by Jones, Isla
I turned my gaze on him, slowly. “Were you ever going to tell me?”
Castle’s face betrayed nothing; it was a perfect picture of stone. “Tell you what?”
“Why you were so certain Leo would come back,” I spat. “All those nights I cried over him—” Leo’s stare swerved to me at this. “—you said nothing. When I blamed myself for his death, you told me half-truths and left me to feel like shit. This whole time, you knew he would come back and you kept that from me.”
Castle and Leo shared a look. I was sick to my stomach of those looks—shared secrets, more secrets that are hidden from me.
With a scoff, I turned and snatched a jumper from my mattress. As I pulled it on, the heat of four gazes burned into my back.
“You can all go fuck yourselves,” I said before I barged out of the room. No one stopped me. I slammed the door behind me so hard that it rattled in its hinges; yet, the stomps of my boots down the corridor were louder.
I went outside. I was so damn tired of secrets. I’d had enough.
My legs carried me across the lot to the cars. I looked over my shoulder as I went; Zoe was still on top of the garage, but her back was to me. She had binoculars pressed against her eyes as she looked out to the road.
My gaze shifted to the RV. Charlotte—the delta—wasn’t on watch anymore. Her camp-chair and magazines were still there, but she wasn’t. I assumed she’d gone inside the RV to relieve herself.
This is it, I said to myself. This is your chance. Go, now.
My body didn’t give me the moment to consider it. My legs jolted forward, and I found myself running down the bonnets of the parked cars. I stayed low, hiding from Zoe’s view. When I reached the end, I ducked around the side of the RV to the small caravan. The restricted one, the one with the cargo. The one I’m most certainly not allowed near.
As I neared the door, my heart tried to drag me back. It sent surges of fire through my body, down to my fingertips where it burned. My fingers ached to pull away, but I reached forward for the door handle. It was cold to the touch; I wrapped my fingers around it.
“Winter!”
My muscles jumped.
I let go of the handle and spun around. The RV was all that faced me.
“Winter!” It was Castle’s voice. Strained, perhaps panicked. He must’ve thought I’d stolen a car again and gone into town. “Did you see her?”
Zoe shouted back, “No. I don’t think she came out here.”
Leo’s voice reached me: “Yes, she did. She snuck past you.”
“I would’ve seen her—”
Zoe was cut off, but I don’t know why or how. Silence quickly swallowed up the lot.
They were looking for me.
With wide eyes, I turned slowly and grabbed the handle. My breath hitched as I tugged it down and—it clicked open. The sound made me wince; it was deafening against the chilled quiet of the lot.
I ducked inside and closed the door behind me, as softly as I could manage. My eyes squeezed shut as the door clicked—and I waited.
Seconds passed. I began to relax.
A harsh gust of breath came from my lips. I slumped back against the door with a triumphant smirk.
I’d broken into the restricted caravan.
23.
“Check the RVs!”
Castle’s shout reached me in the caravan. I jolted from the door. My feet got caught on the final step up—I tripped and landed on the floor.
“Fuck,” I muttered, climbing to my feet. As I straightened up, rubbing my knee, my eyes roamed around the caravan. It was … underwhelming.
For some reason, I’d imagined that the restricted vehicle would have a mini-lab set up inside of it. I’d pictured the kitchen to have a Breaking Bad theme, and the bench-table to be stained with unfinished vaccines. And, when I let my mind get too far away from me, I’d considered that there could be rotters chained to walls to be studied.
How else would Castle know all that he did about them?
But as I gazed around the caravan, I saw nothing that filled my fantasies. It was a plain, old caravan: two seats at the front, separated by cup holders; a small table that could convert into a lumpy, hard couch; a kitchenette that consisted of a single sink and mini-fridge; and a skylight.
It was standard. It was ordinary. And it was so very disappointing.
There were no signs of cargo anywhere. I crept towards the kitchenette and pulled open the cabinets. I scoffed. No secret briefcases, no ‘TOP-SECRET’ folders. Only tins of fruit, boxes of teabags, and cartons of long-life milk.
