Eighteen Months

by Giulia Napoli

  “No need. Easy X works as well this way. It also is a vehicle for delivering the rest of the cocktail.”

  “Which is?” I asked, not expecting an answer.

  I didn’t get it either. “A combination euphoric and downer. The Easy X ameliorates the effect of the rest of the cocktail so it’s overall, less potent anyway.”

  I never knew Roger had any words as big as “ameliorates” in his vocabulary. What he said meant the mixture could be anything. I wouldn’t be surprised if he fucked me up. And I felt trapped. Like I didn’t have control of my job – which was a big part of my life. God, this would have never happened if Roger Senior hadn’t had that stroke.

  Then the drug hit me again, like last night, but also different. For about ten minutes, I felt great! Then I felt sexy. I wanted sex but I didn’t feel I needed sex. Then I felt really sexy. Then I wanted to show off, like the drug was supposed to make me feel.

  I masturbated openly before Pat started my makeup. Then a little before my 8:00 first dance. The five performances went about like last night. I used the new, dirty moves and fingering. I came on stage once during each performance as a redhead, and twice during the slower, but sexier, brunette routines. The audience loved it every time. Tips were great again.

  Patti’s tongue seemed to be a hit too. She had her best tip night ever. I hoped that made up for what they’d done to her. She was a decent person, as far as I could tell. Maybe a little slow.

  When I got home, Rina was there. I didn’t feel a need to jump her bones. I did have the cigarette craving again, though. I’d been smoking about a pack a day, and had done that today the same as usual. But when I got home, I really, really needed to smoke. I chain-smoked four before I felt right.

  Sex was very, very good. Perhaps, the best ever. I was not out of control, but I was very much into it. Rina appreciated my efforts, and I relished hers.

  The next night, Roger actually asked me how the revised drugs worked. I told him it was better, but I still didn’t need them. He told me to shut up and gave me the new cocktail that I’d tried Saturday night. Everything went the same as Saturday and that continued for the rest of that week’s performances. I was off Wednesday and made plans for a two-week vacation to the Caribbean that I was going to give Rina as a Christmas present. I’d gotten good at internet surfing using my computer’s voice input and output and braille device. So I made all the reservations and plans that way. We’d go after the first of the year. I’d already cleared her time-off with Uptown Disability Services.

  I met Rina at her place when she got off work. By now, after about six months sightless, I could get around walking, on the bus, on the train, and in and out of Metrorail stations like it was routine, which it was.

  When I got up Thursday morning at Rina’s, I didn’t feel very good. I didn’t feel quite right. Rina had gone to work already. I sat around and listened to Christmas music and smoked more than usual, but still felt jittery. The discomfort lasted into the next day. Rina thought it might be Easy X withdrawal. I hoped to God it wasn’t.

  I was irritable when I got to the Jolly Roger Friday night, and snapped at Roger when he came to give me my shot. As usual, a few minutes later, I felt really good again, and forgot about the anxiety I’d been experiencing.

  I heard Patti come in and asked her if her tongue was all healed.

  “Yesh.” She said.

  “How’s your … uh … speaking?”

  “Na za gook.” It definitely was “not that good.”

  Poor Patti. Her speech was badly garbled; she was pretty difficult to understand. Roger told her not to worry, she never had anything worth saying anyway. I heard him say it. I yelled at him for being such a dick toward her and he laughed.

  Chapter 14 – Stop Stop Stop

  It was a Saturday night, slightly more than a week before Christmas. Business had been slower, but that night the Jolly Roger was as packed as it could get. I’d gotten record tips on two of the first three dances.

  Still high on the same cocktail Roger now gave me every night, I took the stage for the second number 2, up-tempo dance. Though Phil changed the moves of each dance regularly to keep the performances fresh, the number 2 still had a section where I danced topless at the edge of the stage, from left to right, shaking my healthy, ringed titties at the audience, who loved it every time.

  I guess they were spectacular titties. All I could say is that they felt big. They still felt big.

  A little past mid-way along the edge of the stage, I felt someone grab for me and I was pulled down from the platform and hugged against the chest and fat belly of one of the patrons. The guy put his smelly lips on mine and pressed his tongue into my mouth.

