The Intern Diaries Bundle

by D. C. Gomez

“Home,” he said with a smile.

  “Home? We can’t stay in hell,” I told him. Had he lost his mind? “You are supposed to take us back.”

  “Sorry, little sister, this is a one-way trip,” Boatman said. “You got to take the elevator to Haven, right over there.” He pointed to a wall of rock on the edge of an island.

  “Hold up,” Katrina jumped in. “What do you mean you can’t take us? Boatman, we can’t go to Haven. That is the one place I’m not allowed to visit without permission. I don’t even know who to request permission from. Trespassing on Haven is a death sentence.”

  “There is an elevator to hell in every Haven? Why didn’t we go that way?” I asked the Boatman. My patience was gone, and I was ready to kill him.

  “Sorry, that’s also one way,” Boatman answered in a calm tone. “You either have payment or the appropriate clearance to use it. Come back and visit, little sister. Loved what you did with the place.” Boatman started laughing and couldn’t stop. He pulled up to the island and I hopped off. Katrina followed, but a lot slower than I would’ve liked. We waved at Boatman, but he didn’t see since he was still cackling.

  “Who has a one-way elevator?” I asked out loud.

  “Seriously, that’s the part you care about,” Katrina told me.

  I couldn’t blame her. She didn’t understand and she probably never could.

  “Isis, we are stuck in hell. To make matters worse, if we find a way to get out of hell, we are going to die.”

  Katrina started pacing and I made my way towards the wall of rock. If Boatman was right, I should have access to this freaky elevator. I was feeling like Willy Wonka with his crystal elevator. I stood two feet from the large rock formation and couldn’t figure out how it opened, until I looked to my left. Next to the large rock and hiding by a small stump was a scanner. The same kind we had at Reapers. I placed my hand on the screen and the little machine scanned my finger print. I turned to watch the large rock formation open in the middle.

  “Time to go home,” I told her as I entered the elevator.

  Katrina looked stunned for a second, but it didn’t stop her from rushing inside right as the doors started to close.

  Chapter Twenty

  For an elevator in hell, this one wasn’t very impressive. It looked like a regular elevator. The only difference was, instead of numbers for the floors, there were pictures. We only had two pictures that were lit up. One had an image of cowboy boots, while the other was a penguin. By process of elimination, the penguin had to be Antarctica— where the Intern named Bob was stationed. I was pretty sure he was the only other Intern not changing cities every six months. I pressed the cowboy boots and “God Bless Texas” started playing. The music selection impressed me.

  “Isis, are you going to explain why you can open a magical elevator in hell and know the correct button to a Haven city?” Katrina had leaned against the far wall, crossed her arms over her chest, and didn’t look the least bit happy.

  “Easy. Because according to Constantine, I’m in charge of the Haven in North America, which happens to be Texas,” I told her as I leaned against the wall as well, but I didn’t look miserable. In fact, my jaw hurt from grinning.

  “What?” It took Katrina a minute to process that information and her head snapped in my direction when everything clicked. “Death’s Interns run the Havens?” She didn’t sound very convinced.

  “Trust me. I can’t believe it either.” At least we were on the same page for this.

  “Texarkana is the new Haven. Crazy,” Katrina said. “Wait, isn’t that where the zombie apocalypse took place last May? Did you start that?” Katrina looked a little too happy for my taste.

  “Yes, we did have a zombie episode, but no, I didn’t start that,” I told her, a little offended. Hadn’t I explained the whole idea of bringing people back from the dead? “You can thank Pestilence and her horrible hiring practices for that one.” I shook my head just thinking about Pestilence. That woman was nuts.

  “I can see that. She is a special one.” Katrina smiled at me.

  “I had hoped by now the situation would be forgotten, but there is this crazy girl selling zombie apocalypse t-shirts all over town.” It was time to find that girl and burn her supplies.

