Clipped (The Clipped Saga Book 1)

by Devon McCormack

  “You feel so fucking good,” Kinzer muttered, still caressing his back as his ass bobbed up and down, as if trying to force his cock deeper into Dedrus than physically possible.

  Dedrus risked a glance over his shoulder. He could see Kinzer’s exhilaration, his arousal, as he plowed in, seemingly without regard for Dedrus’s enjoyment.

  Dedrus tossed his head back, closing his eyes to savor the sensation. His crouched legs quaked, but he was used to this. It was just a particularly low lap dance, something that Dedrus considered himself to be an expert at.

  Kinzer’s hands fell to Dedrus’s hips, gripping on to his love handles as they forced Dedrus’s ass to the base of his shaft. He was so deep, hitting that spot that sent ripples of ecstasy rushing through Dedrus’s brain. His skin felt like it was being pricked all over. His pelvis felt like it was being consumed by fire, possibly just a bodily reaction from having to endure Kinzer’s cock. He hissed through his teeth as the pain became almost too much for him.

  “Fuck yeah!” Kinzer called out.

  Dedrus could tell Kinzer was about to come. He could feel it in the way his dick was pulsating. It was a familiar feeling.

  But he wanted to top Kinzer. He hadn’t done that yet, and he knew if he did, Kinzer wouldn’t be able to help but recall their time together.

  He was going to top him, even if it killed him.

  He grabbed Kinzer’s wrists and ripped his hands from his love handles. Dislodging Kinzer’s dick from his ass, he sprang forward.

  “No, no, no!” Kinzer cried as the head of his dick slipped out of Dedrus’s hole.

  Dedrus crawled to freedom.

  “Not this time,” he mocked.

  Kinzer’s eyes filled with rage. He snatched Dedrus by his ankle.

  Dedrus tossed a glance back and kicked at Kinzer’s shoulder with his free foot. But Kinzer grabbed that one, too, and reeled him back in.

  Not happening, asshole.

  Kinzer released Dedrus just long enough to restrain him by his calves. He clenched down so hard, Dedrus thought his skin might tear off.

  But Dedrus was determined to win.

  He closed his eyes. His wings shot out of his back, startling Kinzer as he pulled his hands back to defend against the oncoming feathers.

  Dedrus rolled across the floor and leapt to his feet, lunging at Kinzer.

  Kinzer grabbed him by his shoulders, and they went rolling across the floorboards. Dedrus could feel the splinters grazing across his wings.

  As Dedrus landed on top, he wrapped his arms around Kinzer’s thighs and clamped tightly around them, lifting them up.

  Kinzer struggled. “You bastard!” he shouted.

  Dedrus didn’t pay any attention. He provided a spit for his dick, then pushed his hips forward, letting the tip of his cock taste Kinzer’s hole as he made sure he was in a good position to drive in.

  He was, and he did.

  He didn’t let Kinzer off the hook, either. He shoved as deep inside as he could, without regard for the modestly lubricated walls in his ass.

  The veins in Kinzer’s neck streaked from his jawline to his chest. He screamed out. Not as if the experience was slightly uncomfortable. He screamed as if it was the most unbearable pain he’d ever experienced in his life.

  Dedrus didn’t stop his assault. He pushed in and out with a furious passion. After all, that was what Kinzer would have done.

  “Harder!” Kinzer demanded, despite appearing to be in excruciating pain.

  Dedrus complied. He leaned down and snatched Kinzer by his jet-black hair, pulling back sharply, as though he were a vampire about to bite into his prey. “How hard do you want me to fuck you?” he asked.

  The whites of Kinzer’s eyes were red, his breathing sporadic. “Rip my fucking ass apart!”

  Dedrus pulled back and forced Kinzer’s face against his chest. “Show me you want it.”

  A part of what he was unleashing was that rage—the rage that he’d felt toward Kinzer all this time—the rage that, at one time, he had unleashed all alone, knowing that Janka had taken from him the only thing that had ever mattered.

  Kinzer touched the tip of his tongue against Dedrus’s nipple. He licked lightly, deliberately.

  Dedrus couldn’t tell when his nipple would feel that sensation again, and it drove him insane.

