When I stumbled into the kitchen, Wade and Jo were talking at the kitchen table, Chinese takeout sprawled across the table. Wade’s eyes were red like he’d been crying and so were Jo’s. Alarm settled in my stomach.
“What’s wrong?” I demanded.
They both looked over. There were pictures amongst them. A stack spilled on its side and prints in front of Jo and some in front of her brother.
Wade reached his hand for mine. I gave it to him. He pulled me down on his lap. “We’re saying goodbye to Sabrina.” He wrapped his arms around me from behind, so tight it hurt to breathe.
My heart dropped. “Why?”
Jo sniffed. “Because we have to, Es. You bring her back to both of us. You’re like the ultimate best friend, and I never told you how hard it was at first to take that title from Sab. You’re perfect for Wade. I swear, you’re like a gift from above for both of us.”
I couldn’t deal with hearing that. My heart wept for them. For their loss. But it beat harder, too. So in love with their strength. I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him as hard as I could.
He squeezed me harder. Jo came around the table and wrapped her arms around both of us. They cried for their friend and first love. I cried for their pain. They didn’t have to say goodbye for me. They had to say goodbye for their selves.
Through the kitchen window, the last afternoon sun bled deeply into the room. It was so bright it encompassed us, warming all three of us from the outside in. When we pulled away, it was brightest on Wade’s face. Gold shimmered all over him. Turning his blue eyes into glass panes; I could see into his soul. And for the first time, I saw it completely and utterly open. No doubt. No fear. No hesitation.
As badly as I wanted him to work for this, to fix the holes he’d left behind, I wouldn’t make him. He’d suffered enough in ways I couldn’t imagine. I wouldn’t make him hurt for another second to have something we both wanted.
I cradled his face in my hands, smearing away his tears over his cheeks with my thumbs. “I love you, Wade.”
“Good,” he said, a smile curling his lips in the corner. “I already ordered us a queen-sized mattress.”
Jo shook her head and wiped her eyes, taking a deep breath that I heard all the way from her heart. “I’m going to put these pictures away now.” She gathered them carefully.
“Wait. Can I see that one?” I pointed to the one sticking out of the edge.
She handed it to me. It was all three of them. Sabrina, Wade, and Joanna. They had to be no more than ten. Smiling with huge cheesy smiles at the camera. Sabrina had her arms around them both, and little Wade with his little boy body was flexing with his free arm. They looked so young, happy, and carefree. I didn’t want him to shove Sabrina in a dusty box forever. The thought of her being locked away made me sad.
I glanced at Wade. “Can we keep this one out? I want to put it in a pretty frame. For you and for Jo. And maybe even for me. So she’s always a part of us.”
In response, Wade kissed me. The kind of kiss that went beyond lust. It was full of warmth and love. It said the things he couldn’t. He would try to give me himself now, but he would have bad days. My kiss said the same things. I would try and let my dreams go so I could finally live them, but I would still have days where my head was in the clouds.
“We can keep that one,” he whispered against my lips. “Thank you.”
“Now what?” Jo asked, coming back into the kitchen.
“What do you mean?” Wade looked at her with his eyebrow raised.
“What happens now? Are you getting married today or tomorrow?”
Wade and I both groaned. “Right now, Esmaie’s going to eat some cold chow mein and then you’re going to find something to do until tomorrow because then I’m going to spend all night with my head buried between her thighs.”
Jo laughed, giving me a wink. “Part of me is grossed out because come on, that’s my brother. But the other part of me is just happy. Happy he’s not running anymore. Happy you’re not going to be moping around all day. Happy I can finally move on. So happy I’ll sleep at Mom and Dad’s tonight. I have conditioning in the morning anyway, so I won’t be back for a few days.”
“Your sister’s going to be in the Olympics. I can feel it.”
He gave me a soft smile. “Eat, baby.”
As it was, I was starving. I moved off his lap to sit beside him, stacking a plate high with takeout. It was exactly what I needed in my stomach. He picked at what was left of his food. When Jo took off, her gear bag and purse over her shoulder, she kissed us both goodbye on the cheek and then shoved Wade’s head away, running out of the room before he could grab her.
