by Debra Dixon
“Just my truck key,” Victoria told him with a grin.
“What’s that other key?”
“Oh! I forgot. House key.” She deliberately left out whose house the key unlocked. “I wear a house key and my truck key. Saves time when I need to get to the hospital, like now.”
“Then I’ll say good night and hope everything goes well.”
“Good night.”
“I’ll walk you to the door,” Joshua said, and put an arm around her. When they reached the threshold, he lifted her coat off the hook and stepped out on the porch with her. “How long will you be?”
Surprised, Victoria considered his question. Joshua, being fully aware that babies loved to wreak havoc with schedules, never asked questions like that. “I don’t know. It’s a second baby. Might only be three or four hours. Then again …”
“You might be all night,” he finished for her.
“I might.” It was an apology.
“How soon do you have to be there?”
Now Victoria knew something was wrong. “I don’t have to leave this second, but I’ve got to go in the next few minutes.”
“Damn. That doesn’t give me much time.” He shook his head as if disturbed by the idea and resigned to reality. But he didn’t say anything else as he took her purse out of her hand to help her into her jacket and then handed it back to her.
Giving him an uncertain look, she slung the purse over her shoulder and adjusted the strap. “Time for what?”
Joshua smiled at her and reached out with one of those strong hands to cup her jawline, letting it slide against his palm. The gesture was seductively innocent, more of a promise than a demand. She thought he was going to kiss her, but he didn’t. He turned her world upside down instead.
“Victoria Elizabeth Radcliff Bennett, I love you. God knows I never thought to find you, but there you were right smack in the middle of my bed. And much too real to ignore.” He lowered his voice to almost a reverent whisper. “There. I’ve said it out loud. I can’t take it back even if I wanted to. I love you.”
Victoria blinked and struggled to register the words. It had sounded like he’d said he loved her. Her heart sped up and slowed down before it settled into a rhythm of slapping beats. Finally, searching his eyes, she whispered, “Say that last part again.”
Dropping his hand, he said in earnest, pronouncing each word distinctly so there could be no mistake. “I love you.”
Silence grew between them, and Joshua watched her for some sign of emotion, some indication of how she really felt about his declaration. For Joshua, those three terrifying words had stripped him bare. There was no more pretending he could walk away. At least not whole. He’d given her his heart and now he had to wait because he couldn’t feel Victoria’s emotions.
Instead of the gentle, amazed kiss he was expecting, she thumped him on the chest. “And you pick now to tell me? With him in there and me having to go to the hospital!”
Joshua rubbed his chest and laughed at himself for expecting a normal reaction from a one-of-a-kind woman. “Would you rather I waited God knows how long until you came back?”
Instantly, Victoria looked stricken and said, “No.”
“Now comes the hard part,” Joshua said softly, and he brushed her hair back over her shoulder. “Do you love me?”
Victoria finally did kiss him on the lips and murmured, “Just my luck. I fall in love with a psychic who can’t even tell that I’ve been head over heels in love with him for weeks.”
“Joshua said I’d find you here to say good-bye,” Derrick Tremont said as he walked into her Bodewell clinic early Monday morning and looked around curiously. “So this is what a midwife’s practice looks like.”
She got up from her table in the corner and joined him in the now-empty waiting room section of the big space. With a sweep of her arm around the room, she said, “Every modern convenience that I could beg, borrow, or steal.”
“Looks like you’re pretty good at begging, borrowing, and stealing.”
“Fair to medium, I’d say. I had to be. Starting a practice is a pretty expensive proposition.”
“Looks like you’re doing okay,” he said, and unbuttoned his camel’s-hair overcoat.
“The people here have taken fairly well to me.” Victoria crossed her arms. “Of course, to give credit where credit is due, Joshua helped.”
“Oh, I think it took more than a little help from Joshua to win over the community.” He gave her a direct gaze. “You’re one of the most gracious women I’ve met in quite a while.”
