Heart to Heart

by Meline Nadeau

  “I scarcely know what to say. It’s ludicrous. Absurd. You must be mad. I don’t even know you.”

  “That’s the point, idn’t it, Miss Jane? Jackson hardly knows me either, but I was told he asked for me to come and that he wants to live with me. I guess we need to be thinkin’ what that’s like for him. What’s he said to you about all this?”

  “Nothing, actually.”

  Billy laughed and Jane flinched.

  “You mean, I am sittin’ here thinkin’ that you’re so close to him, and you haven’t talked to him about meetin’ his daddy? Well, I guess it’s time I stop thinkin’ you’ve got it all covered. What about Eleanor? What’s up with her?”

  “If you mean have I rudely demanded her deepest thoughts on the subject, I am sure I can’t help you there, either,” Jane snapped.

  “Okay, girl, just calm down. Look, I didn’t wanna have to say this, ma’am. But, the truth is, I’ve got a legal right to him.”

  Jane’s heart pounded, hearing the unalterable fact. She knew he was right, and her letter from Lydia wasn’t going to challenge Billy’s paternity. “Okay, Mr. Killian, if you’re determined to uproot that poor child in the matter of several days, and take him away from the only life he’s ever known, then, yes, I’ll go with him and make sure he’s well looked after, on one condition.”

  “What’s that?”

  “We’ll need to speak with Jackson’s uncle, and run the idea past him.”

  “Why?”

  “Certainly you can’t just, well, just leave with Jackson and not let Nigel know.”

  “But, Miss Jane, it was Lydia’s brother that got me here. He’s the one who talked with Jackson, contacted the lawyer, and made all this happen, honey.”

  “Yes … and how could he do that?” Jane whispered.

  “Sweetheart, I don’t know why that seems hard for you to understand. I think you must be thinkin’ of it all wrong. You maybe have to look at it another way. Maybe he was listenin’ to his nephew say what he wanted. Maybe Nigel figured to be a good uncle than he oughta try to give the kid over to his daddy. Nigel probably didn’t want Jackson to ever blame him for us not gettin’ to meet each other. And Jackson said he wanted to live with me. That must mean that Jackson isn’t altogether as happy as you’re sayin’. I am sorry that’s harsh, hon, but most kids don’t ask to leave home.”

  Jane reluctantly agreed. “Yes, I imagine you’re right. It makes sense when you say it.” It was strange and emotional for her to hear him speak Nigel’s name. Nigel certainly seemed like a figment of her imagination at this point; sort of as though he were off somewhere with Lydia, watching them all play out this drama from afar.

  Billy took her out of her reverie about Nigel by taking her hands in his. “You’ve been through a lot here lately. Trust me when I say the best thing is for you and Jackson to come with me. It doesn’t have to be forever, but help me through the next couple of months, all right? I promise I’ll be as good to y’all as I know how.”

  “Oh, all right. All right. What do we do next?”

  “Well, I’ll get on the phone and make the plane reservations. We need to leave in the next two days, so we have some time to settle in, and then I can make that museum opening next weekend. There’s already been a letter sent from my attorney to Jackson’s school. But both of us need to touch base with everybody, you know? Talk things over, as we get a chance to. Especially with Jackson. I’ve kind of just let him get used to me, but now it’s down to the wire. You pack your things and Jackson’s. And in the mean time, we’ll talk to Jackson’s granny and Mr. Collins, whenever it seems right. Deal?”

  “What? Um, yes, it’s a deal. I don’t have anything to pack, because I am wearing some old things I’d left at Eleanor’s house at one time or another, so I’ll look about for some cases for Jackson.”

  “We’ll go shopping when we get there, and get you some new things. Stop worryin’ Miss Jane.”

  “Can we actually, just … do this? It all seems rather sudden.”

  “Honey, everybody knows that’s why I came to England.”

  Chapter 20

  Jackson placed his books in the house, and then went to wait in the garden for Aunt Jane. He thought she’d be here when he came from school, but she wasn’t. Gram and Mr. Collins were in the sitting room, having what sounded like a serious talk. The garden seemed the best place. The air in the house seemed stale with worry. Everyone was upset, but trying not to show each other. It was all rather dreary. Ausfrid nosed his pant leg, then jumped up on the bench beside his master.

