Finally Found

by Nicole Andrews Moore

  She didn’t even turn to look at him. She was too busy preparing a tray of hot hors d’oeuvres for one of the servers. “Here you are,” she said as she passed it to the young man waiting. “Yes, Adam,” she said.

  “Well, I thought that maybe you might like to move in with me. I mean, you need a kitchen and I have a kitchen. I need you and you’d be here.” He shrugged like he had just said the most logical thought that had come to mind and there would be no further need of convincing.

  “What?” She spat. “I’d have to be crazy to live with you. You don’t date. How the hell could you possibly be in a relationship with just one woman?”

  Frowning, he grabbed her to keep her from flitting about the kitchen ignoring this conversation that he had initiated. “What do you think I’ve been doing the last few weeks? I’ve been in a relationship with you!”

  Shaking her head she responded. “That wasn’t a relationship. That was a business arrangement!” She sighed loudly.

  He was floored. “Really? All those nights in my bed…that was all business for you? All those events we went to…”

  “Adam,” she began as though speaking to a child, “I was catering them! See, business! It’s not like it was a date.”

  He walked closer to her, growing upset. How could she think, let alone say these things. He was desperate to get through to her. “Maybe part of it was business. I’ll give you that, but you mean to tell me that there were no feelings involved? Not for one minute will I believe that. We kissed. We touched. We had sex. You stayed…all night. I don’t do that. I’ve never done it before.” He watched as she turned away and started toward the sink. It was the biggest pitch he had ever made and he had yet to find the magic words that would sway her. Without thinking, the words simply grew wings and flew out of his mouth. “Dammit, Cammie, I think love you!” He spoke those words far more loudly than he had intended, but she had really pushed him.

  Cammie paused, “You think you love me? That’s encouraging. That’s something to build a future on. Look at us. We fight all the time.”

  Adam shrugged. “Of course we do. Feelings are messy. That’s the only reason we fight...that and you are argumentative and disagreeable. But you know what? I even like that. You challenge me. I need to be challenged. I need someone I can play with, someone who is driven and balances me out. I need you, doll. That, I know.”

  “And that’s another thing!” She exclaimed. “I swear you only call me ‘doll’ so you don’t have to take the time to remember my name, since so many have passed through your bed before me.” Turning angrily, she tried to walk away.

  He moved to block her. “You think I don’t know your name? Then why do I call it out so often when we’re making love in my bed? You want to know why I call you ‘doll?’ I’ll tell you.” Adam moved so that she was forced to look at him. He swallowed hard. “You look like a perfect china doll. My mother used to collect them. They were her girls, the daughters she never had. Her favorite was Amelia. She had this gorgeous porcelain skin just like yours, and rich blue eyes that remind me of yours. That doll had blond hair, nothing like yours because while it had one solid light blonde shade, you have many…so many natural shades of blonde that I don’t even know where to begin to try to name them all.” He took a breath before he continued. “While that doll was fragile, we could look, but never touch even if we wanted to. And trust me, I never wanted to. Still, you are made of tougher stuff, Cammie. You make me want to be a better man. I’ve never felt the need to before, but to be worthy of you…I’d do anything. I’ve never loved before. Never. You know this is true. You know by now you can believe me and trust me.” He was silent a moment. “Tell me. Tell me you trust me. Tell me you love me. Tell me…something.”

  She looked up at him. Her face was the picture of confusion, of inner turmoil. She glanced around at the now quiet party. He knew people were watching. He could tell that she was embarrassed. Without warning, she spun away from him.

  It was just about all Adam could take. There was only one thing that could make this better. He walked purposefully to the bar. There was no meandering. There was no hesitation. After all that, he needed a drink. As he approached, he realized who was working the bar. He hadn’t seen her come in. He had probably been in the bedroom working on his Cammie-paign. He thought that was clever. He thought Cammie would have laughed over it, too. Right now, he realized he might never know.

  Sighing as he sat down on one of the bar stools, he greeted Cin. “Nice to see you again.”

  Looking incredibly uncomfortable, she nodded. She glanced about and he realized that she was probably wondering where Cammie was at the moment, whether or not they were being watched.

  “I doubt she’s paying attention to me at the moment,” he said sadly. “Can you pour me a Crown and Coke…heavy on the Crown?”

  She turned around and poured his drink, just to his specifications. Laying out a cocktail napkin, she set the drink down on it. There was no smile on her face. He didn’t expect there would be.

  “Listen,” he began. “I don’t know why you told your sister we slept together when we didn’t. I don’t understand the competition between sisters, but I do understand people make mistakes when they are young. I made a great target because I made so many mistakes for so many years.” He laughed a mirthless laugh. “We probably have a lot in common and I might have really liked you if we had met under different circumstances, but here’s the big difference between us: I’ve owned my mistakes, I’m trying to fix my life and you are standing in the way of all that. You continue to allow Cammie to think that I hurt you. I didn’t, I never laid a finger on you, let alone slept with you and yet you are too proud to humble yourself, and admit what you’ve done, and because of that, you are wrecking so many lives…mine, Cammie’s and yours, just to name a few.”