  “No!” I screamed, trying to push the brute away. It had never gotten this bad in the six months I’d danced. The Jolly Roger was a high-end club, and the clientele, though often boisterous, were well-behaved. Some of the girls had said that they thought the crowd had gotten rowdier since we’d starting feeling ourselves up on stage, but I couldn’t really tell much difference.

  I’d always been able to dodge the guys who got too excited and reached up to touch me, or I could get some guys in the crowd to pull the attacker away right after that first touch, before anything happened. This time, I’d been lifted off the stage and was in a vice-like grip from the attacker. The man reeked of gin, cigarettes, and otherwise rotten breath.

  “Help!” I cried again.

  “Which one of those blue eyes is looking at me blindie?” The attacker said into my ear.

  “Please let me go,” I said with fear in my voice, even though I’d tried to shout it angrily.

  “You wanna fuck, don’t you bitch …”

  “WHAT THE HELL’S GOIN’ ON HERE!” Rocco bellowed from somewhere in front of me. I heard a loud crack and the man holding me dropped away. I spun backward, banged my legs on the stage, then scrambled up onto the unseen platform and ran to the back. It’s a wonder I didn’t break my ankle and fall.

  I sat with several of the girls around me, trying to calm down. I wasn’t hurt, not really, but I was scared. Really scared.

  A few minutes later, I heard Roger Junior say, “You okay, kid? Did you get hurt?”

  “No Roger, I’m okay.”

  “She’s shook up, get it?” Marlene yelled at Roger on my behalf.

  “Yeah, yeah. Well, pull yourself together, you dance again in forty-five minutes. These people came to see Minx, and you’re gonna deliver.”

  “He’s an asshole,” Marlene said after Roger left. “You should go home and take it easy.”

  “No. I’m alright,” I said. “Since Pat’s not here tonight, maybe you can touch up my makeup so I’ll be ready. I’ll leave this makeup on, rather than change to my brunette colors. Put the chin-length, straight brunette wig on me, please.”

  I danced on-time, and it was good, of course. My months of practice, performances, my talent and the Easy X saw to that. The Easy X put me in the zone every time. I couldn’t resist being sex-personified on stage. It had been the same every night. One thing about the more advanced drug, Easy X, compared to anything that came before it, is that it never loses its potency. The same dose at the same level always produced the same effect.

  I was angry at the crowd, though, and refused to do an encore. Right then, I felt that the crowd could go fuck itself. The people out there could have done more to protect me. Somebody should have grabbed that asshole before he got to me.

  I’m blind for Christsake.

  I needed to crash but I was too shaky to make my way home. Besides, Rina wasn’t at my place tonight. Some old friends had asked her to join them downtown. I encouraged her to go. I’m totally not the jealous type, and I have no interest in making her forsake her friends because I need her 100 percent of the time. I don’t.

  That said, I love every minute with her.

  I hung out at the Jolly Roger until the last performance ended and the place closed down. By now, it was after 2:30, according t
o my talking watch. Everyone was gone. I was about to call a cab when I heard heavy footsteps approaching.”

  “Alie, why are yous still here?” It was Rocco. “That prick didn’t hurt you none, did he?”

  “No, Big Guy,” That’s what I always called him. “I was hanging around ‘cause I wanted to, that’s all. I was about to call a cab.”

  Rocco was the biggest man I’d never seen. Crystal had told me he was 6’8” and weighed 280 pounds. I have a 5’4”, 123 pound body, of which three and a half pounds are in my breast implants. Standing next to Rocco, I was like an eight-year-old compared to a normal adult.

  “I can take yous home now. I’m lockin’ up and leavin’.

  “Sounds like an offer I’d gladly accept.”

  He gave me his arm and walked me out to his car, locking the employees’ door as we left.

  In ten minutes, we were at my house. Like always, Rocco came around, opened the car door on my side, and led me to the front door of the house. I opened the door and turned to him.

  “Come in for a nightcap, Rocco, please?”

