Moore than a Feeling

by Julie A. Richman

  CJ turned to the door and with her hand on the knob, looked back at her daughter’s lover. Pointing to his open pants, she wagged the finger that had just been in her mouth and reminded him, “Don’t forget to zip up before you come out.” And with the sweetest smile she could muster, CJ left the guest bathroom feeling she’d accomplished her mission.

  She gave Tom and Holly a week – tops. Finding another hot twenty-something would take him no time and there was not a shot in hell he was going to subject himself to Holly’s family again. Not her father. Not his ex. Definitely not his exes’ mother. But more than anyone else, if he didn’t know it before, he knew it now, being around Holly’s mother was going to cause him more problems than he’d signed up for and CJ was convinced he’d never be at another family gathering. If he had any conscience at all, which she suspected beyond his narcissism he did, there was no way, after today, things would ever be normal between him and Holly.

  Passing Mia, as she walked through the kitchen toward the great room, CJ paused, and whispered in her ear, “You owe me one.”

  Looking up from slicing a pecan pie, Mia was caught by surprise at her nemesis’ smile and wink. Lord knows what she did. Mia wasn’t sure if she should feel happy or disturbed or some combination of both. Peering out into the great room, she looked for Tom, who appeared to be deep in conversation with Seth and Henry. He probably sought out Seth as an ally, she thought. His only ally. Besides Holly.

  As if sensing her stare, Tom turned, his eyes connecting with Mia’s. With almost an imperceptible nod of her head and flash of her eyes, she clearly transmitted her message to a man who had learned to read her signals long ago. Excusing himself from the conversation, Tom strolled into the kitchen.

  “Are you holding up okay?” Mia felt bad for him.

  “It’s been a long afternoon.” Tom smiled at Mia. He was exhausted. “How’s Natie feeling?”

  “Much better, thank you. He had way too much sugar earlier today.”

  “Your children are beautiful, Mia. I’m glad you’re happy.” Reaching out he gave Mia’s shoulder a squeeze.

  “I am happy, Tom. I’m sorry if this has been an awful day for you.”

  “It hasn’t been pleasant, but on the other hand, Holly’s reconciliation with her dad was well worth it.” He looked out into the great room where Holly sat with her brother and parents, “They really are beautiful, aren’t they?” he commented, his eyes trained on Holly, who was engaged in a conversation with her family.

  Mia followed his gaze and nodded. She had to agree, they looked perfect together, the four of them, in a way that her diverse family unit with Schooner never would. And then Tom verbalized her next thought.

  “But all that glitters is not gold.” Tom shook his head. Turning back to Mia, he smiled. “You are married to a really good man and that makes me happy, Jailbait.” There was warmth in his tone as he vocalized a nickname he hadn’t uttered in nearly a lifetime. “I know that he’s a good man because he raised an exceptional daughter. And it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know it was his influence on Holly, because it definitely wasn’t hers.” He gestured his head toward CJ.

  “Do I even want to ask?” Mia was afraid to know.

  “No. You don’t. Let’s just put it this way, this may be my personal enactment of No Exit.”

  Mia burst into laughter. “Oh no, Sartre’s No Exit. My Thanksgiving is like being trapped in Hell, huh?”

  Laughing with her, he added, “This is one for the books.”

  Schooner turned at the sound of his wife’s laughter, surprised to find that the person she was laughing with was her ex. Making his way to the kitchen, he came up behind Mia, putting both hands on her shoulders. “Anything I can help you with?” he asked, his eyes trained on Tom.

  “Yeah, let’s start moving the desserts onto the table. We’ll do it buffet-style.” Mia grabbed two pies off the white marble counter and handed them to Schooner. “Tom, can you grab that bread pudding and the box of macarons.”

  “Don’t forget my cookies,” Schooner called into the kitchen.

  “Seth ate them,” Mia yelled back.

  “BBC, you lie,” Seth chimed in. “Schooner, would you let me eat your cookies?”

  Shaking his head as he took the bag Mia held out. “Not even a taste, buddy.”

  “You are such an only child,” Seth rolled his eyes at Schooner.

  “Say it, Seth,” CJ joined in. “He’s selfish.”

  “There’s a reason I divorced you.” Pulling a kitchen sink cookie from the bag, Schooner took a bite out of it, without breaking eye contact with his ex.

