by Jacki Kelly
He had an electrifying smile. It was easy to see why Ursula loved him. She stood behind him. They helped each other fill their plates, touching each other every few seconds. Ursula hadn’t looked this happy in college when she dated the second string quarterback and picked out the names of their four future children.
I felt like a voyeur, watching everyone else’s happiness, wishing it were mine. I pushed that thought to the overstuffed compartment in my mind where all the other matters waited to be dealt with. I even tried to push thoughts of Marco away. Thinking about him only complicated an already muddled life.
We all sat around the kitchen and dining room tables, sandwiching chairs as close as possible to make room for everyone. My food grew cold, but I continued to listen to the conversations and laughter. Walter sat next to me, gobbling his food like a man eating his last meal.
Midway through the meal, the caterers walked in with a tray of Moet Mimosa balanced on a silver tray. Together, they went around the rooms, placing a goblet in front of everyone. Crystal raised her glass and nodded just for me from the end of the table.
“Before you sip your mimosa I’d like to say something.” Walter stood with his glass in his hand. Fear shook my heart. What would come out of his mouth? Walter shied away from the limelight, and getting him to say something aloud at family outings was like seeing snow in July. I glanced at Crystal to see if she knew what was going on. She hunched her shoulders.
Walter waved his hands for everyone in the kitchen to join us in the dining room. My parents stood side-by-side at the end of the table. The look on my father’s face said he’d rather finish his breakfast.
“Later today things will get real busy and I might not have this opportunity. But as I look around this room, some of the most important people in our lives are here, so this makes it a good place to say what I have to say.” Walter turned to me and my face froze.
“The wedding and reception will be about Crystal and Max and I wish them all the happiness in the world, but this morning I want to take a moment to thank the woman who has made all this possible. The woman I have loved since the day I met her.” He lifted his glass a little higher, “To my darling, beautiful and sexy wife, Tracy.”
I took in his performance from my seat. My breathing came in short spurts. I expected him to say it was all a joke. Walter bent and kissed me on the mouth, sticking his tongue in my mouth in front of everyone in the room.
When he straightened, I tried to look normal. This announcement shouldn’t have made me nervous, or my stomach sour, but I settled into his compliment like I should have.
“She has been under a lot of stress lately. I’ve been working late. She and Crystal have done most of the wedding planning without me. So just to thank her for always being understanding and loving, I’m taking her on a third, fourth, or who knows what, but we’re going on another honeymoon next week, too. A little get away to Nassau. To you baby.” He raised his glass to everyone in the room, then to me. Through the glass in my hand I could see his blurred handsomeness.
“Walter. Why?” I stuttered. “What made you decide to do this?” This was so unlike the Walter I’ve known lately that I could not fathom what would have brought him to this loving gesture. Had he seen my packed bags and was trying to preempt my actions?
“Ah Tracy, didn’t your mom tell you not to look a gift horse in the mouth?” he said, grinning.
“Yeah, but…”
“Tracy, we deserve a little fun. Some rest.”
“Here, here.” Crystal raised her glass, ending our discussion.
I sipped my mimosa. Walter wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted me from the chair. Carla and Ursula whispered their congratulations in my ear, but my mother’s skeptical look said everything I couldn’t voice.
“Hey Mom, it looks like we’re both going away. Way to go, Dad.” Crystal nudged her father and gave him thumbs-up.
Maybe I was blocking my own happiness, looking around every corner, suspecting the boogey man to snatch away my joy. I warmed to the idea. The handsome man with his hand around my waist was the man I remembered. Everything he said could be true, but I was too blinded with a silly flirtation to trust Walter. Guilt crawled up my spine. Allowing my feelings for Marco to step beyond friendship was unforgivable.
I was afraid to speak and reveal my ambivalence. Spending several days away with Walter would have been my dream come true.
Months ago.
But now it felt as if Walter had tossed me a wooden token. I couldn’t muster much excitement. Instead, a dull finger strummed the strings of my heart with no enthusiasm.
