Shadow Haven

by AJ Schippers

  “I’m too young to retire,” Julia confessed quietly.

  “What on earth are you talking about?”

  “If I move in with you, I can’t work for Caroline anymore. I need to be at the office for that, and it’s not like I can commute to work by plane.”

  “I suppose not. But that doesn’t mean you have to retire.”

  Julia scoffed. “What other options do I have?”

  “I’m sure you and Caroline can work something out. You could do your photography, write a book, or let me take care of you. You don’t have to work, Julia.”

  Julia winced and twisted her body around, the ponytail still tightly wrapped around Alexandra’s fingers. “I don’t want that.”

  “Okay,” Alexandra said. “I didn’t mean to offend you.” She let go of the hair and started to retreat from the bathroom, but Julia grabbed her arm.

  “Look, you didn’t.” She sighed. “I’m just freaking out. I’m worrying about things that weren’t an issue before because it was easy to ignore them when it was just you and me there. But I can’t go the rest of my life locked up in your dungeon doing your bidding.”

  “Julia—”

  Julia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “That’s not what I meant to say. I’m sorry. I- I just want to feel useful, and right now I just feel insecure.”

  “I understand that,” Alexandra said. “You have options, though. We don’t have to live on the island. I’d be more than willing to use the island as a getaway for vacations. You don’t even have… I mean—we don’t have to move in together, if that’s something you don’t want.”

  “I only know I want to be with you,” Julia stated quietly. “Maybe I should have another talk with Caroline to see what my options are if I want to stay working for her.”

  “That sounds like a good idea.”

  “Okay,” Julia sighed. “I will do that sometime next week. Let’s just forget about it for now and get through this fundraiser as best as possible.”

  “Hmm, no,” Alexandra said. “I want to make sure you’re okay and that you’re not bottling this all up.” She cupped Julia’s face with her hand. “Tell me what I can do to help.”

  Julia swallowed thickly and leaned in closer to whisper in her ear. “Tonight, when we come home… Could you… I mean, can we—”

  “Words, please.”

  “Can we play?” She threw her arms around Alexandra and held her tight; she didn’t want to see the look of pity she was sure would be on her face.

  “Why are we whispering?” Alexandra whispered back. “Tonight, I’ll make sure you know exactly to whom you belong and how safe you’ll always be with me.”

  Julia breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

  “I could get used to this,” Julia gave Caroline a quick hug.

  “What,” Caroline asked with a laugh, “the pampering?”

  “Definitely. I mean… Someone took my coat, and then I got champagne handed to me. What’s not to love?”

  Caroline gave her a wink and said, “I’ll make you work twice as hard for next year’s fundraiser,” before excusing herself to welcome another guest.

  From the moment they entered, Alexandra had immediately been swept away by some politician Julia didn’t recognize. From across the room, their eyes sought out each other, and Alexandra blew her a kiss that made Julia cheeks turn hot. It was both amazing and scary that Alexandra had so much power over her, even from the other side of the room—not that she was complaining.

  Julia took a deep breath and went to mingle with the guests, encouraging them to donate royally to this year’s chosen charity. While she didn’t have to, since she was still officially on vacation and therefore off the clock, she wanted to. Friendly persuasion was more than a job to her; it was something that came naturally. Encouraging people with money to part with some of it for a good cause was no difficulty whatsoever.

  “I have to say I appreciate that Julia’s still doing her job while being off-duty,” Caroline said as she handed Alexandra another glass of champagne. “She looks stunning, as do you.”

  “She looks happy, doesn’t she?” Alexandra’s gaze followed Julia around the room. It was as if her girlfriend was glowing—completely in her element.

  “You make her happy,” Caroline said, then offered a smile.

  “I know, but look at her. This job means the world to her,” she said solemnly.

  “Oh dear Lord—I swear to God, you two drive me up the wall. Let me guess: you don’t want her to give up her job for you, so you’ll come live on the mainland, because as long as you have her, you’re happy, right?”

