by Adams Media
Don’t Preach
Sure, you’ve probably done some great stuff in your life. Sure, you may have great education or training or experience. But you know what? None of that makes you smarter or better or more insightful than anyone else. It just makes you unique. The more you learn or the higher you rise, the more likely you are to think that you know everything—and the more likely you are to feel like you should tell everyone else what to do. But preaching at someone is really just a form of judging. It’s speaking to them as if they have a lower status in life or are less intelligent, and while they may hear you, they certainly won’t listen to you. Preaching at someone rarely leaves you feeling good about yourself—instead, it robs you of your happiness.
Have a Sense of Meaning
What do you want to do with your life? If you want to be happier about your work and your future, then find something that has real meaning for you. No matter what your goal is or how big it is, research has proven that if your goal has a sense of meaning for you, you will be happier pursuing it. If you know your work has a meaningful and positive impact on others or the world, you will be happier pursuing that path.
Love Someone
A decades-long study at Harvard University came to the conclusion that the ability to be intimate with another person was one of the strongest predictors of health and happiness. Those people who were commitment-phobic or intimacy-phobic were among the unhappiest people. (Of course these findings only apply to “rational” love and not unrequited, abusive, obsessive, or harmful love.) So, choose a partner whom you can love and respect and who feels the same way about you. Show affection: kiss, cuddle, and compliment your partner often. Share your troubles and your triumphs, your fears and your dreams. Evidence shows that a good, solid relationship will not only make you happier, it may even help you live longer.
Spend Less Than You Earn
Many people see something they want and immediately buy it. If you do that over and over again, this philosophy can lead you into certain debt. Don’t live beyond your means. Doing so has been proven to cause stress and anxiety; it also leads to conflicts among spouses or family members. Spending less than you earn in our materially driven society is not always easy, but the feelings of security and peace that come with not being in debt will certainly bring you more happiness than any purchase ever could.
Stargaze
Looking up at a sky full of stars is not only a meditative exercise that can help you feel more calm and centered, it also teaches you perspective. Contemplating the vastness and distance of space and the universe will help give you a new angle on your life and problems . . . and stargazing will help you discover the beauty of nature too. Stargazing can also be a kind of meditation; the calm peacefulness of gazing up at the stars can help quiet your mind and the stresses of your day. As an additional bonus the time spent outside, even as little as twenty minutes, will also be a big happiness booster.
Don’t Be Unhappy about Being Unhappy
There is pain in life. At some point in your glorious life, you will be unhappy, hurt, or depressed. These things are natural and are part of everyone’s human experience. The most important thing during these times is to not beat yourself up about feeling the way you do. Feeling bad or embarrassed about feeling bad will not help you; in fact, those additional negative feelings may just drag you down even further. Instead, acknowledge your feelings—they are nothing to be ashamed of. Accepting the pain and difficulty of a situation is one of the ways to help yourself get out of it and back on the path to happiness.
Break It Down
Our complex, busy lives only add to our stress and unhappiness. Break down the complexities of your day and find ways to simplify your life. Does your family really need more than one car? Do you need more than one credit card? Having more things in your life doesn’t bring more freedom or happiness—in fact, in many cases, having more things limits these qualities. Your standard of life does not necessarily reflect your quality of life. If you simplify your life, the stresses of life will fade.
Find a Silver Lining
People who are resilient are happier over the long term than people who aren’t. We all get defeated sometimes, but people who are able to find some good in bad situations are more likely to thrive and find joy again. People who can take some actionable steps to focus not on their wounds but on how to make changes for the better (i.e., perhaps doing something they love or finding something good in their day) are able to grow from their experiences rather than being dragged down by them. Look for something to celebrate even in defeat, and you, too, will become a more resilient and happier person.
Try to See Both Sides
Use conflict resolution techniques on a regular basis when you are dealing with conflicts and disagreements. For example, when trying to resolve a conflict, do so with a calm, thoughtful, and respectful demeanor. Show courtesy, kindness, empathy, and understanding. Listen to both sides and demonstrate your desire for a constructive solution. It may be necessary to restate the problem, paraphrasing it in your own words so that both sides are satisfied that you truly understand what’s going on. Impress your desire to find a solution upon both parties. At all times, speak calmly and avoid being confrontational and aggressive. When the optimal solution is found, happiness and peace will again prevail.
Write Down the Steps to Your Goal
Think of five factors that are absolutely vital to the success of your goal. Write them on sticky paper or notecards and place them where you can see and think about them. For example, do you dream of starting your own business? Then you will have to know everything you can possibly know about your product and your ideal customers, have a business plan, find enough capital, and establish the proper price point for your product, for example. Knowing what is vital to the success of your goal will help you realistically reach your dreams.