  “Aw, Alie, I can’t do that. Yous don’t want the neighbors thinkin’ that yous with me.”

  “Why not? You’re one of the nicest men I’ve ever met. And probably the most trustworthy. I hear you’re handsome too.”

  “You’re makin’ that up. I got the ugliest mug you’ve ever seen. Uh … I mean you haven’t seen. Sorry.”

  “Don’t worry about it. As far as you being ugly, that’s bullshit. Come on in.” I found his massive arm and pulled him through the door. I flipped the light switch. “Did the lights go on?” I asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Have a seat. Whatcha drinkin’?”

  “I usually drink bourbon on the rocks.”

  “I’ve got some Woodford Reserve, will that do?”

  “It sure will!”

  I got the ice, found the Woodford in the large, hip-flask-shaped bottle, and poured a healthy amount over ice into each glass. Getting my bearings, I brought Rocco his glass, clinked them together after I handed it to him, and sat down next to him on the couch.

  We sipped quietly for a while. I leaned against him and put my head against his huge upper arm. I was too short to reach his shoulder while sitting down. His arm muscles were impossible to miss. He was a rock.

  “What’s it like, Alie?”

  “What?”

  “Being blind and all.”

  “It’s hard to describe in a few words. I’ve been like this long enough now that it’s become normal for me. It’s the way I am and I don’t think about being blind very often. It changes how you do things, but you become used to different ways to cook or clean or find your way from place to place. Once I learned how to use my remaining senses – like touch and hearing – to compensate as much as possible for my blindness, daily living became … well … merely daily living. I don’t think about routine things any more than you do, it’s just that how I do the routine things is different than it used to be.

  “I’m pretty sure that sex is better, because I’m not distracted by vision. At least that’s the way it seems to me.”

  “Do you miss being able to see?”

  “I suppose I do when I think about it, but I rarely give it any thought. I’d rather be able to see, but I can’t. Somewhere along the way, I stopped obsessing about being blind. That means other senses have become much more important, touch in particular. So please hold me, Rocco.”

  “What?”

  “Put that mighty arm around my shoulders. I need to feel safe in your protection.”

  He held me and I snuggled up to him. I reached down to my purse and got my cigarettes. I knew he didn’t smoke.

  “Would it bother you if I smoked?” I asked.

  “Jeez, Alie, it’s your house. Do whatever yous want. I don’t mind anyway.”

  I smoked one. I was feeling very mellow and protected and warm sitting next to Rocco.

  I lit another one, then turned my head up towards him and reached up to hold the back of his head with my right hand. I found it and said to him, “Please kiss me, Rocco.”

  “Alie … I don’t think …”

  “Kiss me Rocco. I need you right now.” I realized that it was true. Very true.

  “Alie, yous don’t want me. I’m not a nice man …”

  “That’s bullshit. No man has been as good to me as you have. This may or may not happen again, but right now I want you, Rocco. I need you.”

  “What about Rina?”

  “I was with men before I was with women. I guess I swing both ways. Right now, I’m swinging your way. Don’t disappoint me.”

  “Yous should find a nice guy who’ll be right for yous.”

  “I don’t want just any man, I want yous.” I said it with as deep a voice as I could make, and said “yous” on purpose. He laughed.

  “Rocco, if you don’t kiss me right now, I’m gonna beat you to a pulp.”

  “I’d pay to see that,” he rumbled, but he pulled me to him and kissed me. I kissed him back and then we were penetrating each other with our tongues.

  I snuggled back up against him and finished my cigarette. Then I got up, grabbing the enormous hand that held me. “Come on. I’m taking you to my bedroom. If I get us lost on the way, drag me back to it.”

  He laughed at first, then told me, “Alie, I’ll crush yous.”

  “Then I’ll have to be on top.”

  We were in the bedroom. “Now I’m gonna strip you and we’re gonna get in bed.”

  I stood against the bed and reached up to Rocco. At that moment, I wanted the giant Italian in me and there was no mistaking the need. I’m sure the Easy X played a part, but it went far deeper than that. I needed a man, and he was the best man I knew. Rocco wasn’t the answer to all my prayers, but he had a noble soul. Maybe he was the noblest man I’d ever known.