  Alexandra growled. “It’s not a lie.”

  “It’s also not going to make you happy.”

  “She makes me happy.”

  “Have you two actually sat down together and weighed the pros and cons of where to live and who gives up what?”

  Alexandra let out a deep sigh. “No. We said we would after the fundraiser.”

  “Well, in my not-so-humble opinion…you screwed up. You should have talked about it before. She’s new to all of this, and you’re…” she narrowed her eyes, “you are in love, and you’ll do whatever it takes, won’t you?”

  “You know me well. I’m thinking of retiring. I don’t want to do this job for the rest of my life, Caroline. It was fun, but now I just want to have fun with her. Treat her well, love her dearly, and grow old together like any other ordinary couple.”

  “Then talk to her, and tell her that. Figure out a plan, because it’s obvious that you’re both incredibly in love with each other, and, honestly, it’s a little bit sickening.”

  “Says the woman who basically set us up,” Alexandra retorted. “Don’t think Julia didn’t tell me about that little stunt you pulled with the mixed-up dates.”

  Caroline blushed and elbowed her. This was why she loved Caroline, the woman who would always tell her nothing but the truth in the crudest of ways, her best friend who would stop at nothing to make her happy.

  “I wasn’t wrong, though.” Caroline smiled at someone who waved at her. “Excuse me, I have to mingle. You can send me a bouquet of flowers later to thank me.”

  The evening went by far too quickly for Julia’s liking, but at the same time, it was dragging on. The auction had been a huge success, and she had offered up the small amount of money she had in her purse to buy a painting that wasn’t as successful as the painter had probably hoped it would be. She had seen little of Alexandra tonight, and it frustrated her. Julia understood, of course, but still. All she wanted was Alexandra by her side, to show her off to the world. Instead, Julia was doomed to make small talk with clients all night while every so often, a soft finger would brush over her arm as a reminder that she was not alone.

  As she gulped back another glass of champagne, Julia’s gaze wandered through the crowd. How many of these people had been or still were Alexandra’s clients? It wouldn’t be too far of a stretch to assume that they would be here. While Julia didn’t want to think about it, she couldn’t help herself.

  All of these people had more money than her and were more attractive and more successful. Not that those things mattered, since what she and Alexandra had was love. But in the back of her mind, there was always this lingering feeling of jealousy. Jealousy that they had gotten to know her sooner than she had, jealousy that Alexandra had touched them, and jealousy that Alexandra would still be touching them for another six months. It was a strange to think about Alexandra being with other people, even in a professional setting. Nonetheless, she was sincere about not wanting Alexandra to quit her job. She would never want to be responsible for that; that wasn’t the kind of person she ever wanted to be.

  Her eyes closed for a brief moment as she craved the seclusion of the island. Everything had been perfect there, and to be fair, everything was perfect here too. But still, she couldn’t help worrying too much about everything and nothing.

  “You are thinking too much,” Alexandra w
hispered. She slid her arm protectively around Julia’s waist, her chin resting on the bare shoulder. “I can point them out to you, if you want me to. Or, if you’d prefer, I’ll take you to the restroom right now and show you exactly why you are mine and they are not.”

  “How’d you know?” Julia asked as she let her body relax against Alexandra’s. She felt safer now, as if everything would work out the way it was intended to. Love was a strange thing, she thought, as she covered Alexandra’s hand with her own.

  “You get this look on your face. You’re wondering who my clients are. They’re not important, but I will honestly point them out to you, if you need that.”

  “Wouldn’t that be breaking client and…” she paused for a moment, “Domme confidentiality?”

  “I don’t really care about that. I care about you and me. I will always tell you the truth, and so if this is something you need, then I want to tell you.”

  Julia thought about it for a moment. It was tempting, but she knew it was wrong. The clients didn’t matter. It was a mantra she had repeated to herself the entire evening. “No. I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy to say no, because it’s not. But if you did tell me, it would mean that I don’t trust you, and I do. So I don’t want to know.”

