Playing With Fire (Sweet Redemption)

by Francis, Rose

  “He’s dangerous Janet.”

  “Yes, I remember you saying something like that, but I’ve known him for over three years. He’s not a violent guy...”

  “A man who breaks into your home is not someone who’s trustworthy. Keep your eyes open is all I’m saying.”

  “Well, I appreciate the concern. Thank you.”

  She was glad her words hadn’t come out sounding sarcastic because she really meant it.

  Eric held out his hand and smiled.

  “Truce?” he said.

  She took it, smiling back.

  “Truce,” she said. “I won’t let my personal problems cause me to get snappy, and you’ll stay out of my personal problems.”

  He took a few seconds before answering.

  “Deal,” he said finally, but quietly and gravely.

  “Good, ‘cause I’m hungry,” she said, trying to keep the mood light.

  “So am I,” he replied, but Janet wondered if he was talking about food. She wasn’t sure if she’d heard something in his voice or if it was just her own dirty mind, but she was too afraid to look up in case she saw the meaning she pulled from his words in his eyes.

  Sixty-six more days.

  CHAPTER FOUR: SERIOUS BUSINESS

  Janet decided to have lunch with Eric again the following day, and this time, she let him choose the place. She was glad when he chose Sub Hub again since she didn’t have to compromise her diet.

  She was finally starting to relax around Eric a little, and she knew the more contact she had with him, the easier it would get to pretend she felt little more than what she usually felt for coworkers, so she silently planned to eat with him for about a week.

  They only had to work closely on their project in the beginning as they sorted everything out, but she knew he’d soon spend less and less time in her office and calling her on the phone, and they’d have major contact only when the next phase was reached or if they had to regroup. She felt a sudden sadness at the thought.

  Still, as much as she wanted to, she knew regular lunches with him would only be trouble, but she convinced herself she was doing them now to help them get to know each other and get familiar and comfortable in order to maximize their compatibility for working together and ultimately, their efficiency. It was all logical.

  She had blown Liz off for the second day in a row but Liz was understanding, and even sounded conspiratorial in the way she told her to take all the time she needed in getting to know her new coworker. But Janet knew Liz didn’t expect to get dumped completely, and planned to get back to having lunch with her by the following week.

  Eric would understand.

  As she and Eric settled down to eat, Janet was horrified to see a familiar face entering the café and immediately thought: he’s following me.

  With the lack of contact attempts, she had begun to think that David had finally gotten the message and was moving on, but she now realized how very wrong she was.

  “What are you doing here with him?” David demanded as he came up to them, thumbing rudely in Eric’s direction.

  “Excuse you? Why else would someone come here but to grab a bite to eat?”

  “Yeah, I don’t think it’s a bite he wants to grab,” David said, disgust etched in his face as he briefly looked at Eric.

  Eric sat quietly, his eyebrows raising as he looked from her to David.

  Janet felt embarrassed even though she knew this wasn’t her fault.

  “That’s none of your goddamned business David. What the hell’s wrong with you acting all crazy over my lunch with a coworker, especially when it’s no longer your concern?”

  “It’ll always be my concern Jan—I love you. Look, I’m sorry I was a jerk but you have to take me back. We were gonna get married for Christ’s sake—how could you turn your back on us like that?”

  Janet almost choked.

  “I’m the one who turned my back? David, get out of my face—and my life—for good.”

  David opened his mouth as if to say something but Eric stood up with force, hitting the table accidentally so that everything shook on it.

  David’s eyes turned to him.

  “How many times does the lady have to tell you to beat it?” Eric said, and his voice was quiet, but Janet detected something underneath it—like a barely constrained seething rage.

  “What are you now, her bodyguard?” David said, scoffing.

  “I can be,” Eric asserted, not only turning fully toward David, but stepping into his space. “Seriously, man—what you’re doing is called stalking. Her next step is a restraining order, and I’m not sure you want to find out the next step.”

  “Man, screw you,” David said with a dismissive move with his hand as he turned away. “She’ll always come back to me.” He headed to the open glass doors. “Coworker my ass,” he said looking Eric up and down before disappearing through the doors.

  Eric just watched him leave until he was out of sight.

  Then he sat back down.

  Janet watched him for a few moments.

  “Excuse you?” she said lightly, still trying to suppress the delight that had surged through her at his actions. “You’re dictating what I should do now? That’s rich.” She smiled to let him know she wasn’t seriously berating him.

  He didn’t return her smile; in fact, a storm appeared to be brewing underneath his skin.