  His balls felt like they were about to explode.

  He cried out. “Oh, fuck. Fuck, no. I’m gonna—”

  He had to stop himself. He wasn’t going to let Kinzer off that easy.

  He started to pull out. But Kinzer grabbed his hips and drove him back in.

  “You bitch!” Dedrus cried.

  “You started this,” Kinzer said through gritted teeth. “Now finish it like the fucking higherling I know you are.”

  Dedrus pushed on Kinzer’s legs, struggling to get out of him, but Kinzer’s grip was too strong, and he was too close.

  He didn’t have much time left, and his hips’ movements were beyond his control, reaching deep into Kinzer, feeling that pressure around his shaft, as if Kinzer’s ass was just begging to be come inside of.

  Then, he cried out, a deep, guttural cry, as he felt that jolt of fluid rip into Kinzer.

  Kinzer screamed out at the same time, a stream of come soaring through the air and sprinkling translucent white splotches from his abs to his chin.

  Dedrus smiled. He gazed into Kinzer’s eyes. Kinzer wore a smile.

  For a moment, he was transported back to their tent—to the days when they’d fuck. Kinzer looked so at peace, so at ease.

  A flash of worry washed over Kinzer’s face.

  What was it?

  He already had his guesses. Kinzer was thinking about Janka. He was thinking about how wrong it was for them to be doing this. He was remembering that he didn’t love his immortal fuck buddy…that he’d never loved him…could never love him.

  ***

  Maggie lay across the mattress, feeling as comfortable as if she’d decided to sleep on a concrete slab.

  The moans and groans had finally settled outside her door.

  Moonlight streamed through the window, illuminating her room with a blue light.

  She’d occupied her attention with a crack just under the ceiling, trying to imagine what kind of creature would have lived inside it. Bat? Cockroach? Spider? The thought of a spider left her feeling small prickling sensations all over her body, so she had to pull the sheet down to ease her paranoia.

  Her belly now held her attention. It was too big to ignore, unlike the early days, when she had known what it was and tried to act as if it wasn’t.

  It took her back to a day many years earlier.

  “A whore isn’t fit to be a mother!” Mom had shouted.

  Having noticed Maggie’s continual weight gain, her mother had forced her to take a home pregnancy test. The result had sent her into a fit, screaming and fussing.

  “Who is it? Who is it, slut? Where did you take his poison? Did you eat it, too? I bet you did. I bet you sucked it right out of his snake. You loved it, didn’t you? Whores always love it. They need it. Is that what you are? Is that what you want everyone to think you are?”

  One humid afternoon, her mom, seeming unusually pleasant, told her she needed a haircut and they headed off. As the drive stretched far beyond the usual for the hair salon, and Maggie’s mom didn’t seem any more inclined to reveal the whereabouts of their destination, Maggie became suspicious.

  Her mom didn’t have to discuss her plan. Somehow, she just knew, and as they arrived at the city clinic, Maggie was certain she only had two options: stay with her mother or with this thing that was inside her.

  An alley lined the side of the clinic. As her mom crept inside without her, she stared at it, thinking, That’s my choice.

  It was uncertainty. It was terrifying. But she felt that it was the right thing to do, and a powerful urge pushed her down that alley, into her future.

  Years later, she was sure that God was punishing her. He
r mom was the closest she’d ever been to God. Everyone had told her so…constantly. Surely, they were right. Satan’s path had been compelling, and it had led Maggie into darkness.

  Bunch of crap, Maggie thought, her eyes still on her belly, but her thoughts on her mom’s communions with the divine.

  A part of her had always wondered—imagined, “What if she’s just making this all up?” Even as a kid, she had this deep suspicion for her mom, but she was sure that it was just ignorance—her naivety about God. Had it been a lie? Had her mom been insane? She knew she’d never know the truth. What she knew was that whatever her mom experienced on those mornings on the linoleum floor of the local Pentecostal chapter was not what it had seemed to be.

  Nothing was what it seemed.

  Still, her mom had been right about one thing: “A whore isn’t fit to be a mother.” Maggie had always known that, and it was why she’d wanted to terminate this pregnancy. This wasn’t a way to bring a child into the world. A child deserved better than that. The world was cruel enough without having to grow up so disadvantaged, so crippled by societal boundaries.