The shouts from outside inched closer. I heard a woman’s voice—Charlotte’s, I guessed—then Castle’s. They’d gotten to the large RV. They’d cleared it. And they were headed for the restricted one.
I drew back from the cabinets and looked around. Where would the cargo be hidden, I wondered? Just as I thought it, my gaze slid straight to the end of the caravan; where one door faced me. The bedroom.
I ran for it.
My heavy footsteps would’ve rattled through the floor and reached outside. They would know where I was—and they would be coming.
My body slammed against the door. I grunted; reaching for the handle. As my fingers clasped around the cold metal, the front-door wrenched open behind me. I didn’t check to see who it was. I fumbled with the handle and turned. Footsteps bounded towards me. They were too late.
I threw my shoulder against the door and shoved it open.
I stumbled inside. My eyes darted around the room. And then my gaze settled on it; what they’d referred to as … cargo.
A shaky breath escaped me.
I tried to scream—my lips parted, my face scrunched up, my body jerked. But the scream was silenced. A hand smacked over my mouth and muffled it. Before I could fight back, I was wrenched out of the room.
24.
A strong arm looped around my ribcage; a clammy hand was pressed against my lips; and the blow of familiar deodorant hit me. Castle restrained me. I kicked out and fought against him, but he held on, stopping me from screaming, from alerting the whole group to the atrocity in front of me.
The door stayed open. I faced it—those eyes that matched mine, filled with tears and horror. Only, those eyes were saying something mine weren’t. ‘Help me.’
Castle kicked his foot forward. His boot cracked against the door; it swung shut, closing on the eyes that etched into my mind. I’ll forever remember the first time I saw him.
He was young, a couple of years younger than me. His freckled face matched mine, and his bright orange hair resembled the flames of fire. But the fire had gone from his blue eyes—bloodshot and glossy, dead; like polished marbles. Where the ropes were coiled around his wrists, his skin had reddened and bruised. Duct-tape was strapped to his mouth; the grey matched his sickly complexion.
The cargo was a boy.
I don’t know how long I writhed there, in Castle’s hold, staring at the door with fiery eyes. It was only when my body slumped against his and defeat swallowed me whole, that Castle released me. He slid his arm and hand from my body, but rested them on my waist to support me.
The moment his hands drifted to my waist in a gentle touch, like a caress, I was wrenched from my daze. I staggered forward and warded him off; my hand reached out, keeping him away from me. My back touched the wall—I looked between Castle and the figure at the door. The door clicked shut and footsteps thudded up the stairs. Leo stepped onto the floor of the caravan, and stopped at the top of the steps. His earthy green eyes darkened beneath his low lashes as he watched me, like a panther watches a deer. I was cornered by them—by predators.
In that moment, Castle and Leo were deltas, not my friends—or whatever I’d thought they were to me. In that moment, I saw them for what they were. Cruel and callous comrades.
Leo stayed at the top of the steps, in front of the door. He was blocking my only way out. They both were. Castle moved around me to the bedroom door; I stumbled out of his reach and sli
d down the wall to the kitchenette. I was trapped—they’d surrounded me, guided me into a trap between them.
“Zoe was right,” I whispered. “She was right about the both of you. You’re monsters.”
All of Zoe’s warnings filled my head; they overlapped, speaking over the others, until her voice morphed into static white noise. I blinked. They pieced together.
‘Don’t trust them’; ‘They’re not who you think they are’; ‘I wasn’t the only one to abandon the mission. The thing is, I walked away completely.’
Slowly, I drifted my gaze back to Castle. I didn’t really see him; I saw through him, through the door, to the boy who was tied to the bed. His reddened skin, dried over with congealed blood; bloodshot eyes crying out for help—the sight at burned my eyes as bile crawled up my throat.
“It’s you.” Acid coated my words. My hand pressed to my heart, where it pounded wildly against my ribs, telling me to run. “It’s you,” I whispered.
Castle watched me with cold eyes; void of any emotion he pretended to feel for me; void of the man I’d come to care for. I saw him—his delta side, not the man I’d known.
