Finding Lexi

by AJ Attard

  “Where do you want me to begin?” She asked quietly, her words weaving in and among the horses’ hoof beats.

  “At the beginning,” Luke answered, “Why did you leave here?”

  “That’s the very beginning,” Lexi said, smiling in spite of herself, “I decided to go away to college because you needed me to,” She said, and seeing him about to protest she pushed forward, talking over the words that were about to launch themselves out of his mouth.

  “You know it and I know it,” She said, “You were losing your interest in me and I knew you needed to have some space,” she saw him slam his mouth shut and clench his jaw and she smiled again, “It wasn’t supposed to be permanent,” she said in a round about apology, “I knew you wouldn’t go away to school because of the ranch, but I knew you were fooling around with that blonde barrel racer so I thought I would give you some room.,” she shrugged in the darkness, “It just didn’t work out so well.”

  “You didn’t need to do that,” he told her through his clenched teeth, “I made a big mistake there but we could have worked things out,” he said fiercely, “and by the way it took me a month to earn the money to buy new boots and gear from your little bonfire.”

  “I’d almost forgotten about that,” Lexi grinned in the darkness, “I was mad,” she giggled, “Really mad.”

  “I gathered,” Luke returned, his own easy smile tugging at his mouth, “Still it was a bit drastic don’t you think?”

  “No,” Lexi said without hesitation, “I don’t, you were the one screwing around with Miss Barrel Racer,” she drew her chin up in defiance, “You should consider yourself lucky I just burned your clothes and boots, plus you left them in my truck. I could have done much worse, I was really mad,” she added before giggling again.

  “You scare me,” Luke told her teasingly, “and I’ll repeat, we could have worked things out.”

  “Yes, we could have,” Lexi agreed wholeheartedly, “but we were young and we didn’t know that. Anyway, by that time I had gone to school, met Colton, and when I came home you were otherwise occupied with your barrel racer,” Lexi said, watching his reaction carefully. Luke again tightened his jaw, the muscles in his face, clenching and unclenching while he mulled over what she had said. When she saw him finally take a deep breath and relax, she continued, her words starting to drift off and become far away.

  “Colton seemed, at the time, to be perfect,” she said and Luke realized she was truly beginning to tell her tale and he swung his attention firmly to her, “He was from a quote, unquote, good family. He was smart, classy, outdoorsy, and utterly charming,” Lexi sighed thinking of how the good looking all American guy had carefully and tactically swept her off her feet, “So when he decided he wanted to go start a fishing business in Alaska and proposed, it appeared, at least in my mind, to be a fairy tale come true.”

  “Appearances can be deceiving though,” Luke interjected softly, his voice perfectly blending in with her story.

  “Indeed they can,” Lexi said, “It wasn’t quite as it seemed,” she frowned trying to find an unbiased way to describe the situation. Luke sensing her hesitation spoke quietly and encouragingly.

  “You don’t have to sugar coat it,” he said, “ Just tell it like it was, after all we all met him. We knew what he was, even if you didn’t. It wasn’t just me and your mom and dad either, it was everyone but no one could have said a word to you about it, not with that stubborn streak of yours.”

  "I have no idea what you're talking about," Lexi said, with mock disdain, but a light smile played about her full lips as she did so.

  "Yeah, I'm sure," Luke snorted, raising one eyebrow skeptically at her, catching Mickey as he jogged sideways away from a spooked rabbit that had flung itself from a nearby bush.

  "Ok," Lexi conceded grinning broadly at him, "ok, I may be a bit, um, determined, shall we say? I'll agree to determined," she said thoughtfully.

  "Call it what you want," Luke told her, returning her grin, "but you are stubborn."

  Lexi decided it would be a good time to proceed with her story so once again she allowed her mind to slide backward, giving room to memories she had long closed off.