  I’d be a terrible mother, Maggie thought. They just need to take it, so I can get on with my life. I didn’t ask for it anyway. It was forced on me. I would have never done this to myself. No. It deserves better. I’d be the worst thing for it.

  Her thoughts wandered to a boy at the bookstore Dedrus and Kinzer had taken her to. He played on the floor, pulling crossword puzzles off the rack and setting them at his side.

  Where the fuck is his mom? she’d thought. Fucking irresponsible bitch.

  She studied him. She wondered if she’d be capable of taking care of something like that.

  No, no, no, she’d thought. It’s a rodent. It’s horrible. Why would anyone want something so careless, with such disregard for everyone else?

  But she hadn’t been able take her eyes off him.

  Now, she wasn’t able to take her eyes off her belly.

  ***

  As Dedrus smirked, his bristly beard scratched against Kinzer’s cheek.

  Dedrus’s stomach lay flat across his. His arm framed Kinzer’s face as he tickled Kinzer’s scalp with light strokes through his black locks.

  Guilt ravaged Kinzer’s mind. He’d thought he could just fuck Dedrus. He’d thought he’d be able to distance himself from those feelings from the past, but at the culmination of the act, he’d realized that he’d forgotten about his Janka entirely and was only thinking about his feelings for Dedrus. He’d wanted him. He’d needed him—the way that he’d needed him so long ago.

  He’d thought, Could he love me? Does he love me?

  When he saw that glisten in Dedrus’s eyes, he could have sworn that he knew the answer, but he’d believed he’d understood that same look back in the days before Janka.

  Janka. Oh, how Janka would rage knowing that Kinzer’s feelings for Dedrus had returned so quickly.

  I’m disgusting, Kinzer thought. How could I? How could Dedrus, knowing how I feel? Knowing what I’ve been through?

  He started to feel violated. What if Dedrus had plotted this? Had wanted him to fall back in love with him, only to reject him again?

  No! Dedrus wouldn’t do that.

  He’d been a good friend. He’d been more than that.

  Kinzer massaged his fingers through the vee above Dedrus’s ass and offered a soft kiss.

  Kinzer’s cock brushed across Dedrus’s leg hairs.

  Dedrus set his arms on either side of Kinzer and propped himself up on the cushion beneath them.

  His serious expression let Kinzer know that Dedrus had something he wanted to talk about.

  He knew that look. It was the same one he’d seen when Dedrus had confessed his feelings to him.

  What was he supposed to do? Dedrus had clearly just been caught up in the moment. He didn’t want him, and as soon as someone else came along, he’d find them equally appealing.

  No. Dedrus just thought he wanted him. For this moment.

  Maybe if he was quiet, Dedrus would bail.

  He outlined the grooves in Dedrus’s back, offering a smile, ignoring Dedrus’s struggle.

  “I know you're going through a lot right now. This probably is too soon to ask.”

  Fuck. We’re totally talking about this. Goddammit, Dedrus.

  “I just keep wondering if maybe…”

  Kinzer watched Dedrus’s thumb trail up his side and slide under his pecs.

  Dedrus took a breath and looked back into his eyes. “Do you think there could ever be something like we used to have?”

  “Friendship?”

  “Is that what you think I mean?”

  “Isn’t that what we had?” Kinzer knew better. His comment was a cruel jab that he hoped would hurt Dedrus. If it didn’t, then it would just hurt him.

  “No. I know what we had. You know what we had.”

  Kinzer’s thoughts returned to their nights together, but those memories only brought him pain, and Kinzer wasn’t willing to go back there anymore.

  “Whatever we had, it’s not there anymore.”

  Dedrus’s beard quivered with his cheeks. His mouth fell open. Sparkling orbs of fluid stirred at the corners of his eyes.

  He pushed his arms into the cushion, his legs shuffling over Kinzer as he stood.

  “Fine.” He scooped his briefs off the floor and slipped them on. The band snapped against the dip in his waist and clung to that finely curved ass.

  This is what he deserves, Kinzer thought. For what he did to me.

  “Why have you been doing this?” Dedrus whirled around, his face bright red.

