Packed and Ready to Go

by Jacki Kelly

“Yeah, okay. My problem is I’m not twenty-five years old. My doctor said the odds of a woman over forty getting pregnant are low.”

  “There are plenty of women your age who have babies,” I said.

  “Tracy, please don’t feed me your ‘everything is going to be okay’ bullshit. Suppose I’ve missed my opportunity? What if I never get pregnant?”

  I glanced across my desk, hoping Ursula would have something to say. She was focused on her hands in her lap. I didn’t know how to respond. Carla could be right.

  “Anyway, Javier and I are going to the doctor this week to get the results from the test. And…and then…maybe. I’ve got to go now.”

  “Was she crying?” I asked Ursula when the line went dead.

  “I think so. What was that about? She acts like she can’t keep trying.”

  “She wants babies. She’s always had her nieces and nephews running in and out of her house. Now she’s craving her own. Everybody needs someone to love and someone to love them.” I paused for a moment. “I understand that. I’ll call her later. You need to stop being so hard on her, Ursula. The two of you are always going at each other.”

  “What’d I do? What’d I say?”

  “Just go easy.”

  “All right,” she said reluctantly. “But she always has something to say. She has a comment to make about everything. Do you know anyone with more mouth?”

  “Yes. You. Still…this is something she wants and we need to support her.”

  “Okay. I’ll be nicer.” She stood. “For a little while.”

  “How’s Anthony? I mean, how are the two of you?”

  “Tracy, please don’t start.” She held up her hand. “It’s good. It’s scary good.” She smiled. “I like him. I want it to work. I’m tired of always having to go places alone, or waiting until you and Carla can clear your calendars to do things with me.” She paused. “I love him Tracy. You know what?” She looked at me with her big brown eyes. “I’d marry him if he never bathed and was the funkiest man on earth. I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

  “Would you marry him because you love him or because you don’t want to be alone?”

  “Both are good reasons, don’t you think?”

  “Maybe, maybe not. But what do I know? My marriage might be in the toilet. Maybe you should ask Carla, she’s happily married and getting plenty of sex.”

  In all the years I’ve known Ursula, I’d never seen her so vulnerable. She usually changed men like I changed my lipstick color. I thought she’d stay single forever.

  “If he never took a bath?” I teased. “Are you sure? And did you just say love? You love Anthony?”

  “Very funny. I do.” She sat back down in the chair. “I think he wants to marry me.”

  “Whoa, Ursula. Marry? Are you guys moving that fast, or have you managed to keep it from me that long?”

  “I kept it from you a while.” She laughed.

  “So everybody is keeping secrets, I guess. Carla’s only now telling us she wants babies.”

  “Yeah, so what’s yours?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “Are you having an affair with Marco? I saw him coming out of your office with a big smile on his face.”

  “Ha. Ha. I can only handle one man at a time and I’m not doing that very well right now. But…” I lowered my voice.

  “Ah ha, that’s what I thought.” She snapped her fingers.

  “Maybe it’s time I switched up and gave Marco a try.” We both laughed.

  “Yeah, give him a try and let Walter know. Nothing brings a man back in line faster than knowing somebody else is eyeing his woman.”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “Oh yeah, that’s right. You’re Miss Goody-Two-Shoes. You wouldn’t cheat no matter how miserable you are.” She paused then added. “No one likes a martyr, Tracy.”

  A stab of guilt pierced my heart. After the emptiness of our lovemaking the night before, I wondered if Ursula was right.

  “Girl, you better take care of yourself. I won’t tell anyone.” She stood again.

  Marco walked in my office just as she was about to leave. “Hey Marco,” Ursula said.

  “Ursula. Want to join Tracy and me for lunch?” He waved his hand to include Ursula in the lunch date.

  Ursula shot me a glance. “No, I can’t. Three’s a crowd. But you guys enjoy yourselves.” She gave me a wink that only I could see before slipping out the door.

  “Ready?” His warm baritone tickled my ears.

  My heartbeat sped up. I reached in the drawer, extracted my purse, and stood. “I am.”

