The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle (The League of Princes)

by Christopher Healy

  Ella blinked.

  “No!” the Warlord cried as the Djinn Gem flew into the air, over the moat. He reached out in a desperate attempt to snatch it before it hit the water and found himself teetering precariously on the edge of the drawbridge. Deeb Rauber sat up. It would have taken him no more than a single finger to push Rundark into the killer-eel-infested waters. And that is exactly what the boy did.

  Lord Rundark splashed into the moat and disappeared into the murky depths. Everyone watched and waited. A second later, the Warlord resurfaced. Grinning wickedly, he raised his arm out of the water and showed off the hunk of orange jade in his hand.

  But his celebration was short-lived.

  Below the surface, a bladejaw eel bit into his leg. And then another. And another. Rundark’s howl turned into a gurgle as the carnivorous fish swarmed him, pulling him down into the depths. Soon, the only part of him visible was his right hand, the Jeopardous Jade Djinn Gem still clutched between its fingers. And then a particularly large eel leapt out of the water and slipped its toothy mouth over the Warlord’s hand like a glove—gem and all—before sinking back underwater along with any remaining sign of Rundark. The splashing slowed. Then all was silent.

  While the bandits stood there stunned, the heroes took the opportunity to zip through the gates and gallop to safety.

  “All right,” Deeb Rauber said to the bandits as he climbed firmly to his feet. “Who’s ready to listen to me now?”

  “Everybody stop!” Liam shouted as soon as the group was safely out of sight of the castle. “Briar needs help fast.”

  “Yeah, she’s not looking so good,” Gustav said, dismounting from his horse, with Briar dangling limply in his arms. “I mean, she looks sort of zombie-like on a good day, but she looks particularly bad right now.”

  “It’s the snake venom,” Liam said. “Rapunzel!”

  Frederic and Rapunzel, who were riding together, caught up with them. As Gustav set Briar down, Rapunzel rushed over to her.

  “I hope I’m not too late,” she said.

  The others gathered around as Rapunzel crouched next to Briar. Ella was such a tangle of emotions, she wasn’t sure how she should feel. She looked to her companions for a clue. Duncan and Snow were embracing, their eyes locked on each other in silent support. Frederic’s eyes were cast upward—and Ella knew him well enough to understand that he was feeling guilty for some of the words he’d used to describe Briar in the past. Liam’s watery eyes were focused very intently on his dying wife. And Rapunzel’s were closed tightly, until she managed to squeeze out a single tear.

  There was a humming sound, and Briar’s body began to quiver. The greenness faded from her face, returning her complexion to its normal ghostly white. She opened her eyes to the entire team staring down at her.

  “Ugh,” she grumbled. “It was bad enough when I woke up to just Liam’s ugly face. Give a girl some space! I can’t believe I have to breathe the same air as you losers.”

  “She’s fine,” Liam announced.

  “You’re probably wondering how our horses got here,” Duncan said, obviously eager to offer an explanation. “The answer is them.” He pointed over to Frank, Flik, and Frak, who were waiting nearby in an open-topped wagon.

  “How did they know to come here?” Liam asked.

  “I told them, sir, Your Highness, sir,” announced Smimf, who appeared with a whoosh. “Princess Briar hired me to deliver the message to them this morning.”

  Liam didn’t know what to say. He turned to Briar, but she was sitting against a boulder with her eyes closed, exhausted.

  “Hey, what ’bout Giant Lady?” Mr. Troll asked, pointing out into the clearing at Maude, who lay like a heaving mountain in front of Castle von Deeb. “Can’t leave her there for Arrow Men.”

  “Smimf,” Frederic called. “I have one more message for you to deliver.”

  He sent the fleet-footed boy off, and a short time later the ground rumbled as Reese stomped into Rauberia, lifted his mother gently off the ground, and carried her back to Jangleheim.

  By that time, though, everyone else was well on their way home.

  “Did we win?” Duncan asked. “We didn’t get the Djinn Gem.”

  “But nobody else got it either,” said Liam. “And that’s probably the best of all possible—” He stopped short when he felt something he wasn’t prepared for.

