Heart to Heart

by Meline Nadeau

  “Whatta ya mean?” Billy said, still jovial about giving Nanny Jane her own garden space.

  “About Jackson? You’re his father.” Jane said flatly.

  “He’ll miss me, won’t ya partner?” Billy ran his palm down Jackson’s eyes and nose and the boy tossed his head, giggling. “But that’s what we talked about, ’fore we came, right, Miss Jane? That you’d be Jackson’s nanny and help him get settled and stuff. I am a musician, shug, so naturally I am gonna be out on the road. You knew that, surely.”

  Jane looked at the table. “Yes, of course. You’ll travel, I know. It just seems a bit premature.”

  “Whatta mean, Miss Jane?”

  “Well, we’ve only just gotten here, really. I suppose I didn’t expect you to go on tour until Jackson began school in the fall.”

  “Oh, I see where you’re comin’ from,” Billy said.

  Serena was struggling to keep her peace. To everyone’s surprise, it was Jackson that spoke.

  “You shouldn’t try to make him feel badly. It’s what he’s meant to do,” Jackson said, obviously to Jane, but still looking at the table.

  “Darling, I don’t wish to make your father feel badly, I was just concerned — ”

  “No one cares, but you. You’re making a mess of everything, Aunt Jane,” Jackson said.

  “Jackson! I — ”

  “You’re not my mum. And you’re not even my aunt, even though I call you that. You’re not even to be my step-mum. That’ll be Serena. Why are you trying to make everyone do what you want them to do? You don’t want to do anything that we like. You don’t ride. You don’t know anything about Daddy’s music, either.” Jackson jumped to his feet, raising his voice to a shout. “I don’t need a nanny, because I am not a baby. I’ve never had one before, and — ”

  Billy put a hand on Jackson’s shoulder and said, “That’s enough, son. Everybody here cares what you think, but right now you need to quiet down, okay, Partner? Go on, go play.”

  Serena was impressed with Billy’s loving, but authoritative handling of his son. And, unexpectedly, she felt sorry for Jane. It was clear that the woman thought only of the child, and she’d had a big part in raising him when they lived in England. But that still didn’t change the fact that, like Jackson said, Serena was going to be his step-mom. She suddenly felt a maternal instinct to go to Jackson, and reassure him. Although he was angry, he was still a little boy and going through a lot of adjustment. She put a hand on Billy’s for a moment but avoided looking at Jane. Who wanted to look at Jane? One didn’t know what to say, so it was easier just to look the other way, thankful that you weren’t in her shoes. But, at least, reasoned Serena, Jane’s shoes were more attractive now than the grubby ones she came here in.

  • • •

  A while later, Billy came to speak to Jane. “Are you doin’ okay? I know I haven’t known my boy very long, but that don’t mean I am not sorry for what he said to you earlier.”

  Jane had been lost in her thoughts, with a library book in her hands as a foil in case someone had interrupted her. What would Lydia have thought of this woman? Serena was materialistic, selfish, and manipulated everyone to get her own way. Yet, Jane must also admit, that Serena was passionate, with an indomitable spirit, and her world would revolve around the boy they all loved so much. But it hurt to let him go, and maybe it wasn’t right. What if Billy and Serena’s whirlwind affair was over by the time Jackson was ready to go to school? What if —

  “Miss Jane, can you talk to me, honey? Pretend like we’re back at that picnic table, ya know? You trusted me then, and told me what you thought. That’s how we got here, ’member?”

  In a desperate whisper, Jane asked, “Do you really love her?”

  He answered quietly, but fervently. “Oh, yeah, I am head over heels, have been since the first moment I laid eyes on her. That’s why I asked her to marry me. I am not the sort that goes around proposin’, Miss Jane. Believe you me. Why are you askin’ me about that?”

  “I am sorry. I just want to make sure. I, I didn’t really know. The night we arrived, we weren’t expecting things to end up quite like this, were we?”

  “Yeah, things kinda got pushed a long a little too fast. But that’s okay by me.” Billy smiled and got up to get Jane a tissue from the table by the sofa. He returned with the whole box, knowing that Jane could need a few, once she got going.