  Chapter Twelve - Tracy

  Marco led the way out of the building. The hall just narrowly accommodated the two of us, side-by-side.

  “So we’re really doing this?” Marco beamed a brilliant smile as we exited the building.

  “What? Having lunch? Of course.” I hoped my reply sounded breezy, like this happened to me every day.

  “I can’t believe I was actually able to pull you away.” He opened the door and allowed me to exit first.

  The sun slipped behind a wispy cloud as we stepped outside. The bright blue sky sparkled like glass. His eyes traveled the length of my legs as I pulled them into his car. He lifted his chin and his fiery gaze flickered with desire. My breathing accelerated before I could look away.

  He closed my door, circled the car, and slid into his side.

  “I can’t seem to get this seatbelt to work.” I tugged on the strap without success.

  “Let me help you. It sticks sometimes.” He leaned across my body to pull the belt.

  God, he smelled good. The warmth of his presence penetrated my pores. He had to hear my heart thundering in my chest. I wanted to touch the tiny pulse beating in his neck, but the belt popped free and he sat up straight. I swallowed the taste of desire lining my mouth. Going to lunch with Marco was like fanning the flames of a forest fire. With my marriage crumbling, I should have stayed away from temptation.

  At the deli, we stood in line, inching our way to the cash register with the other customers. Marco’s hand brushed mine as we stepped up to the counter to place our order. My heart raced like a schoolgirl. This was silly. I was married for God’s sake.

  He ordered a huge sandwich of different deli meats and imported cheeses. After my two-day gorge fest, I ordered a garden salad with low fat dressing. He placed an oatmeal raisin cookie on the counter.

  “They will bring our lunch over as soon as it’s prepared. In the meantime, do you want to share the cookie?” he said. He led the way to a table in the corner and waited until I was seated before sitting.

  “Are you always this polite?”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s something I do when I’m with a beautiful woman.”

  “It’s nice.” My cheeks grew warm.

  Marco broke the cookie in half and held the other half across the table for me. “Peace offering.”

  “Why do you think we’re not at peace?”

  “You’ve been avoiding me.”

  “I’ve been busy with the graduation and the wedding,” I lied. But looking temptation in the face over lunch would not have been helpful.

  “Too busy for a friend?” His eyes danced with mischief.

  Marco had a hook in my heart. All he had to do was reel me in.

  “Never that busy. I’m sorry.”

  “No apology necessary, just share the cookie with me.”

  “No, I shouldn’t.” I shook my head. “I’m trying to be good. I’m eating like an adult for the rest of this week.”

  “Nobody can resist a warm oatmeal cookie.”

  A cookie I could resist, he was a lot harder. His sharp good looks satisfied all my senses at once.

  He waved the cookie again. More than I wanted that cookie, I wanted to run my finger along the center of his hand to see if it was as hot as I imagined.

  “If I gain a pound can I blame you?” I broke off a piece.

  “Yes, you can blame me.” He sounded sincere. “Bu
t you look fine.” His smile was crooked.

  “I hear your divorce is final and you’re now seeing someone.” The warm cookie melted on my tongue. I gobbled it down hoping he wouldn’t notice.

  “How did you hear that?” His eyes widened without blinking.

  “Office gossip, you know.”

  “Humph! I am interested in someone.” He leaned his elbow on the table, his face inches from mine. “My marriage was over long before we admitted it. When she finally got up the courage to call it quits, I was relieved. I was tired of praying things would get better.” His candor surprised me. “She and my daughter moved back to Houston. That’s the hardest part. Not seeing Briana every day. Not watching her grow up.” He shoved the last of the cookie in his mouth without telling me who he was seeing.

  I’d find another way to pry the info from him.

  “When Crystal was in grade school she came running home one day, her eyes brimming with tears. She wanted to know if Walter and I were getting a divorce. I asked her what gave her that idea, she told me she heard us arguing the night before, and all parents get a divorce when they argue. I made a vow to myself to stop arguing within earshot of her. It took me an hour to convince her things were okay. Finally, she stopped crying and her little body collapsed against me. She hugged my thighs so tight I had to pry her loose.”