  I managed to get his clothes off and then mine. I pushed him onto my bed. It was like pushing on the side of a mountain.

  I’d never seen Rocco, of course, and I wanted to try to image him with my fingers. Naked, I lay on top of the giant and put my hands on his face. “Lie still. I want to look at you,” I told him.

  As I felt his face, I felt wetness near his eyes. “What’s wrong, Rocco?”

  “Yous … You are a beautiful woman, Alie. No one like yous has ever treated me like I was worth much. And you’re blind. If yous saw me, I don’t think you’d treat me this way.”

  “Nonsense. You have a loyal spirit. I know it. I want you. If I could see, I’d want you. After tonight, you’ll always be able to say that you made love to a pretty blind woman, and she adored you. And she saw you with her fingers, and she loved what she saw.”

  The tears hadn’t stopped. “You’re so beautiful, and I’m such a troll.”

  “Don’t you dare say that. Look at my eyes. Are they aimed in the same direction, like they’re supposed to be? Are they?”

  “No Alie.”

  “That’s me, Rocco. I’m broken. I’m sorry I can’t give you a woman more perfect. But I want you to have what I am, a cross-eyed blind girl, who thinks you’re great.”

  “Alie …”

  I knew his face by the time he said my name. I kissed him fully, my lips pressing against his, I could feel his late-night shadow, his rough beard, scratch against me. I pictured him with a strong face, a square chin, a straight, Roman nose, an average forehead, and dark, wavy hair and dark whiskers. As I found out later, I was right.

  I could feel his erect member where my body lay atop his. I kissed and licked my way down his chest. Yes, he was hairy. I didn’t expect anything else.

  My hand reached his penis and I had to stop myself from exclaiming out loud. He was gigantic! His member was bigger around than Rina’s hand and it had to be ten inches long or more.

  I reached his enormous erection and began to carefully lick the sensitive tip of it. I didn’t know if I could get the tip in my mouth, but I was determined to try.

&nb
sp; I positioned my mouth over the end of it and kissed it wetly. My tongue licked all over it. I pressed my open mouth against it and barely managed to get it in my mouth. My lips and jaw were stretched to their limit. Once the head had cleared my teeth, and my mouth was on the barely smaller shaft, I didn’t know if I could even get the expanded glans back out of me.

  I could taste the pre-cum as I took his huge manhood farther into my mouth, and ran my tongue all along the sensitive bottom of the shaft. Rocco moaned with pleasure, his enormous hands resting lightly on the back of my head. I took him in as far as I could, then felt the gag pressure on my uvula. I resisted gagging and began to suck and lick fervently. When I felt him enlarge even more, I backed off and managed to get him out of my mouth, still running my hands all over his concrete-hard body.

  I licked the bottom of his shaft. It was enough to keep him very aroused, but allowed him to slide back from the brink of climax. I kissed him all around his genitals while holding my little, short-nailed hand as far around his shaft as it would go. My other hand and mouth played with him.

  I needed him in me. I told him that as I moved up on hands and knees, so that my heavily-pierced pussy was positioned above his engorged penis. I didn’t know if I could take him, but I was determined to give it everything I had. I was certainly wet enough.

  I felt his glans pushing on my labia as I carefully lowered myself, using one hand to guide his member. I was absolutely going to make this work, even if I had to stretch myself to the ripping point. My labia parted and I positioned him at the entrance to my tight vagina. I was being careful to avoid my clit rings, because I wanted to focus on getting him in me, not on an orgasm right now.

  He went in a little, and I could feel myself stretch. It felt incredibly tight, slightly painful, and wonderful at the same time. I pushed and stretched a little more.

  “Alie …,” he said gently.

  “Shut up, I’m joining myself to you. I want to be one with you. I want to make love.”

  He moaned with pleasure then. I oscillated at an unhurried pace, almost like I did during the slower, sexier dances. He went into me a little more. I kept this up. I was so wet there was no issue with lubrication, I simply needed to stretch. On and on, his penis entered me farther. I could feel my vagina’s length stretch to accommodate him.