The Poison Within

by Rachel Marie Pearcy

  The night’s chill bit through the light layers she had on, and the cool air stung her cheeks. She’d traveled this path a thousand times before, seeking out her sanctuary in the center of the courtyard, and it had always been done alone. The midnight trips were moments she shared with no one, which made it upsetting to see the figure sitting on the fountain’s wall wrapped in a thick quilt. Cam walked towards the body and, as she recognized the soft face framed in the blanket, she smiled, her anger melting away.

  “What are you doing out here?” She asked.

  “I could ask you the same thing,” Rya smirked in reply.

  “I’m the princess, and this is my castle.” Cam took a seat next to her, playfully bumping Rya’s shoulder with her own. “As I remember it, I can do what I want.”

  “Fine, don’t tell me. You keep your secrets and I’ll keep mine.”

  Cam turned her gaze up towards the sky. The moon was only a sliver above them, and the lack of light made the endless sea of stars pop against the black curtain they hung from.

  “I come out here to center myself,” Cam sighed. “Some nights, I can’t get my mind to stop working, no matter how hard I try. My body will ache, and my eyes grow heavy, but my brain keeps running thoughts past me at a mile a minute. It’s impossible to sleep when that happens, and so I come out here to calm it.”

  “That’s why I’m here too,” Rya nodded. “You said before the fountain was your favorite place. You said it was peaceful, and after today I figured I could use some of that peace.”

  “It was pretty intense.” Cam agreed. She shivered as a swift breeze rolled over them.

  “Here, take this.” Rya opened the blanket and draped one end over Cam’s shoulder, scooting in closer as they closed the gap in the fabric. “You’re going to get sick coming out here without a coat.”

  “I find the cold to be refreshing,” Cam replied. “Although, I think I underestimated the weather this time.”

  Her nerves tingled as her body rested against Rya’s, and their breath mixed together in a puff of fog in front of them. Her heart beat faster in her chest, and another shudder ran down her spine. There was a swarm of thoughts she wanted to say, but the ball of fear in her throat was choking out any words she might have had. Rya reached out, taking Cam’s hand in her own, and pressed their palms together. A moment later Cam sensed the fire burning under Rya’s skin. The warmth of the queen’s body was soft and timid, while the heat of her magic felt different; it was hungry and desperate. It spread into Cam’s hand, flowing into the tips of her fingers and lighting them with a gentle glow, and she gasped.

  Rya smiled. “Amazing, isn’t it?” She pulled her hand away, and with its absence the prickle in Cam’s palm dulled to nothing.

  “When did you first know you had magic?” She asked. She was still gazing down at her now normal hand, but her mind was consumed with the queen’s leg pressing against her own.

  “The first I remember using it was when I was four. I accidentally exploded a bowl of porridge that I was refusing to eat. My mother was unhappy to find the kitchen walls covered in oats and made me scrub the entire place clean. That night, when my father came home, she told him what had happened, and the next day he rode off to Cira to find me a magic tutor.”

  “That’s sweet. It’s nice that he was so supportive.”

  “It had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with his own plans. My father was born a high lord from a prominent family, but his addictions were slowly ruining us. He spent all his free time in the tavern. He barely payed attention to me until the oatmeal incident. After that he at least spoke to me.

  “Each morning he’d come stumbling in around dawn smelling of stale beer and smoke. He’d pat me on the head and ask how my lessons were going. He would always tell me to keep practicing so I could be strong and help him one day. In response I would show him a trick or two I’d learned, or some simple spell. He’d smile from ear to ear, and tell me how proud he was. After being ignored for so long, I was desperate for his praise. All I wanted to do was learn more magic, to train my skills, and be the best. I needed that love from my father, and it seemed the only way I was going to get it was with my powers. It wasn’t until years later I learned what his real purpose was.”

  Cam could hear the fatigue in Rya’s words. It wasn’t just the late hour, but the exhaustion of her past. She was tired of second guessing everyone’s intentions. She was tired of having no one to trust. Cam ached at the pain Rya was trying so hard to hide inside.