  “I couldn’t make that promise to Briana. The tension in our marriage was doing more harm than good.”

  I patted his hand. Had Crystal grown up with any ill effects from all the angst in our marriage?

  “It seems like you’ve done an excellent job with her. She’s finished college, getting married, she sounds happy.”

  The warmth of his hand penetrated my flesh. If he’d placed it between my legs, my heart would have sung. I resisted the urge to run my finger along his skin. He didn’t pull away. I couldn’t justify touching him too long. The last thing I needed today was to complicate my already-strained marriage or blur the lines. Before drawing my hand away, I squeezed his fingers.

  “It’s okay, Tracy. My parents and brother live there too, so I get to see her a lot. Besides she’s near cousins and grandparents.”

  The server approached our table with a tray in each hand. She placed the salad in front of me and his huge sandwich in front of him.

  “Anyway.” He took a big bite out of his sandwich before continuing. “Enough about me, now let’s talk about you.”

  “There isn’t much to say. Crystal’s wedding is in a few weeks and I feel like I’m running a race. Walter’s moodiness has kicked up another notch. Besides being super grouchy and irritable, a few nights ago he didn’t come home.” I stopped abruptly, not believing I had shared family secrets. But it felt good talking about this stuff.

  Marco’s eyes grew large and focused on me. “Why not?” He put his sandwich down.

  “Work. An all-night meeting he couldn’t call to tell me about.”

  “You sound like you don’t believe him.”

  “Should I?”

  “That’s something you’ve got to answer. I will say when my marriage was happy I came home or called home every night no matter what. When it was falling apart, I had lots of reasons for staying out.”

  I chewed a mouthful of lettuce. “That’s what I thought, too.”

  “I’ve probably said too much.”

  “No. No, you didn’t. You didn’t say anything I haven’t already said to myself. But you already know how hard it can be when two people who are supposed to be pulling together end up tearing each other apart.”

  He took a bite without averting his eyes. “Don’t ignore your instincts. They’ve probably been talking to you for months, you just haven’t been paying attention.”

  “My instincts are mute. I don’t hear a thing.”

  “Keep listening. Your intuition will grow louder when it matters.” The intensity of his stare made it impossible to look away.

  The knots in my stomach multiplied.

  I placed my fork over the remaining salad as the server removed our plates. “That sounds like good advice.”

  “We’ve already had dessert and as much as I’m enjoying your company, I don’t want to keep you away from the office too long. It might give you an excuse not to have lunch with me again.”

  I could have looked at him for the rest of the afternoon. The concern in his voice drew me in and had me talking about things I’d never said. His extraordinarily good looks didn’t hurt much either.

  Marco placed money on top of the check and stood up. “We need to do this more often,” he said as we walked out.

  “I needed to get away from the numbers for a while.”

  He opened the car door for me.

  “Oh!” He sounded offended. “You went to lunch with me to get away from your spreadsheets.”

  I wanted to hop in his lap and kiss his exquisite lips. “Aw, Marco.” I pushed his arm. His warm, tight flesh felt good. My fingers should have burned from the betrayal, instead my heart raced. “You know I didn’t mean it that way. I always enjoy your company.”

  “Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think you used me.”

  “But it felt good, didn’t it?” I teased as he pulled into a parking space in front of our office building.

  “Real good.” He turned the car off and turned toward me. “One thing my divorce has taught me—I need to be honest with myself, and others.” The timbre of his voice changed, gone was the joking quality from earlier. “So I need to tell you that I’m attracted to you. You’re the woman at work that I’m interested in. I know you’re married and how important your family is to you. But I think you’re a fantastic woman, perfect in every way. I don’t expect you’ll come running into my arms, but if Walter trips up, I’m here.”

  My heart stumbled. I swallowed. “I-I...” I swallowed again. “Marco, I don’t know what to say.”

