It's Just Lola

by Dixiane Hallaj

  “No!” Pedro shouted. “I won’t go. It’s easy for you ‘cause you grew up there and speak English. For me it’ll be a whole new world. I won’t know where I am, or what people are saying.” He stomped out of the house. His words echoed inside Lola and she felt them touch her own thoughts. Pedro reacted with anger; Lola felt only fear.

  That night, with her arms around her tortured husband, she said what she had to say, knowing her tears were soaking through his shirt. “I’ll follow you always.” This time there would be no coming back. Lola held her sorrow close to her heart, and tried to tell the children what a wonderful opportunity it would be for them.

  Estela was afraid; Joseph was sullen. When Pedro came home and announced that he had hired on as an apprentice in the telegraphy office, Joseph had been wide-eyed with envy. Even he had to admit that an eleven-year-old boy could not stay behind. Lola couldn’t even share her fears and worries with Maggie. Maggie was brokenhearted when she realized she would have to leave her eldest son behind. She didn’t say much, but her red-rimmed eyes told of secret crying sessions and sleepless nights.

  Only one problem remained: money for their tickets. The men left every bit of their pay and promised to send more, but they all knew the families had to pay for living expenses until they left. Lola arranged a meeting with Juana and Charlie.

  “Charlie, those are my stock certificates and I say that it’s time to sell them. I need money now—a lot of money. I told you, my husband can’t come back to Lima. I have to take my family to the United States. He’s waiting in San Francisco for us and I have to go to him. What’s so hard to understand about that?”

  “Lola, I hold those stocks in trust. Do you know what that means?”

  “Yes. It means you won’t steal them because they belong to me.”

  “It means a lot more than that. It means I must act in your best interest. Not only will I not steal them, but I’ll do what’s right for you—and it’s not right for you to sell them now.”

  “Money’s not something to hoard; it’s something to use. Money has no value except as a medium of exchange. I wish to exchange the money that can come from these stocks to buy my family’s unity. That’s what has value—family and happiness.”

  “Lola, darling,” Juana said, “think about what you’re proposing. You want to travel alone, with all your children to another continent. Why do you want to follow that sailor around the world? Go home to the plantation where you can live like a lady. Papa was very upset when he lost you. You know he loves you and your children, at least the ones he knows.”

  Lola stared at her sister. “Are you saying that I should desert my husband and take his children away from him?”

  “He’s the one leaving you.”

  “Juana, I love my husband very much. He loves me and he loves all of the children. Why do you think he stayed on the ship? Because that’s his profession and that’s what he needs to do to care for his family. I find your suggestion…” Lola stopped herself before she said what she really thought of Juana’s suggestion. “…insensitive. As soon as we have the money we’ll leave.” She turned to Charlie. “What must be done to sell the certificates?”

  “How much money do you need?”

  “Fifteen thousand US dollars.”

  “Fifteen thousand dollars! Are you buying a yacht?”

  “I’m taking my friend Maggie and her children as travelling companions, and we’ll need money when we reach San Francisco. If there’s some left over, I can put it in a bank. Sometimes Wulf’s tours are longer than he plans, and we run short of funds before he gets home. I won’t have the same resources there that I have here.”

  “Very well,” said Charlie. “I have a compromise for you. I’ll advance you fifteen thousand dollars of my own funds, and when the securities are sold we’ll separate the original cost; I’ll get fifteen thousand and you’ll get the remainder. Then we split the profit evenly. That will compensate me for the money I would’ve made if I’d invested the fifteen thousand, and it still safeguards your interest.”

  “No.”

  “No?” Charlie seemed surprised.

  “I’m asking you to sell them today, not the day I handed them over to you. If you refuse to sell them and use your own money, then you lower my investment by fifteen thousand dollars from the price they are the day I receive the money. We split the profits on the same ratio your fifteen thousand has to the total.”

  Charlie laughed. “You drive a hard bargain, Lola, but I accept your terms. The money will take a few days. I need to send to Ecuador.”