  “Do I need to go hide the knives?” Mia asked, looking from CJ to Schooner, who continued their staring showdown.

  “It might be best,” he nodded.

  “My money’s on CJ,” Seth continued to fan the fire.

  “I’m going with Schooner,” Henry added. “He’s still the one signing my paychecks.” He laughed.

  Finally turning his gaze from his ex, Schooner looked at Henry and laughed. “I sign your paychecks? So much for loyalty, man.”

  “Gotta be pragmatic. This one’s got expensive tastes.” He gestured toward Seth.

  “Yeah, I know. He trained Mia well,” Schooner kidded, savoring another bite of his cookie.

  “Well someone had to train her. She had this big bridge and tunnel hair when I met her.”

  “Sounds like someone I knew in college,” CJ added her two cents.

  “Do you even know what bridge and tunnel hair is?” Mia tried to soften her tone, but her New York attitude could not be smoothed away as she addressed CJ, a rush of all the horrible feelings still haunting her from freshman year bubbling to the surface.

  They were all skating on very thin ice, and as the tempers heated in the room, the fissures were expanding.

  “Remember that day I took you shopping for the first time?” Seth reminisced as he scooped up his first bite of pecan pie, his eyes closing with delight as the flavors filled his mouth.

  “Like it was yesterday.” Mia caught Tom’s eye.

  Catching the look, Seth commented, “Oh, that’s right, Tom, that’s the night I met you.”

  Nodding, he smiled at the memory. “You did a good job. Mia looked very beautiful that night.”

  “Yeah, well…” Mia’s voice trailed off as she plucked a pistachio macaron from the box and took a bite. That night. That night held memories, very hot, raw, carnal memories. Memories she didn’t want to think about at the Thanksgiving table with her husband sitting next to her. And her stepdaughter across the table.

  Holly looked from Tom to Mia to Seth. She didn’t say a word, but the crevasse that formed between her eyes spoke volumes. It was apparent that these people held memories that she would never be part of. They had a past and although that wasn’t news to her, witnessing the tightrope they were walking made it real. Uncomfortably real.

  Sensing the ice cracking, CJ turned up the heat. “So, how long were the two of you together, Mia?”

  “A few years.” Mia left it vague.

  “And you were how old when you two met?” she pressed.

  “Seventeen.”

  “Isn’t that statutory rape?” Her eyes were wide with delight.

  Giving CJ a hard look, Mia shifted her eyes to the small children at the table, indicating the inappropriateness of her question.

  Tom stepped in, “Mia was of legal age before we became a couple.”

  Holly and Schooner became mirror images, their tense jaws twitching.

  “You know what I loved about those days,” Seth broke in. “We were just starting the company, and anything seemed possible as we brought on new accounts and worked crazy hours.”

  “Kami was a selling machine, delivering new clients at warp speed,” Mia smiled at the memory and Seth’s ability to steer the conversation back to the shores of the pond.

  “How is she?” inquired Tom.

  “She’s doing great. She’s spending the holi
day with her family in Birmingham.”

  “Imagine that. She gave up this shindig to be with her family.” Schooner put the last bite of kitchen sink cookie in his mouth.

  “We may want to start limiting your sugar intake, too.” Smiling at her husband, Mia’s eyes were shouting at him, Behave! They already had enough craziness at the table, she didn’t need Schooner, typically Mr. Controlled-Deadly-Calm, to lose the controlled-calm part of that equation. She was beginning to fear that being at a table with both CJ and the man who had slept with both his wife and his daughter might, at any moment, turn lethal.

  Standing abruptly, Mia picked up her dessert plate and grabbed Schooner’s, too, then snatched Lily’s as soon as she lifted the fork off the plate with the last bite of pie.

  Following his wife into the kitchen, Schooner put a hand on Mia’s shoulder, “You okay?” He was trying to read her eyes.

  “I think it’s time for Thanksgiving to end. If I take away their dessert plates, they can’t eat anymore. I need today to be over, Schooner. We need today to be over.”

  “We certainly do, Baby Girl. Let me go gather the rest of the plates and set our guests free.”

  The clearing of desserts was like the school bell ringing at the end of class on the last day before summer break. Zac and Lily were the first to say their goodbyes.