  “Miss Jane, to be real honest with you, I don’t mind that ’bout Serena. I need a woman like that to keep me where I need to be. She don’t put up with any messin’ around, that’s for sure. But she also knows how to keep her place, if I need to put my boot down. And I am doin’ that for you, Miss Jane. I promised you, ’fore I brought you here, that you’d have a home. And some money of your own. It ain’t your fault that Serena is part of the picture, and I wouldn’t like to go back on my word.”

  “But I am sure that when you said that, you were thinking of you and I. Serena didn’t factor in, she was a new girlfriend to you, living elsewhere. But now that she’s to be your wife, I don’t see that she’ll want me around.”

  “Jackson needs you around.”

  “I am not so sure about that. I cannot believe he spoke to me that way. It hurts to be so … quickly replaced.”

  “Aw, you know kids, Miss Jane. They say things they don’t mean. Especially when they start growin’ up. I know it seems kinda soon like, me goin’ on tour, but that was all planned a long time ago, you see? Lots of people involved with all of that, and lots of money, too. Serena’ll have her own things to take care of, what with quittin’ her job, movin’ down here, and tryin’ to set up a house. She’ll need you to look after Jackson as much as I do. She just likes to rule the roost, but we don’t care none ’bout that, do we Miss Jane?”

  Billy took her hand. “You’re gonna be just fine here, hon. Don’t be forgettin’ that you still ain’t more’n three weeks from losin’ your house and business and all. Best to just take each day as it comes, ya know? There’s time.”

  Jane sniffed. She loved his attention, his strength, and she drew from it. Americans must be better at handling unpleasant emotions or something. She straightened her shoulders, and felt able to cope. Serena entered the room, but Billy didn’t pull his hand away from Jane’s. He simply looked up and said, “I think we got ’er all straightened out, sweetie. How’s my boy?”

  “He’s fine. Can I get you anything, Jane?”

  “No, thank you.” Serena seemed truly compassionate. Jane felt that they could be friends, so long as Jane didn’t challenge her plans in any way. And, after all, she had been wrong to assert herself there, hadn’t she? They were going to be Jackson’s legal guardians.

  “So, what are you planning on doing, Jane?” Serena asked, as she took a seat by Billy. “I only mean for today, of course.” Serena amended her question with a caring smile. Jane could see from the dip of Serena’s shoulder that she had put her hand on Billy’s thigh beneath the table.

  “I wouldn’t mind to just stay here the afternoon, if you don’t mind. It seemed that Jackson wanted to be with you alone.”

  Billy’s mobile phone rang out. “Sorry, I didn’t realize that ringer was turned up so loud! … Hello?”

  • • •

  Jane was glad to leave the emotionally charged scene and spend a few minutes in the powder room. A splash of cold water further added to her feeling of a fresh start. If Billy wanted a nanny, he would get a good one. And that would amount to keeping her end of the bargain, and Jackson would just have to adjust to her staying for a while. She would begin doing nanny things, like reading again with Jackson, and making sure his mind wasn’t going to mush. She would happily send him off with Billy, his fiancée, or the other members of the Killian family, as required. Granted, she loved her charge a lot more than any other hired child minder ever would, but she was determined n
ot to be obstructive. And she’d have to keep a dry eye, now that she wore a touch of makeup.

  Jane thought that her new resolve sounded brilliant. It also made her wretched to think of how her life had come to this: no home, no dreams, no plans for her future. How would she gain a life of her own again, when Jackson no longer needed her?

  She dried her hands on the thirsty, decorative towel that Serena had placed in the powder room. Perhaps she ought to discuss planning meals, and the logistics of moving house, with Serena? To some degree, Jackson was right. He certainly didn’t need a full-time nanny. He’d be going to school in a few months.

  She fluffed her hair, admired her new haircut, and tidied her expensive make-up. Pretty good stuff, that. Jane took a deep breath and joined Serena and Billy in the dining area. Billy was just finishing his phone call.

  “Looks like y’all are having company while I am in Austin.”

  “Oh, really,” said Serena. “Who?”

  “Jackson’s uncle.”

  Jane couldn’t believe her ears. “Nigel?… He’s coming here?”

