by Jones, Isla
Well, I didn’t really steal them, did I? The Jeep was as much mine as it was his. I was the reason it was working again. We’d fixed it together.
My heart doubted me, though. It thrummed in my ribcage, trickling adrenaline through my body to my fingertips. Despite the frosty chill in the Jeep, a cold sweat had licked up my back. I held my breath and stuck the keys into the ignition.
There would be quite the row when I got back.
I turned the keys—the Jeep purred to life.
As if being chased by a pack of rotters, I released the hand-break and slammed my foot on the pedal. The tyres skidded off the concrete and over the dirt.
I ignored the shouts as I sped onto the main road and took a sharp turn left.
In the rear-view mirror, Adam stood on top of the roof, hollering after me, his hands waving manically. He looked rather funny, I thought. And then, he was gone—I’d driven too far down the road to see him anymore.
The town was something out of a horror film.
I passed a train station on the way in. I almost didn’t see it through the tall, brown grass that had grown up the bricks.
The road into town had cracked. The crevices looked like dead tree branches reaching out for sunlight. I remember thinking that it might collapse underneath the weight of the Jeep and swallow me whole. And no one would know. I’d simply … vanish.
The town centre was no different. It was one street between two rows of shops. The pub at the end had caved in on itself. I parked the Jeep beside it, and washed my gaze over the crumbled debris. I didn’t think buildings would start to collapse so early—I’d thought it would at least take a few years for that to happen. But as I studied the debris and noticed some blackened stones and bricks, I wondered—was this place the last stand? Is that why it was destroyed?
I turned my back on it. The opposite side of the street was much the same. The beige buildings had been scorched by the sun. At the end of the line, wire fences blocked off the small playground of the school. A withering tree, killed by winter, protruded from the concrete in the playground.
That is what cuts me the deepest in these times. Children. I can’t stop my mind from spiralling into dark places—had the children been at school when the outbreak hit? Had they been searching for their parents? Did they survive, only to fall to the brutalities of nature?
I shoved the thoughts from my mind and wandered down the street. The Jeep shone behind me; its glossy coat stood out amidst the decayed surroundings. It was the only car on the street.
I stopped at the front of a shop. Through the dust smeared on the sign, I read the faint outline—‘HOPKIN’S’. That’s all I could read through the dirt. I moved closer to the window and used my sleeve to wipe away the grime. Then, I peered through the streaks of dirt into the shop.
It wasn’t anything exciting. Just a clothes shop. And, from what I could see through the glass, they sold a lot of straw cowboy hats.
With a sigh, I crept towards the door. It wasn’t boarded up like some of the other buildings were. I gripped onto the doorknob and turned—it was unlocked.
The door swung open slowly, and the daylight flooded the shop. Dust danced in the air, never descending, and wedges of light stretched over the racks. I knocked on the door panel, my free hand grazing the handle of my gun.
The shop was clear. I picked up a basket and wandered through the aisles.
Baby onesies hung on the fixtures against the wall. Some were padded inside with extra cotton, and had small fluffy hoods. They were good for winter—I grabbed a couple for Cleo. With a few alternations, they would fit her snugly. A denim shirt caught my eye, as well as a pair of tan riding boots.
The necessities were crammed onto shelves—socks, underwear, bras—as if hidden from the shoppers who had once walked the aisles. Small town people were strange, I thought. Summer had always said so.
After I’d looted all I wanted from the shop, I wandered across the road to the pharmacy. It was peaceful—the deafening silence of the town. Not even the chirps of birds broke the quiet. I was totally and utterly alone for the first time since the outbreak; even without Cleo. And it filled me with a sense of freedom, as if I were completely without burden or responsibility.
The air tasted crisper, the sunrays felt warmer. I was at peace in that moment.
I hadn’t realised just how much I needed to be alone for a few hours until I strolled around the abandoned town.