  “We’re driving up to Darien, Connecticut to spend the day tomorrow with Liz and Hayley at Liz’s parents’ house,” Zac explained. “Kylie and her friend, Dev, will be there, too.”

  “How is Kylie doing?” Schooner asked. “I miss seeing her.”

  “I’m sure she has bad times. How could she not? But Liz told me, for the most part, she really seems at peace.”

  “Please give her my love.” Schooner hugged Zac.

  Mia’s parents and Henry and Seth left right behind Zac and Lily, leaving Holly, Tom and CJ.

  The wrong people left. Mia couldn’t help but be amused at the three who were still remaining in the loft.

  “Why don’t the two of you come up to my hotel and have a nightcap with me in the bar. I’m staying at the Four Seasons.” CJ suggested to Holly and Tom as she shrugged into her coat and pulled on a pair of smooth leather gloves the color and feel of butter.

  “It’s been a long day, I think we’ll pass.” With a piercing look at his girlfriend’s mother, Tom answered for both of them, before Holly had a chance to respond. The edge in his voice was unmistakable.

  Cocking her head to the side, CJ smiled at him. “Oh, what a shame. I was hoping we’d be able to continue our conversation from earlier. It was positively stimulating.” Her emphasis lay solidly on the last word as she let her gaze drop for a moment, scanning his fit frame top to bottom and back up again, terminating at his eyes.

  Tom turned to Mia, regarding her for a moment before breaking into a smile most pronounced at the crinkled corners of his eyes. “I am so happy to see you so happy.”

  Mia nodded, unable to speak. Even after all these years, she knew from his expression exactly what he was thinking. And then he confirmed it with a fleeting narrowing of his eyes. With a barely perceptible nod, Mia let him know that she understood and stepped toward him with her arms open as they met and fell into an easy embrace, punctuated by silent gasps. Holding one another a second longer than what they both knew they should have, Mia’s heart felt surprisingly heavy. She knew.

  Releasing Holly from a hug, Schooner took her face in both his hands. “I will talk to you tomorrow,” his tone was absolute.

  Holly nodded, smiling and threw her arms around her father again.

  “I love you, sweetheart,” Schooner’s voice was thick with emotion.

  “Love you, Dad.” Holly stepped back.

  Turning to Tom, Schooner extended his hand. Without a word exchanged, the two men shook before Tom turned to Holly and ushered her into the waiting elevator.

  “Hold the door for a moment,” CJ ordered. Glancing from Mia to Schooner, the look on her face was disturbingly similar to the cat who ate the canary. “Remind me to go to Cabo next year,” she directed the barb to her ex.

  “With pleasure,” Schooner answered to CJ’s back.

  She had already turned away from them, heading to the elevator, and without turning back around, threw her hand in the air in a backwards wave, wiggling her fingers. Her back was still to them as the elevator doors closed.

  “We’re going away next year, too, and trust me, it will be as far away from Cabo as we can get.” Schooner shook his head. “What was that weird look about before she left. Did you see that? You saw that, didn’t you?”

  Mia nodded. “Earlier she told me we owe her one. So, she did something. What she did, I’m not quite sure.”

  “Trust me, you don’t want to even think about it, Baby Girl.”

  “You’re right, I don’t. The only thing I want to do is get on the couch with those two.” She gestured to Natie and Po, who were snuggled under fleece throws, laughing hysterically at a Thanksgiving episode of Rugrats.

  “Hey, shove over, you two, there’s no room for us.” Schooner smiled down at the kids, who immediately split apart making room for their parents between them.

  “Mommy, Daddy, the turkey is in love with Spike,” Nathaniel explained, as he burrowed into Mia’s lap.

  Kicking off his shoes, Schooner raised his long legs onto the coffee table. Looking over at Mia, “Well, we survived.”

  Smiling at him, she commented, “Yes, we did. I just don’t know if everyone else was so lucky.”

  “Baby, that’s your phone.” Mia poked Schooner. She had heard it ringing in her dream. But it wasn’t a dream. The phone was actually ringing.

  Looking at the phone screen, “It’s Holly.” He tapped answer. “Hi sweetie, is everything okay?... You’re downstairs?… Yeah the code is 1-3-6-2. Of course, you can come home. Come on up.” Hanging up, he turned to a now fully awake Mia. “It’s Holly. She’s here.”

