What the Heart Keeps

by Rosalind Laker

  He approached the house holding Harry in the curve of an arm and carrying his saddle-bags in his free hand. At the sight of Lisa in her cool green cotton dress, framed by the pillars of the porch, he increased his pace.

  “Are you all right? I’ve just heard at the sawmill about the mugging that took place.” He sprang up the porch steps and dropped the saddle-bags with a thump on the boards to put his arm about her shoulders and kiss her soundly, Harry wriggling in between them.

  “I’ve suffered no ill effects,” she answered. “I’ve almost forgotten about it. I had to make a statement in court and the man has been imprisoned. There were plenty of witnesses to his attempt to get away with the cashbox and how he was floored by a well-aimed fist.”

  “I’m thankful to hear it. But what’s all this about you being outside the hotel with the cashbox anyway? I hear you’ve been running the motion-picture shows in my absence.”

  She faced him fully. “I have done so. Do you mind?”

  He grinned at her fondly. “Mind? I’m proud of you. Let’s go into the house, and while I bath and change out of these clothes you can tell me all about it. Later I want to talk to you about something important.”

  Previously they had always made love immediately upon his home-comings, but with Minnie in the house that would not be possible. Lisa was thankful. She did not want to be touched. Not by Alan. Not today. Not tomorrow. Never again.

  She sat on a chair, relating almost everything as he soaped his strongly muscled body and washed away the dust of travelling. After explaining how she had forgotten to deliver the cancellation notices in the acceptance of all the hospitality that had greeted Minnie’s arrival, she went on to tell of the success of the first evening that had led to Mae Remotti’s suggestion that the performances should continue nightly. Somehow she managed to keep Peter’s name out of the entire discourse, even when Alan questioned her further about the attack on her. She was afraid that if she mentioned him her eyes, her voice and her whole expression would give away her feelings, and the time to tell Alan was not quite yet. In any case, he had said he had something of importance to discuss with her. The least she could do was to hear how she might advise him in whatever the matter should prove to be.

  It would be difficult to say whether Minnie or Harry was the more pleased to have Alan home again. The child would not leave him, bringing toys and wanting to play ball and climbing onto his father’s knee until excitement made him fractious again and there were more tears that Lisa had to dry and console. Minnie, who had begun her overwhelming attentions by boiling shaving water for Alan and heating what had been needed for his bath, ran to fetch his pipe and tobacco jar after he had eaten. Then she sat by him to talk incessantly about the movies and how Lisa had taught her to cue in to the screen action on the piano, and much more about all that had happened in his absence. Lisa left them together on the porch, taking Harry up to his room where she sat on the bed with him in her arms until he fell into a much needed daytime nap. She was in need of quietness herself, and the moments were precious to her as she sat in solitude with the sleeping child.

  She had no idea how much time had elapsed when Alan came in search of her. She put a finger to her lips, laid Harry carefully onto the bed and then left the room. Alan took her by the hand to draw her into their bedroom where he shut the door. She stiffened defensively, supposing he had only one purpose in mind, but his first words dispelled that fear.

  “I have to talk to you and there’s no chance anywhere else in this house. Is Minnie always so ebullient?”

  A smile passed across Lisa’s lips. “When she’s happy. And she’s happy that you’re home again.”

  “She’s been asking me how soon I propose to open a cinema in Seattle. It appears she has a beau whom she wants me to employ as a full-time projectionist.”

  “That’s the Saanio boy. They’re in love with each other. What did you say to her?” Lisa had drifted over to stand with her hand resting on the nearer of the twin posts at the foot of the bed. Alan crossed leisurely to the window where he raised the blind that kept the room cool throughout the heat of the day. Sunshine burst through the lace curtains to flood the room with a searing brightness. He remained with his back to her, looking out of the window.

  “I told Minnie it would not be possible,” he answered.

  “Why?” She was puzzled. “If he’s willing to move to Seattle you couldn’t employ anyone better. He’s been an invaluable help to me and there’s virtually nothing he doesn’t know about film projection and how to maintain the apparatus.”

  “I’ve changed my mind about Seattle as a place of residence for us. It’s time now to put my ideas for launching a cinema into action. I’ve no intention of allowing my contract with the lumber company to be renewed in spite of pressure from their top sources. I’m looking farther afield now.”

  “Have you decided it shall be in California, then? That shouldn’t present any problem either.” At all costs, when her own plans were put into action, she wanted Minnie to continue to be happy. She was convinced that the girl would not miss her so much if Risto was near. It was important for Harry that a contented atmosphere be maintained. As for the housekeeper she had earmarked, everything would go well there because the woman had been born in San Francisco and would be pleased to be returning to California. His next words took her completely by surprise.

  “We’re not going to California. Our cinema is not to be there.” He turned and stood silhouetted against the bright window. “I’ve decided we shall return to England. London is the place. I’m taking you home, Lisa. Home to England.”

  Her hand tightened about the bedpost, the pressure she was exerting turning her finger-nails white. She stared back at him in shock. “I don’t understand.”

  “I feel a great need to go back to my roots. They’re your roots, too. England is where we both belong. It was no choice of yours that you were taken from your native land in the first place.”