  “Oh, you have to give her credit. She has an entrepreneur spirit, or maybe it’s a morbid sense of humor.” Katrina held back a smirk, although not very well. “Either way, she is hustling. Don’t hate on her.” She grew quiet for a minute before she started bouncing around the elevator. “Does that mean you know who is selling the dancing robots? I’m on the wait list and it is going to take at least six months to get one.” She put her hands in a praying gesture in front of me.

  “You are in luck. I’m sure Bartholomew can move you up the list,” I told her.

  Katrina dove in and wrapped me up in a hug.

  I patted her back. “You are way too happy about this.”

  “According to the order, I can customize my robot.” Katrina’s words came out so fast I almost couldn’t understand her. She was also jumping up and down and wouldn’t stop. “I want grenade launchers in mine.” Katrina spoke like a true soldier.

  I opened my mouth to reply, but my phone beeped. And it kept beeping, every notification I’d missed while in hell was coming back.

  “I guess we have left hell,” I told Katrina as I looked at my phone. “Oh, not good.”

  “What happened?” Katrina asked, getting closer to look at the phone with me.

  “It’s three p.m. on Tuesday. We lost at least nine extra hours,” I told Katrina. My phone was set to military time so there was no confusion if it was morning or afternoon. Before I could start complaining, the doors of the elevator opened.

  We stepped out to a large lobby area, rundown but still beautiful. The tall windows let plenty of light in, which only confirmed the time of the day.

  “Do you know where we are?” Katrina asked, checking the place out.

  “Downtown in the old Union Station building,” I told her. “I have been here before. It’s hard to forget. For the first time ever, I’m grateful it is closed down.” How would you explain to a bunch of commuters that you just came from hell? No need to panic.

  I looked around, hoping to see a trail or something confirming that Noah had been here. Unfortunately, tracking was not my expertise, so I settled for calling home.

  “Isis!” Bartholomew answered, overly excited. “Hold on. Why does your phone put you in downtown Texarkana?” I could tell by his voice how confused he was.

  “Don’t tell me that lazy Boatman dropped you off at that stupid elevator?” Constantine hissed.

  “You knew about this little ride?” I asked him, making sure my voice was flat and definitely not amused.

  “Of course, I did. What kind of guardian would I be if I didn’t?” Constantine answered. “I hate that elevator. For decades, the only active button was Antarctica. Nobody ever risked landing in Bob’s territory that way. Those stupid penguins will blow you off the map.”

  Antarctica Bob had combat trained penguins? That was insane.

  “Boatman took a huge gamble taking you there, unless the word is out that Texarkana is the new Haven,” Constantine continued.

  “They know, Const,” Katrina told him. She was a brave woman calling him that. “The demon Ralph sent Noah here.”

  “Oh great. This is going to suck,” Constantine replied.

  “Tell me about it,” I added. “Bart, we need to do something about this door. We need surveillance monitors. Pretty much we need everything. We can’t have an entrance from hell unsupervised.” I was not happy about this new development.

  “Good point, Isis,” Constantine agreed. “Bartholomew, buy the building. Make them an offer they can’t refuse and expedite the process. Get Shorty to add some men to the location.”

  Constantine was such an overachiever. I asked for a couple of doors and now we owned the whole building. If I thought about it, though, he was right. We
shouldn’t take any chances.

  “That’s perfect,” Bartholomew added. “Shorty needs a location for all his recruits. Now he can have a whole block.” Bartholomew’s voice was filled with happiness.

  “Sounds like a project for Bob,” Constantine added. “He will make sure to get that place fixed and in working condition.” Constantine didn’t have to say the rest—that Bob would establish rules and guidance to keep everyone within military standards.

  “Great plan guys, but can we get a ride,” I said, ready to head home so we could have this conversation in person.

  “Shorty is right around the corner. I’ll have him head your way,” Bartholomew told me. “Glad you made it home, Isis. We missed you.”

  I loved Bartholomew. He was the sweetest kid ever. I was glad he passed that horrible stage he had in May.

  “Miss you too, big guy.” I meant those words more than he knew. “I hope you guys have some food for us. We are starving.” My stomach grumbled as soon as the words left my lips.