  "When we got to Alaska," she began on a deep breath, "Or even before, on the way to Alaska the charm quickly faded, slipping more and more into anger and an instability that, had I not been so overwhelmed with being a new mother, having a fishing lodge, and a barn full of half wild horses, should have been worrisome. I didn't see it though, or," Lexi corrected herself honestly, "I didn't let myself see it," she looked over at Luke with regret shining in her dark eyes, "Before I knew it so much time had passed, Jake was growing up, Dad and Grandma were gone, and I had no idea what to do," she shrugged and let her gaze slide from his, her eyes searching the horizon for some unknown quantity, for time she would never get back, and knowledge she wished she had, "He was horrific and savage in the way he was with us," she said letting herself lapse into silence. "He didn't want me to see my family, or come home. He was paranoid that I wouldn't come back and I wouldn't let Jake come back. When both Grandma and Dad died he forbade me to come home. He told me he would take Jake, he would sell my horses, and then he would come for me. He said I belonged to him, that I was to obey him or risk the wrath of God. He was smart enough to never physically abuse Jake or me, but he abused us nonetheless. He would get in our faces, so close we were almost touching and just yell at us that we had destroyed his life that everything was our fault. He even took hold of Jake one time by the arm but I managed to get in between them. He would crawl into bed with me and want to make love, only to tell me what I slut I was for giving into you before he and I were married. Everything Jake and I did was wrong, was our fault, everything. Sometimes even the way I walked tweaked his brain and he would scream at me to walk differently so he didn’t have to pay the medical bills on me when I wore my hips out when I was old. In the next breath he would say he loved me and could never imagine life without me. He hated my horses as well, all of them, although he would never have admitted it. One time Red tried to bite him and he hit my horse so hard I could hear the thud from the barn. To hear him talk to anyone Jake and I were the light of his life, but as soon as they were gone he would cut us down to size, telling us every mistake we had made while in the company of others. He was desperate, charming and persuasive one moment, violent and furious the next. It was like playing Russian roulette; you never knew what you might get when you pulled the trigger with him. It was exhausting and terrifying and utterly miserable. Yet despite all that it was not so easy to get away. He was still Jake’s father after all.”

  "So what happened then?" Luke asked, unwilling to let her slip back into her own world, so far from the life happening around her.

  Lexi inhaled and tipped her head sideways contemplatively, pausing before she answered, "Then he died," she said simply, "He took the boat out fishing one day when he was in one of his moods and it caught fire. All that was left were some random pieces of boat and a charred life vest."

  "I'm sorry," Luke said watching Lexi with great interest as she spoke, seeing the tidal waves of emotions roll across her face, so elegantly illuminated by the moonlight.

  "Don't be," she said, her voice devoid of emotion, "It was the best thing that could of happened to Jake and I, even though probably not the easiest," Luke cocked his head at her curiously and she took the cue and continued, "Despite the fact that Colton was a first class horse's hind end, we loved him I suppose, well Jake did for sure," she amended, "I appreciated he was Jake's dad," she said, mulling the words over in her mind as they came out, "It became clear quick though that there was a lot we didn't know about him," she spoke as if the fact still came as a mild surprise and Luke found himself prompting her again as she drifted off in thought.

  "Such as?" he pressed gently, again moving Mickey closer to Mae, his leg softly brushing Lexi's with every stride.

  "Well, for one the mistress at the funeral was a bit of a shock," she said wit
h a half amused, half pissed smiled, "Didn't see that coming," Lexi said, "Man alive, she was crying, like the light of the world had just been extinguished, but I guess that's part of being young, she was probably only twenty two or so," Lexi smiled again, this time to herself. The remembered scene seemed almost comical now, but it sure hadn't been then. Jake had been all sorts of angry and panicked and Lexi herself had been a bit miffed that she had taken Colton's meanness for so many years and he had been keeping a bimbo on the side.

  "There was also the very suspicious Russians that came to the door asking to take a look around the office and his workshop. They were a pair. Two giants that looked like something out of a Bond film."