A mirage of Marco and me frolicking on a beach danced across my mind. I blinked the image away and dropped my head.
Everyone looked at me, expecting me to say something kind and loving. I cleared my throat. “Wow! Walter this is great. We need a getaway. Thank you, honey.” Why wasn’t I more excited? Wasn’t that the gesture I wanted?
“The photographer will be here shortly. We better get ready, because everything we do will be captured for eternity,” I said.
“Yeah. Mom is right. I asked him to snap pictures of everything, so get ready,” Crystal put the last forkful of food in her mouth.
Max and his parents, along with the ushers and groomsmen, left for the hotel. Crystal and her girls headed upstairs, giggling and crowing about events that only they understood. Walter and I sat at the table with my mother and father.
“What time will Aunt Edna and Uncle Bill get here?” I stirred my coffee.
“They got a late start. They’re going straight to the church and you should be happy. You know the way they carry on, arguing all the time, it’s best if they take that mess right on to the church where they have to be quiet.”
“Frances is right, the last time they came up for Thanksgiving, they upset the whole dinner arguing about who controlled the remote and how much weight Bill had put on. I had indigestion for the rest of the evening.” My father shook his head.
“But they are my godparents,” I laughed. I wanted to get pictures of them.”
“Get ’em at the church. Take my word for it, that’s best for all of us.”
“Dad, you look tired, maybe you need to get a nap before—”
“Yeah.” He stood up. “I think I’ll get forty winks, that way I can dance the night away with my granddaughter.” He stood, but leaned on the chair before heading upstairs.
Before my mother followed him out of the kitchen, she gave me a look. “See what I mean?”
“I have an appointment on Monday. Stop worrying, Mom.”
The doorbell chimed, stopping her reply. She twisted her mouth into a disappointed line and walked out.
“That must be the photographer.” Walter got up from the table. “Let’s get this show on the road.”
From where I sat in the kitchen I could hear the heated conversation and guessed that instead of the photographer arriving, Walter’s mother had landed on her broom. I sighed and made my way to the front door.
“You know your brother drives like a maniac, I don’t know why you didn’t just send me a ticket and let me fly up here last night.” Mrs. Baptiste set her purse on the table in the foyer. “You’re stingy, Walter, always have been.”
“Well, he got you here safe, didn’t he? Come on in and stop complaining.” Walter closed the door and rubbed his chest.
“You are a mean self-centered ass. You only think about yourself. Always have. After all I sacrificed for you and your brothers, I deserve better treatment than this. I pray for your narcissistic soul. Out of all my boys, you are my biggest disappointment because you could be so much better.”
I tried to rescue him from his mother’s bite. “Good morning, Mrs. Baptiste. We just finished breakfast but I’m sure we’ve got plenty here for you guys.” I tried to sound chipper.
“See Warren, if we had left when I told you, we could have gotten here so we could have a decent meal. Now we’re stuck with leftovers,” she yelled
at her son before following me into the kitchen.
“Tracy, it’s a wonder you’re still with him. You must be a saint.” His mother rolled her eyes before plopping into the chair with a huff.
“I’m sure we can ask the caterer to fix you a nice hot meal. Please get comfortable, I’ll talk to them.” I indicated a seat at the table, then disappeared into the kitchen, happy to be away from the fire-breathing dragon.
Walter slipped into the kitchen behind me, looking like a little boy caught shoplifting candy.
“I hope you made a reservation for your family at the hotel. Please don’t give her another reason to be angry,” I whispered to Walter.
“Yeah, I did. Now let’s get them fed and out of here as quickly as possible.” He gripped the counter so tight the veins in his hand bulged.
Chapter Twenty - Tracy
Before Walter and I escorted Crystal down the aisle, I grabbed a tissue from the coordinator to wipe the tears from my eyes.
“Are you going to be okay?” Crystal asked me. She wore a simple but elegant Rivini gown—her strapless, satin A-line dress was tiered and fit like the design was made especially for her. She looked like a princess as she stood between her father and me.