Record Your Relatives
Before a parent, grandparent, great aunt, or great uncle gets any older, ask him or her to join you for a recorded chat. Make it informal and begin with easy questions that can serve as points of departure into his or her story: When were you born? In what town, village, or city? Who were your parents? What kind of work did they do? Then ask open-ended questions: Can you tell me about your earliest memories? What was life like for you growing up in your town? Ask questions about certain periods in their life, such as their childhood, teen years, middle age, and golden years, for example. Once you’ve recorded those memories, even after your relative has passed away, you can relive those moments and feel joyful that you took the time to make the video.
Get a Mentor
Having a mentor can put you on the fast track in your job or propel your career into liftoff. Just asking someone to mentor you suggests to others that you are eager to move ahead and that you may even be an overachiever. If you have a career or job that requires special skills, why not seek out several mentors, one for each specialized area? Some career strategists believe that mentors are vital if you desire to rise quickly through the ranks. Plus, they can be wonderful allies to have as you pursue your dreams. A bonus is that both protégés and mentors seem to benefit from such relationships.
Join a Dating Site
If you’re feeling lonely and that loneliness is making you unhappy, then do something about it. Visit a few online dating sites and research their audience demographics and their criteria for joining. Choose two or three sites that might allow you to find the type of potential partner you desire. Join one. While dating is still about meeting new people, dating sites make it easier than ever to meet those potential partners because you can state exactly what you are looking for. You just might meet some great people in the process!
Try New Food or Drink
Next time you’re traveling, sample some of the local cuisine—find a little restaurant that offers tapas or mezze or appetizers and try all of them. In the United Kingdom, go for some pub grub and a pint. In Belgium or Switzerland, tantalize your taste buds with
some fine chocolate. Or for a really adventurous taste experience, try some haggis in Scotland or a plate of pickled pig’s feet in northern Spain. Wherever you go, ask the locals about tasty regional specialties. If traveling abroad doesn’t fit into your budget, grab a friend and go to a restaurant in your area that serves a cuisine you are unfamiliar with. Talk to your server about what he or she recommends and then go for it. Experiment and have fun!
Build a Nest Egg
Build a nest egg for yourself: open a traditional or Roth individual retirement account (IRA) and put the maximum amount that the IRS will allow into that account each year. But be wise about investing for your retirement— if you don’t understand the differences between the two types of IRAs and the investment possibilities for growing your money (as well as the tax ramifications that go along with that), seek the counsel of a trusted financial advisor. It’s all part of growing a bigger nest egg so that someday you can become a retiree with a lifestyle you love and can afford.
Take Five Deep Breaths
Calm the mind by breathing deeply five times from your belly, like you naturally did when you were a baby. Stop the mental thought chatter and just “be.” Experience the present moment as it eternally renews itself in infinite diversity. To be mindful is to have an awareness of the moment without thinking or talking about it. By slowing the breath and thought, you will experience tranquility and happiness.
Use Your Delay for Good
When your train doesn’t arrive on time or your flight is delayed, see the opportunities—get out your laptop or a notepad and make a list of positive things that could come about because of the delay. Think of that “stolen time” as a blessing that gives you extra time to use in myriad ways. You could:
• Make some phone calls
• Catch up on paperwork
• Study a map
• Brainstorm some new adventures
• Write some postcards, emails, or posts
Quiet Your Mind
Focus on your thinking at the start of every day. Are you already mentally racing through your to-do list? Are your thoughts jumping from one subject to another thanks to thought associations? Did a troubling dream leave you anxious or angry or fearful upon awakening? If you answered yes to any of these questions, spend ten minutes doing a mental check-in before you even get out of bed. Take deep breaths and be aware of your entire body. Feel anchored and centered in it. Quiet your mind. Think positive thoughts. Dial out the emotions of bad dreams and the anxieties associated with the day ahead. Relax into peace. The world can wait for ten minutes.
Ask about Someone’s Purpose in Life
If you’ve ever asked someone what their purpose in life is, you may have gotten a blank stare and silence. It’s not like asking people to tell you what their job is. They are going through the motions of their lives and they know what they do every day—especially at their places of employment—but the word in your question that has thrown them off is “purpose.” Purpose is the reason for doing something or why it exists. Working at a job is necessary to earn money, but it isn’t your purpose. Living purposefully means much more than your job. Here’s a hint: purpose likely will have something to do with love, compassion, peace, consciousness, truthfulness, meaning, awakening, or courage. Figure out your purpose, too, and then spark a dialogue on that topic with others. People are happiest when life has meaning and purpose for them.