  “You don’t have to worry,” Cam said, trying to reassure her. “I’m never going to let anyone hurt you again. Not Nix, not Kasen, no one. You’re always going to be safe with me, alright?”

  Rya gave a shy smile. “You make me want to believe that.”

  Cam’s heart stopped as the next words come out of her mouth without warning. “You know, you could stay here in the Ashen Forest. You could choose to live here with us.”

  “What?” Rya asked, taken aback.

  “You don’t have to leave,” she continued. “You could stay here—with me.”

  Rya cupped Cam’s face in her hand, her rich chocolate eyes almost black. “I wish that were true, but trust me, you don’t want that. You don’t want me.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “You don’t know all I’ve been through, or what I’ve done. What Nix told you is only a fraction of the stories I have.”

  “That doesn’t matter to me,” Cam argued.

  “It should. You deserve better.”

  “I don’t care. I don’t want you to go back to the Isles. I don’t want you to leave. You’re happier here, I know I make you happy, and if you stay I can keep you safe forever. Isn’t that what you want too?”

  “It’s not that simple,” Rya replied. Before anything else could be said, Cam leaned in, inching her mouth closer to Rya’s. She stopped just shy of touching, not knowing if she should continue, when the queen bridged the space and kissed her. She closed her eyes, trying to focus on every detail of the moment. Rya’s mouth was warm, a mixture of her body heat and the hint of magic lingering beneath the surface. Her breath tasted sweet, and the tip of her tongue teased Cam’s bottom lip. As suddenly as it had begun, it stopped. Rya leaned away and rose to her feet. Cam’s stomach dropped as if she were falling, and her body shivered as Rya’s warmth was suddenly stripped away.

  “That wasn’t a good idea,” Rya whispered. She took the blanket from her shoulders and wrapped it around Cam’s body. “I can’t—” she stammered, her teeth chattering in the cool night air. “We can’t—I should go to bed. I have a long day of planning a battle tomorrow.”

  “Rya, please.” Cam’s words stopped as the queen walked away.

  Cam was alone in the courtyard. It was what she had expected when she’d climbed out of her bed a short time ago, only now it was wrong. The sound of the trickling water that once comforted her now plunked lonely and cruel into the basin. The peace she’d come out here to find was missing, and she sat in the darkness, cold and empty.

  Á

  Rya’s eyes watched the flames dance in the hearth. The flickering light made her vision grow fuzzy while she wished it would do the same to her thoughts. Kissing Cam had been a mistake. It was the most wonderful mistake she’d ever made, but it was still wrong. Thane’s warning trickled in and out of her mind. His words saturated the memory of the brief joy she’d just experienced, twisted it into a sad and forbidden moment.

  She moved to the window. The moon had crossed the sky, passing as the time had, growing closer to dawn. Sleep wouldn’t come to her tonight, not when she needed it the most. A speckle of black darted across the purple night, and she sighed as the hawk disappeared in the darkness, returning to the Isles with Mikkel’s reply. The tears flowed down her cheeks, dripping from her chin. She touched them with a timid hand.

  “What are you doing?” She asked herself. She looked around to ensure she was alone. “You’re stronger than this. You don’t give in t
o any emotions. You don’t allow yourself to cry.”

  The last time she had freely shed tears was when Gerrod ran his sword into Snow’s chest. Before that, if she needed to cry, she’d do it hidden in the shadows of her closet doors. Her history, and especially her mother, didn’t allow her to express emotion. She was taught it was weakness and needed to be cut out of her heart like a weed growing in the garden. It may reappear now and then, but if she pulled it out and tossed it aside, she would be safe for a while longer.

  These feelings she had now, they were born from a spark that sprung to life when she met Cam. They grew to a wildfire, consuming the rest of her until nothing was left but the raw emotion. It was uncomfortable and foreign, and she hated herself for allowing it to happen. No matter how angry she was, she couldn’t ignore the part of her that yearned for it. Her skin hummed under Cam’s touch, and her heart pounded with the sound of the princess’ voice. Her stomach fluttered when she saw Cam’s smile, or her eyes, or even the shape of her in the distance. As hard as she tried she couldn’t push away those feelings away, and she berated herself each time they rose up.