The pharmacy was untouched. I didn’t know what asthma medicine looked like—the inhaler, I know, but the metal bit that jams into it? I have no idea what that looks like on its own. But Vicki needed it. I emptied everything from the shelves into the basket. We could sort through the haul later when I got back to the auto shop.
A few metal canisters hit the floor. I sighed and dropped the basket beside them. As I crouched down to pick up the medicine, I heard something. My brows furrowed and I stilled, crouching on the floor. The counter blocked my view to the shop-front window, but not my hearing. The sound grew louder—closer.
It was a car engine.
With a huff, I rolled my eyes and crammed the medicine into the basket. It would be one of the deltas coming to take me back to the auto-shop, I thought. They couldn’t even give me an hour to myself, an hour away from the shop of boredom.
The sound of tyres crunching over gravel reached me. The car was slowing down. Probably Castle, I thought, cruising down the street, searching for me from the car—the asshole didn’t even bother to get out of the car and look for me.
Once the basket was packed firmly, almost overflowing, I scooped up the handles and rose to my feet. My gaze found the dusty window—the layer of grime obscured the view of the street.
The sound of the car quietened. I strained to hear it, but it was gone. Castle must’ve seen the Jeep and parked next to it.
I wasn’t in a hurry. I snagged a plastic bag from under the counter and collected more supplies: tampons, pads, face washes, condoms—for Vicki and Mac, of course—and wet towels.
There were a few protein bars at the counter, too. I stored most of them in the plastic bag; I kept one to snack on as I strolled out of the pharmacy.
My eyes drifted up and down the street, expecting to see Castle’s furious face jump out at me. The Jeep was parked by the debris, alone. I couldn’t see another vehicle.
As I chewed the thick protein bar, I scanned the street. There wasn’t any movement through the windows I could see through; the purr of the car was gone; and Castle was nowhere to be seen.
My heart skipped.
What if the car I’d heard had been another survivor? One of our group, headed for the meet-point?
Then, my heart sank back into its regular rhythm, taking the short burst of excitement with it. Even if it was one of our group, I didn’t care about any of them. It didn’t affect me. Leo was the only one I wanted to see again. But I would never see him again.
Leo plagued my thoughts as I strolled down the road to the Jeep.
It was my fault he died, wasn’t it? He’d gone into the battle to find me; where the rotters and defected deltas attacked. He’d been bitten after I fled with Castle—a betrayal. I betrayed him.
Did he feel the cut of what I did before the rotter took him down? It was the last thing he’d seen before the ground; me, with Castle, leaving him behind.
When I reached the Jeep, I realised I’d been crying. My eyes blurred, as if swarmed in clouds, and my nose tickled. I sniffed back snot and carried the supplies to the boot.
Before I could put the supplies down to open the boot, something caught my eye—even through the clouds of brewing tears, I saw it move. My watery gaze fixed on the rear windshield; the shadow moved behind me, drawing nearer. I didn’t hear it move, but I saw it.
I sucked in a sharp breath. The basket and bag crashed to the asphalt as I snatched my gun and spun around.
“Stop!” I shouted. “Don’t move!”
16.
The shadow held
up its hands. Only, it wasn’t a shadow anymore.
It was a woman.
A stranger.
“Put it down.”
My voice betrayed my fear, shivering in the stagnant air. The woman kept her hands above her head; one of them clutched onto a baseball bat.
“Put it down, or I’ll shoot.” I switched off the safety. “And at this range, I won’t miss.”
The woman’s chocolate-brown eyes swept over my face, searching for any weaknesses. I hope she found none.
“Easy,” she said. She slowly dropped to one knee and placed the baseball bat on the road. Then, she straightened, her hands resting atop her head. “There,” she said. “I put it down—are you going to do the same?”
“Fuck no.”
The tremors that wracked my hands snaked down to the gun. It wobbled in my grip, but the woman didn’t make a move—I’d been right when I said I wouldn’t miss. We were much too close together for her to have a chance of getting the gun off of me.
“What were you doing sneaking up on me like that?” I asked.