Promote Yourself
When you feel passionate about a hobby, whether it is painting murals on the walls of children’s rooms, sculpting bowls from driftwood, or making cigar box shrines, tell your friends and other hobby enthusiasts about your latest project. Word gets around. You may attract people who want to see your projects and perhaps even purchase your services or products. Post photos of your creations on social networking sites. You never know what wonderful opportunities may come your way when you put aside false modesty and instead promote yourself and your passion for your particular hobby.
Be an Organ Donor
You can save someone’s life through donation of your vital organs after you’ve passed on by signing up with the organ registry in your state and by letting the Department of Motor Vehicles know your wishes the next time you renew your license. Registering to be an organ donor is easy and can make a huge difference for an individual fighting for his or her life as well as that person’s family. Live happier knowing that at your life’s end, the organs you no longer need can give someone else a fighting chance to live.
Read a Funny Book to a Kid
If you love to read, spend some time reading to children. You can read books to kids anywhere: at home, at a local library, at an infant and toddler daycare center, at a nursery school, in a doctor’s or dentist’s waiting room, in a hospital waiting room, or even at kids’ organizations like the Cub Scouts or Brownies. Just be sure that your book is appropriate for the age group. A funny book will inspire laughter, and you’ll likely laugh too—the happy laughter of children is infectious.
Get to Know Your Neighbors
When you meet a neighbor while, say, you’re out walking your dog, say hello. Invite her to go grab some coffee. Get to know her. That means finding out what is important to her, what her hobbies are, what kind of work she does. Find out what mutual interests you share. From that beginning, you can build friendships with your neighbors.
Follow the 60 Percent Rule
Perfection isn’t possible. But many people pursue perfectionism with such vigor that it can actually be damaging. It’s time to readjust that thinking. According to the 60 percent rule, if your friendships, work life, and relationships are 60 percent “perfect,” then you are doing something right. Keep up the good work! Pushing for perfectionism will cause you unneeded stress and anxiety—instead, embrace the imperfect and feel happier.
Find Your Tribe
There is a certain kind of happiness that comes from finding people who understand you and your goals and who support and accept you. Go out there and find your tribe! Look around your community, check local Meetup groups, investigate Facebook groups, visit spiritual centers, join discussion groups . . . you can find communal possibilities for almost any area of interest. If you’ve had issues with addiction, 12-step groups made up of people who have been where you’ve been and who know the struggles you face have been proven to be pivotal to eventually overcoming addiction. The wonderful thing is that, based on your interests and needs, you can have more than one tribe. Find some like-minded people who truly “get” you, and you’ll feel the happiness of acceptance.
Keep Your Sense of Humor
The best way to feel better and deal with pain is to have a sense of humor about life and yourself—when you are in the midst of a crisis, finding something funny can help. Not that you are expected to crack jokes in the middle of a crisis, but finding a bit of humor amidst the pain will bring you some relief. And if you can make others laugh a bit, too, all the better.
Feel Good about You
Feel good about what you’ve accomplished in life or the special talents you possess. Feeling good will help you find your true colors! Be proud of your uniqueness—don’t try to bury it to fit in with a crowd. Suppressing what is natural and good about yourself will only lead to unhappiness. Be proud of the individual you are.
Ask for Help
Don’t just reach out for help or support when things are in crisis—also reach out when you are working toward a goal and need help. Ask a friend or coworker to share their experience. This in turn will make the person you are asking feel valued, plus you will gain some of their knowledge and wisdom. Use that to help make your dream come true.
Realize That Happiness Comes from Within
Often people pin their hopes on external conditions that are out of their control, or they underestimate their power to control their own happiness. Never forget the power of the mind to generate happiness! The mind can make you feel miserable even if you’re living in paradise, or the mind can make you
feel happy even in the midst of adversity. Make your mind your best friend rather than your enemy, and happiness will follow.
Smell Something That Makes You Happy
Smell isn’t just a fragrance; it’s a memory—think about chocolate-chip cookies baking in your grandma’s oven or a bouquet of flowers that a special date gave you. Because olfactory responses are directly linked to the emotional centers of the brain, they cause a flood of warm and fuzzy feelings that are sure to boost your mood. Find your favorite fragrance and smell it to increase your happiness.
Challenge Yourself
Challenges are opportunities for growth and are one of the keys to happiness. Having something to strive for will keep you out of the negativity rut, so do something you’ve always wanted try (even if you’re afraid to do it). Find something that gives you a sense of purpose and then strive for it.