  She had left the door to her room half open when she returned, as a part of her wanted to hear Cam when she came back up the stairs, but as the footsteps climbed the steps Rya rushed to push it closed. She stood with her forehead pressed against the wood. She’s broken you. She wanted to pound on the door. She wanted to light it on fire and watch it burn into ash the same as the slabs in the fireplace. She wished it would be reduced to nothing so it would match the way she felt inside.

  The sound was back. Another set of footsteps pounded down the hall, but these were closer than the ones before. Against her better judgment, Rya opened the door. She expected to see Cam standing in front of her but was met with two other faces instead.

  “Why are you awake?” Norell asked, taking a step back. Thane stood in front of her with his hands behind his back. He hung his head, refusing to look at Rya.

  “You’re awake,” the queen answered, “so why shouldn’t I be?”

  The girl rolled her eyes, then looked at Thane. “We can talk about this later. You should go.”

  He reached out for her, but she took another step back, placing herself just outside his grasp. Norell rounded the corner and was gone, but Thane stood where he was, running a hand through his hair.

  “I’m sorry if we woke you,” he sighed.

  “I was already up. It’s been a rough night.”

  “I can imagine.”

  Rya squinted in the darkness, trying to make out if he knew about the scene at the fountain. Maybe he had been watching them. Maybe he was going to lecture her. She was relieved when she realized his mind was busy with some other thought. Her eyes followed this gaze into the darkness of the hall.

  “Is she mad again?” Rya asked, nodding the direction Norell had gone. “It’s so hard to tell.”

  “She’s worried,” he answered. “And she has every right to be. Mikkel is her uncle, and any kind of battle means death is coming. She’s lost too many family members in her life, and the thought of another is a lot to handle.”

  “Her parents aren’t alive?”

  “No. They left on a journey when she was nine. It was the first one they’d taken together since she was born, and they had decided to leave her behind at the castle. The trip took them to the eastern shore of the Imani Plains. No one knew about the sickness spreading through the land. It wasn’t until they were in the heart of Imani that they realized what was happening.”

  “The red plague,” Rya nodded, understanding. “That was a dark time in Kelda’s history. I remember my mother being cautious despite how far Asta is from Imani. She wouldn’t allow me to talk to anyone outside our home. She went as far as to sending away one of our maids because she’d traveled outside the kingdom the week before. I can’t imagine how terrifying that must have been for her.”

  “Afterwards, when they never returned, she lived here in the castle with Mikkel and his family. He means so much to her, and the threat of Isle’s army is tearing her up.”

  “I can understand that,” she answered.

  His mouth rose in a half grin, playful and sweet. “I’m surprised you’d say that. I thought anything having to do with Norell would fill you with hate.”

  “I said I understand her,” Rya corrected. “I didn’t say I like her.”

  Hot Water

  The sun had set hours before, and since most were home in their beds, Cora had found the bathhouse to be nearly empty. She lowered her body into the open water with a deep sigh. The steaming wooden tubs nearby would have been better for her aching joints, but the heat had always made her dizzy so she chose the lukewarm pool instead.

  It had been two years since she started coming here regularly. The same elderly couple worked the counter, taking her coin and handing her a towel. The same faces passed, either coming or going, each and every night. The scenery was so familiar, and the actions so routine, they blurred together in her mind like one long day stretched to its ends. Each and every night, Cora sat with her eyes shut, allowing the bathhouse to fade away while the water soaked up her pain.

  This particular night had felt different from the start. A younger man ran the counter; the son of the owner. A touch of cough had kept the old man in bed according to his wife. The air inside the tiled room was heavier than normal, with a strong scent of something new. Lilac perhaps. Cora payed these changes little mind and was enjoying her bath when a voice interrupted.

  “Isn’t this lovely?”