The woman dragged her upper teeth over her bottom lip. Her dark skin glistened from sweat—but the bite of the air was as chilled as a freezer. She was either extremely great at hiding her fear on her face, or she’d been running.
“I was going to hit you,” she said. There was no apology in her voice. “And take your car.”
“Was that you I heard?” I asked. “Driving down the road earlier?”
The woman nodded. “I ran out of gas,” she said. “I saw your car on the way through. Thought I’d walk back for it. Didn’t realise anyone was here.”
“Well, I’m here,” I said. “And it’s my car.”
The gun stayed raised in my hands. If I lowered it, she might attack me. I couldn’t take her back to the auto-shop as a survivor. That really wasn’t my place to invite someone into a group I don’t feel a part of myself. And who knows what sort of person she is? She was ready to crack my skull for a car.
No, I couldn’t bring her back with me. And if I let her go, she might come after me.
A low growl interrupted my deliberation. It hadn’t come from the woman.
We both whipped our heads to the side and looked down the street—a blue pick-up truck sped up the road towards us. My heart sank.
“You’re with people?” asked the woman nervously. Her coffee eyes switched between me and the truck.
“Yeah,” I said. “I am.”
The woman’s muscles wound tightly; the bitterness of her nerves snared up my nose. But I wasn’t certain who should be more worried—her or me.
The pick-up truck raced up the street, then skidded to a halt when it reached us. It swerved, and the tyres jumped over the asphalt. Smoke came up from the road, right behind the woman who stood as still as a statue.
The door swung open and Castle jumped out.
A molten pit of fury burned behind his eyes, like emerald lava—and they bore into my face, stripped away my skin and raked down my soul. His fingers curled into themselves, nails digging into the skin of his palms—and his jaw was wound so tightly that I almost feared his teeth would shatter.
I shivered, the gun shaking in my hands slightly.
Then, Castle turned his gaze to the woman in front of him. Her back faced him, but the rapid rise and fall of her chest told me of her fear. She’d gotten more than she’d expected when she’d run up to bash a baseball bat against my head.
Castle hadn’t expected a stranger, either. He seemed torn, glancing between the two of us, standing by the open car door. I wonder what his plan had been before it had been thwarted by circumstance. Then, his gaze settled on the gun I aimed at the woman.
Another door of the pick-up truck opened—the passenger door. Adam’s head popped over the hood and he frowned between the two of us; the stranger and myself.
I lowered the gun. The woman didn’t relax; her hands rested on top of her head, and the stillness of her limbs remained.
“Who’s that?” shouted Adam. He didn’t need to shout. He was only a few metres away from me.
If I’d told them what she’d planned on doing to me, they might’ve killed her. I can’t predict Castle’s reactions—and I sure as hell don’t trust Adam’s.
I licked my lips and shrugged. “Don’t know,” I lied. “Just saw her on the street and—” I waved the gun. “—can never be too careful.”
The woman blinked at me. I didn’t need to reach into her mind to know that there was gratitude in the way she stared at me.
Castle stepped towards us. His eyes stayed on me; he’d forgotten all about the woman now. The rage still swarmed behind sharp green, ready to erupt any moment. His voice shook with restrained anger as he growled, “What the hell were you thinking, Winter? You think you can just pick up and go whenever you please?”
“Uh, yeah.” There might’ve been a little too much attitude in my voice, or the way I flicked my grimy hair to the side. “That’s exactly what I think.”
The woman dropped her hands from her head. It caught my attention.
Her eyes had widened to the size of plums as she gaped at Castle.
“You realise how stupid that was, don’t you?” hissed Castle. The volume of his voice dipped and rose, threatening to break into an out-right roar any second. “You could’ve gotten hurt! You could’ve led others back to us! Tell me, Winter! I need to understand—” He shook his head, his jaw clenched so tightly that dimples appeared above his jawline. “—what the fuck goes on in that vapid head of yours.”
“Right now?” I said, unfazed. “I’m wondering why she’s looking at you like that.”
