by Jacki Kelly
“What was that about, Walter? Why were you there?”
“I was there with one of the administrative assistants.”
“Walter, you never do anything so altruistic, so why were you there? Is this assistant, your lover? Is that who keeps you so busy you can’t answer your phone, or return your calls, or come home at a decent time, or make love to me?”
“Whoa, boy. Here we go.”
“Yeah, here we go. You won’t go with me to a doctor, so why did you do it for someone—”
“Listen Tracy, she got sick at work, she couldn’t drive. What should I have done? Tell her to crawl on her hands and knees to get to the doctor? You need to stop being so damn suspicious all the time.”
“You need to stop giving me reasons to be suspicious all the time. Oh yeah, and do you remember writing a check for the wedding for five thousand dollars? The name doesn’t sound familiar to me. It was someone named Sara or Sasha Somebody.”
I hoped she didn’t hear me suck in a gallon of air. “I-I think…I’m not sure. It sounds familiar, maybe for the extra chairs or something. I’ll look into it.” I smacked my forehead, how could I be so stupid? Was the stress was getting to me? That payment should have come out of my personal account.
“I’ve got the piece of paper somewhere with the name on it.” I heard papers shuffle in the background. “I’ll find—”
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll check it out. You go ahead and do whatever you and Crystal have planned for today. I’ll even make it home early tonight so we can celebrate her last night as a single woman, together.” I switched to presentation mode, using my authoritative voice so she’d stop delving into the black hole I’d created.
“Crystal might not be here. She’s doing something tonight with her girlfriends. I think she’s staying with one of them tonight.”
“You’re stuck with me tonight.” I forced a chuckle.
“Yeah, who the hell did I piss off?” Her voice was flat.
“That’s cold, Tracy,” I teased. “It’ll be our special night. I’ll even give you a foot massage.”
“You’re on, buddy. And it better be longer than two minutes. Oh yeah, my parents arrived this afternoon so they could be here for the wedding breakfast.”
“My mom gets in tomorrow. Are we ready for her?”
“Are we ever ready for Nellie?” She disconnected the call.
“Shit, shit, shit.” I slapped my forehead. How the hell was I going to explain this one? The easiest thing to do was to pack up my stuff, move to a new town, change my name and disappear into a crowd.
I realized I was still wearing the hospital bracelet. I twirled it around my wrist several times. How careless, if someone at work, or Tracy, saw it, I couldn’t even begin to explain this incident. I shook my head before cutting it off and burying it under some papers in my trash.
The phone jarred me away from the list of management cuts.
“Have you called the doctor yet?” asked Sasha, breathing hard.
“No, I’ve been pretty busy here today. I’ll make the call in a day or two.”
“Why don’t you let Beverly make the appointment for you?”
“Because I don’t want everyone knowing my business. I’ll handle it. Stop worrying.”
“If you could have seen your face last night you wouldn’t be so flippant with me. I thought you were dying.” She didn’t pause long enough for me to respond. “I miss you already.”
I needed some time alone, to slow down long enough to think. I sighed.
“I heard you sighing, Walter. I guess you think I’m being a pain, don’t you?”
“No, no, it’s…it’s been a hectic day and I’m a little exhausted. The wedding is on Saturday and then you and I can start making plans.”
“Do you mean it, Walter? Are you talking long term plans? Like marriage, or just getting you moved into this house?”
When did Sasha start pulling in the opposite direction of Tracy? Seldom did either of them ask me what I really wanted.
“Sasha, please don’t do that. I was there last night.” I shifted the phone to the opposite ear.
“You were kinda here. Mostly you were in the hospital.”
“I’ve got to go now.”
“Will you call me tonight or Saturday morning?”
“I’ll call you every chance I get,” I promised.
“You know I love you baby? I just want us to be a family, to be together.”
I hung up, put my pen down, and stretched out in the chair. My chest was tight, I struggled to breathe. Something had to change, and soon. I closed my eyes to concentrate on my breathing. The last thing I needed was to end up back in the hospital.
