by AJ Schippers
Julia nodded. “I really am sorry for the way I acted.”
“And I apologize for the misunderstanding. I should have double checked with you. I think we need to talk about where we are headed. During our fight, some issues were brought to light that I don’t believe we can avoid any longer if you still wish for us to have a relationship.”
“I do,” Julia said. “Did my behavior ruin the chance for us to be together?”
“No, it did not. It’s just shown me that we need to talk, openly and honestly. For instance, we need to talk more about what you consider humiliation. And about kinks and fetishes, what’s okay and what’s not. And then, there’s my work.”
“I don’t want you to quit your job. What I said was wrong. I lashed out. I know you need your job and that you enjoy it. I would never take that away from you.”
“You said you didn’t want me to touch anyone else,” Alexandra pointed out. “How will you handle it if I do end up touching someone? You know I don’t have sex with my clients.”
“I’m not saying that it’s going to be easy for me. I honestly do think I will get jealous about it. But a big part of that is because I don’t know exactly what it is you do with your clients. Perhaps if you explain it to me more, I’ll be able to deal with it better.”
“I can even do you one better than that. I can show you. There are plenty of professionally-made BDSM erotica movies that reflect a lot of what I do with my clients. I could show you those, and we could talk about those scenes.”
Julia grimaced. “That may be good, but I don’t know if I’m quite ready for that just yet.”
“It doesn’t have to be today, but I do think it’s important that we watch some of them.”
“Okay.”
“Julia, tell me honestly: are you into BDSM?”
“I am,” she said. “I’m sorry for what I said about that. I think part of me is still trying to fight it. It’s as if I’m embarrassed about it, but I know I don’t have to be. We’re not doing this in public. It’s just us.”
Alexandra tipped her head to the side. “Why are you embarrassed?”
“I’m not sure. The crawling thing humiliated me, but that was only after I got frustrated. It didn’t bother me for the first ten minutes. Maybe it just went on too long, or maybe I needed to be eased into it.”
“I don’t want you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, unless being uncomfortable is a kink of yours.” Alexandra put her hands over her forehead as a thought came to her. “Oh God, that would only complicate things further,” she sighed.
“I’m pretty sure it’s not a kink for me,” Julia said with a shake of her head. “Alexandra?” she whispered.
“Yes?”
Alexandra had to strain her ears to hear the words that Julia said next. With a gentle smile, she then beckoned Julia over with a single finger. “Come here, please.” She waited for Julia to stand before her and grabbed her hand. “On your knees.”
Julia took a deep breath and sank to her knees. Alexandra found herself staring into vulnerable eyes, and she lovingly cupped Julia’s cheeks. “A fight doesn’t change anything between us, Julia. You still are mine, and for as long as you allow…you will continue to be completely mine.” Her thumb stroked the tear away that fell down Julia’s cheek. “You are mine, and I am yours.”
Alexandra was absolutely exhausted by the time she crawled into her bed. For the past couple of hours, she and Julia had discussed, at length, their wishes and desires when it came to their relationship. It had been hard to get Julia to open up about what she needed from Alexandra, but after some prodding, Julia’s dam had broken, and the words came pouring out.
They agreed to slow things down once Julia finally admitted that they were moving too quickly for her. She was having a hard time adjusting. She was fine with what they had done so far—but she wanted to keep it at that for now. Alexandra had thanked her for being honest and promised that, for the time being, there would be no more crawling.
When Julia had started yawning, Alexandra sent her off to bed. She needed some time to herself, to gather her thoughts and think about what might have possibly triggered her nightmare. It had been a long time since it last happened, but there was a time when his face invaded her dreams every night. What he had done to her…it had been terrifying. And while she knew that he couldn’t physically get to her anymore, there were days when she still felt that she was not completely safe.