  “It’s hard, isn’t it?” Alexandra said.

  “What?”

  “Compromise, love, feelings of jealousy.”

  “The worst.” Julia’s groan was immediately replaced with a small sound of pleasure when Alexandra planted another kiss on her bare shoulder. “Not so bad now.”

  “How about now?” Alexandra asked as she tightened her arm around Julia and pressed her body firmly against hers.

  “Better…”

  “Would you like to go home?”

  Julia let out a small laugh. “Once again, that option leaves me with two thoughts.”

  “Do tell.”

  “Yes, I want to go home, because I have a need to be with you. And no, I don’t want to go home, because going home means we’re going to talk, and that scares me shitless.”

  Alexandra grabbed Julia by the hand and pulled her to a reclusive spot. She brushed her thumb over Julia’s cheeks. “Tell me what you are afraid of.”

  “I don’t know,” Julia said as she threw her hands up. “I’m afraid you’re going to figure out I’m not good enough for you. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to shake this jealousy over people who pay to be with you. I’m afraid that I’ll spend the rest of my life on an island being bored to death because I won’t have anything to do. I’m just scared, Alexandra.” Julia spoke quietly, unable to look her partner in the eye. She hadn’t meant for all of that to come out.

  “You know,” Alexandra said as she squeezed Julia’s hand, “when you first arrived on the island, I was scared too. Mostly because some stranger had just made her way onto an island that no one is supposed to be able to get to, but more so because you managed to do what no one else has ever managed to do. You made me fall in love with you—with all of you—every trait, good and bad. It took me by surprise as much as it did you.

  “I meant what I said before. I want to make this work between us, no matter what it takes. You are too important to me to let life get in the way of that.” She gently wiped away the tear that rolled down Julia’s cheek. “I love you, Julia, and come hell or high water, I’m not going to let you run away from this.”

  “I don’t want to run,” Julia said. “I’m just scared.”

  “And it’s okay to be scared as long as you talk to me about it so I can take those fears away. You are more than good enough for me, and I wish you could see what I see when I look at you. You are so incredibly strong, so vulnerable, and so, so beautiful. You are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and no matter where that is, I will adapt to it.”

  “Would you take knitting classes with me?”

  “What?”

  “You said you wouldn’t have the patience to knit. Would you take classes with me, if that’s what it took to keep me around?”

  “Yes.”

  Julia frowned. “Really?”

  “If that’s what you want, then yes.”

  “Absolutely not,” Julia grinned as she scrunched up her nose. “I think I want you to take me home, and then tomorrow…tomorrow we can plan a future together…” She took a deep breath, “Because I love you, and I want to make this work.”

  “I don’t believe it,” Julia said as her eyes widened. “The elevator, it works!”

  “Must have been faith.” Alexandra pushed the button to call it down. “I intend to ravish you on our way up.”

  That look of hunger in Alexandra’s eyes was the same look she had seen when they first had made love, one that made her drenched with anticipation. She hadn’t forgotten about her request to play, and she wondered if Alexandra really had brought toys with her. Her apartment wasn’t exactly a playroom, nor did she have any implements that Alexandra could use on her.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  “Wondering if you really brought a bag with toys.”

  “I didn’t, but I know you have ice cubes, zip ties, and clothespins. That’s really all I need.”

  “Zip ties?” Julia frowned. “Are you planning on kidnapping me?”

  “No,” Alexandra said as the elevator doors opened. “I plan on playing with you until you pass out from exhaustion. Then I plan on holding you until you come to, and then I’m going to make love to you until we both can’t move anymore.” With a wicked grin, she pushed Julia inside the elevator, waiting for the doors to close before pushing their floor number. She wiggled her eyebrows and shoved Julia unceremoniously against a wall, hungrily attacking her mouth.

  “Fuck me.” Julia groaned as the metal bar pressed against her back.