  “I don’t expect you to say anything. I don’t expect you to do anything. I just wanted you to know that I think I’m falling in love with you.”

  “What? I can’t.”

  “You can’t what? I’m not asking you to do anything.” He touched my shoulder.

  “I-I’ve…never had an affair. I’ve never even thought about cheating on Walter. Well, that’s not quite true. I’ve had some very vivid fantasies, but that’s all they were.”

  “I’m not asking you to have an affair with me or to leave Walter. I love you because I know you wouldn’t do either of those things.”

  The unmistakable desire that blazed in his dark eyes made it hard to breathe.

  I got out of the car before he could open my door.

  “One day I might ask you to tell me about your fantasies,” he said as he caught up with me.

  “Oh no.” I smiled. They’re all about you and they’re X-rated. “You’ll need a note from your parents before we have that conversation,” I said with a straight face as we walked back to the building.

  He laughed and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I hadn’t heard Walter laugh in months. Marco’s jocularity lifted my spirits. His arm around my shoulder felt right and wrong simultaneously. I fell into his rock solid chest with ease. His arm around me felt better than my hand over his. Guilt enveloped my whole body.

  “The next lunch is on me,” I said, hoping to put us back on neutral ground.

  “If I waited on you to take me to lunch, I’d starve to death.”

  “We’ll go later this week. I promise. I’ll set it up.”

  He dropped me off at my office. “I hope my confession didn’t upset you. It’s part of my new philosophy, to tell the truth and to be honest.”

  “I’m fine. I might adopt your new philosophy too.”

  He held my cheeks between his palms for a moment, then disappeared down the hall.

  I placed my purse on my desk. I was rolling in waves of emotions. I wanted to dance around the office like a schoolgirl, but I could see the disapproving glare of my father. Was I cheating on Walter? Every touch was innocent, every wor
d I spoke was appropriate, but my heart and my head were all on a different script. His confession muddled my emotions.

  The afternoon passed in a blur. I couldn’t stop thinking about lunch. I glanced at my watch. It was almost six. I pushed the notebook into my drawer, saved the spreadsheet, and shut down my computer.

  I reached for my cell phone and called Walter. “Are you leaving the office soon?” I asked when he answered.

  “Yes, I’ll meet you at the caterer at 6:30.”

  “Just checking. We’re going out to dinner afterward.”

  “I guess you don’t cook anymore,” he snorted.

  “Who do you think cooked the meal you licked from your fingers last night, your fairy godmother?” I took a deep breath. Walter’s snide comments stung.

  “Tracy, calm down. We can go out. I was only saying,” he stammered. “Okay, whatever you want. I’ll go.”

  “We won’t have many more nights with our daughter before she becomes Max’s wife. I want to treasure all the time that we get. You understand, don’t you?”

  “I guess so. But she’s only getting married. She’s not going into hiding.”

  “When she’s married, our relationship will change. She won’t be able to run off and go shopping with me at the drop of a hat. Or drop by and talk all night while you’re working late. It’ll be different.”

  “You’ll be fine. You’re tough, you always have been.”

  “I may not be as tough as you think. Bye Walter.” I hung up the phone without waiting for him to respond. I reached in my purse, grabbed a pill and swallowed it without water. From the drawer I pulled out my personal file. The cluttered folder contained savings account numbers and our financial information. But after ruffling through the stack, I couldn’t find the latest statement. The office clock read 6:15 already. I had just enough time to get to the caterer’s.

  I pushed the paperwork into my briefcase and vowed to work on it later. By the time I walked out of the office, the pill had mellowed my mood.

  Crystal sat in her car talking on her cell phone as I pulled into the parking lot. I gave her a chance to finish her conversation before getting out of the car. No matter what happened the rest of the evening, Walter’s words wouldn’t turn me into a prickly bickering princess. My heart raced with expectations as I remembered my wonderful lunch with Marco and the way he held me for that brief moment. I hadn’t felt this giddy since my wedding day. I closed my eyes and exhaled. Only Walter was supposed to make me feel that good.