The Magic Misfits

by Neil Patrick Harris

  The ring danced into the air. The booth runner looked like he was going to faint. A second later, the ring landed gently on one of the bottles with a satisfying clink!

  “Yes!” Carter pumped his fist. He couldn’t help it.

  “One flamingo a-go-go, please!” said Leila.

  Still scratching his head, the booth runner handed them the giant prize. The four friends high-fived and burst into laughter. Ridley rolled triumphantly down the midway as Leila skipped beside her, the giant pink flamingo bobbing atop her shoulders. On the other side of the wheelchair, Theo stepped along in his usual way. Carter weaved in front of them, unable to hide his excitement. “How did you do that?”

  “A real magician never reveals her secrets,” said Ridley.

  “Oh, that old myth,” Theo said with a chuckle.

  “Not a myth,” said Ridley. “It’s a rule of real magic.”

  “You wouldn’t know real magic if it bit you on the knee,” Carter said.

  Ridley gazed down to find the words REAL MAGIC on her pants leg. Carter had snuck the words off his shoe and onto her knee without her noticing. Ridley half smiled, impressed.

  “You didn’t let me finish,” said Ridley. “I was going to say that a magician never reveals her secrets to just anyone. How’d I beat the ring toss? By gauging the weight and using simple physics.”

  “There’s this thing called gravity,” Leila said with a playful shrug. “You’ve probably heard of it: a very helpful law of nature. I used that. Since the rings are made of super-springy plastic, the closer you are, the less they bounce.”

  “And you?” Carter asked Theo. “Ready to finally tell me the secret of your bow?”

  Theo considered, then said, “Not yet.”

  Everyone laughed.

  TEN

  After beating one of the unbeatable games, the four friends went to the fun house and the hall of mirrors. When the others went to the sideshow, Carter excused himself, saying he needed the bathroom. In actuality, he didn’t want any of Bosso’s gang to find him in there again.

  Finally, they each tried their might at the Test Your Strength machine. None of them won. “It’s the one game in the whole place that isn’t rigged,” Leila noted.

  “Oh, it’s rigged all right,” Ridley groaned, “if you’re not a giant hulk with huge muscles.”

  “We have to ride the Ferris wheel!” Leila cried, dragging the others along.

  The four of them made their way into a rusty caged car. As the ground retreated beneath them, Carter’s stomach dropped and he came face-to-face with the full moon. Ridley called out to the woman at the controls, “Keep an eye on my chair, please! That bell was very expensive!” When the others stared at her, aghast, she added, “What? You guys are the only ones allowed to crack jokes?”

  The metal car jerked to a halt at the wheel’s highest point and swung slightly in the wind. Leila rocked back and forth next to Carter, making the car swing harder.

  “Cut it out,” growled Ridley. “You’re going to make me puke tiny cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches everywhere.”

  “Sorry!” Leila said. “It’s this cage.… I’m always thinking of an escape.”

  “You’re going to rock your way out?” Ridley asked.

  “Maybe!”

  For a moment there was nothing but the wind and the squeaking of the swinging car. As Carter looked out over the small town, he felt that warm feeling wash over him. He was on top of the world in more ways than one.

  “Do you guys like it here?” Carter asked.

  “In Mineral Wells?” Ridley said. “Sure. As small towns go, it’s not so bad.”

  “Not so bad?” Leila chimed in. “It’s wonderful! There’s fresh air. The trees and hills are great for hikes. The people are nice—”

  “The people are okay,” Ridley interrupted.

  “I guess the kids at my school aren’t so great,” Leila admitted. “But I don’t think they mean to be as cruel as they are.”

  Ridley nudged Theo’s arm and then whispered to him, “Uh, yes they do.” He smiled politely at her.

  “You always think the best of everyone, don’t you?” Carter asked. He’d never known someone like Leila.

  “I try to,” Leila said, her voice dropping. “Before I was adopted, I lived in an orphanage. It… wasn’t wonderful. So ever since, I’ve tried to be thankful. It’s not easy. But it’s better than feeling sorry for myself.”