“Asshole,” he griped, glaring where she’d ran from. But he smiled, making me smile too. “I got some wine while I was out getting the food. You want to have a couple glasses and talk?” His expression softened when he looked at me.
I nodded, unable to respond. Why did I feel so nervous? This was Wade. I guessed because so far, we’d never been on the same page. Now we were. We wanted the same things. The same way. At the same time.
We settled on the couch, a bottle of chilled white wine on the coffee table, both of our glasses full. He hadn’t taken his eyes off me since I came out of my bedroom. I felt exposed, but in that exposure, there was this alluring sense of vulnerability. Typically, that wouldn’t be so appealing. This time, however, I knew Wade felt the same way. We were bare. And that was so damn sexy and intimidating to me.
“It’s been two years,” he stated, as if I didn’t know, as if I hadn’t suffered, too.
Okay, so, wine was a good idea. Maybe he knew I’d need the boost. I drank a swallow, filling my belly with warm liquid courage. “I’m aware.”
“Two long, hard years.” His eyes filled with so much intensity I didn’t have to ask what he was feeling. One, because his eyes were full with it. And two, I lived it. “I thought a lot about how we went wrong. We weren’t supposed to, though. That’s what I kept coming back to. We were supposed to work.” He punched the couch, setting his wine down; he didn’t need the liquid courage. “You weren’t supposed to break my heart like that, Esmaie.”
“You weren’t supposed to break mine, either.”
He pointed at me. “Don’t.”
Anger tickled in the back of my throat. “Don’t what?”
“Piss me off.”
I snorted, wondering when he’d gotten so full of himself. Maybe it was the beard. “Or what? You’ll leave me for another two years? Maybe we didn’t work out because you’re a selfish jerk? Ever think of that?”
His jaw tensed. Anger and hurt turned his eyes into liquid. “I didn’t leave you. We imploded. There was nothing left to hold on to. I did what I had to do to protect myself.” He leaned close to me, his warm breath tinged with the sweetness of wine. “Did you not hear anything I said this morning? I want to make this work.”
“So do I,” I hissed.
“But you’re still angry.” He sat back. He blinked. Worked through his thoughts. Then he made a smug twist of his lips. “Fine, be angry. We’re going to be together forever. I gotta get used to dealing with your bratty ass anyway.”
My mouth popped open. “I thought you hated brats.”
“Yeah, well this one grew on me.” He winked.
I glared. “I love you, Wade, but I also want to claw your eyes out.”
He licked his lips. “You’re making my cock hard.”
My clit tingled, but my anger did as well. “Did playing overseas turn you into a crude dickhead?”
“No.” He flashed me a heated look. “You did.”
I gasped, wondering if he was worth wasting my wine. I wanted to throw it in his face. “Don’t blame your shitty personality on me.” I pushed to get up.
He grabbed my wrist to stop me. “You think my personality is shitty? Hmm? Because I think your timing is.”
I tried to pull my arm free, but his fingers wrapped tightly around my wrist. “Wade Wright, if
you don’t let me go right now, this wine is going to end up over your head.”
He let me go. For one second. So he could grab the wine glass out of my hand. He downed it and dropped the glass on the leather seat beside him. He stood up and settled his hands on my waist, towering over me.
“Get your bratty, angry ass in your bedroom right now.” When I didn’t move, his eyes narrowed. “Esmaie. Don’t pretend like your panties aren’t soaking fucking wet right now.”
“They’re not,” I whispered. “They’re as dry as your personality.”
He smirked. “When did you become a liar? Tell me.” He skimmed his nose up my cheek and temple, inhaling me along the way.
Want settled warmly between my thighs. “I’m not lying.” My arms rose, and my hands settled on his biceps. My fight was fading; desire was winning out. Because in all honesty, the only thing I wanted was him. I didn’t want to fight this, but a pathetic fight against Wade felt like the only weapon I had left.
I was afraid.
Afraid he’d leave me again.
Afraid I’d let him.