  He watched her for a sign that he had managed to get through to her, but her face was as impassive as her sister’s. Something in him shut down then. He lost that feeling of hope. Devon hadn’t come. He had hoped Devon would, but it was now after 8pm and his old friend had yet to make an appearance. Picking up his drink, he walked over to Sam and Haley.

  “I’m sorry,” he began. “It was never my intention to ruin your party.” He looked at Sam sadly. “Forgive me?”

  Sam clapped him on the shoulder. “Are you kidding? Honestly, it seems like you are getting punished enough.” Sam glanced over at Cammie puttering around in the kitchen. “So what are you going to do?” He asked Adam.

  Taking a big healthy swallow of his drink before speaking, Adam finally responded. “First, I’m going to give the toast, and then I’m going to take a walk. I need air. Lots of air. Lungs filled with fresh freezing air. And maybe if that all hurts enough, I will have learned my lesson about love. See, apparently I can change, but the perception of me never will. So…what’s the goddam point?” He shook his head. “I’m done with all that.”

  Walking to the nearest serving station, Adam picked up a spoon and began to bang it against his glass. The chime sounded and the room grew silent once more. “Since I’m clearly feeling chatty,” he began in a loud voice, “I thought I should give my toast.” He turned to face Sam and Haley. “Here’s to my brother who taught me that love is worth the risk and his beautiful bride, Haley, who showed me that love transforms. May you always be as happy together as you are in this moment.” He raised his glass and all the guests followed suit.

  Once the toast was completed, he gave Haley a hug, shook Sam’s hand and headed out the door. He knew they were looking after him, frowning. He hoped they wouldn’t do anything so crazy as to try to talk sense to Cammie. Then he realized that at the moment, it really didn’t matter. He never wanted to feel like this again.

  He never came back. Cammie did her best to remain focused throughout the rest of the party. She made sure that everyone had a good time…everyone but her. There was no happiness or joy left in this event. She had lost it the moment she fought with Adam. Why had she
even done that? She didn’t have to dig terribly deeply for the answer to that question. It was Cin. When she thought about Cin over there watching them, her heart broke for her sister. She felt like the worst kind of traitor. So she hurt Adam for Cin. In doing so, her own heart was breaking. He loves her. Or maybe now he loved her, past tense. Speaking of tense…that exchange between Cin and Adam was odd. She had watched without appearing to do so. Cin was completely uncomfortable, not behaving at all like the wounded animal Cammie would have expected. As for Adam, he was the one acting like the injured party. None of it made any sense. Cin had scooted out of there just as soon as she had finished her shift and her clean up. Cammie wasn’t worried. They could talk tomorrow, at another one of those damn family dinners. She would get her answers.

  There was nothing left to do but speak to Sam and Haley about their impressions before she left for the night. This part she was actually dreading. By all accounts, Sam and Adam were closer now than they had ever been. She would be seen as the evil bitch that broke his brother’s heart…if Adam’s declaration of love could even be trusted.

  “So, we leave for the wedding in two weeks,” Cammie began. “Is there anything you want to add or change?”

  Sam spoke first, “I want you to hear Adam out. I want you to listen to him. He’s in love with you.” He looked sad. Haley put her hand on his arm to stop him from saying anything else.

  “There are things that you don’t understand,” Cammie began quietly.

  “Well, there are more things that you didn’t give him a chance to explain.” Sam growled. “You entire premise is wrong and you won’t even listen!” He was frustrated and protective of his brother.

  “There’s really nothing anything for him to say that will change things.” Cammie shrugged.

  Finally, Haley spoke. “Adam never slept with Cin. He was trying to tell you that. If you don’t want to hear it from him, ask your sister. And if you are going to be angry with someone, be angry with her for taking away your chance at true love and indescribable happiness. These Davenport men know how to love. You’d be a fool to mess that up.” She smiled gently at Cammie. “And you don’t strike me as a fool. Fix this.”

  Those words kept resonating in her head. Fix this. She didn’t know how to. She didn’t know where he was or when he was coming back. She had publicly humiliated him. Her head dropped. One of them was lying…her sister or Adam. The more she considered it, the more she came to one conclusion. It didn’t matter. Even if Adam had slept with her sister, that happened years ago. People make mistakes. She seemed to be making one after another these days. If it was Cin’s mistake, didn’t she deserve forgiveness, too? She was 18 years old at the time. Young and dumb. Boy crazy.

  Packing up the car, she felt the tears leaking down her face. Life shouldn’t be so complicated. Love shouldn’t be so hard.

  Cin skipped dinner. That should have been her first clue. Cin wouldn’t return her calls. That was a close second. Finally, she gave up and drove over to her apartment. She began to bang on the apartment door as soon as she reached it. There were some floorboards creaking inside. “I know you’re in there, Cin,” she said as calmly as she could muster. “We need to talk.” More creaking. “So you need to put on your big girl panties and come open the door.” She thought that Cin was leaning on the wall near the door, based on the noises inside. “I’m going to have my say, baby sister. You just need to decide if we do it face to face, or if I do it through the door so all your neighbors can hear.” She paused for a moment.