  Aunty Jane finally returned. He could hear her footsteps pattering up the stone walk, then a deep breath as she came towards the gate. Maybe Aunt Jane couldn’t breath very well in the house, either. He felt sorry for her, because she’d lost her shop and her flat. He didn’t have any money, but he wrote an e-mail to Uncle Nigel to tell him to give her some. He always seemed to have a lot. He even paid for Dudley’s boarding at the stable.

  Aunt Jane almost made it to the back door of the house before she noticed he and Ausfrid in the garden. She seemed lost in her thoughts.

  “Jackson. Hello.”

  Aunt Jane was nervous, but Jackson didn’t feel scared. He knew that grown-ups had a hard time getting on with things, so he just decided to let her know where he stood.

  “I want to go.”

  “Where, darling?”

  “America, of course. You’re worried about that, aren’t you? Worried about me? But you don’t have to be.”

  “It’s very far away, Jackson. You might not be able to imagine how different everything can be.”

  “But I must go, Aunt Jane. I promised Mummy.”

  He should have told his secret, but it seemed very private at the time. He needed a secret then. It kept Mummy close, for a while. She wasn’t as close anymore, but he understood what she had told him better. He hugged Ausfrid. Dudley and Ausfrid wouldn’t understand. That was the bad part. He wasn’t sure if they’d come with him on the airplane or have to be left behind. Maybe Ausfrid could sit in the seat next to him.

  “Jackson, what do you mean, that you promised Mummy?”

  “When we last spoke. She said to be good. She said that my father would come for me, and that he was going to take care of me. Uncle Nigel would see to it. And that she was happy for us. She wanted to see him again, but she said that was quite impossible because she didn’t have time.”

  “When? When was this?”

  “When she was in hospital.”

  “But Jackson! Darling, you didn’t go to see Mummy in hospital. Your grandmother thought it was best, remember?”

  “Yes, I know. I rang her.”

  Jackson knew that Aunt Jane would be surprised at this. But why should she be? Did they think he was such a baby that he couldn’t find a number and ring someone? And it wasn’t like Mummy was at work. She was lying there, resting, so she wouldn’t be annoyed that he’d rang her, like she would have done had she been busy nursing someone.

  “You just rang her up, on your own? But how?”

  Aunt Jane was just being thick now. Why bother answering her. She looked completely baffled, so he finally said, “Like you do. I called her mobile. And Mummy answered.”

  “Before she died?”

  “Naturally.” Had Aunt Jane gone crackers? She’d been acting more than a little strange.

  Ausfrid yawned and a whine escaped. Jackson knew how he felt. This conversation was getting rather boring. And he was getting rather hungry, too.

  “How did she know your father would be coming, Jackson?”

  Aunt Jane’s brows were furrowed. Jackson knew she was asking to make sure that she wasn’t caught out of all of the grown-up conversations. Maybe she thought that Billy was lying about never having talked to Mummy. Or that there was something Uncle Ni
gel wasn’t telling. Why couldn’t they just ask each other?

  “I don’t know.” Jackson sighed. His stomach rumbled. Clarice had been at her sister’s house, so she hadn’t been here to bake something for tea. But there was a box of biscuits from the grocers. He thought he might put some Nutella on top of one.

  “Jackson,” Aunt Jane’s voice grew serious. He looked at her. Her eyes were mostly chocolate-colored. Like Nutella. But they were rather red. She had been crying, and that made Jackson feel sad and just a little frightened, too.

  “It had been a very long time since Mummy had seen your father. So, maybe you are the best judge. You’ve met Mr. Killian. Do you like him? I mean, are you keen to go live with him? Because you like him, of course, not because of what Mummy said?”

  “Yes. He’s brilliant.”

  “What makes you say that?”

  Aunt Jane was missing the obvious. It would have to be explained to her. Her eyes were shiny, and Jackson didn’t feel very hungry now.

  “Because he’s sort of a cowboy, and he plays the guitar really, really good. Like he gives concerts to people and makes records. I think he must be an all right person, even though he has a funny way of saying things. And Gram is so old. I love her, you know I do. But I want at least one parent. Everyone does.”