The relationship with Sasha was good. My marriage on the other hand was comfortable. I could relax in it and I didn’t have to work so hard. I didn’t have to worry about making Tracy happy anymore, I could fall asleep in front of the television.
I turned back to my desk. Reading contracts, verifying sales volumes and productivity numbers felt like mindless activity compared to what waited for me at home. When I could no longer delay life, I packed up my stuff and headed out the door.
Tracy sat in the family room watching a game show on television, a glass of wine in her hand.
“Hey, baby.” I gave her a dry kiss on the cheek before sitting on the opposite end of the couch.
“Walter.” Tracy turned off the television.
“How was the—what do you call the thingy you all had last night for the wedding party?”
“The soiree was very nice. I think Crystal and the girls had a good time. Everybody did.”
“Including you?”
“Nope.” She lifted her wine glass to her lips. “I spent the whole night trying to figure out what you’re up to now. I know you think I’m stupid and naïve. You might even think I’m fat and unlovable, but I’m not a fool.” That same calm resolve from earlier laced her voice.
I put my head in the palm of my hands and didn’t respond. She was going to be jawing for a while and I didn’t have the strength to argue with her. The pain from the last twenty-four hours was taking its toll on me and all I really wanted was to crawl into bed and get a good night’s sleep.
“But keep doing whatever it is you’re doing, because your rooster will come home to roost. I’ll not forgive you if you rake me over the coals like you did before. I think I deserve better than that. Every day I give our marriage 110%. Even when I don’t have the strength to take care of myself, I take care of you.”
“Tracy, you’re always bitching about one thing or another,” I yelled at her.
“Shhh! Keep your voice down, my parents are asleep in the guest room. I don’t think you need to wake them up with your nonsense.”
“You’re exhausting. I was working. I fell asleep. The story doesn’t get any deeper than that.”
“I don’t want to exhaust you, Walter.” She brought her glass to her lips and emptied it. “Let’s just forget it. For now.”
I stood up and headed for the kitchen. “What’s for dinner?”
“There are leftovers from yesterday. And I braised some short ribs and made garlic mashed potatoes. Everything is still in the warming drawer.” She followed me into the kitchen.
“Did you find out about the check?” Tracy pulled down plates from the cabinet.
Shit, I was hoping she would let that go. “Ah, yeah, I gave it to Beverly to follow up on. You know how Beverly can dog something, I’m sure she’ll track it down.”
“You shouldn’t ask her to check personal stuff, I can do it.”
“Tracy, you’ve got enough stuff to do with the wedding, your parents, and everything. Beverly doesn’t mind.”
She sat next to me at the island and fixed my plate.
“Are you going to eat with me?”
“I ate with my parents earlier tonight. But I want to keep you company. We haven’t spent much time together lately. You seem like a stranger to me.” Her creamy complexion
glowed under the soft light.
“I know. We need to make time for just us. We’ll do that after the wedding. I promise.” I handed out promises like gold coins.
“We have guests arriving tomorrow. I’m pleading with you to try to be amenable until after the wedding.”
I put my fork down and stared at her. She had a small wisp of hair curled on her forehead. Her pants hugged her thighs and butt in just the right way to accentuate her womanliness. Even though she was angry enough to bite my face off, there was tenderness in her eyes that I had forgotten.
She was waiting for me to commit to something and I was remembering the first time we made love. It was in her dorm room, on a twin bed. We spent most of the night just talking, and as the sun rose, I couldn’t resist kissing her any longer. When she parted her lips and accepted my tongue, it was in her eyes that I saw the beginning of my life and how I wanted to live it.
“I’ll be so sweet you won’t even know me. Maybe I’ll be so sweet I can get extra lucky tonight.”
She lifted an eyebrow. “You want to get lucky, huh?”
“Maybe if I try real hard, you’ll give in.” I could never leave Tracy, but what would I tell Sasha?