  It took much longer than Lola could ever have anticipated for them to actually set sail for the north. Charlie had trouble collecting enough cash to satisfy her needs; Maggie had trouble settling the house; Lola had trouble getting the travel documents for all her children and was unable to get permission to take Katie with them. There were no passenger liners running between Lima and San Francisco, only freighters. Ships did not come every day, or even every week. The first ship sailed before they were ready to leave; the second was a small freighter without sufficient cabins to house them all, and so it went.

  At last they were aboard a ship. Lola stood at the rail with her children as the ship pulled away from the dock, and she knew she would never see her beloved home again. She looked over at Estela and saw a mirror of her own tear-streaked face. She put her arm around her oldest daughter and held her close.

  “Everything’ll be all right,” she assured the girl. “We’ll have a new life. This is a beginning, not an end.” The words came easily, unlike the belief in their truth.

  The second day at sea Carlota announced that she would no longer answer to her old Spanish name. “We’re going to the United States and we’re going to live where everyone speaks English. We have to speak English too. Joseph’s been called by his English name for years, so why can’t I? I’ll be Charlotte now. That’s what my English passport says. From now on you must all call me Charlotte.” Lola suppressed her desire to laugh, and looked very serious as she asked her daughter to be patient if it took her some time to get used to the new name.

  “All right,” said Estela, “then I’ll go by my English name, too.” She laughed as she looked around the table. “Even if you don’t remember, I’ll still answer. Changing Estela to Estelle is a lot easier than having a whole new name.”

  “Charlotte’s not a whole new name.”

  “Maybe not, but it sounds a lot different.”

  Much to Lola’s relief, although she was nauseous much of the time, she was only really seasick two days. Estelle was a great help and Maggie was able to make sure the other children were all right during her periods of malaise.

  Finally the captain announced that San Francisco would be seen off the starboard bow—as soon as the fog lifted. Joseph told his mother he was going to see if the sailors would let him climb up to the crow’s nest. Lola smiled and told him to be careful. His spirits had lifted from sullen to enthusiastic during the voyage. His disgust at travelling with women and girls had amused the crew, and his ability to speak and understand the lingua franca of the sailors had earned him a place at their table, where they filled him with tales of San Francisco and places beyond.

  As the big ship maneuvered into its berth, Lola combed hair and straightened clothing. Her heart lifted as she looked at her children. They were all well-behaved and remarkably attractive—enough to make any man’s heart swell with pride.

  “Remember to let Nellie go first,” Lola told Charlotte. “She’s still small and may need to be carried. I’ll be carrying Harry.” Lola wanted Nellie to go first because she was Wulfs’ own. The look of hurt disappointment on Charlotte’s face tore at Lola’s heart as she realized that Nellie was the only one of her five children with even a vague memory of a natural father.

  Sad thoughts were soon swept away as they caught sight of the bear-like figure of the bosun, flanked by Wulf, who looked small only in comparison with his friend. The two men were waving f
rantically and their grins were visible from the rail of the ship. As the gangplank was lowered, the two men approach the ship and there was a spirited exchange, complete with hand gestures and much pointing. The bosun and Wulf were given permission to board the ship to assist their families to disembark. Lola was certain that was not standard procedure, but she was pleased. Wulf ran up the gangplank, stooped down to child level, and gathered the entire clan in his arms. What a good man he was. Wulf shepherded the children down the gangplank, walking with one arm around Lola and the other holding Nellie on his shoulder.

  Charlotte suddenly froze, clutching the rail and looking straight down. “I can see the water between the boards!” she screamed. “I’m going to fall in!”

  “Well, my big feet can’t slip between the boards,” said Wulf. He handed Nellie to Estelle and scooped up Charlotte, perching her on the shoulder that had been vacated.