  “You really should take him seriously Janet. Look, since we’ll be working together for a while here’s a little bit about me: I grew up in a lower middle class neighborhood. And that’s just my way of saying upper lower class. I went to...perhaps not the worst high school in San Diego, but certainly not one of the safest. We had a mixed bag of people, and lots of folks who thought they were thugs. Some of them were—from cholos to Vietnamese gang-bangers. My graduating class had well over two hundred people and today, a few are in jail, and nine of them are dead as far as I know, and it’s only been fourteen years since graduation. Two of them died of drug overdoses, another had some weird brain aneurism. One got shot in an altercation, another in a drive by, and AIDS, a stabbing, and a botched abortion took out the rest. And although I didn’t know them or even like them, I felt each one when I heard about their deaths because they were familiar to me, I remember their existence. But there was one girl in our class who was sort of a friend of mine. A sweet girl I kind of knew had a crush on me but she wasn’t my type. Still, we hung out a few times, sometimes with the same crew, we’d joke around with each other, say ‘hi’ in the hallways—that kind of thing. I was Facebook friends with her, and then about a year ago, I realized one day her wall got flooded with a bunch of R.I.P messages. I knew she was dating this guy—didn’t say much about him, but I found out later she had a hard time in the relationship. Possessive guy who wouldn’t let her do anything, suspected her every time she went out without him. Kept her boxed in while he flirted and did whatever he wanted. When she finally broke up with him, he didn’t agree, and continued to follow her around. I know you know where this is going Janet—that girl is dead because she never believed things could escalate to that level. She was even flattered that her ex didn’t seem to be able to leave her alone according to some of her wall posts.”

  Eric’s face looked like he was about to spit and his eyes had hardened in a way that made her wonder how David could even pretend not to be afraid of him. But as hard as his eyes looked, she noticed a slight glistening.

  “He took her life because she wouldn’t just give it to him; he felt he had a right to her, and no one else did. And you know what’s worse? The same goddamned thing happened to my cousin a few years earlier—her boyfriend killed her. What David’s doing—that’s not love Janet. His obsession isn’t about you, it’s about him. And that means you can get hurt in the process because he’s only looking out for himself.”

  Janet couldn’t look at him anymore, not only feeling like a parent had quietly, lovingly scolded her, but because all she could think about was Liz.


  She lost the rest of her appetite.

  ***

  The next day, when Janet received the latest text message from David, she wondered why she hadn’t blocked his number yet.

  Then she realized it was just like Eric had said when he relayed the story of his friend: she liked the attention.

  It made her feel good that David seemed unable to forget her, unable to get her off of his mind. That he recognized her value, and appropriately, couldn’t let her go easily.

  You keep ignoring me, and I will come to your work, his most recent text said.

  Janet sighed in resignation.

  Fine, I’ll meet you for lunch today, she texted back, feeling guilty.

  She realized the guilt was because of Eric—both for ignoring his warnings, and meeting with another man. She tried chastising herself for the guilt; after all, she and Eric weren’t an item, so it wasn’t like she owed him lunch date exclusivity.

  Then she realized she was just distracting herself from the other type of guilt, but feared examining that one further.

  At the end of it, if you still don’t want me, I’ll stay out of your life, David texted her.

  Forever? she texted back.

  Yes.

  Deal.

  ***

  David was already there waiting when she showed up at their agreed-upon location.

  He stood up to greet her and sat back down after she sat opposite him.

  “I’m not leaving until I say all I have to say,” he began.

  Janet nodded, encouraging him to continue.

  “Jan, you know I love you...”

  “Then why did you...?”

  “Let me finish,” he said, holding up a hand. “You know, I’m surprised you couldn’t guess why I was sleeping with Michelle.”

  Janet made a conscious effort to keep her mouth shut.

  “I mean, our sex life was down to...what was it, like once a week if I was lucky? Probably more like every two weeks? Look, I’m a man, and...”

  “Oh, is that what that little lump in your pants means? Not too inspiring I can tell you.”

  It seemed a shadow passed over his face somehow, and Janet knew she had gone too far when she saw the look in his eyes as his jaw tightened.

  But what did he expect bringing everything up again as if trying to hurt her? How could he not expect her to strike back?

  “You’re gonna play me like that, huh?” David said, his voice different—lower.

  He looked around, and she wasn’t sure why.

  Suddenly, she felt scared.

  Then his face broke into a grin, showing his carefully constructed, perfect straight white teeth. There was no real mirth in his smile or anywhere on his face, but the action made her relax a little.

  She softened her voice in silent apology.

  “Why didn’t you just find a street whore and screw her then? That way I wouldn’t be able to find out. Unless I broke out in herpes or something...”

  “Janet, you have to know the kind of withholding you did doesn’t help a relationship—you can’t just decide not to have sex with me because I didn’t open your door all the time or because I forgot your birthday that one time, or because we had a little argument earlier in the day. I have needs...”

  “Well so did I!”

  “What else did you need from me Janet? What wasn’t I giving you?”

  Janet couldn’t answer.

  She tried to think back—what was it she was missing?

  Then she remembered.

  She let out a heavy breath.

  “It was something you simply couldn’t give me David, and I’m sorry, but you’re right—ultimately, this wasn’t your fault. Blame’s on me for staying with someone I couldn’t passionately fall in love with. Don’t get me wrong—I loved you, I just...”