  The stranger intruding on her night was sitting in the nearby barrel tub. Her arms hung over the side, and she had her head laid back, resting as the hot water turned her skin pink.

  “I ask you again, isn’t this the loveliest thing in the world?” The woman spoke without opening her resting eyes. Cora tried to ignore the comment a second time, hoping her silence would speak for her. The woman didn’t take the hint. “I’ve traveled all over Kelda, and no matter where I stay, I always make sure to buy a warm bath. It’s so hard when you’re on the road with the hordes of the little beasts dragging their legs behind you. It’s impossible to get a moment’s rest unless I pay for it.”

  Cora shifted her pose, turning her body away from the woman. If she’d had her eyes closed like the stranger she would have missed the new addition walking into the room. The woman was wearing a jet-black corset with a matching skirt which flowed like liquid behind her. Her steps were without sound as she walked across the tile, and Cora had to blink twice, thinking for a moment she might be a ghost. As the woman passed by, she pressed her index finger to her lips, but Cora couldn’t have made a sound if she wanted to. The sight of the queen had stolen her voice, and she shivered.

  The stranger in the tub was still rambling on about the hardships of her journey, unaware of the danger now standing over her. She must have heard the movement of the dress’ fabric, or perhaps being closer the queen’s footsteps were audible, either way she knew someone was had joined them, but kept her eyes shut tight.

  “Be a dear and refill the warm water,” the woman ordered, assuming a worker had come to check on her. “I’ll double the gold, just make it last.”

  “I think I can do that,” the queen smirked. She waved her hands over the top of the tub, and the woman’s eyes shot open. They were filled with fear, her mouth gasping for air like a fish out of water.

  “What have you done?” The woman choked. Cora watched in horror as she struggled to move, but found she was pinned in the tub by unseen hands. “Let me out of here,” she shouted.

  “I can’t,” the queen answered. “You haven’t finished your bath. I believe you wanted some more warm water.”

  The queen’s palms started to glow as if they were made of burning coals, and she smiled as she shoved them inside the tub. The water sizzled and turned an unearthly orange. The cloud of steam rising around them grew too large, and had blocked Cora’s view, but it did nothing to quiet the screams wh
ich escaped the stranger’s lips. The shrieking echoed off the walls, bouncing around in a symphony of horror. She put her hands to her ears, trying to block out the sound. After what seemed an eternity, the cries became strangled and soft, until they were no more. A sweet, musky smell filled the thick air, reminding her of when the family had roasted a pig over the fire-pit, and she vowed the taste of fresh pork would never touch her tongue again.

  The cloud of white hanging in the air was broken when the queen sauntered through looking calm and unconcerned. The fog swirled away to reveal the stranger’s face, which had been hidden behind the steam. Her skin was swollen, bright red, and covered in large blisters. Her eyes had turned solid white, and her mouth hung open at an unnatural angle.

  Before reaching the doorway, the queen stopped and turned, facing Cora. A sweet smile played on her lips, standing out against the gruesome scene she was leaving.

  “I appreciate your discretion,” she said. “As a thank you, any baths you take here for the remainder of your life will paid for by me.”

  Cora’s lips quivered, unable to form words. Thankfully, the queen didn’t wait for a response and exited. Alone with no one but a half cooked dead woman, Cora stood, clutched her stomach, and vomited into the pool water.

  Sixteen

  The cool autumn breeze rolled through in short bursts, rustling the straw of the hay bales. They had been stacked at the far end of the stables as they waited to be transferred inside, making for an itchy yet sturdy lounge area. Cam was situated near the edge, leaning against one of the tallest points of the stack. Her leg dangled alongside the bale she sat on, swinging back and forth as she picked at the hay, holding the pieces in her hand. Another gust blew past and she opened her palm, watching the hay dance across the air.

  “I don’t know what to do,” she sighed. “She’s been so distant the last few days.”

  “She has a lot going on,” Thane grunted, tossing a bucket of dirty water into the weeds nearby. “If I were Rya, I’d be a little preoccupied too. It can’t be easy to knowing your own army is marching across Kelda to kill you.”