  “I’ll take you where you’ll be staying, and come back for the trunks,” he shouted over the hubbub of activity that surrounded the ship. The bosun ran ahead and by the time they reached the street there were two black automobiles waiting for them. The children were beside themselves with excitement at riding in an automobile. They had seen them often enough, but this was the first time they were going to ride in one. Even Lola felt excited at the prospect.

  The city was all Joseph had been told it would be. The tall buildings and the bustle of automobiles going in all directions was daunting, but exciting. Lola was cold and glad of the close quarters of the taxi. She wasn’t sure if she was shivering from cold or excitement or fear. Wulf noticed and pulled her closer.

  “I’m so happy you’re here. How did you get the money so quickly?”

  “My sister Juana’s husband owns silver mines in Ecuador. I told them I needed the money because being with my husband was the most important thing in the world to me.” Lola snuggled into the curve of Wulf’s arm. Every word of that was true, but she still felt a touch of guilt. Perhaps to assuage her feelings of guilt, she told him there was money left for them to set up their own household. “But let’s not talk about money; I want to hear all about our new life and where we’re going.”

  “I’m taking you to some Spanish gypsies. When I was released after the war, I wandered the docks waiting and hoping to find my ship. I heard a couple of men speaking Spanish, we started talking, and one thing led to another. Their place became my home in San Francisco. You’ll stay with them until we find a place of our own.”

  “You didn’t say we would stay with them,” said Lola with foreboding.

  “I’m so sorry, Lola, but our ship leaves for Alaska in the morning.”

  “You’re leaving us with strangers?”

  “They’ll love you as much as I do. They promised to help you get around. They’re expecting you and the children. They’ll help get the children in school; they’ll help you learn English and show you how to buy what you need. They’re good people, Lola—you’ll be just fine.”

  “What about Maggie?”

  “The bosun has a cousin across the bay in Oakland that’ll take care of Maggie. It’s close enough for visits.”

  Lola shivered again, but this time she knew it was from fear. Later that night, warm in the arms of her husband, listening to the haunting music of the gypsy playing his violin in the other room and the bursts of laughter, she smiled. “If Victoria and Amelia could only see me now, living with gypsies. I always said I didn’t want to grow up to be a lady, and I guess I got my wish.” She fell asleep, trusting that Wulf was leaving her in good hands.

  She had second thoughts the next morning when her children were crying and complaining and she was shivering with cold. It was wet and foggy; a fine mist of rain seemed to spread the cold to her very bones. A helpful gypsy woman took her shopping and made suggestions, but even after donning the new heavy clothing, Lola still felt cold.

  By night she huddled with her children and they shared body warmth. “Decency be damned,” she said to Estelle, “we aren’t made for this weather and we can’t be shivering all night.” By day she and the children worked harder than they had ever worked. Estelle, Joseph, and Charlotte went to language school. Estelle struggled and worked hard. Joseph and Charlotte soaked up the language like a sponge. Joseph roamed the streets in his free time, coming home for meals and to sleep. Lola sat with Estelle in the evenings, going over the lessons of the day. She did the homework assignments Estelle was given, and they learned together. While the older children were in school, Lola did what she could around the house and accompanied anyone who went shopping, trying to learn how to survive in their new land.

  By the time spring came, Lola began to believe that they could manage on their own. Wulf came home from yet another trip to Alaska and announced that he had a surprise for them. He had convinced the captain to hire a temporary navigator for the next trip. They were going to find a place of their own to live. Lola was nervous about living without the support of others, but excited about having a home of her own at last.

  “I’ll be happy to get my ladies safely away from the gypsies,” said Wulf in the cab to the next address on their list of homes to see that day.

  Lola was surprised and confused. “What makes you say that? They’ve been real friends, even if they didn’t keep the house very warm.” Lola laughed as she told him how she and all the children had huddled together for warmth in the terrible damp cold nights.

  “Here you are—Guttenberg Street,” said the driver. “If you want to take a bus back to downtown, there’s a bus stop two blocks that way on Mission Street.”