She returned his gaze just as directly, but with a crooked grin. “I could get used to your outrageous flattery, so don’t spoil me.”
“I’m telling you the plain, unembellished truth. Any other woman of my acquaintance would have screamed bloody murder to have found me ransacking her diary, but you tried to make excuses for me.”
“I’m not much on screaming,” Victoria admitted, and stooped to pick up a stray picture book, which she dropped into a plastic crate.
“I was serious about shopping that journal around as a proposal. If you’ll put it in manuscript form, I’ll represent you. We’ll get some bites.”
Victoria shook her head. “No. As I said, it’s private.”
“Then you should think about writing something not so private.” Derrick pulled a card out of his pocket. “You have a gift for capturing people and moments. You’re very real, Victoria, and you have a unique perspective, from what I’ve read. I mean that as a compliment.”
She took his card but said, “You keep forgetting that I have a career that takes all my time and then some.”
“You’re as stubborn as Joshua, you know?”
“I take it you didn’t get him to change his mind this morning?”
“The only thing I got out of this trip was a weekend vacation and his promise to consider a novel. He wouldn’t budge on the publicity though.” Derrick put his hands in his pants pockets and looked disapprovingly at her. “Like you and that damn journal.”
He didn’t intimidate her in the least because she’d gotten to know him better over the weekend. Derrick might be tall, pushy, and boisterous, but he was essentially a kind man. Only his concern for Joshua had dragged him out of New York to make sure his client understood the consequences of refusing the tour.
Except for dinner each day, she’d left them alone on Saturday and Sunday, so they could discuss business or anything else they wanted without an audience. She found that she’d needed the time alone to absorb the reality of falling in love with a man who loved her back. Joshua’s declaration had turned her world upside down, but she hugged the words to her like a patch of sunshine on a winter day. This time she was going to get her happily-ever-after. Just like Joshua, she’d come home to the hills of Tennessee.
Realizing that Derrick was looking at her expectantly, she smiled. She’d enjoyed her time with him; he could be quite funny if somewhat single-minded about her journal. “I’ll keep your card, but even if I were going to write a book, it wouldn’t be fiction. It’d be something like a low-budget how-to manual for rural midwives. Something I could have used when I set up shop.”
Derrick looked pensive for a moment and then said, “I don’t have many contacts with university presses, which would probably be the place to start, but I’ll make a few calls and put you in touch with someone who does deal with that kind of book.”
“Oh, no! I wasn’t … I couldn’t ask you to do that.”
“Why not? It’s a couple of phone calls. Nothing more.”
Flustered at being taken seriously, Victoria said, “The manual was just a thought.”
Derrick winked at her. “So was the journal. I’m hoping you believe that one good turn deserves another. I’ll let you know what I find out.”
And then he was gone, leaving Victoria with the beginnings of an idea that wouldn’t go away. How hard could it be to organize her thoughts, list her problems and how she solved them? She’d
spent weeks sorting out good ideas from the bad already.
A tiny part of her even admitted that she might be considering this book so she could hold herself up as successful and anoint herself with glory to prove a point to her parents. Thoughtfully, Victoria dragged her attention back to her appointment schedule, warning herself not to start counting on a book that wasn’t even definite.
For Joshua, having her near him was like having a charm that kept the echoes at bay, but the price he had to pay for his peace seemed too high. He’d lived his whole life knowing how other people felt, and now he could only sit and speculate as to why the woman he loved seemed edgy. He felt cheated somehow. Even though he pushed his mind to find her emotional echo, he came up empty. She’d learned to guard herself too well; he was still paying for another man’s sins.
Victoria wandered aimlessly around the cabin, first turning on, then turning off lights. Something was bothering her. Something she couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about. He wasn’t certain if she was anxious, sad, worried, guilty, or any of the other hundred emotions that would account for her behavior. Joshua kept waiting for her to settle and talk to him, but even when she sat down, she didn’t grow calm or conversational. Victoria worried the edge of the sofa arm, running her finger up and down the piping. She’d been distracted during dinner, and now she was almost withdrawn.