  “We got you. Bob should be back from Walmart by the time you guys get here,” Bartholomew told me. “Constantine left to inform Abuelita and Eric that the hell door is activated. This is going to be fun. Safe travels with Shorty and see you soon.” Bartholomew hung up before I could reply. That boy was spending so much time with Constantine that he’d started picking up his bad habits.

  “Ready?” I asked Katrina.

  “Should I be worried about Shorty?” Katrina asked me with a smirk.

  “Nah, Shorty is the real deal,” I told her. “He is about five feet four inches, and maybe one-hundred-and-twenty pounds soaking wet. Shorty knows everyone and has more connections with the transient population than anyone in the four states area. If it’s moving in town, Shorty knows about it. He is officially our eyes and ears in the underground.” I had to admit, I really liked Shorty, although he could be a bit shady.

  “Sounds like a great asset,” Katrina said, impressed.

  “He was my first informant,” I told her. “Actually, he is my only informant. Everyone else works for him. Shorty is also Bob’s best friend, so Shorty is family.”

  “I don’t get it, he sounds legit. Why the warning from Bartholomew?” Katrina asked as we made our way towards the front door.

  “Shorty drives like a bat out of hell,” I told her, not liking my recent hell memories. “Would you do us the honor?” I asked Katrina, pointing at the door. I wasn’t even going to try since I knew she could get that thing open faster than any crook in town.

  “Oh, he can’t be that bad.” Katrina said as she bent over to work on the lock.

  “You will see,” I said and left it at that. She could make up her own mind.

  In less than five minutes, Katrina had the door opened. We stepped outside the building and I realized how much I had missed Texas. The weather was warm, but not too hot—perfect for a fall day.

  I glanced at Katrina to comment on the weather when she pulled me back.

  “Isis, watch out.” Katrina still held my arm when a large F-250 truck stopped in the same spot I had just been standing.

  “Boss lady, where you been?” Shorty screamed from the driver’s side.

  “You were saying?” I asked Katrina.

  “Never mind. I take it back. He is a menace,” Katrina told me, shaking her head.

  Shorty ran over to our side with a huge grin on his face. I couldn’t blame him for being a speed-demon. I blamed Constantine for giving him a tank to drive around town.

  “Ready boss lady?” Shorty asked. “Who is the beautiful flower with you?” Shorty asked me as he stared at Katrina.

  I had to swallow the bile down. Could he be any more pathetic?

  Katrina, however, gave him a sweet smile.

  “Back off Shorty.” I poked him in the chest. “Don’t be fooled by the looks. She could be your mother.”

  “No worries, boss lady. I like me a cougar.” Shorty made some weird growling sound, and I almost smacked his shoulder. Maybe I should have. It might have brought him back to reality.

  “Down, puppy. This cougar might cut your throat.” Katrina patted his cheek. She walked around him and climbed in the truck.

  “Boss lady, I think I’m in love,” Shorty told me as he ran back to the driver side.

  If Shorty was in love, I was going to be sick. This day just kept getting worse and worse, and it wouldn’t end. Things were becoming more surreal by the minute. I gave myself a quick shake and headed towards the truck. I was hoping I could take a nap before I had to run around like a maniac again, but I had a sneaky feeling that wouldn’t happen since we were running out of time fast.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  A drive with Shorty was like taking a roller coaster ride through traffic. He didn’t slow down for anything. Shorty treated traffic signs like small suggestions—nothing to be taken seriously. I made the fatal mistake of asking him once why the cops never pulled him over. According to Shorty, since they were all on the same side, they gave him a pass. He kept control of the underground and the cops left him alone, and he thought that was a great deal. Unfortunately, the rest of the citizens probably didn’t feel too safe with him on the road.

  Shorty got us to Reapers in record time and I was so happy to be home, I didn’t even mind when he almost ran over three pedestrians on New Boston Road.

  As soon as we got out of the car, Katrina and I headed inside. Constantine gave marching orders to Shorty to start recruiting for Union Station. When the man had a mission, it was even more dangerous. He might run over more people to get it done faster.