  This must have been the right thing to say, because suddenly Aunt Jane hugged him very tightly. He felt Ausfrid’s nose with his fingers, and Auntie Jane’s hair tickled his mouth. Both things, the wet and ticklish, made him laugh. He was glad that he could say what needed saying, and make Auntie Jane happy, too.

  “I have another question for you, Jackson.” She released him, and looked at him intently again. His stomach did a little flop, because he wasn’t sure what was coming next.

  “Jackson, you don’t have to answer me today, all right, darling? But I wonder what you might think of me coming with you to America? To sort of be your nanny for a while?”

  Jackson was gobsmacked. He didn’t have to think about it!

  “Yes, please! You need someone, too, Aunt Jane. I mean, not a father, but someone. We’ll go together! It’ll be fab!”

  Aunt Jane clapped her hands and Ausfrid barked. “Then we’re off!”

  She straightened and spun around like a young girl instead of someone grown-up, and Jackson bounded after her into the house. Now he was hungry again, and felt like having tea. With Aunt Jane.

  Chapter 21

  “Only five more hours to go,” Jane remarked sullenly, as she reclined her head against the puffy vinyl seat. She’d only flown on short trips to Scotland and back, and never up front with the businessmen who studiously worked on laptops and nursed whiskey and sodas.

  “Yeah, I try not to think about it,” answered Billy. “I used to think I couldn’t fly at all without being stoned. I am doin’ better, but I still don’t like it all that much. Good day to fly, though. The nasty weather can double the time, if ya know what I mean.”

  “Mmm.” Jane looked again at Jackson, who had his nose in a book. She felt the need to keep looking at him, and remind herself that she wasn’t at all mad. It was logical that she should be going to live for a while in America, with her dead friend’s son and a man she barely knew. As you do.

  She had a sense of panic about the whole affair shortly before they left. She’d prepared herself for an emotional goodbye between Jackson and his grandmother. There was none. Remarkably, with Mr. Collins at her side, Eleanor had said farewell to Jackson as though he were going to day camp. Clarice was equally in control, and they got off and into the car for the airport. It had all been rather easy.

  Until Jackson opened the paper bag that Clarice had tucked into his backpack. He opened it and pulled out some candy. Peppermints, chocolate drops, and bubblegum.

  “Oh, lovely, some treats,” Jane said. By then, Jackson was blubbing, turning the candy over and over again in his fingers as though they were worry beads. Jane and Billy exchanged tense glances over Jackson’s head.

  “Darling! Whatever is the matter?”

  Jackson sniffed, trying to compose himself. Jane knew he hated himself for being a crybaby. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand, and then dried it on his jeans. Jane thought that she ought to have a tissue, but didn’t. What kind of inept child minder was she?

  He finally spoke softly, “They’re from the shop. Doris and Eddie’s. I’ll never see them again. Mum used to take me there, after picnics.”

  “Oh, my love, that is rather a sad thought, isn’t it?” Jane hugged him and it was like hugging a hard-bodied teddy bear, with unseeing eyes, whose head rolled back away from you when pressed close. She couldn’t think of anything else to say and he was very far away in his thoughts, with his mum. Whom she’d never replace.

  That’s when her panic grew, escalating to a choking feeling. Vicious painful pulsing in her neck, and nausea welling up from her guts. Jane thought that she might lose consciousness and slam head first into the plastic table on the chair in front of her. She tried to take a deep breath. Her chest felt weighted and her panic escalated. Oh, my God! I am going to die! One hand flew desperately to her throat. I want off this aeroplane … now!

  Billy suddenly covered his hand over hers, shocking her a bit, and thus rescuing her from her mental tailspin. Her breath began to deepen as she looked down at his hand, so warm, heavy and strong. She couldn’t look at him, but all went calm and the terror passed. Jackson looked out the window with his head in the clouds, and Jane laid her head back and closed her eyes. Billy held on.

  She didn’t know if he knew, but she was grateful for his touch. She would get up and go to the loo, but not now. The next few minutes were spent in sweet relaxation, and telling herself all would be right as rain.

  • • •

  Serena was pleased with herself. She’s spoken to Billy yesterday, and he confirmed that he’d be on the plane for home the following day. She expected his limo to draw up any moment.