As she contemplated the situation, Alexandra wondered if her nightmare came from feeling guilty because she still hadn’t allowed Julia to make love to her. The situation with Marcus had been so traumatizing it had been easy for her to close herself off from any personal relationships. But now…now there was Julia. Julia had been so understanding, and there was nothing that held Alexandra back—except being utterly terrified. But wasn’t that the exact same thing that Julia had been feeling all these days—terrified that Alexandra would leave her, terrified that she would do something wrong? All of which reflected how their relationship had begun: Julia being terrified that Caroline had played a giant joke on her.
She sighed as she rolled over and brushed the hair out of Julia’s face. She hadn’t been quite sure which bedroom Julia would choose to sleep in, but she was glad it was theirs. Theirs. It truly had become their bedroom now. Proof being that Julia’s clothes were scattered all over the floor—it was one of Alexandra’s pet peeves, but somehow she managed to tolerate it from Julia.
“I’m glad you stayed,” she whispered and placed a kiss on Julia’s forehead. This day had been sheer misery, and the thought of Julia running away still scared her. She would have been beside herself. Thankfully, that wasn’t a real issue anymore. They had hit a rough patch, then worked through it together, and they could only come out stronger for it.
“Hi,” Julia murmured as she wrapped an arm around Alexandra’s waist. “Are you okay?”
Alexandra smiled. “Much better now. I had a glass of wine and did some thinking. I’ll tell you about it some other time—for now, it’s not important. How are you feeling?”
“Embarrassed, mostly,” Julia said. “Still a bit dumbfounded at how it all got so out of hand.”
“Sometimes these things need to happen. It puts us in a position to move forward. There has been so much going on between us. I’m honestly surprised it didn’t happen earlier.”
“I guess that’s true. I’m just glad we could fix it. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if we weren’t able to do that.”
“If we keep talking, we can overcome anything. I need you to trust in that. I don’t ever want you to be afraid to talk to me about things that you find difficult. I will never get angry at you for telling me the truth.”
“So,” Julia drawled, “am I in trouble for my behavior today?”
“Nice topic changer there.” Alexandra winked. “Usually you would be, absolutely. But I think today we both got a big enough scare, so I’m letting you off the hook. Unless, that is, you’re craving a punishment.”
“No, thank you,” Julia said with a smile. “But what would my punishment have been? Just out of curiosity.”
Alexandra chuckled and nuzzled her nose against Julia’s. “Well, if you ever mouth off like that and not tell me what’s bothering you, I would probably make you write an essay. It would give me great insight as to what’s going on with you…and it would make you think about what was wrong. And, Julia, I promise I’ll work harder on being clearer what I’m doing when we play together. I don’t want what happened between us to happen again.”
Julia smiled. “So, nothing physical?”
“I told you, I don’t do physical punishments. I’m more about reprimands and corrections, as they generally cause you to think.”
“I really am sorry.”
“There’s no need to apologize anymore. We’re good now, and I still love you.”
After several moments of silence, Julia’s eyes grew wide. “Do you realize what you just
said?”
Alexandra nodded. “I didn’t plan it, but I said it, and I meant it. I don’t need you to say it back to me. Perhaps I’m saying it too soon; I don’t want to freak you out even more. It was an honest statement, though.”
“I’m not freaked out.” Julia smiled and pressed her lips against Alexandra’s. Her eyes sparkled. Alexandra guessed it was with the same joy she herself was feeling. “I just can’t—”
“Hey. Listen to me,” Alexandra pulled Julia closer to her. “You don’t have to say it back. It’s not a give-and-take game. As long as you tell me before I’m ninety years old, I’m all good.”
Julia chuckled. “Will you still be spanking my ass when you’re that old?”
That provoked a grin. “I might! That totally depends. I just might have to get a nurse to do it for me if I’m too fragile to do it myself.”
“You’d probably break a hip trying to raise the whip.” Julia buried her head beneath Alexandra’s chin and snorted with laughter.
“If this were any other day, that would have gotten you into big trouble.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah,” Alexandra said with another wink. “I would have taken all your chocolate and eaten it myself.”
“Does that mean I have free rein today? Because I could do this for hours.” Julia laughed.
“Not a chance. You had your free rein when you suffered from a concussion. We are definitely not doing that again, unless you fancy another one?”