  DING-DING-DING-DING-DING.

  (That was the sound of a bell from someone winning a prize down on the midway, but I bet you thought it was a symbol that Carter suddenly realized he and Leila had lots in common. Nope! It was just a bell…)

  (…Or was it?)

  “I never feel sorry for myself,” Ridley said. “Whenever I’m angry or frustrated or lonely, I put the energy into something constructive, like practicing magical transformations.”

  After the Ferris wheel, they regrouped in the center of the midway as crowds of people pushed around them. Theo checked his watch. “We have time for one more activity before the big-top show begins.”

  “Maybe your parents will be there, Carter,” said Ridley. “Everyone loves a big-top show.”

  “Your parents?” Leila asked. “I thought—”

  Flustered, Carter blurted out, “Oh! Well, I mentioned to Ridley that we’re staying at the resort up the hill.” He wiped sweat from his forehead. Stupid, he thought. If they find out I lied, they’ll never talk to me again. “But none of that’s important right now.” He hated to flash Uncle Sly’s smile at them, but he didn’t know what else to do. “I think Theo’s right! Let’s get out of this horde and find somewhere else to go.”

  A purple tent with golden tassels was only steps away. Outside, a wooden sign said PSYCHIC. “Hurry,” said Carter. “This way!” He held the velvet curtain aside for the others, then grabbed the coins he’d found in his pocket that morning. This wasn’t an emergency, and it certainly wouldn’t fill his belly, but he wanted to do something special for the others. They’d given him the best night of his life, and he wanted to give them something in return.

  The walls of the dim tent were decorated with intricate indigo tapestries. Incense perfumed the air with a dark, spicy aroma. In the center was a round table draped in faded red scarves. A wrinkled old woman sat gazing at a cloudy crystal ball.

  “The Gatekeepers of Destiny have brought you to Helga,” she said, her eyes darting among their faces. “Your future waits to be revealed.”

  “Give me a break,” muttered Ridley.

  Carter set a coin on the table. Helga snatched it and tucked it inside her belt. “You must hold one another’s hands.” She arranged herself on her chair and waved her palms over the cloudy crystal ball.

  “Bring forth the future and give me true sight,” she chanted. “Unfurl their path in darkness or light. Show me the way these four will tread. Reveal what’s to come… be it white, black, or red.”

  She brought her face close to the crystal ball. The milky whiteness within the glass swirled and cleared, like clouds parting to reveal the sky.

  Helga’s eyes froze, transfixed. “I see…” She bent closer. “A new friendship has formed among you. One of you is a traveler. One of you has great advantage. Another has terrible hardships. And the last of you has much love to share. But each of you has a long road ahead. It will be hard at times, but if you work together and stay true to one another, nothing will bar you. Alone you are weak. Together you are strong. So say the Gatekeepers of Destiny.”

  As the friends exited, Leila said, “Did you hear that? She knew everything about us! Mind blown!”

  “No way,” Ridley said. “All that was a bunch of generic mumbo jumbo. I’ve read fortune cookies with more insight.”

  “True or not, I liked her message,” Theo said. “Sometimes it is worth a little pocket change to feel reassured.”

  “I liked it too,” Carter agreed.

  Sure, it was probably just the usual trickery of psychics
, Carter thought, but what if she was right? What if the Gatekeepers of Destiny did want Carter to stay here?

  Across the carnival, sirens blared and clowns ran around calling, “Time for the big show at the big top! One and all, come and join!”

  “I think my… uh… my parents are probably waiting for me back at the resort,” Carter mentioned, trying again to avoid being seen by Bosso’s gang. “Maybe we should just go.”

  “But we already have tickets,” said Theo.

  “Don’t be a goose, Carter,” Leila said, doing a cartwheel. “Madame Helga said it herself. Together, we’re strong.” She tilted her head as she examined his face quizzically, as if searching for the truth. “Your parents won’t mind, I’m sure of it.”

  Reluctantly, Carter followed his friends.