  "Who were they?" Luke asked, finding himself completely engrossed in Lexi's tale as if it were a book he were reading and with each breath finding Lexi even more amazing and strong than he had previously realized.

  Lexi shrugged, "My guess would be Russian mafia," Lexi said, easing Mae to a halt and inhaling the crisp, rapidly cooling evening air, "I always wondered why he took the boat out, even when it wasn't a good idea. Now I am guessing there was a side business I had no idea about, thankfully."

  "That was when you decided to come home," Luke guessed, also bringing Mickey to a halt and giving the horse a rub on its neck.

  Lexi nodded, "You got it," she said, "there was a lot swirling around. The sheriff kept coming over, I would spot these two guys here and there, and people started asking questions. Not to mention, Miss Bimbo was tearfully proclaiming as publicly as possible that it was her he loved," Lexi shook her head, "I hated Alaska anyway," she mused more to herself than him. "I mean it's beautiful, but hard. Colton had been right, I wanted to come home. So, I told the sheriff I didn't know what the hell was going on, but I was selling everything and Jake and I were leaving. He could deal with the fall out. I washed my hands of it," she looked over at him now, older, wiser, and to him, more beautiful than ever, "So I packed the truck with my favorite horse, Jake, and what stuff we could get in the back and came home."

  "You certainly did," Luke said, finding it hard not to lean over and kiss her. Mickey stomped his foot impatiently and Luke took the moment to start them walking again, "That's a lot of excitement there for a small town girl," he said to her trying to shake off the fire that was burning with an alarming heat in his heart.

  "And you?" Lexi probed, taking her turn to study him with fascination, "It's your turn," she informed him, nudging Mae to catch Mickey, who was a stride ahead, "Tell me about you."

  Luke shook his head, a mirthless laugh rising from his throat, "Not much to tell," he said in a manner so much like Clyde's own quiet rancher ways that Lexi didn't know whether to laugh or reach out and smack him. The strong, silent type was good in movies but made for frustrating conversationalists.

  "Go on," she said, reaching out to give him a friendly push from behind, "I spilled my dirty secrets," she said in a tone he recognized as pure stubbornness.

  He frowned at her for a moment but gave in and let his shoulders rise and fall in a shrug, "Like I said, not much to tell. I married that barrel racer you didn't like. Turns out she didn't really like ranching, she liked grooms, fancy horses and just riding. Not actually caring for the horses or the land, just the rhinestones and the flash. It didn't take long before she was high tailing it to Houston or Dallas or somewhere big and shiny, and I was left to clean up the mess myself." he stopped talking with obvious finality and Lexi let the subject lie, the two again falling into companionable silence.

  Finally Luke pulled up his horse and turned to look at Lexi, his blue eyes iridescent in the moonlight, "I'm sorry about what you went through," he said, "but I'm glad you're home."

  Lexi ran a nervous tongue over her lips and nodded, "Thank you," she answered, "Me too."

  The night seemed to be instantly electrically charged and Lexi felt her heart begin to thunder in her chest as Luke leaned toward her ever so slowly. Suddenly the sound of a trailer ramp clattering to the ground shattered the quiet of the evening and both of them swiveled their heads to see from where the sound had come.

  "Over that hill," Luke said, sliding carefully to the ground and handing Lexi his reins. He motioned for her to remain quiet and edged forward tentatively up the incline to the crest of the soft roll of land. He remained close to the ground, and sat crouched on his haunches, for what seemed to Lexi an eternity before slipping down the hill and swinging ably back onto Mickey's back.

  "We have to get back," he said, gathering his reins and urging Mickey into a fluid canter.

  "Why?" Lexi asked, doing the same with Mae, who easily kept pace, the horses' hoof beats thankfully muffled by thick, late spring pasture.

  "Someone is stealing Ernest's cattle," he said with his jaw clenched, "I can't take them alone and I can't risk it with you anyway. We have to get back."