Leo stretched out his hand to rest on the wall. The darkness of his eyes drank in the pain painted across my face. I wasn’t getting past him even if I ran and ducked. I couldn’t outrun them, they couldn’t be outmanoeuvred.
They watched me realise what they are. Who they are.
The edge of the counter poked into my back. I think I tried to sink into it, as though I could slip away and disappear from them. My fingers dug into the edge of the counter, leaving crescent-shapes in the wood. But when I spoke, my voice didn’t match my rigid stance. I revealed the fear storming within me; a tornado of pain, whirling in my stomach.
All the pieces puzzled together; I understood.
“You’re the defected deltas.”
Castle and Leo looked at each other.
“You’re the bad group,” I whispered, as if speaking to myself. “You stole the cargo from the others.”
Castle was the first to move. He snatched out for my arm. I squealed and jumped back into the counter. Leo lunged at me. As I spun around to strike out at him, Castle hooked his arms around me; I was yanked backwards, one arm around my waist, the other against my throat.
I grunted. My fingernails tore at the arm around my throat; my legs kicked out at the advancing Leo. Easily, he avoided the hits, then snatched my legs. He shoved them to the ground; I was upright again, and in a flash, Leo was in front of me.
I was trapped between them.
“Stop fighting,” said Leo. His voice was almost a soothing hush. “I won’t hurt you, Winter. Stop.”
“I can’t believe anything you say,” I cried. “You’re liars—you’re both liars!”
“We’re a lot of things,” said Leo. “It’s like you said, Winter; we’re monsters. But that shouldn’t suggest that we’re going to hurt you.”
“There’s more to it than what you know,” said Castle. He spoke into my hair, his breath warming the shell of my ear. “If you let us, we can explain.”
“Tell me the truth,” I said shakily. “Tell me right now—are you the defected deltas?”
Leo’s eyes shifted down to my wet lips. He reached forward, pressed the pad of his thumb to my lips and brushed it over my skin. His thumb came away damp with my tears and dirt.
Leo looked back at me. “You should sit down for this.”
25.
Castle tried to coax me to the table.
“I’m not sitting down,” I said. I’d tucked myself beside the sink, a metre away from them. It felt a little safer. If I sat at the table, I’d be trapped, and I suspected that that’s what they wanted. I didn’t trust them. “I’m staying right here.”
Castle sighed and dropped onto the edge of the table. He crossed his arms over his chest and glanced at Leo who leaned against the back of the passenger seat.
“Stop that!” I shouted. “Stop looking at each other as if I’m not standing right here! You wanted me to listen, so start fucking talking!”
I’d like to think I sounded brave, courageous—commanding even. But the salt of my tears wet my lips and I was sure snot bubbled at my nostrils. I used my cardigan sleeve to wipe at my face, but the moisture kept coming. I was barely holding myself together.
Every nerve in my body itched to spin me around and throw me into the bedroom. My fingers begged to pry apart the ropes that bound the boy to the bed. I wanted to free him. But in that moment, I wasn’t in any position to do anything remotely heroic. And I’m a coward.
I did what was best for me. I bought time, waiting for my chance to run.
Leo spoke first; “Our mission was to transport Patient Zero to the CDC. We were assigned to the mission before the outbreak. With the other deltas, as a unit, we followed our orders.” He paused to run his fingers through his thick hair. I shifted on the spot, hugging myself. “That changed when we reached Los Angeles,” he said.
Castle stuffed his hands in his pockets. “The outbreak wasn’t supposed to happen. We weren’t prepared for it. As far as we were told, Patient Zero was the only infected person on the planet with the new strain.”
“Wait,” I said, holding up my hand. “If he was the only person infected, and you picked him up from Area 53 … that would mean—”
“The virus was genetically engineered,” said Leo. He nodded his head. “By our very own government, as it happens.”
“Why wouldn’t they fly him?” I asked. “If they wanted to transport him—wouldn’t an aeroplane make more sense?”
