In the Raw

by Eileen Griffin

  He let out a low groan as he shifted against my body. Still totally naked and smelling of us and sex, I couldn’t restrain my body’s reaction as my cock hardened against his thigh. Morning wood plus a naked Lassiter was a recipe for awesomeness.

  “Ethan?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you serious?” Jamie mumbled as he shifted closer, wincing as he carefully nestled against my body.

  I chuckled and lifted the blanket, peering underneath. “You’re naked. What did you expect?”

  “I feel like I ran a marathon and you’re poking me?” he grumbled.

  I pulled up the blanket and brushed my lips over his, loving the warmth of his body. “Not many things you could do where I wouldn’t be poking you.”

  Jamie opened one eye to stare at me warily. “You’re a morning person, aren’t you? That’s it. I’m out of here. Perkiness is a total deal breaker.”

  “Me? Nope. But you can’t be all naked and next to me and expect me to go back to sleep. Shit, Jamie. I don’t have as much self-control as you think I do,” I admitted, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and kissing his neck.

  Jamie sighed, nudging my chin up for a soft, slow kiss. I pulled back, staring as my chest tightened with emotion. A tired, well-loved, scruffy Jamie Lassiter was a sight to behold.

  His cheeks flushed under my scrutiny and he kissed me again. His deep groan echoed mine when he rocked his hardening cock against my stomach. He flinched when I dug my fingers into his ass and I froze. “The spirit is willing, but the body is tired and achy. It’s been forever since I had anything close to last night. Actually? I’ve never had a night like last night,” he admitted, shooting me a sheepish look.

  I ran my eyes over his body again as he moaned and buried his face against my shoulder. “Go take a long, hot shower. It’ll help.” I smiled when his lips brushed against my skin, and I skimmed my hands along his sides.

  “So. Not. Helping,” he grumbled.

  “I’d scrub your back but you know I have a problem keeping my hands to myself.”

  This time his groan was a frustrated growl. “You’re evil.”

  My body shook with laughter at his glare as he crawled out of the covers. I let out a low, amazed whistle, admiring the red marks left by my teeth, greedy hands and body all over his pale skin. When he turned his head, his eyes met mine and narrowed. I smirked and tented my hands behind my head. Hot damn, I’m good.

  “You are an insufferably smug asshole sometimes.” He laughed softly.

  “Yep. And you love it.”

  Shaking his head, he disappeared into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. I stared up at the ceiling and let out a deep breath. Last night had felt unbelievably good. More than good. I shook my head when I realized how much trouble I was in. We’d have to talk. Today. Maybe once we were away from his bed and I had food in my system I’d be able to think more clearly, but one thing was certain—we needed to talk about what happened last night.

  I dug for my boxers in the pile of discarded clothes and tugged them on. I stretched my tired and aching muscles as I wandered into his small kitchen. Breakfast was always a good cure for a bangover, right?

  When I walked into the living room, I let out a low, amazed whistle. Last night I hadn’t really gotten a good look at his place I’d been so intent on getting him naked. I bet Lassiter didn’t have a single piece of secondhand furniture or mismatched pots and pans from the thrift store like Claire and I did. He’d probably never had to scavenge a lamp from a Dumpster so he could have light to study. For a moment I wondered what he thought of our place the first time he’d come over and I was ashamed. Jamie didn’t care about that shit. Why should I?

  When I peered inside the fully stocked fridge, I found it filled with enough food to man a station at work. I pulled out some eggs, milk and found some vegetables to throw into an omelet. You could never go wrong with an omelet.

  His kitchen was almost as well stocked with appliances and gadgets as the classrooms at the Institute. I set to work making the most spectacular omelet Jamie had ever eaten. I wasn’t sure how hungry Jamie was, but if the rumbling in my stomach was any indication, I was going to have to make enough for third and fourth servings.

  I had just preheated the pan to glaze it with butter when I heard a knock at the door. I turned off the burner and paused. He hadn’t mentioned having any plans today.

  The knocking grew louder as Jamie appeared, running a towel over his wet hair. “Is someone at the door?”

  I stared at him, swallowing hard. Standing in the kitchen, shirtless and in some well-worn jeans with the top button undone, he looked amazing.

  “Ethan?”

  I shook my head to clear it, trying to focus on something other than the thought of dragging Jamie back to bed to continue our activities from last night. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to answer it. You expecting someone?”

  He checked the clock on his microwave and frowned. It was early and we didn’t have class until the afternoon. He scratched the back of his neck as he made his way to the door. “Maybe it’s Carla from down the hall. She’s always coming over to borrow stuff.”

  I leaned against the kitchen counter, wondering briefly if I should grab a shirt when Jamie cracked the door open.

  A deep voice boomed inside the apartment from the hallway. “James? What took you so long to answer the door? We’ve been standing in the hallway for ages.”

  He hesitated, fear written all over his face. The confident man from last night was gone. In his place was the kid who’d been controlled by his overbearing parents his entire life.

  Jamie shook his head as a woman I assumed was his mother pushed her way past him into the apartment.