  Her throat was tight with apprehension. It was dawning on her that all unwittingly he was making it impossible for her to voice her own cherished plans for a future with Peter. “I thought you liked living in this part of the world.”

  “I do. But it was for Harriet’s sake that I put this country before my own in a choice of habitation.”

  “Your son is American born!” The words burst from her. “We can raise him to love the land of his birth and the land of our birth. He will be doubly blessed.”

  “You’ve been away from England for a long time. Things may not be as you anticipate in opening a motion-picture house there.”

  “I’ve been in communication with British business contacts. Cinemas are mushrooming there as they are here. I want to be in at the beginning with what I have to offer the movie-going public.”

  She swallowed deeply. “Think the matter over again, I beg you. Why not try your luck with a cinema in Dekova’s Place or Seattle or Los Angeles or anywhere in the States? On that success you could branch out in England later.”

  “I’ve had plenty of time to consider every detail of this move as I’ve travelled on my own between the lumber camps. It’s been in my mind for a long time. You must have noticed how I’ve shelved several options that have come my way. More and more I’ve become convinced that it would be advantageous in every respect to make London my centre.”

  “Why couldn’t you have forewarned me?” she cried out.

  “I did talk to you about it months ago. You seemed to favour the idea.”

  Her head dropped in a weary nod. “That was last year. A lot has happened since then. I haven’t given it another thought since. You were considering California after that.”

  “I had to weigh everything up. Now I’ve made the decision for the well-being of you and Harry and myself. It’s the right one. I know it.”

  “When do you plan to return to England?”

  “I daresay we could get a passage from New York within three weeks.”

  “So soon!�
�� She was stricken. “That only leaves a matter of nine or ten days before leaving here.”

  “It’s putting pressure on you, I know, but you’ll have Minnie to help you pack. I feel the sooner we depart after my contract expires at the end of the week the better it will be.”

  “What about Minnie? I can’t leave her homeless.”

  “Of course not. I fully realise you feel responsible for her and naturally she comes with us.”

  “What does she have to say about going back to England?” “I haven’t told her yet. I wanted to talk it over with you first.” She was outraged. “You haven’t talked over anything! You’ve given me an ultimatum.”

  His eyes narrowed curiously at her. “That’s an odd expression to use. You speak as if I’ve threatened you somehow. When you said you would marry me, I told you I would do everything I could for you, and that means loving and caring for you throughout my whole life.”

  She had not wanted him to speak of love, but unashamedly she used it in a desperate attempt to sway him. “You would have stayed in the States for Harriet’s sake.” Her voice rose in a frenzy of appeal. “Why not do the same for me?”

  He came and took her by the shoulders with gentleness. “If it was in your best interests, I would remain. But the situation is entirely different. Harriet was American and I simply kept a promise that one day I would bring her back to live in her own country. You are as English as I am. There is nothing to keep either of us here.”

  She wanted to scream out that there was everything to keep her in this alien land. Scream and scream and beat her fists against his chest in fury that he should be instrumental in this trick of fate that was reversing all her hopes and smashing her dreams. Only one plea was left to her. She knew it to be doomed and yet she had to utter it in all its futility.

  “Let me stay on here and keep Harry with me.”

  He misunderstood her reason. “Until I’m established, I suppose. No, darling, I need you with me. As for Harry, I don’t want to miss another day of his childhood. I’ve had to be away from both of you far too often. There’ll be no more separations.” He drew her, tense and unwilling, closer to him. “It’s natural that you should have misgivings about going back to England. Most of your years there were spent in a dismal orphanage. Things will be different when you’re with me. To date, I’ve had little chance to give you the good things of life, but those days will come.”

  She found herself beyond speech, her distress too great, her despair too overwhelming. He had made up his mind where his future lay and there was no turning him from it. Whatever she said or did, Alan would be taking his son to England with him. She knew that once he had learned of Peter he would not be vengeful, but however willing he might be to share the boy’s time with her, the sheer distance factor of the span of the Atlantic Ocean would keep her from ever seeing the child again. If she was lucky, she might just see Harry when he was grown to manhood. In the meantime she would be deprived of all the years that she felt belonged as much to her as to his father. The original bond created by a dying woman had been overtaken and surpassed by her own devotion to the child. On an agonised moan she pulled herself from Alan to grip the bedpost with both hands as if for support and press her forehead to it. Again she moaned involuntarily.

  He half reached for her as if to draw her to him again for comfort, but the tenseness of her whole frame was a warning in itself and he let his hands fall to his sides. His tone was compassionate and caring. “You need a change of air and scene more than you realise. You’ve been working hard with the cinema and running the house and looking after Harry and coping with Minnie. I’ll drive down to the hotel soon and organise everything for the movie show this evening. You give it a miss this time and take a good rest.”

  She raised her distraught face and looked over her shoulder at him, forcing herself to speak of more mundane matters. “What about the musical accompaniment?”

  “Minnie can play the piano. It will be experience for her.” “She’s quite good. You’ll be pleased.”

  He reached out and stroked her hair. “Do you want to tell Minnie the news of our going to England, or shall I?”