  The big show was in the largest tent at the center of the carnival. The Pock-Pickets were already on the circular stage, wearing their striped costumes, as Carter and the others made their way through the crowd and found their seats.

  Theo tossed Carter a knowing look, reminding him of how they’d foiled the barbershop quartet’s pickpocketing plan that afternoon. It felt so long ago. Carter wondered if he should be ready to help stop them from stealing again.

  They sang:

  “We’ve had fun, we’ve had laughs.

  You’ve played games—all those gaffes!

  Cotton candy, popcorn too,

  Corn dogs made of not-a-clue,

  Rides that tossed you to and fro,

  And now it’s time for the big show!”

  As they sang, the Pock-Pickets made a human arch, one pair of them standing on the shoulders of the other two and pressing their palms together.

  “The night’s caboose is the best part.

  You fed the horse, now here’s the cart,

  The man who makes your dreams come true,

  The Brilliant Boss of Ballyhoo,

  The grand, the great, the Heavyweight,

  Master of You-Never-Know:

  It’s the man of the hour, B. B. BOSSO!”

  With a burst of flame and smoke, the Pock-Pickets vanished and were replaced by B. B. Bosso center stage. The large man with the white-powdered face wore a black silk robe that shimmered with shiny beads, and a wide and crooked smile. The angry blond monkey that Carter had seen the previous night was perched on his shoulder, wearing the same red fez.

  “Greetings! I am B. B. Bosso and this is my show! All you see, you see because of me! All your fun is by my design! I’ve crisscrossed the globe to learn the mysteries of the mystics, the secrets of the swamis, the fabulosities of the fakirs. Why? It thrills me beyond all measure to entertain you, my beloved fans!”

  The crowd clapped and laughed. Carter ducked a little lower among the others and tucked his hat down. He hoped his friends didn’t notice his behavior.

  Bosso started the show with a SWISH by swinging a sword and chopping the heads off a bouquet of roses—dandelions popped up in their place. “Not bad,” Ridley said as the crowd oohed and aahed.

  Then Bosso swung up his clenched fists and levitated a donkey fifteen feet above the stage. It thrashed its legs in the air, desperate to get away. “That poor animal,” Leila whispered as the crowd gasped.

  For the next trick, a frightened-looking clown stumbled onto the stage, as though pushed from the wings. Bosso shut him inside a coffin-like box laid out on a table. The clown squeezed his eyes shut when Bosso held up a handsaw, its teeth as big as a shark’s. Bosso sawed the clown’s box into threes. First he cut at the knees, then at the neck. Bosso’s brow was shiny with sweat from the effort. Carter was flustered, worried that something might go terribly wrong. But after a few toe-curling moments, Bosso put the clown back together again. The clown staggered off stage in a daze.

  Two cannons fired, shooting clowns across the stage into nets. Then Bosso flung doves into the air, which changed instantly into black crows, cawing loudly overhead like a bad omen.

  “He has an interesting technique,” Theo said, his eyes fixed on the stage.

  “You might wonder what it takes to run a carnival.” Bosso grinned. “Let me tell you.

  “It takes strength!” He juggled four sledgehammers, then stepped away from them. They kept circling in the air.

  “It takes money!” A giant safe was rolled on stage by the Tattooed Baby. B. B. Bosso spun it around, showing all four sides. When he opened it, a great explosion of bills rained over the crowd. The bills weren’t money, though—they were blank pieces of green paper.

  “It takes flair!” From the sides of the stage, the Walrus tossed several white chairs to B. B. Bosso, who threw them together to create a tower, each new chair balanced atop the last. The Spider-Lady climbed up the side and crouched on top.

  “It takes power!” With a snap of B. B. Bosso’s fingers, the tower collapsed. The Spider-Lady didn’t move. Instead she and the top chair floated in place.

  Carter wasn’t sure but he thought that she might have smiled right at him. He slunk down even lower in his seat.

  “It takes laughs!” B. B. Bosso returned to the safe, closed it, and opened it again. In place of the money, one Pock-Picket after another climbed out, waving to the crowd.