  “It’s about time, James. And why aren’t you dressed? It’s almost the afternoon. You can’t expect anyone to take you seriously if you sleep your days away. Anyway, we have some things to discuss with you—” She stopped midsentence, her eyes running over my disheveled appearance with the same perfunctory disdain her husband had used.

  “Mom, this isn’t what you think it—”

  Mrs. Lassiter’s cold glare rested on me as she questioned her son. “James, is this who I think it is?”

  I pushed away from the counter and extended my hand with the biggest fake smile I could muster. “Mrs. Lassiter, right? Jamie’s told me a lot about you, but he didn’t tell me how beautiful you are. I’m Ethan Martin. We go to school together.”

  Jamie’s asshole dad emerged from behind him, pushing him out of his way to face me. His face flushed as and he jabbed a finger in my direction, his words dripping with condescension. “You. I knew it. I didn’t want to believe, but it’s true.” He narrowed his eyes at Jamie.

  I waited for the show, expecting Jamie to stand up for himself. After all, he had no problem telling me off and putting me in my place. But instead of holding his ground like he had at school in the restaurant kitchen, he visibly sagged under his father’s criticism. The effect was instantaneous as his shoulders drooped and his eyes shifted to the floor. “James. Explain yourself. I want to hear it from your own lips: What is he doing here?”

  Jamie opened and closed his mouth a few times and swallowed hard before answering. “Mom. Dad. This is Ethan from school. We were working on a project late last night so he stayed over. You know how late-night study sessions go...”

  My eyes snapped up to his face in shock as unexpected hurt ripped through me. He was the first person I’d felt any kind of connection to. The first person I’d put myself out there with the possibility of more at the back of my mind. But he’d fooled me. He’d had me convinced he was different than everyone else, that even with his background, he and I were similar. But I wouldn’t be with someone who looked at me like I was shit on the bottom of his expensive shoes. I wasn’t ashamed of who I was and I wasn�
�t going to pretend to be anything other than myself, not to Lassiter or his parents.

  I schooled my expression into cocky indifference, pushing down the hurt so it settled in a low knot in my stomach. Whatever. If this was how he wanted to play it, fine. I had shit to do and it wasn’t getting done staring at Mr. and Mrs. Perfect Asswipe. “I was just leaving. I have shit to do. Like washing dishes and cleaning classrooms. Menial labor shit.” I pushed away from the counter and walked to the bedroom to get my things. I brushed past Jamie, my shoulder bumping against his as he drew in a breath.

  I shut the door behind me and sat down heavily on the bed. I ran my shaking hands through my hair to distract myself when all I wanted to do was pick up the lamp on Lassiter’s bedside table and hurl it across the room. I needed to get the hell out of this apartment before I completely lost it and made an even bigger ass out of myself.

  What had I thought would happen? One night of amazing sex and everything would be peachy and perfect the next morning? I was an idiot for actually thinking last night was the beginning of something. Me and my shitty karma. The universe was finally getting back at me for all the times I’d fucked and left over the years.

  I clenched my hands as I searched the room for my things. The truth was, he was in the closet with a set of parents who were determined to run his life. And from what happened in his living room, he was going to let them. Well, fuck him and them. I didn’t need this shit or Lassiter. Sex was sex, and I didn’t need distractions from school or the scholarship, and I certainly didn’t need someone like Jamie Lassiter shoving me into his already overcrowded closet.

  I grabbed the rest of my clothes off the floor and dressed in record time. When I walked back into the living room, Lassiter was seated on his couch as his dad loomed over him. The elder Lassiter waved his arms around wildly, face flushed an angry red as he ranted. “...and you’re wasting all your potential on what? Those so-called classes you love? They’re a waste and you know it. And don’t even get me started on the crowd you’ve suddenly begun hanging around.”

  As pissed off as I was at Lassiter, his dad made me want to punch a hole through the wall. I stalked over to him and got in his face, smirking when he flinched. “You know what? I’m glad my dad is out of the picture. At least he isn’t around to treat me like shit the way you do your own son. He’s twenty-two years old. He’s not some little kid you can push around anymore.” I paused and glared at Golden Boy. “Unless he refuses to tell you what he wants. Then I guess it’s a crap shoot.”

  As I glanced at Lassiter one last time, the longing tempered with disappointment. “No need for us to get together again. I’ll email you my part of the project. Later, Lassiter.”

  I picked up my keys from the kitchen counter and stuffed them in my pocket.

  “Ethan, wait!”

  I didn’t look back as I yanked open the apartment door, leaving him with his parents. I was an idiot for thinking being with someone like him was even a possibility. We lived in two different worlds. I, for one, was happy being myself and I wouldn’t waste my time on someone who couldn’t see he was perfect the way he was. Maybe not perfect like his parents, but perfect for him. But that was his shit to work out. I had my own problems to deal with and none of them had anything to do with Jamie Lassiter. I needed to get my head on straight and start focusing on winning the scholarship.

  I slammed the door to Lassiter’s apartment, leaving it all behind me once and for all.

  Chapter Thirty

  Jamie

  I jumped up from the sofa and ran to the door but by the time I opened it, the hallway was deserted.