  “I’m going to ask you one question, a very critical question. And you need to answer me. If you don’t, then I’ll still have my answer, won’t I?” She took a deep breath. The door flew open. Cin obviously knew what Cammie was going to ask.

  Her head was down. Her eyes were red from crying. “I never had sex with Adam,” she said. Then she began to sob once more.

  Had this admission come a day earlier, Cammie would have been completely shocked. Now, however, it seemed to be a bit anti-climactic. Still, there were questions. “What happened? Why would you let me believe that you had? Why would you let me hate him for years and years for hurting you?” Cammie could feel her own tears threatening to fall, but she refused to allow them leave. She was angry. She was hurt. Her trust had been abused. She may have lost the one man she never expected to love.

  “He turned me down,” Cin said through sobs. “I offered myself to him and he gave me cab fare. He humiliated me. I was hurting. I never wanted to see him again.”

  “Yes, but every time you did, you threw yourself at him!” She exclaimed.

  “It was on principal. If I could just get him to sleep with me ever, then I hadn’t lied. Or my lie had become truth. I don’t know. I was crazy. I’m sorry!” She sobbed harder.

  Normally Cammie would have reached out to comfort her. That was the history of their relationship, but at the moment she wanted to get as far away from her sister as possible. She had so much to process. The longer she thought about it all, the more her heart hurt.

  Bereft. He felt that more and more. Adam didn’t know if Cammie would ever be in his bed again. The forced co-existence for the wedding was going to be a challenge. He would never let Sam and Haley down though. Never. They were everything. He couldn’t hurt them, too.

  Rolling over in bed, he was grateful he had a day to mope around. He had tried getting up. He had even walked down to the bagel shop. The bagels…still sat on his counter. His coffee was cold. He had tried seeing if an ice cold soda would shock his system into responding. Even that didn’t work. He had ignored Sam’s call for brunch. He had ignored what he had imagined was Haley’s invite to dinner. In fact, there was no one in this world he wanted to talk to at the moment, not even Cammie.

  He went to bed for the night at 7:30pm. It wasn’t hard to do. He had slept on and off the bulk of the day. Even when he woke he felt sleepy. Maybe he had an iron deficiency. He would call the doctor in the morning.

  “Glad to see you made it to work,” Sam’s voice boomed through the phone. “I just wanted to remind you that we were going to get together for Christmas Eve this year instead of Christmas Day. We won’t start that stuff until after Haley and I have children.”

  “Sounds good,” Adam said trying to sound at least a little bit enthusiastic.

  “How are you, Adam?” Sam asked genuinely concerned.

  He took a moment to think about it. “How am I?” He repeated the question. “Hmm. I think I’m coming down with something. I’m tired. I didn’t even get out of bed yesterday. I have no appetite. I don’t feel like doing anything. Must be some kind of flu going around.”

  Sam chuckled. “Have you really never felt like this before?” He asked.

  Adam thought. “No, I can’t say as I have. I didn’t get a flu shot. Is this supposed to be a bad year?”

  There was a sigh. “Adam,” Sam began slowly, “you aren’t sick. You are depressed about Cammie. Fix it or get over it. Those are your options.” He chuckled once more. “Oh, the recess is over. I need to get back in there. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. And believe it or not, you are. Lesson one: love hurts.”

  Adam hung up the phone. This…this ache was love. This overwhelming sadness? The loneliness, the lack of interest in anything. Screw that. He would never love again. If he ever recovered this time.

  A week passed. Christmas was almost here. Adam had come to embrace the routine of work. He needed it. He needed the sense of purpose. He was good at it. The people here really seemed to respond to him. He was slowly feeling better. The true test, he knew would be at the wedding. He knew they were renting a beach house. He knew they were doing the wedding on the beach, the reception on the beach, and that Sam and Haley were leaving from there to go on a honeymoon cruise. It sounded pretty perfect.

  He would be flying back in the private jet with Cammie, Ryan, Ellen, and Abby. That could be a long flight, but he loved to sleep while he traveled so that was one way to avoid having to
talk to her. After that, he figured there was a very slim chance they would ever cross paths again. That thought both relieved and depressed him further.

  On Christmas Eve, they held the traditional family gathering before midnight mass. The entire family was at Cammie’s parents’ house. It was…exhausting. Everything was exhausting these days. She used to be able to function on nearly no sleep, but now she was just tired all the time. She rarely smiled. Worst of all, she and Cin hadn’t spoken since their confrontation a couple of weeks ago.

  Cammie had quit the family dinners. Sunday ended up being her one day of rest every week since business was currently booming. She had even had to turn away some business, which was simply unheard of. Adam was amazing. He had done all of this…for her. Her chest constricted every time she thought his name. Making a mental note to stop thinking about him…yet again, she worked in the kitchen in silence while the rest of the women chatted happily.

  Just before 8pm, minutes before they sat down to eat dinner, Cin walked into the house. She looked at Cammie, but this time it was the older sister doing the avoiding. They ate across from each other. At the end of the meal, Cin cornered her upstairs in the bathroom. The minute Cammie stepped out after washing her hands, Cin was there, blocking her from going down the stairs.