you.” Katie Grace gives her a big hug - she’s so close with her mom; I wish Chloe could be like that. “I love you, too, Mom.”
“I love you more”
Katie Grace giggles, “No, Mom, I love you more.”
Lila smiles a real smile this time. “Impossible, Katie Grace, I love you with all the love I’ve ever had to give. I love you more than the whole wide world.” Katie Grace is still giggling as Lila finishes kissing her cheek and turns to get her coat.