  Normally, I would give the new guest the full tour of Reapers. Today, though, I was just too tired, so I quickly pointed at the different areas on the first floor. Katrina stopped by the vehicle area and smiled.

  “You are right, a 50Cal won’t work on this baby,” Katrina told me as she pointed at Ladybug.

  I smiled back, and we headed to the loft. We walked in to find Bob busy cooking, Constantine shouting orders at his headset, and Bartholomew typing away. It was business as usual. I was so overwhelmed with joy, tears ran down my cheeks.

  “Isis, are you okay?” Bob asked when he saw me. He walked over and wrapped an arm around me, holding me away from him so he could inspect me.

  “I just missed you guys,” I told him as I pulled him in for a huge hug.

  “We missed you too,” Bob said, hugging me back. “I told Constantine that it was a bad idea for you to go to hell.” Bob didn’t release me until I stopped shaking.

  “It was a huge waste of time,” I replied.

  “Wow, you two look like crap,” Constantine said from the kitchen counter. When had he moved from the computer area?

  “Well it’s nice to see you too,” I told him as I let go of Bob. Then, I walked over to Constantine and rubbed his head.

  Constantine swatted my hand and said, “Girl, you are about to lose that hand if you don’t stop now.” I knew he didn’t mean it. His threats usually came in the form of a hiss, and he almost sounded playful.

  “Mission accomplished. We own Union Station,” Bartholomew announced as he made his way towards the kitchen area.

  “That fast?” Katrina asked him.

  “When money is no problem, you’d be surprised how quickly things get done,” Bartholomew answered.

  “Great. I’ll head over now and meet Shorty with the crew,” Bob told us. “Some renovations will need to be done, but we can make it barracks style and give some of the team a place to live.” I could tell Bob’s mind was already racing.

  “That’s a great idea,” I told him, wondering why we had never considered doing something like this before.

  “First things first. You two need to eat,” Bob said as he grabbed two plates of food and set them on the table. “I got you black bean tamales, rice, and beans from Abuelitas. Horchata for Isis and iced tea for Katrina. Horchata has milk so I figured you wouldn’t be drinking it anyways.”

  As always, Bob thought of
everything.

  “You remembered,” Katrina said as she placed her palm over her chest.

  “You were the first vegan person I had ever met. Hard to forget,” Bob told her.

  Katrina gave Bob a small bow in return.

  It was a cute scene, but I was starving. I took my place at the table and started eating. Katrina joined me, and Constantine jumped on the kitchen island and stared at me. Bob waved at everyone and headed out the door. Bartholomew went back to his computer station after making sure I didn’t need anything. I felt spoiled, but after three days of running around, I didn’t mind.

  “I don’t understand,” Constantine said. “You had a state-of-the-art plane that came with a bed. Why do you look so beat down?”

  “It’s hard to rest when you are stressing,” I told him in between mouthfuls.

  “We were trying to plan and develop strategies,” Katrina added, trying to help me.

  “How did that work out for you two?” Constantine asked, his tone condescending.

  “Obviously not very well,” I told him. “We lost almost half a day and the only thing we confirmed is that Noah has the princess and that they are in town.” I stabbed my tamale, letting some of my anger out.

  “Easy tiger. That poor thing didn’t do anything to you,” Constantine told me, pointing at my destroyed tamale. “Besides, it wasn’t a total loss. Now we can focus our efforts, instead of having you two crossing time zones over and over.”

  Constantine had a point.

  “How hard can it be to find someone in Texarkana?” Katrina asked as she sipped her tea.

  Constantine and I looked at each other.

  “You’d be surprised how hard it is. Especially if they don’t want to be found,” I told her, remembering our experience with the witches and the accountant. This could be a nightmare.

  “One thing at a time,” Constantine told us. “You both need a bath. You stink of Sulphur and who knows what else.” Constantine shook his whiskers as he looked at us.

  I took a sniff of my clothes and realized he was right. I couldn’t believe Bob gave me a hug when I smelled so bad.