  Kinzer crawled up the cushion until he was sitting. He flashed a gaze back to Maggie’s room. “Can you keep it down?”

  “You were leading me on.”

  “What?”

  “You knew what I wanted. You know how I feel about you.” Dedrus clenched his fists. They trembled at either side of his briefs.

  “How do you feel?”

  “I love you!” Dedrus’s eyes stared into Kinzer’s with confidence, certainty, as if he wanted to make sure there was no doubt about the sincerity and conviction behind his confession.

  How dare he say that to me!

  Heat rushed to Kinzer’s face.

  “No, you don’t.” Kinzer leaned over his legs. He grabbed his boxers off the floor and wiggled them on.

  “Are you telling me what I feel?”

  “I just don’t want to hear this bullshit.” Kinzer hopped to his feet, stepping to Dedrus so they were face to face. If he was finally going to confront this, then Kinzer wanted the truth.

  “Bullshit? I told you that I loved you. You knew that.”

  “Do you really think I believed it?”

  The creases in Dedrus’s forehead twitched with his eyebrows. “We were together. I told you I wanted to be with you. I told you I wanted you to be the one—”

  The more he spoke, the more it hurt Kinzer. How could he say these things? How could he act like he actually cared about him?

  “I was very clear,” Dedrus insisted.

  “Why don’t we ask Ryson how clear you were?”

  Dedrus’s gaze shifted wall to wall. “Ryson? What about him?”

  “Why don’t you tell me?”

  “Nothing happened with—”

  Kinzer lost it. He lunged forward, gripping Dedrus by his neck and shoving him against the wall beside the fireplace.

  This wasn’t like the playful wrestling of their sexual escapades. It was pure, vicious rage.

  “Don’t you fucking stand there and lie to me!” His jaw clenched.

  He wanted to rip Dedrus apart. No matter how good of friends they’d been, no matter how much they’d been through together, no matter how much he’d helped him these past few days—he couldn’t bear Dedrus’s lying to his face.

  “Don’t you fucking dare,” Kinzer continued. “I deserve better than that. You look me in the eye and you tell me the truth.”

 
; Tremors vibrated from Dedrus’s neck, through Kinzer’s hand.

  Is he scared?

  Dedrus hesitated, like he was being careful not to speak too soon. His gaze sank. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

  Kinzer’s nostrils flared. His fist rose, but he stopped it before it built up the necessary momentum to throw a punch. He released him and stepped back, turning away.

  “You knew how I felt about you, and I thought I knew how you felt about me.”

  The tears from Dedrus’s eyes rushed down his cheeks, catching in his prickly beard. “You should have said something back then.”

  “What? That I knew you were fucking Ryson behind my back?”

  “They moved me to another troop.”

  “Honestly, you didn’t do anything wrong. We’d never talked about any sort of commitment. And when I found out about him, I just assumed I knew why. You didn’t want to commit to me. If that was the case, I wasn’t gonna waste the rest of my life.”

  “Is that what you think it would have been? A waste?”

  Not a waste. A tragedy. He knew that when he discovered that Dedrus didn’t love him back, he’d be devastated, and he feared that he wouldn’t be able to handle it.

  “I thought I needed to move on.”

  “Well, I’m glad one of us could.”

  “You’re so full of shit. You’re a fucking liar.”

  “A liar?”

  “Acting like you were so into me back then. Playing like you didn’t know what I was talking about when I brought up Ryson. This whole ‘woe is me’ shit right now.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dedrus hurried past Kinzer and scooped his jeans and shirt off the floor. He slipped into the jeans, pulling them up his legs.

  “I wanted to be with you,” Kinzer said.

  “I wanted to be with you, too, you fucking idiot!” The waves of his hair bobbed over his shoulders as he shouted. He buttoned the top button of his jeans and headed for the door.

  Kinzer grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

  “Admit it! You didn’t want me until I was with Janka, because you were jealous. Suddenly, I mattered because I was with someone else who mattered.”

  “You’re insane.” Dedrus yanked his arm from Kinzer’s grip.

  He walked to the door, set his hand on the knob, and froze. He wiped his hand across his face, freeing a tear that had settled in his scruff.