His lips pressed to the space below my ear. Afraid I wouldn’t be enough to stop him.
My head fell back. He groaned, moving his body as close to mine as he could get. “Don’t be mad at me,” he pled, his voice a whisper. “I love you, Esmaie. I just want to love you.”
My eyes burned as he kissed directly over my pulse, feeling it pound against his biteable lips. His beard tickled my skin. His grip was harder, and I wondered if he was afraid of the same things.
“Don’t leave me again,” I blurted out. “Please, Wade. Not again.” My tears were a surprise to both of us. One second, we were flames, the next we were salt water.
“Don’t leave me again,” he blurted out. “Please, Esmaie. Not again.” He wrapped his arms around me. “It can go both ways, baby. We both have trust issues. We’ll work on them together. We’re putting a lot into each other. Everything. But I can’t wait to have your everything, and I can only hope that you want mine.”
“I do.” I let my anger go; my heart took control of my mouth. “I want everything you have to give me.” I rose onto my tiptoes and put my mouth over his ear. “You were right.”
“About what?”
“My panties are wet.” I stepped out of his hold. I wiped my eyes. There was only one way for this to work. I had to do what I always did. Hang my dreams for the world to see, one at a time, and trust that Wade was the only one who would dream them too. I backed into the hall. He stalked me. “Is this real? Do I really have you back?” I couldn’t keep the shaking out of my voice. The severe desire I had for this man. The desire I felt in one second when we first met, had grown into a festering desperate necessity. I just wanted him.
“No more dreaming.” His grip settled on my waist and he urged us back into my bedroom. “It’s time to wake up, baby. Together.”
He kicked my bedroom door closed. I felt the weight of us in the room. The sticky, heavy air of lust encroaching every inch of available air. I didn’t realize how completely empty I’d been without him until my lungs were perfectly happy pulling in air thick with him.
I tripped over something, breaking the moment. It was an unfamiliar duffle bag. Wade kicked it out of the way and pointed to the space in front of him. “Come here.”
Bossy Wade was back. And hopefully here to stay. I stood where he told me, already panting. He reached for the hem of my cami, pulling it over my stomach, and then clear over my breasts and I rose my arms, so he could pull it off. My nipples immediately puckered. My legs quaked. His eyes were so intent. No nervousness, no instability. Cool and controlled, he slid his fingers into the waistband of my shorts. He lowered to his knees to drag them down my legs slowly. I stepped out of them, my pulse thrumming in my ear.
His height put him at the perfect position. His eyes zeroed in on the blossoming wet spot on my dark pink panties. He looked up, eyes swimming with mischief. “What’s this?”
I was too far gone to give him anything more than a smug smile.
His tongue darted out to swipe lazily over the wet spot. I exhaled, reaching out to hold onto his shoulders. My thoughts dissipated into clouds of barely contained desires. Wispy, weightless billows of intense hunger. I was literally in the middle of my dreams. Living them. Feeling them. My love for Wade exploded in my chest, invading every single inch of my body.
I tangled my fingers in his hair. He groaned deep in his chest, his beard brushing over my sex through my panties.
He rose unsteadily to his feet. He pulled his shirt over his head by grabbing the neck and dragging it over his head from behind. That alone was so damn sexy I couldn’t contain myself. I wanted him now. His body was as mouthwatering as the last time I’d seen it. Cords of lean cut muscle running through his lightly tanned skin. His fingers unclasped his buckle and drew down his zipper. He pushed his jeans and his boxers down his hips and stepped out of them.
I nearly fainted. He was so damn beautiful. Every inch of him was on my To Lick list. His cock hung at attention in front of him, thick and taut. My mouth watered. I made a mental note to make sure that particular body part was first on my list when it was my turn to taste him. He came for me, cradling my face in his large grasp.
The moment his lips touched mine, I felt the tides shifting. He wasn’t simply kissing me. He was claiming me. I moaned into his kiss, succumbing. I didn’t fight it, didn’t try and keep up. I wanted him to devour me. His hot, silky tongue tasted like sweet, tart wine. I stroked mine over his, digging my fingertips into his hips where I held on.