“Meh, not really. I think I’m good.”
Alexandra pressed a kiss on top of Julia’s hair. Julia’s scent was one of her favorites; it reminded her of bright sunny days out on the water. “I just had the sappiest inner thought,” Alexandra quietly admitted.
“Oh?”
“I’m not sharing.”
“You have to!”
“Hmm,” Alexandra mused. “I’ll share a secret with you if you’ll first share one with me.”
Julia pondered that for a moment and then nodded. “When I was thirteen years old, I stole one of the teddy bears that belonged to someone else that lived with me. I had it in my possession for a whole three hours before I decided to put it back where I found it. It just looked really fluffy, and I wanted it to be mine.”
Alexandra chuckled. “My little thief.”
“Your turn,” Julia whispered as her fingers drew lazy circles on the smooth skin beneath Alexandra’s shirt.
“I want you to make love to me.”
Chapter 23
Much like Alexandra’s love confession earlier, it took a few seconds for Julia to register what Alexandra had just said to her. “What?” she whispered as she looked deep into those brown eyes, filled with nothing but love—or was it lust? Julia found it hard to differentiate in that moment, but whichever it was…she wanted more of it.
“Make love to me,” Alexandra said again as she cupped Julia’s cheek. “I thought I wasn’t ready, but I was just scared. After everything that happened with Marcus, I felt so betrayed. I didn’t feel safe in my own home for a long time, but you have changed all that. You have given me so much, and now… I want to give you something back.”
“Alexandra…” Julia whispered again as her nails dug into the quivering body beneath her hand, “are you sure?”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I need you to make love to me.” Alexandra rolled Julia onto her back and crawled on top of her. “There are no rules, nothing you can’t do. No safe words, no begging, and no asking me for permission.”
“I have a sudden case of performance anxiety.”
Alexandra grinned and buried her face in Julia’s neck. She placed a soft kiss on the warm skin. “I’m sure you’ll do just fine.”
Gently pushing Alexandra off her, Julia sat up straight and propped the pillows against the headboard. With a crooked finger, she beckoned Alexandra closer, and smiled when Alexandra straddled her lap. Soft fingertips trailed over Alexandra’s upper leg.
“I’ve dreamed about this,” she confessed. “I’ve dreamed about what it would be like, the sounds you’d make, and how your body would respond.”
“Care to find out?” Alexandra pressed her lips against Julia’s.
It made Julia quiver when she felt Alexandra’s hips roll against her own. Her slender hands slipped beneath the hem of Alexandra’s shirt and gently explored the skin of her back. She made her touch delicate, as if she were caressing a fragile object that could shatter into a million pieces at any given moment. Her fingertips hesitantly moved higher, massaging the skin, reveling in the small intake of Alexandra’s breath. It took Julia by surprise, and she responded by intensifying their kiss.
Alexandra’s hands moved to remove her own shirt and started to pull it up when Julia’s hands stopped her. “Can—I mean—may I?” she asked. When Alexandra nodded, she smiled shyly. “I know I don’t have to ask, but it’s kind of become a routine now.” Alexandra’s laughter made Julia’s heart flutter. “God, you are so beautiful,” she murmured. She took off Alexandra’s shirt.
Neither of them spoke a word as Julia’s hand explored the olive skin, her fingertips moving over every freckle as if to memorize them. Her thumb grazed over a tiny scar below the swell of Alexandra’s right breast, and she raised an eyebrow questioningly.
“I probably fell,” Alexandra murmured. “I don’t remember how I got that one.”
Julia chuckled. “No whipping accident where you hurt yourself instead?”
“No, although that has happened.” She burrowed her hands into Julia’s hair. “Take it off,” she whispered.