  David held up his hand.

  “You just weren’t in love with me, I get it.”

  He was looking away, a wry smile on his face as he shook his head.

  “Classic breakup excuse. But is it really true?”

  Janet nodded her head, knowing he would see the truth on her face as she examined his.

  “I did everything I could to silently push you away from me I guess. I didn’t really want to be with you and it’s really that simple. And nothing’s changed.”

  David shot up quickly, startling her.

  “Well, I guess that’s that,” he said, throwing up his arms in surrender as he gave a false smile that disappeared almost as quickly as it came.

  “See you around Jan. Have a nice life.”

  He was gone before she could figure out what to say in response.

  ***

  I need a drink, Janet thought as she headed back to the office, feeling guilty once again.

  She had seen genuine hurt in David’s eyes, and she hated that she was the cause of it, hated to see it so plainly. His pain was not at all flattering to her and she felt like a jerk for putting him through it, despite what he’d done to her.

  She closed the door to her office behind her, sliding the ‘Meeting In Session’ bar across so no one would disturb her.

  She wanted to just mope for a few minutes.

  But as she sat at her desk, not more than five minutes had gone by when she heard a knock.

  Who on earth would knock when I...

  She peeked, then opened the door to Eric.

  “What is it?” she said, trying to keep irritation out of her voice. “No one is to disturb me when this is up.” She pointed to the black lettering on the gold background and the lie it spelled out.

  Eric looked beyond her.

  “A meeting with who? Mr. Desk and Miss Window?”

  Janet let out a breath and let him in, closing the door behind him.

  “What’s the emergency?”

  He didn’t answer right away, just looked at her. She had a hard time keeping up the eye contact.

  “Well?” she asked, folding her arms.

  “What happened?” he asked gently.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I can see it on your face—something happened. I’ve never seen you look so sad...”

  “Well you haven’t known me for that long have you? That’s no surprise.”

  She had tried to sound sharp but it came out more like a grumble.

  Emotions started welling in her, and she got angry at herself, at them for betraying her.

  What she needed was some Bailey’s and coffee right now.

  “Come,” she heard him say, and she saw that he was holding out his arms. His voice sounded like the Bailey’s and coffee mix she so desperately needed.

  She hesitated.

  “Come,” he said again, beckoning her in with his fingers.

  His eyes were hypnotizing.

  She looked at the strong arms and wide chest waiting for her, then went into the nook they created for her.

  Eric’s arms closed around her, and warmth travelled through her, as if she had drunk the Irish whiskey and cream concoction she so desired.

  As she became aware of how tight he held her against him, he chose that moment to almost whisper: “Janet,” and the slight strain in his voice made her look up at him.

  She saw his eyes briefly, turned from their usual bright blue to a sort of stormy sapphire as they took her in before his mouth was suddenly upon hers.

  His lips caressed her own, softly, tenderly, his tongue finding its way in her mouth then greeting hers. He explored her gently at first, then she felt his hand grab a firm hold of her head and his kiss became more aggressive, filled with wanting.

  A moan escaped her, and she felt him hardening against her belly.

  Then her desk phone rang, making her suddenly aware of where they were and she tensed, her eyes popping open as embarrassment coursed through her.

  His grip on her loosened.

  “Janet, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...please don’t think I was taking advantage...”

  “It’s all right, I really co
uldn’t help it either as you could probably tell.”

  She smiled, nervous and hyper-aware of their surroundings and his parted lips and quickened breathing. His eyes had zoned in on her intensely, desire having not left them, his apology nothing but empty words.

  He looked like he wanted to take her right there and then, and she couldn’t help but be aware of how her body had responded to the exchange either.

  “I need a change of underwear,” spilled from her lips, immediately causing her to look away, cheeks flaming, mortified at having said the words meant to stay in her mind.

  “Oh my god, that was supposed to stay inside my head. Please forget I said that,” she said as she put her hands on her forehead and looked away, hoping she sounded as casual as she was going for, or at least nowhere near as ashamed as she felt.

  He didn’t respond and she felt compelled to look up but fought it fiercely, terrified to do so.

  If she looked at him and he had that same look in his eyes as before, then, god forbid, grabbed her in a hold and kissed her like he had once again, she’d let him take her right there and then if he so desired.

  She couldn’t look up, couldn’t let him see that...

  “I...”

  His voice sounded hoarse.

  He cleared his throat, and she wondered what the voice inside his head was saying. She wished he would slip too. Still, she kept her eyes averted.

  “I better go,” he said, his voice returning fully, and he quickly exited.

  Janet looked up only when she heard her door close, still afraid of the intensity of the previous moments.

  She had the distinct impression he wasn’t beyond taking her right there and then, but for some reason she couldn’t think of, he had decided not to play his advantage.

  Sixty-four more days.

  CHAPTER FIVE: RESTRAINT

  It had taken everything in Eric not to punch the jackass who threatened Janet’s safety in the face.