  Briar, sitting behind him on his horse, wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her weary head on his shoulder.

  29

  A HERO DOESN’T KNOW WHERE TO GO NEXT

  When facing unbeatable odds, just think of yourself as unbeatably odd.

  —THE HERO’S GUIDE TO BEING A HERO

  Soon after they left Rauberia, the team came to a crossroads. Everyone stopped. Except for the dwarfs, who raced past in their wagon, ducking low as they went by (Snow had sworn to banish any dwarf she saw, so Frank and the gang had been making a concerted effort to stay out of her line of vision).

  “Well, where do we go from here?” Frederic asked. No one responded. “I didn’t mean that as a trick question, you know.”

  “Well, we’re heading home to Avondell,” Briar said. She tapped Liam on the shoulder. “Aren’t we?”

  Liam looked over to Ella.

  “Where are you going, Frederic?” Ella asked.

  “Me?” Frederic asked, surprised. “I don’t know.”

  “I’m going back to my cottage,” Rapunzel quickly threw in. “You know, because of my work. I’m sure I have patients waiting for me.”

  “Oh. Well, I think maybe—” Frederic began.

  “I’ll ride with you, Goldilocks,” Gustav said to Rapunzel. “I’m heading in the same direction anyway.”

  “Ah,” Frederic said softly. “Well, as I was saying, I’m, um, heading home to Harmonia. I suppose.”

  “And I’ll ride with you,” Ella said. She glanced at Liam to see if he had anything to say.

  He didn’t.

  “Well, Snow and I are going home as well,” Duncan added with a bittersweet tone. “So, I guess this is good-bye. For now.”

  “Yes, for now,” Liam said, trying to sound like he believed it.

  The group split up, riding off in four different directions.

  The very first thing Liam did upon returning to Avondell was to free Aldo Cremins and Varick Knoblock, the wrongfully imprisoned actors. Then he addressed the public and revealed the truth about his origins. He assumed this would make people hate him again—and he was correct—but he also knew it was the right thing to do. He was a hero, after all.

  Even if he was a hero everybody hated.

  You might think that the two people who hated Liam most in the world were Cremins and Knoblock, but as it turned out, those two forgave him pretty quickly. Thanks to a new song by Reynaldo, Duke of Rhyme, the pair gained instant fame, which, in the end, is all any actor really wants.

  But Liam still felt quite mopey after the whole episode. He sat around the palace for days with his head in his hands. Occasionally, he’d kick at a pebble or absentmindedly tug at a loose thread on his cape, but other than that, he didn’t do much. One day, he walked down to the palace prison, stepped into cell 842, and pulled the door shut behind him.

  Fig. 43

  LIAM, re-imprisoned

  Lila decided not to return home.

  “My parents won’t even notice I’m gone,” she told Ruffian.

  The bounty hunter was crouched by a tree in the woods, examining scrapings on the bark. He had quit working for Briar and gone back to freelance person-finding. He’d already been hired by a duchess to locate the thief who had run off with a tray of her fresh-baked tarts.

  “You’re exaggerating,” he said to Lila. “Surely they will miss you eventually.”

  “No, seriously, they don’t care about me at all. I asked this chambermaid friend of mine to put on one of my dresses and show up whenever my parents throw a banquet or something. They won’t realize it’s not me.”

&
nbsp; “That still doesn’t explain why you’re following me while I am trying to work.”

  “I’m your apprentice. Show me your tricks. Why are you checking out that tree bark?” She crouched down beside him.

  “This scrape here was made by a wagon wheel, which may not necessarily—wait! Why am I telling you this? You are not my apprentice. I don’t need an apprentice.”

  “Sure you do,” Lila said.

  Ruffian narrowed his eyes. “Why would you even want to learn to be a bounty hunter?”

  “Because you said I was good at it. I don’t get much in the way of positive reinforcement back home.”

  Ruffian lowered his head. “I can think of few things more irresponsible than taking on a twelve-year-old as an apprentice.”

  “Actually, Ruff,” Lila said with a grin. “I’m thirteen.”

  “Since when?”

  “My birthday was the same day as Liam’s wedding. Everyone kind of forgot it, but I understand. There was a lot going on.”