How could she say no to that? Julia reached around and unclasped the bra. She slowly slid the straps down Alexandra’s arms, as if she were unwrapping a gift on Christmas Eve. A light blush settled on her cheeks as her thumbs moved to Alexandra’s dark nipples, but a smile spread on her face when they hardened under her touch. She placed a gentle kiss on the swell of Alexandra’s breasts before progressing higher. Her tongue left a wet trail on the smooth skin. She reveled in Alexandra’s soft whimpers as she buried her face into her neck and wrapped her arms around Alexandra’s waist. The only movement between them was the heaving of their chests.
“What’s wrong?” Alexandra asked.
“Nothing. Savoring the moment,” she whispered. “Everything will change after this, won’t it?”
Alexandra pulled back, cupping Julia’s cheek. “Everything changed the moment you set foot on the island. But nothing about us will change, Julia, and if it does…it will only make us stronger. If you’re not ready, we can wait.”
“I’m ready, I-I’m just…scared, I think.”
“Don’t be frightened.” Alexandra captured Julia’s mouth with her own. “I’ve got you, and I’m not letting go.”
Oh, how those words made her feel. Julia swiftly rolled Alexandra on her back. “You mean the world to me.” They were the last words she spoke before leaving a trail of kisses down Alexandra’s neck. She smiled as she felt her tremble beneath her, and her hand moved to the nipple that so eagerly waited to be played with. Alexandra gasped when Julia’s tongue swirled around the other shyly, and she closed her lips around the rigid peak.
She wasn’t quite sure whose moan she heard when her hand traveled lower, down the toned thigh, up to the hem of the pants. “Can I take these off?”
“Julia—”
“Right,” Julia said. “I don’t have to ask.” She kneeled beside Alexandra and took off the pajama bottoms. Her eyes focused on the darkened spot on Alexandra’s panties, and she swallowed thickly. A hesitant finger reached out and traced the fabric as her other hand pushed Alexandra’s legs further apart.
Alexandra’s soft whimpers were music to her ears, although Julia was intrigued by how quiet Alexandra was overall. It was the complete opposite of what she had expected. Where she had expected Alexandra to be giving orders and moaning loudly, she had, in a way, completely surrendered to Julia, and it amazed her how Alexandra trusted her with
every fiber of her being.
Kneeling between Alexandra’s legs, she leaned forward to kiss the toned stomach. Not an inch of skin was left untouched as Julia’s mouth explored the glistening skin. When Alexandra dug her nails into Julia’s back, Julia lay on top of Alexandra and kissed her fervently.
“You have no idea how much I want this,” Alexandra whispered in between kisses as she slid off her panties. She grabbed Julia’s hand and kissed her fingers before guiding it downward, closing her eyes as Julia’s middle finger slid through the wetness. She let go when Julia started to move her hand on her own, exploring the wetness—eagerly and thoroughly.
“I almost forgot how it felt,” Julia said as her finger circled over Alexandra’s clit. Her mouth moved to Alexandra’s collarbone; kissing the delicate skin there as her finger finally gave the clit the attention she knew Alexandra had been craving, she sucked the skin into her mouth.
“Go inside me, please,” Alexandra said with a sultry voice. “Stay with me, but I need you inside of me.”
Julia nodded and easily slipped a finger inside of Alexandra, her tongue tracing over the lips that had kissed her with so much passion time and time again. She wanted nothing more than to give some of that passion back, and she sucked Alexandra’s lower lip into her mouth. When Alexandra’s hips bucked, she added another finger and smiled against her neck as a guttural moan escaped from those luscious lips.
Her fingers moved faster inside of Alexandra as her thumb traced over the clit, and she applied more pressure. Julia wanted to taste her, to bring her to an orgasm with nothing but her lips and teeth, but Alexandra had made it very clear that she needed Julia to stay with her—so she did. She stayed as Alexandra’s fingers threaded through her hair. She stayed as she felt the walls spasm around her finger, and she stayed when Alexandra inhaled sharply and then her back arched off the bed.
Julia had never heard anyone whisper her name as they came—and it was the most glorious thing she had ever heard. Her fingers slowed their pace as she allowed Alexandra to catch her breath. When Alexandra smiled, Julia kissed her, hoping it would convey everything Julia didn’t know how to put into words.