  Chapter 28

  Even as confident as she was, Nigel’s impending arrival threw Serena into a tailspin.

  She didn’t have any details to operate from, and no way to get them. Billy hadn’t thought to ask any questions about what airline Nigel was arriving on, and what time. Jane rather enjoyed witnessing Serena’s frustration.

  “We know he’ll be coming from London, right? There can’t be that many flights from there, so we’ll just call the airport,” Serena said.

  Jane flipped her tidy plans back at her. “Actually, Nigel could be coming from anywhere. Munich, Paris, Barbados, Geneva. Even from another point here, in the United States.”

  “Seriously? What does this guy do?”

  “Not quite sure.”

  “Jane, you can’t know somebody for that many years and not know what they do!”

  “I know that at one point he was managing the affairs of a Middle Eastern royal family. He may have gotten on, perhaps signed on with one of their companies or other. It’s not something he’s been able to discuss much over the years. But you needn’t worry about making arrangements for him. Nigel defines capability.” Jane felt a warm sense of pride settle over her.

  Serena was puzzled. Jane supposed that she didn’t like men that she couldn’t easily size up. “Billy’s lawyer said that Jackson’s uncle would pay us a visit. It’s like in a contract somewhere or something. Gosh, I hope this isn’t some legal adoption thing. I won’t know what to do, and Billy would just say, call so-and-so. And where will he stay? Does he expect a room here, do you think?”

  This was so amusing that Jane laughed aloud. “He’ll stay where he likes, and he isn’t one to share a bunk bed with Jackson, that I can tell you.”

  “Okay. I am glad you’re enjoying a good laugh at my expense, Jane. I am just trying to make everything nice for everyone. As usual, you don’t appreciate it.” With this Serena turned on her heel and left the room. Jane heard the bedroom door slam.

  It’s like we’re lovers having a row, Jane thought. This is getting stranger by the day. Jane rather liked it when Serena threw a fit; it meant that she and Jackson would enjoy a respite from her presence, usually for at least an hour. Jane heard the television click on in the master suite. A good sign that Serena would be out of the way for a while. She often could be heard talking on the phone at the same time, the din from the television covering her conversation. Jackson was building something out of clay on the desk in his room, talking animatedly to his creation. He’d passed the dinosaur phase, and he hadn’t seen as many cowboys as he would’ve liked in Dallas. It seemed his preference was now for conquering outer space, and needing a good spaceship made of Play-Doh was probably the order of the day.

  Jane continued making her bed and tidying the room where she slept on the roll-away sofa. She, too, was nervous about Nigel coming, and it was odd that he didn’t seem bothered by the fact that Billy wouldn’t be home. One thing was certain, it was highly entertaining to see Serena’s discomfort.

  The British were coming, and Serena Berquist wasn’t in control.

  Jackson acted indifferently towards his uncle’s impending arrival. Perhaps he had a new sense of loyalty to his father, so didn’t want to show excitement, even though Billy wasn’t home. And Jackson had long been used to saying goodbye to Nigel so shortly after saying hello that maybe the child just felt vexed at another adult coming and going. Her best guess was that Nigel would check on his nephew, and then be off, perhaps even within twenty-four hours. Unless it was something to do with legal matters, in which case he may stay another day for a meeting. Jane smirked, pleased that her own distress was less than that of her hostess. The Americans dealt with she and Jackson’s lives as they wished, but it was fun to think that now Nigel had the ability to control the circumstances for a change.

  • • •

  Jane passed a football back and forth with Jackson in the commons area, across the street from Billy’s residence. She was abruptly replaced by two boys with whom Jackson was friends, and they delighted in passing the ball between themselves and then surprising Jane with her turn, sending the ball too quickly by her to keep up. They all were having a good laugh, but then Jane began to feel dizzy watching the zigzagging ball. The air was hot and heavy, as usual, and she decided to let the boys carry on without her. She returned to the condo, just as Serena emerged from her bedroom with a piece of paper.

  “Jane, listen to this, and tell me what you think,” she quipped. “Now he’s bound to be hungry, so I’ve prepared a list of appetizers to have on hand.”

  “For Nigel?”