When the phone rang, she jumped, crossed quickly to the bed, and snatched it up, only to find out it was a wrong number. Slowly she replaced the receiver.
“Expecting a call?”
She shrugged. “I’ve got a couple of patients due anytime now. Like Granny says—trouble don’t come single.”
“Something else wrong?”
“Not really. Just tired, I guess. I’ve been thinking too much today.” She turned her mouth up at the corners in a forced smile.
“About what?” Joshua joined her on the bed and pulled her back into his arms as he braced himself against the headboard.
She snuggled into his embrace easily, as if she had always belonged there. “About life, the universe, glory, intuition, choices, and midwifery.”
“Just the usual stuff, then,” he teased, and let himself drink in the scent of her.
“Just the usual,” she echoed. “All that stuff a person has to decide for herself.”
As always, his body responded with enthusiasm to the nearness of Victoria. Even without perfume she was an incredible combination of fragrances from shampoo to soap, everything enhanced by some indefinable essence that was Victoria alone. All of his senses knew her. He carried her image in his mind. Her voice was unmistakable in its sexuality. His hands knew every bump, every curve of her body. He knew her taste just as he knew her scent—intimately. All of his senses knew her, except for one, except for the one sense that made him more and less than the rest of the world.
He loved her. He lay here with her in bed as she rested her head trustingly on his chest. She loved him. What more did he want?
Joshua knew what he wanted, and what he couldn’t have—a piece of her soul, her secrets, for himself. A piece that no one else had ever had or ever would again. He wanted the openness that seemed to exist only at the moment of climax. He wanted Victoria to give freely what she gave by instinct when he made love to her.
He couldn’t walk away, so he’d have to learn how to deal with the silence of her echo. Somehow. He rested his chin on the top of her head. She barely stirred. The long hours lately were taking their toll, and he wondered if this practice was really everything she’d dreamed of having.
“How long has it been since you’ve seen a movie?”
“I think it was Robin Hood. The one with Errol Flynn.”
He chuckled. “Good, then the ones at Bodewell’s new triplex will seem like first-run movies to you. If we go before five tomorrow, we get the early bird discount and two-for-one popcorn.” He felt her smile against his chest at his suggestion for a brief second.
“Nice idea, but Amanda Shipman’s one of the patients due to deliver this week,” she said sleepily, and shifted up to look at him in apology. “And I have a feeling that she’ll go tomorrow. I wouldn’t want you to get your heart set on an uninterrupted date.”
“I have my heart set on only one thing.”
“What’s that?”
Joshua rolled her beneath him and showed her.
All day Victoria waited for the service to call her at the Mention clinic and tell her that Amanda was in labor. All day the twinge of concern she had for Amanda grew, and yet she couldn’t pin it down to anything specific. Everything should be fine. Even if Amanda went into another postpartum hemorrhage, she was ready. She knew what to do. Everything necessary would be prepped and available long before it was ever needed.
Then why couldn’t she shake this feeling that Amanda’s delivery was going to end badly?
She checked her watch and knew she had to get on the road to Bodewell if she was going to meet Joshua at her office for the early movie. As she walked in the door and dropped her files on the table, she expected the phone to ring. It didn’t. The call didn’t come until they were standing in the popcorn line. A young girl wearing a white shirt, blue skirt, and theater name tag hovered nervously at the edge of the small crowd waiting for the movie and said, “Victoria Bennett? I have a call for Victoria Bennett.”
She raised her hand and said to Joshua, “Let me know how this one ends. I have a feeling that I’m out of here.”
“This lady called.” The young girl held out a scrap of paper as she came over. “She said for you to call her real quick.”
“Thanks.” One brief phone call to the answering service was followed by a longer one to the hospital. “Kathy? Hi. This is Victoria. You guys are about to get one of my patients, Amanda Shipman. The service said she was already on her way. This is baby number four.”