  Ruffian looked into Lila’s eager eyes. For some reason, the girl admired him—liked him even. And she reminded him so much of his own daughter—the one missing person he’d never been able to find.

  “Come,” he said, leaving the scene of the crime. “There’s something you need far more than a lesson in tracking down fugitives.”

  “What’s that?” Lila asked, disappointed.

  “A cake.”

  “So, Ella,” Frederic said as they made their way back to Harmonia. “I’ve been thinking about . . . well, us.”

  “Frederic, you’re a wonderful person,” Ella said, looking uncomfortable. “I care about you a lot.”

  “Oh, I know you do,” Frederic said. “And believe me, it’s mutual. But . . . when the Warlord forced you to duel Liam, I couldn’t help thinking how glad I was that it wasn’t me. You would have killed me. Not intentionally, of course! It’s just that, well, what I’m trying to say is . . . I’m not the type of guy who can keep up with a woman like you. You and Liam are so well matched. You should be with him.”

  “Hold on! Who says I want to be with Liam?”

  Frederic’s cheeks went red. “But I thought . . . I mean, everybody thought . . .”

  “Look, I like Liam. A lot. But he and I may be a bit too much alike. I don’t respond well to being told what to do all the time; and, in case you haven’t noticed, Liam can get a little bossy. I haven’t completely forgiven him for the rotten way he treated you before the mission.”

  “Really?” Frederic said, surprised. “Because he and I are all good now.”

  “Are you telling me I have to forgive him?” Ella asked pointedly. “Did I not just explain how I feel about people telling me what to do?”

  Frederic recoiled. “Um, well, uh, it’s just that—”

  “Relax, Frederic, I’m joking,” she said with a laugh.

  Frederic loosened his collar. “You see, this is what I mean about you and me—not completely compatible.”

  “But even if we’re not husband and wife, we’ll still be great friends, right?” Ella asked earnestly.

  “Always,” Frederic said. “I’m certainly not casting you out. You’re still staying at the palace with me. If you want to, that is.” He smiled shyly.

  “I do. Thanks.” A few days later they reached the royal palace in Harmonia. As they entered, King Wilberforce came running. He threw his arms around Frederic.

  “I didn’t believe it when they told me you’d returned,” the king said. “How are you? Let me look at you.”

  Frederic was touched. He wiped a tear from his eye.

  “It’s good to see you too, Father,” he said. “I’m sorry if you were frightened. To be honest, I was afraid you wouldn’t want me back.”

  “This is where you belong,” King Wilberforce said.

  “I’m so glad you feel that way,” Frederic said.

  “But you,” Wilberforce snapped, turning on Ella. “I can’t believe you have the gall to step foot in my palace!”

  “Sir?” Ella asked, shocked.

  “Father, what are you doing?” Frederic asked, aghast. But he was ignored.

  “This is twice now that you’ve led my son into near death,” the king hollered. “You think you’re so brave. You laugh at danger. You’re just like—”

  The king stopped himself. The veins in his temples throbbed visibly.

  “Just like who?” Ella asked defiantly. “Frederic’s mother?”

  “You’re a blight on this family!” Wilberforce shouted. “On this kingdom! You are forbidden to see my son ever again! Leave Harmonia at once!”

  Frederic was trembling, reduced, in his father’s presence, to that same old quivering child again. All he could do was mumble, “I’m sorry.”

  Ella marched out of the palace and straight to the stable, jumped onto her horse, and sped off.

  “And now, my son,” Wilberforce said. “You can finally settle down into the life your parents intended for you.”

  That was too much for Frederic to handle. “Not my parents,” he said sharply. “You. Just you! Mother would have loved Ella, and you know it. She would have loved Liam, too. And she would have wanted me to be like them. She would have wanted me to stand up to you!

  “I let Ella down just now. But I’ll never do it again. You need to listen to me now and understand me clearly: Every choice I’ve made, I’ve made. Ella didn’t make me invade the Bandit King’s castle. Liam didn’t make me attack an evil witch. No one has ever forced me to do anything. Except you.”

  “But . . . . but . . . ,” the king stammered. “I do it because I worry about you.”