“Yeah, I’m okay. These are happy tears.”
“Come on Tracy, you can do this.” Walter wrapped me in his arms. “We’ve been getting ready for this day for over a year.”
“Yes.” I faked confidence. “Yes, I can. Let’s get this show on the road.” I signaled the coordinator to start the music. We took Crystal’s arms after positioning ourselves in front of the vestibule doors. Before we proceeded down the aisle, I gave her hand a strong squeeze.
Throughout the ceremony, Walter kept his arm around me, comforting and shoring me up. Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes at the impeding emptiness in my life. Beside me, my father reached for my left hand and held it between his massive warm palms. He beamed with happiness. Maybe this was the thing that would allow him to forgive me. After twenty-one years, I detected a smidgen of forward movement.
“Your mother cried when you got married, too, but she stopped long enough to smile for the pictures. Are you going to cry through the pictures, too?” He leaned over and whispered in my ear.
“No, Dad.” I kissed him on the cheek. “Are we okay?”
“We’re fine, baby. You’ve made your parents proud. We couldn’t have asked for a better daughter.” He kissed my nose.
For the balance of the ceremony a sweet peace settle over me.
After dinner, instead of mingling, I sat at the empty table, slipped off my shoes and wiggled my toes. They would never be straight again.
“You’ve taken off your shoes already?” Ursula fell into the chair next to me.
“Girl, my feet are killing me. I’m not used to dancing all night,” I said. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you look so happy Anthony must be good for you.”
“You and Walter seem… It looks like he’s ga-ga over you today. What is that about?”
“Good question, but I’m kinda enjoying it.”
“So, you guys are going away on a… little honeymoon, getaway, sex weekend?” She laughed at her joke and I joined her. Then with an introspective look on her face, she asked, “Do you think Max and Crystal will stay married forever?”
I placed my elbows on the table and put my chin in the palm of my hand. “Are you thinking about Crystal or yourself?”
“Me.”
“Don’t be afraid—you deserve to be happy. Claim it.”
“Yeah. You’re right. But look at you and Walter.” Ursula dropped her elbow on the table, too.
“I’ve never set good examples for anyone,” I joked.
“That’s not true. I wouldn’t have gone to college if you hadn’t,” Ursula said.
“Yeah, but then I got pregnant. Some kind of example that was for you.”
“Tracy, that wasn’t the end of the world. Besides, look at your beautiful daughter.” She craned her neck to find Crystal.
I fingered the fork lying on the table. “I think my father forgave me today.”
“I think he did that a long time ago. You just have to forgive yourself.” She patted my hand.
We sat in silence for several minutes. If being happy was so easy, what was my problem?
Anthony approached the table. “Well, enjoy yourself. Stop thinking about events that you can’t change,” she said.
“There you are.” Anthony reached for her hand, pulled her into his arms.
What was it about weddings that made everyone think love was so attainable?
“Tracy, I’m going to steal her away from you for a little while. I wanna dance.”
“Anthony, you go right ahead.” I laughed.
I think he said thanks before he pulled Ursula into his arms, but they were both laughing and grinning so I couldn’t be sure.
I slipped my shoes on to walk over to my parents, who were seated at a table with my aunts and uncles.
“Other than the bride, you are the most beautiful woman in the room.”
I turned into his sultry voice and smiled. “Marco, I’m so glad you made it.” I brushed my lips across his cheek, holding them in place for a moment too long. He placed his hand on my bare shoulder. A little too familiar for the setting, but I didn’t step back. His touch warmed my whole body.
“I meant it. You are stunning. How are you doing?”
I scanned the large room for Walter. He was nowhere in sight. I nodded. He dropped his hands. Only then did I realize I had been holding my breath.
“Did you bring a date?”
“No, I’m alone.”
Even though it shouldn’t have mattered, I was happy he was alone. It made him more available to me.