Victoria shook her head. “Trust me. You don’t want to catch this baby before I get there. Amanda’s a grandmulti with a history of postpartum hemorrhage. That is not a good combination. I want you to alert Wally Grenwald to be prepared for a stat call. Yeah, draw a type and crossmatch just in case we need blood.” Victoria smiled. “You’re a jewel, Kathy.”
When she hung up, Joshua said, “Let’s roll. Sounds like a busy night. I’ll drop you at the hospital. It’ll save time. You can call me when you’re done, and we’ll collect your car then.”
Victoria gave him a grateful smile. She never had to explain her priorities to Joshua. He just always seemed to know.
Joshua dropped his keys on his desk and resigned himself to an evening without Victoria. He jabbed the blinking message button on the answering machine and leaned back in the chair at his desk. The first message was from the service trying to track down Victoria. The second was from his grandmother—no message. The third caller was Derrick. His message brought Joshua straight up in his chair.
“Hi, Joshua. This is Derrick. When I gave Victoria my card, I forgot to get hers. So give her a message for me. I’ve got a couple of people interested in this puppy. She should call me as soon as possible to discuss details before she loses her nerve.”
ELEVEN
Before she loses her nerve. Her nerve to do what? The question answered itself—publish that damned journal.
“No.” Joshua’s denial was firm, spoken aloud to give it more weight, but it was a small word and the doubt that had crept into his heart was big.
Reaching for the machine, he replayed the message, focusing his whole attention on finding another meaning for Derrick’s breezy instructions beyond the obvious one. He didn’t bother to listen to it a third time. Slowly he got out of the chair and walked a small circle, trying to control his suspicions and failing miserably. The past caved in on him, echoing a bitter chorus of I-told-you-sos.
No matter how hard he tried to conjure another explanation, there was only one conclusion to be drawn from the tape. Victoria had betrayed him. Last night she’d paced the floor and jumped for the phone. He felt his finger
s curl with the need to push back time and keep himself safe from this moment. But that was impossible. He’d said yes when he should have said no. He’d let a sultry voice and clear gray eyes make him forget that human nature was impossible to fight.
Angry at his weakness, he snatched the keys off the desk. He’d be damned if he’d wait by the phone for her to call. When he strode outside, he slammed the door, but it didn’t take the bitterness away. He could still taste it as he threw a leg over the motorcycle and turned the key, feeling it roar to life beneath him, dangerous and angry.
That’s how he felt—dangerous and angry. Maybe if he drove fast enough, he wouldn’t be able to feel at all. That’s what he hoped, but his mind wouldn’t let go of the facts. Wouldn’t stop thinking.
She was willing to take what was private between them and sell it to the highest bidder. All her talk of not needing money or fame had been a smoke screen. She never let down her guard with him—not because of Richard—but because she’d been afraid of what he’d see. Deep inside where it counted, she was just like everyone else, with her share of manipulation and greed. Hungry to become the perfect daughter again and impress her parents. Or maybe it was simply that Derrick had worn her down.
Not that it mattered. Regardless of why or how she’d decided to sensationalize her connection to him, she’d done it knowing that he wanted to maintain some semblance of privacy. She’d done it knowing that her actions would destroy the fragile trust he had in her. She’d done it knowing that her journal might expose his grandmother to ridicule. And she hadn’t cared.
Halfway to the hospital he realized that what he resented the most was the fact that she’d taken away his dream of growing old with the woman he loved by his side. A woman with that kind of ambition wasn’t going to stay on the mountain, and even if she stayed, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to trust her again.
He passed a moth-eaten road sign and vividly remembered what it felt like to be young and angry and drunk and stupid.
At the hospital, he left word with the nurses that he was in the waiting room, so they could relay the message to Victoria when she came out of delivery. Anyone looking into the small room would have mistaken him for an expectant father. By turns he paced stoically or sat in one of the two chairs. He stayed away from the sofa because the springs were obviously shot.