  “I will,” she replied in a choked tone. “But not until tomorrow. I must be composed myself. It’s going to upset her dreadfully to be parted from Risto.” She gave a start as a sound came from the neighbouring room, her own troubles momentarily forgotten. “There’s Harry. He’s woken up. I’ll go to him.”

  He restrained her gently when she would have moved to-wards the door. “You are having a few hours to yourself. Remember?” Taking her face between his hands, he tilted her lips to meet his. His mouth was strong and loving, her own soft and unresponsive. She supposed he blamed her present distress for the absence of a swift return to his kisses, never suspecting that so much more was involved. She withdrew from him as quickly as was possible. He paused in the doorway. “Everything will go well as long as we’re together, I know it.”

  The door closed and she was left alone. Wearily she passed a hand across her forehead. She could hear Alan talking to his son, and then the child’s merriment when borne downstairs in his arms. Minnie’s voice greeted them in the hall before the three of them moved outside the house for a game of ball. Not long afterwards it became apparent from the increased noise that Tuula had arrived and was being drawn into the play. The carefree sounds did little to ease Lisa’s anguish as she paced the floor, trying to think of some solution to the dilemma that faced her. If only there was a way to solve that ocean-wide distance of separation! Then gradually, and at first almost imperceptibly, a faint glimmer of hope began to dawn.

  She went quickly to the window as the sound of the automobile starting up alerted her, and was in time to see Alan driving off on his own to the hotel. It was not yet mid afternoon, but he would be checking the apparatus after his absence, running reels through and being generally busy and fully occupied until the show was over and the packing done. That meant the automobile would be parked in its customary place at the side of the hotel stables. It would not be missed if she took it for three or four hours.

  On this conclusion she became purposeful in her movements. She stripped off her clothes, bathed her face in the cool water she had poured from the ewer into the rose-rimmed basin, and refreshed herself completely. In a complete change of under-garments and wearing her coolest dress of cream sprigged muslin, her hair brushed and repinned into its knot, she skewered a lacy straw hat on with a hat-pin and hastened downstairs. Harry, having lemonade and cake with the two girls in the shade of a tree, spotted that she was dressed for an outing and ran to her.

  “I’ll come, Mama!”

  She stooped down and gave him a hug. “Not this time, Harry, dear. I’m going visiting.”

  He did not like visiting. It meant best clothes and sitting still. He was easily persuaded to run back to the girls. Minnie called to her: “Shall you be back before I leave extra early for the movie show?” Happy pride filled her voice. “I’m playing, you know.”

  “You’ll be a success, I’m sure. No, I’ll not be back, but Tuula can take charge.”

  Tuula nodded her fair braided head. “We’ll be just fine, Mrs. Fernley.”

  Minnie, wishing to ask something out of Tuula’s hearing, rose to her feet and came across to walk a few steps at Lisa’s side. “Will you speak to Alan about Risto for me? I don’t think he took me seriously when I said that Risto wants to work for him when he gets his Seattle cinema.”

  “He took you seriously,” Lisa replied, “but the cinema isn’t going to be in Seattle.”

  “Then where is it to be? Risto won’t mind its location. He doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life in Dekova’s Place.” “I can’t stop to talk now, Minnie.”

  The girl frowned, peering closer at her. “There’s something wrong, isn’t there? What is it? How can I help?”

  “I’ve a problem to work out, that’s all. Don’t worry. I’ll explain everything to you tomorrow.”

&
nbsp; Lisa hastened away. She walked quickly along the dusty road into the settlement and soon arrived at the hotel. She went to the automobile, wound the starting handle vigorously, and, when the engine throbbed into life, climbed in behind the wheel and drove away. The stable-hand waved to her and she waved back. The sight of her driving the vehicle had become a familiar one. Nobody but Alan would think to question her presence in it at that hour of the afternoon, although it would be registered by every woman sighting her from store or house or in the street that Alan Fernley’s wife was driving out of Dekova’s Place to some destination as yet unknown to them. To a farm to buy eggs? To the railroad depot? To visit a neighbour with a new baby? The possibilities were endless. Lisa felt satisfaction in the knowledge that on this occasion none would discover whither she was bound or whom she was shortly to meet.

  She had known in the first instant of Alan’s disclosure of the return to England that she could never bring herself to leave Harry. Even if her maternal feelings had not been as strong as they were, she could not have abandoned him. Her own experience of growing up motherless had taught her the sadness of that situation, and she had seen too many children bereft of loving care to let Harry go from her into the all-powerful control of an English nanny, not all of whom were filled with the milk of human kindness. Alan would be a good father, but Harry would need her as much. She had two alternatives to put to Peter. One was that he should also move to England where they could marry after the divorce and have Harry to stay with them for lengthy periods as she had originally hoped; the other possibility would be so hard on both of them that she hoped she would not have to voice it.

  The forest closed about her as she drove along. The only person she saw was an old logger, long since retired from camp life, who sat on a boulder at the side of the road cutting off a quid of chewing tobacco from a tin. He lived in a shack in the forest and made wooden buckets and spoons and other domestic items for sale in the settlement. She was one of his customers.