  “It takes magic!” B. B. Bosso raised his arms and all of his lackeys—the Walrus, the Tattooed Baby, and the Spider-Lady—floated to the center of the stage. “And most important, it takes ALL OF YOU!”

  Curtains fell around the stage from rafters overhead. A moment later they dropped to the ground, revealing giant mirrors surrounding the stage and reflecting the image of the crowd back at themselves. The mirrors appeared on the stage so quickly that people shouted in awe.

  A spotlight swiveled toward center stage, and the mirrors became transparent, revealing Bosso with his monkey sitting on his shoulder. Everyone else who’d been with them had disappeared. The crowd went wild.

  Bosso’s monkey clapped its tiny hands as the rest of Bosso’s crew rejoined him center stage. Finally, all of them took a bow.

  “Thank you, one and all!” Bosso blared. “One last thing. As many of you know, the largest diamond in the world, the Star of Africa, will be traveling through this very town. I have arranged that it—all five hundred and thirty carats—will be part of a very special show, the Finale Fantastic. Tomorrow night at the Grand Oak Resort! Please come, invite your friends, and be prepared for my most amazing feat yet! Good night, and thank you!”

  The spotlight flickered out for a brief moment and then came up fully again. But Bosso and his gang had vanished from the stage.

  HOW TO…

  Make a Color Prediction!

  Hello again! I didn’t expect you back so soon. Someone is certainly a fast reader. Good for you. You want to learn more magic, eh? Brilliant. Pull up a seat. Oh, I see. You’re already sitting. Well, let’s go, then.

  A big part of being a magician is performing in front of an audience. There isn’t anything quite like the feeling you get while amazing your friends and family (and pets!) with tricks you’ve practiced, practiced, and practiced some more. Seeing those faces light up with thrill and delight is worth all that hard work. (Plus, you might be able to get out of doing chores.)

  Thus, I thought you might enjoy a trick you can do for a crowd. Small kids love this one! It is perfect for younger siblings, cousins, or anyone who might have crayons lying around. Time to learn how to PREDICT A CRAYON’S COLOR BASED ON ITS WEIGHT!

  WHAT YOU NEED:

  A box of crayons

  An audience

  HELPFUL HINTS (PRACTICE!):

  I highly recommend practicing this with a friend. Once you can pull it off with them, you can do better with a big audience.

  Remember: Practice, practice, practice! (Then nap. Then snack. Then… You know the drill.… Let’s all say it together: KEEEEEEP PRAAAAAACTICING!!!!!! Very good, you clever creatures!)

  STEPS:

  1. Give a member of the audience a box of crayons. (You can also ask someone to bring crayons.)r />
  2. Turn your back to the audience, placing your hand behind you.

  3. Ask one audience member to pick a single crayon and place it in the palm of your hand.

  4. This is a good time for you to say something like “Did you know every color has its own special weight? Only a practiced magician can tell the difference. For instance, green is heavier than yellow. Red is heavier than blue, and black is surprisingly light!” Of course, you can make up your own speech. The key is to keep your audience entertained.

  **Secret magician movement: While you are talking, scratch a little off the crayon tip with your fingernail.

  5. While you are still standing with your back to the audience, say something like “Okay, I’ve got it. I don’t want you to think I’m peeking, so take the crayon and put it back into the box.”

  6. Now turn to face your audience members.

  **Second secret magician movement: While turning, sneak a peek at the fingernail that scratched the crayon. You will see what color it was by the part you scratched off!

  7. Announce the color of the crayon to your audience. They will be amazed and delighted!

  8. Don’t forget to take a bow.

  ELEVEN

  When the show ended, Carter felt relief wash over him. He and his friends were unharmed and intact.

  Throngs of people walked along the main road back to the warm lights of their homes. It seemed half of Mineral Wells had attended tonight’s show. But Carter was only concerned with three of them. Oblivious to his anxieties, Leila told jokes to Carter. He almost interrupted her several times to ask about her life in the orphanage. He wanted to tell her the truth about his own history. Instead he laughed. Ridley and Theo trailed behind, discussing the likely mechanisms behind Bosso’s show.