  “Shit!” I slammed the door and sagged against it. My head hit the wood with a muted thump, the pain echoing along with the words both Ethan and I had said. How could today have gone from hopeful to absolute crap in a matter of minutes?

  “Thank goodness he’s finally gone.”

  I glared at my mother. “Mom...”

  “Your mother is right, James. I can tell you now, with that attitude he’ll never amount to anything but a minimum-wage line worker. That, and the fact he’s queer.” He almost choked with disgust on that last condemnation as he faced me, his words gaining momentum. “I’ve already told you this once, but I don’t think you understood me when we spoke on the phone before. We’ve humored you long enough with this little experiment and enough is enough.”

  My skin felt cold and clammy and the sick feeling I’d felt when Ethan had walked out intensified. I could taste the bile rising in my throat from the superiority on his face. “Dad, this is what I want to do with my life. This is the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do.”

  He waved a dismissive hand in my direction as he walked toward the kitchen. He reached into the upper cabinet, pulling out a glass and the expensive scotch he required the housekeeper to keep stocked. Not for me of course, but for the rare moments when he and my mom chose to drop by the condo.

  “Dammit, James! Do you think we don’t know what’s going on here? I know you think your story was convincing, but we’re not idiots.”

  My body began to shake as the reality of what was happening sunk in. “Dad—”

  He raised his hand to cut me off and instead poured himself some scotch. He took a sip before finally meeting my eyes again, his expression devoid of any emotion. “Would you like to know what I found in my mailbox this morning? I’m sure you have a good idea since it involves you.”

  My stomach plummeted. Reed had actually delivered on his threat. My dad knew about us.

  “Dad, let me explain.”

  “There’s nothing to explain, James. It was a poor choice to let you go to cooking school. You should have gone straight into a business program where you belonged. The dinners you’ve missed? The poor decisions you’ve made lately? And now this, allowing someone to brainwash you into experimenting with unnatural sex? We should have intervened long before I finally had proof of the downhill spiral you were in, but we’re here now and enough is enough. We’ll let you finish out the semester, but you’re to stay away from any potentially embarrassing situations and in June, you’ll join the company where you belong.”

  I hissed in a breath as if he’d punched me in the gut. I’d probably screwed things up with Ethan because I was afraid of my parents finding out I was gay. For as long as I could remember my parents had controlled everything about my life. Now they were trying to control my future.

  No more. I clenched my fists, standing up straight. “I’m not leaving culinary school.”

  Mom shifted her weight on the couch. “James, listen to your father and be reasonable. Going into the company was the plan for you since birth. Like your father and grandfather.” She checked her watch, sighing softly as she no doubt was late for her liquid lunch at the country club.

  This was the future they wanted for me. A loveless, dispassionate life filled with luxury things and money to fill the void of being completely alone stuck in a job I hated, pretending to be something I wasn’t. I didn’t remember crossing the room, but the next moment I was next to my father in the kitchen. With one sweep of my arm I sent the bottle of scotch flying to the tile floor with a crash.

  “James—”

  “I’m not leaving culinary school. And Ethan’s not a dishwasher, he’s the best in our class. Even if he was, it wouldn’t matter.” I took a deep breath to fortify myself. “You’re right. He wasn’t over to study last night. He was over with me. With me. Mom, Dad, I’m gay. I’ve been gay my whole life. You’ve been so focused on your plan and everything looking good for the public you haven’t even noticed what really mattered to your own son until right now. Ethan had nothing to do with any of this. I was gay before I entered culinary school and met him, and I’ll be gay regardless of where you try to force me to work.”

  When my mom stood up from her place on the sofa and gasped I thought she mi
ght fall over. “James...”

  “Rosalind, let me handle this,” my father snapped.

  Mom sat down heavily, terrified at the revelation her only son, her golden boy might be gay. God. The irony of Ethan’s nickname for me was more appropriate now than ever.

  With a blank glance at me, my father set down his glass. The lack of any emotion was nauseating. Had he always been this way? Or had I never seen it because I never pushed for what I wanted?

  “Homosexuality is an abomination. You’re an embarrassment to your family. But no more. You seem to have a misconception about what options you have. Your school, your car, your condo, your food, your bills, all of it is paid for by us. Without us, you have nothing.”

  I gritted my teeth, choosing my words carefully. “No, Dad. With you, I have nothing. At least with my degree from culinary school and with Ethan by my side I had a shot at something.”

  He recoiled as if I’d hit him. “You and the dishwasher? No. Let me rephrase. You and another man? I’ve worked too hard for you to sully our good name with some college experiment.”

  As I stared at my parents, I came to a sobering realization. All this time I had been waiting for the right moment to tell them I was gay, but it didn’t matter. Nothing I said mattered.

  “Not everything is about you, Dad. This is what I want. He’s who I want.”

  I carefully skirted the shattered glass and scotch as I backed out of the kitchen. I heard glass crunch under my dad’s foot as he took a step toward me. “James, you’re making a huge mistake. If you leave right now, you can kiss this life goodbye. All the money and opportunity being a Lassiter has to offer you. Gone.”