Castle frowned, bewildered. Then, he turned his head to glance at the dark-skinned woman behind him. Just as he was about to look back at me, he froze.
His eyes slowly slid back to her and the silence thickened.
Castle blinked; his skin stripped away its tan and revealed a marble-pale complexion.
“Hi, babe,” said the woman.
My eyes bulged at her words, and I suddenly had the urge to kick her shins in. But I just looked between her unsure expression and Castle’s stunned one.
“Miss me?” she asked, giving him a crooked smile.
That was my thing. I was the one who grinned at him like that. The awkward, lopsided smile was mine! I’m the awkward one, she’s some woman who stepped out of a Vogue magazine. Well, if Vogue had an end-of-the-world edition, that is.
You get my point.
Who the hell was she—some stranger!—to do that to Castle? To smile at him like that? She was nobody!
But she wasn’t nobody. She was everyone and everything—I knew it the moment that one word whispered from Castle’s lips. And with it, the entire world came crashing down on me.
“Zoe.”
17.
“Zoe,” Castle repeated. “What are you doing here?”
Zoe?
The name rang in my ears, like that annoying piercing sound I sometimes got after shooting my gun. It pricked my eardrums and stole my hearing from me.
My vision had blurred, my heart had plummeted down to my bum. I didn’t know if I wanted to puke or use the bathroom. All I know is that I wanted to cry—really cry. I wanted to curl up and sob. Like I had for Leo.
“Driving through town,” she said, shrugging. “Scavenging what I can, when I can.”
“With what car?” shouted Adam. Zoe switched her gaze to him; he gave a lazy wave.
Zoe smiled at him. “It broke down off the road after I spotted this one’s car.” Her head jerked to me. I’d become ‘this one’. “Doesn’t matter,” she added. “It’s a beat-up piece of shit, anyway. It’s a shock it even lasted as long as it did.”
“We can fix it up for you and send you on your way,” I said.
Castle’s stare swerved back to me. The anger had vaporised, and for once I didn’t know what his eyes were telling me, or what his gaze meant.
Zoe gave me a false smirk. “Charming.”
Zoe looked back at Castle; he kept his eyes on me.
“I’m glad I happened across you, Castle,” she said. “After I left—I wanted to come back. I wanted to, but I—I admit I was afraid. I’d made my decision. And too much time went by to change it. Not that I’d even know how to come back if I’d decided to. You move a lot.”
I made a face at her. She didn’t catch it; her googly eyes were all over Castle.
Castle peeled his gaze from me and touched it back to her. “That’s what you want?” he said. “To come back?”
Someone had cut me open and torn out my organs. I’d been gutted.
“If you’ll have me.”
My legs threatened to buckle beneath me. But I didn’t want to appear dramatic, you know? So I kicked the supplies at my feet instead. Because that was the most mature option.
“Here,” I said, tossing the keys at Castle. “I’ll ride back with Adam. You two can catch up.” It wasn’t a sweet gesture—I made sure they both knew that when I stomped on Castle’s favourite flavour of protein bar as I marched over to the pick-up truck.
I hopped into the driver’s seat. Adam ducked back into his seat and surprised me, not for the first time. He didn’t say a word of protest. He just looked at Castle through the window, then fell back into his seat.
The entire drive back to the auto-shop, I beat back the tears.
Is this what Castle had felt at the prospect of Leo coming back? He seemed to think Leo was still alive. Had Castle been afraid of me drifting back to his comrade?
It felt like dirt. It was nausea and anxiety rolled into a ball and stuffed down my throat.
I suddenly became aware of my hair colour. Let’s be honest, it’s not peach, it’s a pale shade of ginger. I have freckles. I have a snub nose. My lips aren’t full like hers. And mine are always chapped. I’m pasty, freckled, and—I’m not Zoe.
And there she sat, on my chair at the dining table, her beautiful curls wound tightly on top of her head. The sides of her head were shaved into shapes and fades. Her legs were wrapped in ripped blue jeans, and her black shiny boots matched her leather jacket.