Chapter Nineteen – Tracy
Walter nudged me awake. “What are you smiling about?”
“Umm, I just had the best dream.” I stretched my arms above my head. “Carla was pregnant with twins and asked me to be the godmother. Instead of Ursula quitting the firm, she married Anthony. They moved into the house next door to me in the cul-de-sac. And Max accepted a position in a prestigious law firm in Wilmington and moved into the house on the opposite side.”
“I like the Crystal and Max part, but I don’t think I’d want to live next door to one of your best friends. I already see them enough.”
“It was my best dream, not yours.” I propped up on the pillow.
“Where was I? You mentioned everyone but me.”
I gave him a blank stare. “I don’t know. I don’t remember seeing you in it.” I pushed off the bed and made my way to my closet. “Anyway, what time are your mother and brothers coming today?”
“Oh shit. I forgot.” He ran his hand down his face dragging his skin. “I’m not ready to deal with my mother. How long is she staying up here?”
“I don’t know. She’s your mother. Don’t you know? I’ve been too busy to coordinate your family’s arrival and departure. I thought you were handling those details.”
“Tracy, you know I can’t handle my mother, you’ve got to keep her away from me.”
“Walter, you haven’t seen your mother in several years. She’s getting old. Why do you let her get to you like that?”
Walter sat in the chair and studied his hands.
“I’ll try to be the buffer. But don’t expect much. As the mother of the bride, I’ll be busy weeping. My main goal this weekend is to make sure Crystal has the day she’s always imagined.” I glanced at the clock. “The non-stop activity begins at nine when the caterers arrived to cook the buffet breakfast. So we better get moving.”
“Thank you, Tracy, you’re the best.” He pecked me on the cheek.
“Yeah, whenever you get your way, I’m the best.” I pulled on my robe and hurried down the stairs. I heard my mother talking to someone in the kitchen. “Good morning, Mom.”
“Morning sweetie.”
“Are you talking to yourself?”
“You know I am. Ain’t nobody else in here.” She opened and closed cabinet doors. “Where do you keep your coffee? I need to brew some to get your father moving this morning or he’ll never be ready in time.”
“The caterers should be here any minute.” I pulled the coffeemaker out of the cabinet. “I’ll make the coffee. Sit and keep me company.”
I measured out the coffee and water. My mother watched, but something other than coffee was on her mind.
“Go ahead and say it, Mom.”
“How are you and Walter really doing?”
“We’re fine. He’s working really hard and we’re both a little stressed…you know with the wedding and everything.” Without looking at her, I pulled napkins from the pantry.
“Tracy.” She got up from the table and stood next to me. “I’ve known you longer than you’ve known yourself. Something ain’t right here.”
“Let’s talk about it later, okay? The caterers are at the door.” I left her to answer the front door, happy to escape the conversation for at least several days. By the time I escorted the catering team into the kitchen my mother was pouring coffee into the cups.
“Bernice and Brenda, you remember my mother, Frances.” I breezed through the introductions then made my way to the stairs.
“I’ll go check on Walter and put on some clothes. The other guests will be arriving soon.”
“We know where everything is. We’ll start the prep,” Bernice yelled up the stairs after me.
Walter stood in his closet already dressed in a pair of khaki slacks and a pullover shirt. He stuck his hands in his pocket.
“You look like you’re feeling better.”
“I’ll be feeling even better as soon as my mother is in the car and on her way back to Raleigh.
“B and B are here. Can you go downstairs in case they have any questions? I’ll be down as soon as I get dressed.”
“Got it.” He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. I held his gaze for several seconds, looking into the eyes of the man who I should have known better than anyone. But I didn’t know if I should be happy or sad at what I saw. It was like looking into the eyes of a stranger. I stood in the middle of the room like a star-struck teenager. Walter hadn’t been pleasant in so long, the gesture that hundreds of thousands of couples did daily seemed foreign. Experience said whatever made him attentive would leave him and the inconsiderate boob would return. Unlike Marco, Walter’s thoughts centered on his wants and needs. In the little time I’d spent with Marco, he always put me first. When I talked I actually thought he listened to me.