  “I plan to,” Alexandra murmured. She let her hands slide underneath Julia’s dress and cupped her ass. Fingernails dug into the skin, and her tongue explored the warm mouth that was so eager for more.

  “Not what I meant, but still okay with that.” Julia’s hand disappeared in Alexandra’s hair, pulling her even closer. She always needed Alexandra close, to feel her burning skin on her own, to feel her lingering fingertips carefully and lovingly exploring that uncovered skin as if it were the first time. Alexandra was the flame, and she was the moth that couldn’t resist.

  She rested her head against the wall and hoped that the camera in the elevator wasn’t giving the doorman a private show. Not that it mattered, what with the way Alexandra was touching her, molding her as if she were clay. Julia wanted more, and if giving the doorman a show was what it took, she’d gladly provide it.

  One of Alexandra’s hands finally moved from her ass to her thigh, and her eyes closed in anticipation of finally being touched where she needed it most—when she heard a loud ding. “Fucking elevator.”

  Alexandra laughed, and the sound settled itself straight between Julia’s legs as she fumbled with her keys to get the door open. It was hard with Alexandra pushing her into the door, covering the nipples that were already rock hard.

  When the door finally opened and Julia dived in for a kiss, Alexandra pushed her gently away.

  “Four ice cubes, ten clothespins, and a bottle of water, understood?”

  She nodded and waited for more kisses, but Alexandra only pointed toward the kitchen.

  “Comfortable?” Alexandra asked as she admired her handiwork. Julia looked as stunning as always. Right now, she was lying flat on the bed, her hands tied behind her back, and her eyes covered by an improvised blindfold. Alexandra had to suppress a light chuckle when she saw Julia nod enthusiastically. So eager her girl was. Alexandra got on the bed, careful not to spill the contents of the bowl Julia had brought, and straddled her. A slight shiver ran down her spine as her fingertips softly trailed down from the collarbone. “Safe word?”

  “Magic.”

  “Who do I belong to?” Alexandra said. She tried not to laugh. The look of confusion on Julia’s face
was adorable. “Confused?”

  “Yeah, a little bit,” said Julia.

  “Answer the question.” She needed Julia to answer this, to have her understand that she belonged to Julia as much as Julia belonged to her, that they were united. Despite the obvious roles they had in this relationship, without that bond, the relationship would fall apart.

  “To me?” Julia said hesitantly.

  “That’s right,” Alexandra said as she rewarded her with a kiss. “You and me against the world.”

  “That’s like the beginning of a musical.” Julia chuckled. “Are you going to sing to me?”

  “You know what? One day I will, just to mess with your head. I’ll be screeching in your ear, and you’ll be begging me to stop, but I never will.”

  “Can’t wait,” Julia said.

  Alexandra took a nipple into her mouth. She let it go with a small pop and repeated the same action on the other nipple. “I was inspired by the ice sculpture at the fundraiser. This may fail, though. But if it doesn’t…I’ll thoroughly enjoy it.”

  She placed four clothespins around each nipple, silently enjoying the little gasps Julia gave. Her hand reached out for an ice cube, and she balanced it between the pins as Julia hissed. “I guess it works,” she said smugly. “Those will stay there until they melt. I have to say I am very tempted to take a picture so you can admire my work later on.”

  “Or,” Julia said, “you could remove the blindfold and let me see you. I mean, let me see what you did.”

  “Oh, good try. But no.” She bent down and licked after the small droplets that fell down Julia’s breasts. She moaned when a familiar scent reached her nostrils. “God, I can smell you. Are you soaking wet?”

  “Yes, Miss.”

  “Good girl.”

  There was never a moment where she wasn’t incredibly proud of Julia. She knew how hard it could be to endure all this, when all you wanted was more. Always more. Her original plan to tease Julia had quickly changed into a plan to make Julia feel how Alexandra felt: safe, loved, and, more importantly, bonded.