  His bachelor’s pad had been transformed into a home, under her loving guidance and a lot of work. She’d began with the little boy’s room. She bought twin bunk beds for him, so that he could have a little friend over. Serena imagined that he’d have a hard time choosing which he wanted to sleep on, but, little boys being predictable, of course he would settle on the higher bunk. The room already had beige carpet, the same that ran throughout the condo, which worked wonderfully well with the cowboy border she’d wrapped around the room. Below the border, she painted the wall a masculine blue. She added a sturdy oak chest of drawers, a desk that was ready for books and a computer, and she even purchased a television and small stereo with its own corner shelving unit. The boy’s room had a small adjoining bathroom, and she continued the look in there, purchasing blue, red, and brown towels that were embroidered with the same western theme. The towel rack was fashioned out of rope, which matched the rope rug lying on the floor in front of the bunk beds, and that brought it all together. Thoughtfully, Serena left fresh soap and shampoo in the bathtub. Of course, Billy wouldn’t think of packing those for Jackson, and the poor child wouldn’t have any toiletries to speak of. She added a blow dryer beneath the sink, extra toilet paper rolls, and, mostly to amuse herself, a rubber ducky.

  Yesterday, she decided that Jackson’s room was well-decorated, but needed some personal touches. She copied a picture of Billy from the internet, and put it in a frame. It looked really good, as though he’d had the picture taken just for Jackson. Then, she hung a few horse posters on the wall, and added a few classic books. Billy’s son was sure to be thrilled. Serena could imagine Billy’s lavish praise, he’d remark that Serena hadn’t forgotten a thing. He’d see what a good mother and homemaker she was going to be.

  The rest of the condo needed some work, too. She hired a maid service to do some deep cleaning. They washed windows, shampooed the carpet, steamcleaned the furniture,
dusted the mopboards, wiped out the kitchen cabinets, and even powerwashed the patio. Billy’s condo wasn’t too dirty, but the regular maid service he had in every two weeks didn’t do the extras. And everything had to be perfect.

  Serena had taken particular delight in spiffing up Billy’s bedroom. The large master suite contained a monstrous king-sized bed with a black duvet cover, a side table, and an empty armoire in a dark mahogany. Serena had been surprised at the antique piece, and asked his niece April about it. Apparently it was inherited from a relative, and also apparent was the fact that Billy didn’t seem to know what to do with it.

  Billy’s huge walk-in closet was the most fun. Serena enjoyed snooping. There were lots of expensive suits, several pairs of jeans, and dozens of elaborate shirts. Comically, he kept his socks in a small basket on the floor of the closet, next to a basket of clean white cotton t-shirts and underwear, all unmatched and unfolded. Serena guessed that the large, empty basket was for the dirty items, and that he or the maid just carried this basket to the washing machine when necessary. Actually, it was a pretty handy system for a bachelor, and Serena speculated if she would change it when she moved in. On the shelves above, Billy had three neatly folded sweaters, and stacks of notebooks. Jackpot! She stood on tippy-toes to get the notebooks down, and picked a few to read later.

  A quick survey of the master suite bath proved that it was bare except for a few toiletries and a collection of six white towels. It would take about five minutes to strip away any evidence of anyone living there, and Serena did just that. The towels were tired, and the duvet was unexciting. Without hesitation, she put them in the garbage. All linens would be replaced.

  Several days later, the master suite was now resplendent, and could’ve easily been mistaken for a room featured in a decorator’s magazine. Masculine for Billy, but all to her taste. Hired painters warmed the cold walls of the bath and bedroom with a modern, neutral shade called “Driftwood.” Serena chose creamy-colored linens for the bed, accented with raw silk pillows in sage green and a chocolate diamond design. The tapestry window treatments were a cream-and-chocolate scroll pattern, and gold rimmed frames held sepia-tinted photographs of old musicians, jamming on their instruments together. She knew Billy would love those, and she’d used her contacts at the blues museum to get copies of these vintage gems to frame. The mahogany armoire was moved from its stodgy position of lining up with the doorway, and was now slanted in a corner, a focal point that balanced the bed. Serena added a gilded mirror, a palm tree in a sage green ceramic pot, and filled in a spacious, empty corner with a comfortable chair in cocoa-colored leather and a small side table for magazines and beverages. She carried the decorative theme into the bath, which was now invitingly adorned with natural wax candles, a fuchsia orchid, a landscape painting and fluffy sage rugs placed on the wood floor.