I threw my robe across the bed and ran into my closet. Just looking at my bags extinguished any stupid pleasure I thought I felt from Walter’s display. In a few days I was supposed to walk into my new life. My knees began to tremble. The idea was so scary I had to grip the door handle for support.
I fingered the beautiful floor-length azure chiffon dress I planned to wear to the wedding. Crystal and I had spent weeks visiting different boutiques before giving up on that hapless pursuit. So she’d helped me select the fabric and the design for this dress. At my final fitting, we both had tears in our eyes when she zipped the dress.
“Mom, you are so beautiful,” she said, and the look in her eyes made me think she was telling the truth. The other two outfits I managed to design on my own. Crystal was so busy with the bridesmaids and the wedding, I felt guilty pulling her away.
This morning I dressed in a white silk and nylon tunic adorned in gold threading. The top hung just at my hips, and the wide-leg pants were just right without looking ridiculous. I slipped on a pair of Stuart Weitzman gold metallic sandals before draping a towel over my shoulders and applying a little blush and lipstick. My hair was nearly dry, so I ran my fingers through it to loosen the curls before heading downstairs.
The chatter came from in the family room, so I went straight to the voices. Crystal and Max were seated on the loveseat; she in his lap and his arms encircling her. Several groomsmen and bridesmaids were lounging around the room.
“Hey, Ms. T.,” Max yelled as I walked in the room. Crystal jumped off his lap and threw her arms around my neck.
“Hey, Mom.” Crystal looked like she could float away. Maybe that’s why Max kept his hand around her waist.
“Isn’t it supposed to be bad luck for you two to see each other before the wedding?” I wiggled in on the loveseat beside them.
A chorus of “I told you so’s” filled the room.
We’re not superstitious.” Max grinned. “We don’t plan to see e
ach other before the wedding, but the wedding isn’t until six this evening.
My mother joined us from the kitchen. “I think it’s the wedding dress he’s not supposed to see her in before the wedding.”
“Something sure smells good,” Carla said as she and Javier came into the family room. “We’re not too late for the food, are we?”
“You two shouldn’t be together, should you?” Javier pointed to Max and Crystal. Laughter broke out in the room and I nodded in agreement.
“Hey, where’s Walter?” I asked.
“Here I am. Who’s looking for me?” Walter walked in the room and for a short minute I forgot our troubles and was struck by how handsome he was. Seeing him and Crystal in the room together and how much they resembled each other made me smile.
“Where have you been?” I asked, and it sounded more like an accusation than I intended.
He sat on the arm of the loveseat closest to me. “I was in my office making a few phone calls. Before I could moan my complaint, he said, “It’s not what you think, it wasn’t about work. I’m planning a little something and I had to make some calls.”
“Mmm hmm,” I said. He bent and kissed my cheek. Across the room Carla raised an eyebrow and smiled.
“Everybody, breakfast is ready, and if ya’ll don’t come on and get it, I’m going to start without you.” My father stood in the doorway looking a little less vibrant than the week before.
“I’m ready, Granddaddy.” Crystal jumped off Max’s lap and looped her arm through my father’s and together they walked into the kitchen.
The kitchen island was loaded with fluffy scrambled eggs, steaming hot grits, pancakes, crispy scrapple, and lots of other stuff. I was happy to see Crystal hadn’t lost her appetite. Once the photographer showed up and she started preparing for the wedding I was sure she would be too excited to eat.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” Ursula called out as she walked into the room with Anthony at her side. “We got a little caught up this morning, if you know what I mean,” she whispered in my ear.
“That’s too much information this morning,” I said to her. “Hey Anthony, get in line and help yourself. You might need the stamina,” I said to him.