Castle replied, “That was the plan. We were scheduled to fly from the air-force base outside of Los Angeles. But the virus got out before we made it.”
“It’s a twelve-hour drive from Area 53 to the air-force base,” said Leo. “Sometime during those first twelve hours of transport, the virus was released. It spread—and it was fast.”
I tugged on the damp sleeve of my cardigan. “I remember.”
The radio stations talked about infected people before I left my apartment. And I’d only made it to the state border before the virus had taken over in a frenzy. I will forever remember those first days.
I wiped my runny nose again. “You think someone released it on purpose?”
“What we think is irrelevant,” said Castle. “Our speculations aren’t of any importance. It’s what we know that matters.”
“And what do you know?”
“The air-force base was in chaos by the time we arrived,” he said. “The infectees had breached the base, and we lost our pilot. If we stayed, we would’ve all died and the mission would’ve been jeopardised.”
“We only had one option,” said Leo. “Drive the cargo across the country, avoid populated areas, use backroads—”
“That doesn’t explain how you became the people you are,” I said. “What made you turn your back on your own? Why did you defect?”
“You’ve seen my bites,” said Leo. “The virus doesn’t gel with me. It doesn’t take over. Patient Zero is similar that way.”
“So why do you need him?”
“He has the freshest strain of the virus in his blood,” said Castle. “And his symptoms differ from Leo’s.” He clasped his hands together. “Leo shows no signs of the virus. But Patient Zero presents most symptoms. He is still conscious, in the way that infectees aren’t—he retains a piece of himself. Yet, he began to demonstrate the same rage and thirst for violence in episodes.”
“The cargo was a docile prisoner at first,” said Leo. “But after the fight at the air-force base, it awakened his dormant needs. Maybe it’s because he saw other rotters, how they reacted to people, beat them to death—we don’t know. But he became a danger to us and others.”
“Within an hour of reaching the air-force,” said Castle, “we lost contact with the command centre, the Area base, and our mission control.”
Leo bowed his head and looked at me from beneath his lashes. I saw the darkne
ss in him, swarming behind the eyes that captured me not so long ago. “Zoe told us about the CDC in Washington D.C.,” he said. “I used her to get more information.”
“You slept with her to find out more about the drop-off point?” I arched my eyebrows, a crease forming between them. “What would Zoe know about DC that you weren’t briefed on yourself?”
“Washington D.C. is not the mission’s point of delivery,” said Castle. “The CDC in Atlanta is where we were ordered to deliver the cargo.”
“Zoe told us everything,” said Leo. “The differences between the one in DC and the one in Atlanta. DC runs on solar power, it’s below ground, accommodates more people. But the CDC in Atlanta is the opposite. It’s exposed, powered by generators, and the residence bay is small—we won’t be able to stay there.”
Castle scratched his jaw. I heard his fingernails tug against his stubble. “It’s not a part of our mission to stay with the cargo after the drop has been made.”
“Our sergeant major didn’t care for our proposal.” Leo pushed himself from the back of the passenger seat. He took a few steps towards me. “A divide infiltrated the deltas. Some of us weren’t as loyal to our sergeant anymore. The world ended, things changed. And we began to think long-term.”
“Those of us who wanted to defect,” said Castle, “waited until we were all on watch. We stole everything—weapons, cargo, vehicles. The only mercy we showed them was leaving them alive. They were our brothers and sisters. We’d fought with them for years. We didn’t want to kill them.”
“But things have changed again,” said Leo. “They have hunted and chased us across the country for the cargo. All camaraderie is gone now.”
“And Zoe?” I said. “Did … Did you leave her behind?”
Castle shrugged. “We gave her a choice. She wanted to abandon the whole mission, not change it. Zoe came with us, but she lasted only a few weeks before she left.”
“It didn’t take her long to come back,” said Leo. He jerked his head to the side, as if Zoe was standing right there. “I don’t blame her—there’s not much the other deltas can offer her anymore. We can.” There was something in his voice, something that made me think he was trying to sell it to me. “We can offer more than anyone in this world can.”