“You better go. I’m sure there are guests vying for your attention.” He stepped aside. I squeezed his hand before walking away.
I sat at the table with my parents. “I saw you and Mom on the dance floor. You looked pretty good,” I said to my father.
“It’s not every day I get to dance with your mother.” He leaned back in his chair. “You know back in my day we use to go dancing almost every weekend. That was before you were born, of course. Because after you were born all we could do was stay home and try to get you to sleep.”
“Dad,” I said. “I’ve heard this story so many times.”
“I proud of you, Tracy. You’re a wonderful daughter.” His eyes held mine.
“Your father has been drinking,” my mother said.
“Quite a bit I might add.” My father slurred his words just a little. “This is the most beautiful wedding I’ve ever been to.”
“What about ours?” My mother nudged him.
“Hey—and what about mine?” I nudged him too.
We laughed. A magical charm touched the evening. I hoped it would never end. The last twenty-four hours had been perfect. The way I always dreamed.
Crystal and Max stood at the chocolate fountain, dipping strawberries into the sweet mixture. My daughter was true to her word, not afraid to eat chocolate in her white wedding dress.
Just before midnight, Crystal and I left the festivities to change into her travel attire.
“Has the day turned out the way you hoped?” I asked her.
She turned and threw her arms around my neck, “Mom...” She planted several dry kisses on my check. “I can’t think of anything, anything, that could have made this day more special. I wasn’t this happy the day Max asked me to marry him. I’m really Mrs. Maxwell Davis.” She danced across the room and her dress slip over her thin frame.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay, Mom?” She thumbed away the tears rolling down my cheek. “You’ve been crying all day. I’m starting to worry about you. You knew I would to grow up one day and move away from home, didn’t you?”
“Haven’t you heard of happy tears? And when you have my grandbabies and they grow up faster than you think. I give you permission to cry all th
e tears you want.” I reapplied my lipstick. “Besides, your father is taking me on a luxury trip so I won’t have time to worry. I’ll be sipping Bahamas Mammas by the pool during the day and playing craps into the night.” I laughed.
“Just don’t lose too much money.” She stepped into a street-length white dress. “I’ll need your help and your checkbook to decorate our new loft.”
“Is that so? Now that you’re Mrs. Maxwell Davis, I think you better start hitting that checkbook.”
“Mom, be happy.” Her tone was more serious. “While I’m away we won’t talk every day and I want you to—”
“Crystal, I have no intentions of calling you on your honeymoon. I’m fine, honey.” I reached for her hand. “Tell you what…I won’t worry about you if you promise not to worry about me.”
“It’s a deal,” she said.
We sealed our agreement with a knowing look and smile. In a flash, the instant passed and we finished dressing. Before walking out of the room, I held her and she held on to me until we knew we needed to return to the reception.
“Don’t forget your bouquet,” I said over my shoulder. She ran to the table and retrieved the white and yellow bundle of calla lilies.
“Do you know how many women in that room are waiting to catch that bouquet and live happily ever after?” she said.
“Yeah, your godmother Ursula is one that comes to mind. Aim it towards her.
“Mom, I can’t do that,” she blushed.
“I was only kidding. Well, maybe I was a little serious; she is your godmother.”
Max was out of his tuxedo and in more casual attire too, and waiting for Crystal outside in the hallway. I walked up to him and placed her hand in his.
“Take care of my baby, Max,” I said.
“For the rest of my life, Ms. T.” He kissed her on the mouth like I wasn’t standing in front of them. I would have been embarrassed if his affection wasn’t directed towards my daughter. I left them in the hall.
Marco stood in the vestibule of the ornate hall. I saw him from the top of the stairs. Under the dazzling lights of the chandelier, his polished good looks left me awestruck. He spotted me and never took his eyes off me as I descended the stairs. The voice in my head yelled at me to ignore the desire in his eyes, but my heart screamed louder. He smiled me and my stomach knotted with fear. I wanted him. I wanted him more than I wanted my marriage.