  “You’ll have to get over it,” said Frederic. “I’m leaving.” He paused. “Just as soon as I pack a few things.”

  Frederic gathered some essential belongings—a money pouch, his hairbrush, several spare suits, baby powder—and walked out of the palace. He looked upon the vista of open countryside before him. He could go anywhere now. Anywhere he wanted. He was terrified.

  Duncan and Snow turned their woodland estate back over to the dwarfs, who were grateful to have a space of their own again. To show their appreciation, Frank even consented to let Duncan “stroke his beard for good luck.”

  Duncan and Snow moved back into Sylvaria’s royal castle, which made Duncan’s family very happy. They held a big dinner to celebrate his homecoming (although they served nothing but asparagus casserole). Duncan was given the seat of honor at the head of the long—but virtually empty—table in the castle’s bland, undecorated dining hall. Snow held his hand, while his parents beamed at him adoringly. Mavis and Marvella wore homemade signs on their heads. Mavis’s said WELC, and Marvella’s said OME HOME, DUNCAN! YOU’RE OUR HERO!

  “Speaking of heroes,” Duncan said, “I think I’ve decided to rewrite my book.”

  “Oh, but Dunky, you’ve already put so much work into it,” said Snow.

  “I know. But I fear the advice I’ve got in there now isn’t very good. We followed most of it on this mission, and things didn’t turn out so well.”

  “Maybe you just need to go on some more adventures to learn more about heroing,” Snow suggested.

  Duncan’s eyes widened. “Does this mean you want me to go on more adventures?”

  Snow gave him a coy smile. “Only if I can go with you,” she said. “And only if they’re not too, too dangerous. Besides, you’ve seen what I can do. I’m awesome!”

  King King let out a sad, low moan.

  “What’s wrong, Dad?” Duncan asked.

  The king looked up (in his sudden sorrow, he’d let his face drop into his casserole). “You’ve only just moved back in, and you’re going to leave again already,” he said.

  “Oh, not right away,” Duncan said. “I think this castle will be our home for a while.”

  “Huzzah!” said King King. Queen Apricotta bounced in her seat. The twins began drumming the table with asparagus stalks. Snow rubbed Duncan’s head playfully, and he began to blush. There w
ere at least five people in this room who definitely considered him their hero.

  Mr. Troll became quite a celebrity, thanks to Lyrical Leif’s newest story-song, “The Troll and the Giant.” The tale told of a brave troll who defended the castle of a young king against the attacks of a vicious giant.

  “It not so true,” Mr. Troll told his fellow monsters at Troll Place. “But least Troll is good guy in story.”

  The trolls danced and cheered. And then headed out to steal more vegetables from nearby farms.

  “Turnip soup?” Rapunzel offered Gustav the pot, after spooning her own portion into her solitary bowl.

  “That all you ever eat?” he grumbled.

  “I’ve been telling you for days now, you don’t need to stay here,” she said, lighting a few extra candles. “I’m fine by myself. You don’t need to watch over me.”

  “I know,” Gustav said. He walked to the window and stared out into driving rain. “But, you know . . . you went through a lot of rough stuff during that heist. You looked a little freaked out after. So I figured you could use the company.”

  Rapunzel chuckled. “You barely speak,” she said. “If you’re here to provide company, shouldn’t we at least try having a conversation?”

  He glanced over his shoulder at her. “What are we gonna talk about? Turnips?”

  Outside the cottage, Frederic approached slowly on horseback, holding his sopping jacket fruitlessly over his head. As lightning flashed, he saw Gustav’s burly silhouette in the window. I knew it was foolish to come here, he thought. Frederic turned his horse around and rode back the way he’d come.

  “Why not talk about the real reason you’re here, Gustav?” Rapunzel said. “Like maybe you feel lost without the League of Princes? Or perhaps you’re afraid to go home and see your brothers again?”

  She was right on both counts, but there was no way Gustav was going to admit that. “Hey, I’m not afraid of anything,” he said, spinning to face her. “Least of all my brothers! And see? This is exactly why I don’t like talking to you: You always think you know what’s going on inside my head.”