  The house was perfect. It was within their price range and large enough for them. Walking distance from a bus route was a great plus since they could not afford the house and a car, at least not yet. Wulf found the secondhand furniture market and soon the family moved into their new quarters. The children were registered in the local public school, and Lola felt she was ready to begin coping with life when Wulf went to sea again.

  It was not easy. She made innumerable errors while trying to communicate. Some were humorous, as the day she went into the department store and asked for “horse” instead of “hose.” The clerk directed her to equestrian clothing. Other errors were only humorous in retrospect, as the day two neighbor women came to have tea. During a lull in the conversation, Lola excused herself to check on the youngsters. Finding them harmlessly entertaining themselves building tents with the bed linen, she laughingly reported to the women that the children were “only playing with the shits on the bed.” The women left in a hurry and never returned.

  Joseph quickly became friends with the Fannelli brothers who lived a block away. Lola did not approve of the friendship because he developed a distressing tendency to argue and talk back, ignoring his homework and chores alike. She was outnumbered, outweighed and outshouted by the twelve Fannelli children and the frowsy Mrs. Fannelli. Lola and Joe seemed to be at odds every single day. One day he raised his voice and she slapped him so hard his head snapped back. She gasped at the sight of the hand print on his face, but before she could say a word, he walked out, slamming the door behind him. By the time he returned the next morning she was beside herself with worry and regret. Joe apologized and she hugged him, but in two days he was back with the Fannelli boys instead of home doing homework.

  Estelle was painfully sensitive about her accent. Her classmates had already formed cliques that did not include the new girl that talked funny, especially since they saw that the boys noticed her. Estelle did her best to avoid contact with the boys, and school became a nightmare of isolation and embarrassment.

  Charlotte was the only one who seemed blissfully unaware that language or schoolwork might a problem. She switched effortlessly between English and Spanish. When Joe stopped speaking Spanish altogether, not wanting to be seen as a “dago” by his classmates, she told him that the word referred to Italians, and his friendship with the Fannellis did nothing to erase the label; no one had to tell him that it was
a highly derogatory label.

  Lola and Estelle learned to cook together. Sometimes it worked and everyone was relieved; other times it was not very successful and everyone ate it dutifully. They all knew that they could not afford to throw away food—even poorly cooked food.

  One day Wulf came home with his ditty bag over his shoulder and a scowl on his face. He threw his ditty bag in the corner and grabbed Lola’s arm. “What’ve you been up to?”

  “Waiting for you to come home.” Lola tried to free her arm. “Herman, you’re hurting me.”

  “Then why did the grocer say you weren’t happy to see my ship come in?”

  “What?”

  “If you’ve been fooling around while I’m at sea…” He left the sentence unfinished, and Lola watched his anger building into rage.

  “Wulf, I swear before the Blessed Virgin that I couldn’t even think of such a thing. You’re my husband and I love you with all my heart. You must’ve misunderstood.”

  “He said even he was happier to see me come home than you are. How could I misunderstand that? I don’t even know the guy.”

  If Wulf hadn’t been so violently angry, Lola would have laughed. “Herman, he likes to see you because you come home with money in your pocket. No matter how hard I scrimp and save, I never have enough to last until you come back, and I run up a tab at the grocery. Every time you come home, I pay it off. That’s why he’s so happy to see you. It was a joke.”

  When Wulf shipped out again, Lola used some of her money to buy a second-hand sewing machine. She began a serious search for a way to use her skills to earn a little extra money. She finally found a manufacturer who made silk neckties and had women sew them at home for nine cents a dozen. She had to be very careful with the delicate silk that was cut on a bias and could easily stretch out of shape. It was slippery and hard to handle, but she soon got the hang of it. She used her first pay to buy herself some fabric to make a new dress. She hadn’t had a new dress since she came to the U.S. and she wanted to look nice for Wulf. She wanted him to be happy to see her and not worry about things that never happened.