  Lexi nodded and leaned forward over the black mane, urging her mare into a gallop, "Geez," she half shouted into the streaks of silken hair that lashed at her face, "Horse thieves and cattle rustlers, what has this town come to?" She wondered, but her words were lost in the wind and the pounding of hooves.

  They thundered up the driveway in a streak of flashing hooves and flowing manes and tails, riding straight to the yard, Mickey still sliding to a halt as Luke leapt from his back and hit the ground running.

  "Earnest!" Luke called to his neighbor who had a BBQ sandwich halfway to his open, waiting mouth, "You have rustlers in the east pasture," he called, nodding to Clyde who already had his cell phone to his ear waiting for the sheriff to answer.

  "Damn!" Ernest, a big cowboy halfway between Luke and Clyde's age, dropped his BBQ and rose from his seat, his big strides eating up the ground to his truck.

  Luke handed Lexi Mickey's reins and looked at her pleadingly, "Will you put him away for me?" he asked, already starting after Ernest, who had been joined by Clyde. Lexi nodded and bit her bottom lip pensively. The idea of the three of them going out to meet the rustlers didn't appeal to her one bit and she caught Nora's eye fearfully. Rustlers were not known for peaceful, kind behavior after all. Nora, however, had a look of fierce determination mixed with fury on her face and as more headlights flipped on and more ranchers followed the first truck down the drive, Lexi exhaled realizing they would be far from alone in their fight.

  "Go put up the horses," Nora said bringing Lexi's thoughts back from a dark place, "we'll start cleaning up here," she instructed before seeking, and finding Jake, "Go help your momma please," she asked. He nodded and he trotted over to Lexi, taking Mae's reins from her hands.

  "Come on, Momma," he said touching her arm gently. She looked down at him and nodded and they headed down to the barn to cool off the horses after their long run home. Jake had plenty of experience with horses as he had been in the barn with Lexi since before he could walk. The two worked in silence, cooling off and grooming the horses before giving the, some carrots and turning them out into their pasture, the two tired horses ambling off slowly into the darkness.

  Lexi was just locking the gate when she felt Jake freeze beside her, his body suddenly rigid like he was frozen. His face, when she turned to him, was a blank, unreadable mask.

  "Jake?" Lexi asked, panic searing through her body, "Jake, are you okay? What is it?" she asked, terror making her voice scratchy and painful in her throat, "Jake?" she begged, grabbing hold of his arms and peering into his face.

  He shook his dark head, as if clearing cobwebs from his brain, gradually relaxing until he felt like a sack of potatoes in her hands, "I'm fine," he said with a slow, meditative voice, "I thought I saw something," he explained, "but it couldn't be," he finished enigmatically.

  "What did you think you saw?" Lexi asked with concern, looking back over her shoulder across the pasture and into the night, a shiver shimmying down her spine.

  "A monster," Jake answered, shifting his expression so it was teasing and

  Iight, although it remained a bit forced, "It was just a trick of the moon
light," he said in a tone that suggested he was trying to convince not just her, but himself.

  "Are you sure?" Lexi asked uncertainly, again sending a cursory glance through the darkness before looking at him intently.

  Jake rolled his eyes and grinned, "Of course I'm sure!" he said with mock admonishment, "Pull it together, Mom," he said poking her playfully, "Come on, we'd better get back up to the house and help Grandma. She'll be ticked if we don't," he gave her arm a tug and they started for the house. Neither Jake nor Lexi looked back over their shoulders, but Jake said a silent prayer that he would never see the face he knew he had seen ever again.

  ***

  “You were almost caught,” The voice accused, razor sharp edges to the words that sliced periously through the air, “It was close,” he reiterated, “If you had been caught the whole plan would have been shot straight to hell.”

  “You know what they say,” came the response, “Close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades.”

  The first voice snorted contemptuously, wondering how it happened that this deal rested so heavily on such a moron.