Time settled in the room, pausing as we had our fill. “Lay down,” he murmured against my lips. When I tried to kiss him again, he gave my hips a gentle shove, sending me falling onto the bed. He followed, settling between my legs. “I want to take my time on you, Esmaie. Lick, suck, and taste every inch. But I need to be inside you more.” He fisted my panties, and before I could tell him not to, he ripped my panties off and yanked them free, dropping them over the side of the bed.
I was writhing beneath him, unable to speak. If I could I would tell him I understood. I wanted this too much to wait, too. Instead, I bit my bottom lip. His eyes watched the action. He reached over and touched my bottom lip, pulling my flesh free. “Are you on birth control?”
I shook my head.
“I didn’t think so.” He leaned over the side of the bed and grabbed something out of what I assumed was his duffle bag. Condoms. He ripped a foil packet from the pack and brought it to his teeth, tearing it open. I watched in amazement as he sheathed himself in the nude, tight rubber. He settled his hands on each side of my head and met my eyes as the tip of his cock pressed against my soaked entrance.
That contact alone rearranged sex for me. I only had a few partners after my high school ex, and none of them were as large as Wade. My eyes rolled into the back of my head. He pressed deeper into me, fighting the tightness of my core to fill me as much as he could. My mouth fawned open. My eyes wouldn’t open.
I think I may have cursed. He kissed me, senseless wet strokes of his tongue as he pulled out and pressed even deeper into me. He picked up speed, settling his entire weight on top of me. My palms pressed against his back, smearing on our sweat-slicked skin. Pleasure emanated from so deeply in my body I’d never known it could feel this good. I moved my hips to meet his, digging my nails into his lower back to ask for more.
When I moaned, he moaned. Our pleasure was entangled, entirely reliant on the other. It grew, overpowering us both. Our flesh met again and again, passion pouring from our souls. “I love you, Esmaie,” he groaned, pounding roughly into me. “I was so stupid. So wrong. You were never second to me. You were always first, that’s why I fought it so hard. You’re. Fucking. Everything.” He fucked me harder, stealing my breath and response. My twin bed could barely hold us. He reached between our bodies and found my aching clit, circling it with his fingertips. “Come with me,” he ordered, sliding his tongue over my temp
le.
I exploded around his cock, screaming into the crook of his neck. His body became solid rock on top of me and his hips picked up speed until he was brutally fucking me, stretching me more than any man before him. Pleasure, unfathomable and destroying, spread through every fiber in my being. I felt transformed and high.
I felt like I was living my dreams for the first time in my entire life.
The feeling was so profound I cried, holding on to him with all my strength. Tendrils of my orgasm shook me to my core, ricocheting through my body. He breathed heavily on top of me, stilling as he came with me.
Dreams do come true.
And mine was finally a reality.
Chapter Eighteen
Wade
Moving on didn’t happen in one day.
Letting go of pain was one of the hardest things the human heart could ever do.
It took strength, which was hard to know you had when that pain kept the loss alive. It took willpower, which was hard to convince yourself of when you could hardly lift your head. And it took faith, which was difficult to have when you were stuck in the tempest of grief.
I thought that if I never moved on I would be doing Sabrina Mitchell proud. I thought she’d want it that way. But in doing so, I’d hurt myself. Moving on wasn’t forgetting. Moving on was trusting that what we had would always be there. Moving on was admitting that maybe I didn’t get it right the first time.
But I did the second time.
I felt a peace in my heart I never knew I could. A warmth so damn hot it spread through my body like a blaze, until I was afraid I’d catch fire. For the first time in years, I wanted to stay put. I didn’t want to run anymore. I wanted to create roots and take my life back.
And I wanted to do it with the one woman strong enough to withstand my storm. A woman so brave and loving, she’d given a man like me a chance when I didn’t think there was anymore chances left.
I just wanted to live. To remember what it felt like to wake up and smile, instead of fold in on myself. I wanted to breathe without my heart aching.
The Jock and the Dreamer Page 15