  “What time is it?”

  “A little after 3 a.m.” Jumping out of bed, he pulled on sweatpants and went out to meet the elevator.

  Mia followed Schooner, entering the great room just as the doors opened. Dragging two large duffel bags, Holly’s tear-stained face answered the unasked question as she fell, sobbing, into her father’s arms.

  “Daddy,” she choked out against his chest, her back heaving from the torrent of sobs.

  “Shhh, sweetheart. It’s going to be okay,” he whispered, tightening muscular arms around her and letting her cry it out.

  Retreating to the kitchen to give them a moment, Mia filled a glass of water for Holly. The look Tom had given her when they were saying goodbye flashed before her eyes. She knew. That moment would be their final goodbye. She knew that even before he, Holly, and CJ stepped into the elevator. She knew. What had CJ done to move Tom from agreeing to put himself in the crosshairs so that Holly could spend the holiday with her family, to telling her it was over? That was a big leap to go from one to the other — in the same day. What had CJ done? Mia wasn’t sure.

  Reentering the great room, a glass of water in one hand, a box of tissues in the other, Mia handed Holly the water, and placed the tissues on the coffee table.

  “Thank you.” Holly tried to smile at Mia.

  “I’ll let you two talk.” Mia wanted to give them space, and given the circumstances, she didn’t want her presence to make it even more awkward.

  “No, Mia, please stay.” Holly’s eyes were pleading. “First, I want to apologize for being so nasty to you. You’ve been nothing but wonderful to me from the moment we first met, and I said some really horrible things.”

  “No need for an apology.” Mia sat down next to Schooner. “I think we all found ourselves in uncharted waters. Very emotional uncharted waters.”

  Holly nodded, wiping a fresh stream of tears with the back of her hand.

  Handing his daughter a tissue, Schooner asked, “So, what happened? Can you tell us?”

  Focused on a spot on Schoon
er’s L9 tee-shirt, Holly shook her head. “I’m not really sure what happened. I knew from the time we left that things weren’t right, but I just thought it had been a trying day. He took a lot of heat.” Turning to Mia, “Your mother really hates him.”

  Mia nodded. “And my mother, who never had much of a filter to begin with, has had even less of one since her heart attack.”

  “Damn, I’m glad that woman loves me.” Schooner smiled at Mia.

  “You can do no wrong.” Mia rolled her eyes at Holly. “So, was it my mother getting in his face?” Mia knew Tom may have been annoyed by Lois’s hostile behavior, but that wouldn’t have been enough for him to end his relationship with Holly.

  “No. It was my mother.” Holly reached for another tissue as the room became dead silent.

  “Oh God, what did she do?” Schooner finally asked.

  Shaking her head, Holly’s voice cracked, “I’m really not sure. He wasn’t specific. He said something happened with Mom and that it was best if we went our separate ways.”

  Something happened with CJ. The hairs on the back of Schooner’s neck stood on end as the floodgate of his memory burst open. Something happened with CJ. Is this déjà vu, he wondered? He had been too ashamed to tell Mia. Oh God, what had she done this time? And although the result was something he was not unhappy with, Schooner actually felt for the guy. When CJ MacAllister-Moore-Gordon wanted to accomplish something, she justified her actions, no matter how morally askew they were, or how much carnage was left in her wake. He knew that firsthand. And so did Mia.

  “He didn’t say anything else?” Mia’s voice was tight.

  “I asked if she’d threatened him and he said no, it was nothing like that.”

  “No elaboration? He didn’t give you any explanation?” Schooner’s voice was as tight as Mia’s.

  “He wasn’t very forthcoming with information. I asked if she didn’t say anything, did she do something? And he turned away from me and wouldn’t answer. So, I knew she did something and then I said don’t you think I deserve an explanation?” Holly’s voice became wrought with emotion. “And he said, ‘Yes, you do, and I’m ashamed that I don’t have the guts or the heart to give you one, but we need to say goodbye and go our separate ways. Let’s just leave it at that.’ That’s what he said to me. Can you believe that’s what he said to me?” She paused to dab her eyes and then looked at her father and Mia, her voice a near shriek, “What did she do to him?”