  “Of course.” Serena had finished pouting, but she was obviously still tense.

  “He doesn’t care for anything too spicy, so you might want to leave off the one with the peppers,” Jane supplied.

  “Right,” Serena said, crossing the starter off her list.

  Just then laughing could be heard outside, and the front door opened. Nigel walked in, carrying his squirming nephew.

  “I found this lad outside, shaming Becks,” he said to no one in particular, tickling Jackson and causing him to howl with delight.

  Jane hadn’t imagined how seeing him would overwhelm her so. The blood rushed to her cheeks as she thought, oh my Lord, he’s gorgeous. She stood rooted to the carpet. Nigel dropped Jackson onto the sofa, causing more hysterical giggling, then turned and faced the two speechless women.

  He ignored Serena. “Jane, you look amazing,” he said, stepping forward to give her a kiss. She reached out to steady herself, putting a hand on his broad, suited shoulder, meaning to utter her thanks, but found no voice. “It’s been ages. I missed not coming home for Easter.” His eyes locked with hers, his face was so close, and he held her hands. Jane prayed not to pass out.

  Serena spoke. “Hi, I am Serena, and, uh, welcome.” Jane hadn’t seen her so completely off balance before. She felt her stomach curl into a knot as Serena laughed self-consciously, sexily, and ran her hand through her long blonde hair. She’s just the sort of girl I’ve always imagined him with, thought Jane tersely. What if they get together? It’ll be all my fault.

  “How do you do,” Nigel said coolly.

  “What did you bring?” Jackson said.

  Serena played the offended parent. “Jackson, that’s such a bratty question! Your uncle has just walked in the door, for goodness’ sake.”

  Nigel and Jackson both ignored Serena’s admonition, as Nigel reached a hand into his suit coat. “Just so happens I picked this out for you.” He handed Jackson a small computerized game, and the boy squealed with delight. “Spot on, just what I’ve wanted! Thank-you!” He turned and sped towards the door, calling out, “I am going to show Josh and Jeremy.”

  “Kids, huh?” Serena said with the weary
tone of a taxed parent. She didn’t imagine how silly she looked apologizing for Jackson’s quite normal behavior.

  “Well … Nigel … You must be starving!” Serena cooed, pursing her lips as though she’d said something naughty. Jane thought she may very well be sick, although she knew Billy probably wouldn’t think a thing of Serena’s outlandish flirting, had he been there to see it. How could he tolerate her carrying on that way, Jane didn’t know. She remembered how ridiculous Serena acted towards their good-looking waiter at the tea lunch they’d gone to at the botanical garden.

  Nigel wasn’t completely immune from her silliness, and smiled in return. But he continued to stand close to Jane, almost as though to protect her from Serena’s girl-meets-boy ritual. Simply having Nigel near flooded Jane with a sense of security, of rightness, of home.

  Jane decided to proverbially throw a wet towel on Serena, and remind her that she and Nigel weren’t alone. She turned to him with a personal question, one she knew that Serena couldn’t follow, and one that had been on her mind. “Has your mother found a buyer?”

  “She has, actually,” Nigel said.

  “Oh,” Jane replied. She knew Serena would think her answer an awfully flimsy, poorly orchestrated response, but Jane didn’t care what she thought now. Serena couldn’t understand what a loss Brambleberry House was, to any of them. Worse, she wouldn’t care, unless understanding it would endear her to Nigel for the time being.

  Serena wouldn’t tolerate being ignored, even if only for a few seconds.

  “Please, come and sit down. Like I said, welcome to our little home. I am in the process of buying something larger, but we’ve been cozy here.”

  You’re not the one sleeping on the sofa, Jane thought miserably.

  Serena settled herself beside Nigel, and what with both of their long legs taking up the space between the huge sofa and the chrome table, it seemed easier to for Jane to sit opposite them on a small chair. It was quite low, and it sat next to a guitar on a stand. It must be where Billy liked to play music, sometimes, although while Jane had been there he had gone over to Yancy’s recording studio to play with the members of his band. Jane felt like a adolescent, forced to sit with the grownups. The only way to be comfortable was to sort of collapse, legs crossed, elbows over her thighs.