I took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of strawberries clinging to Esmaie’s skin. The woman was lethal. Tested my self-control and the way I saw myself. I didn’t know there was anything left in me to love. But there was. She did. I didn’t know why, but she did.
I had to wonder if our coming together was fate, or something stronger. A gift from someone who loved me so much, she guided me to the person I would spend forever with.
We had a lot left to figure out. A lot left to overcome. But we’d already overcome so much I wasn’t afraid. As long as I had her, I could do anything.
The window in her room showcased the early morning sun. It was so bright and warm, it sheathed us both. I turned my head to look directly into it. I blinked the tears from my eyes. “Goodbye, Sabrina.”
The sunlight grew, making the room gold.
I will always love you, I told her with my heart. Thank you for being my first. And thank you for showing me how special love can be.
The sun faded slowly, and I felt her peace as I felt my own.
Esmaie rolled over, eyes sleepy, cheeks flushed. She gave me a shy smile that was so damn beautiful I could only stare.
I smiled back. “Sorry.”
“For what?”
“If I keep this up, I’m going to have to open a panty store just to keep you clothed.”
She laughed, rolling her eyes at me. “Why don’t I just stop wearing them?”
“That’s a possibility, I guess. But I’m going to let you in on a little secret.” I kissed her temple, so I could whisper in her ear. “I like ripping them off.”
She gave me a serious expression. “I like it when you rip them off, too. Do you think we have a problem?”
“Definitely.”
A slow, teasing smile spread across her face. “Good.”
Chapter Nineteen
Esmaie
The problem with moments was that trying to create them could sometimes ruin them. Forcing importance on impromptu situations in the hopes that one day they would matter was an issue I had to work on. Now that Wade had committed to me and I had committed to him, I had to learn that living in the moment was far more beautiful than wishing I had them later on.
I leaned against the wall in the hall, gingerly cupping my vagina. Behind me, Wade chuckled, uncaring that the moment we’d shared had made me so sore I felt like a different person.
“Put those tiny dick comments to rest, didn’t I?”
I shot him an acidic glare as he passed me in the hall. We’d showered together this morning, spending our time kissing and making love under scalding water, our bodies wrapped in steam. It felt like we were the last two people left in the world. I shouldn’t find so much comfort in that, but I had a feeling that’s how it would be. Wade, and then the rest of the world.
The wine mess from last night was still out. Wade cleaned up as I carefully sat on the sofa. Every once in a while, he’d look at me and smirk, earning another scowl.
“You up for going to get some breakfast?” He patted his nonexistent belly. “I’m starving for some strange reason.” His eyes darted around the room. His hands went to his face, a shocked lilt tilting his lips. “Could it be because I spent the night having the best sex of my life with you?” He made the sound of an error buzzer going off. “Nah. Must be some other reason.”
He was so buoyant, free. I didn’t know this Wade. The Wade free of his pain and self-loathing. And I didn’t think the man could be any more beautiful than he was, but he somehow beat his own self. His eyes were glowing. I couldn’t deal with his forced shocked expression and laughed, falling over on the leather couch. “I’m not starving. But my pussy is so tender I can barely walk. Could it be because I spent the night with the man of my dreams?” I made the same error buzzer noise and sat up. “Nope. It was just you. Mr. Micro-Penis.”
A cocky furrow settled between his brows. “You’ve got to stop this new thing you do where you lie to yourself, baby. No one believes you, especially not me.” He sat on the coffee table in front of me, dropping his teasing edge. “We’ll order in and talk about our next steps.” He leaned close and kissed the tip of my nose. “That good with you?”
Butterflies the size of tiny pterodactyls took flight in my stomach. Up until that point, I’d never truly felt like Wade was mine. There was always that shadow in his eyes that told me he had memories and hurts holding him back. But that shadow was gone. Looking into his eyes, I could see far and deep, and I knew in my heart that this jock was mine now. I could have cried. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him until he was on top of me on the couch, his hands roaming, mine doing the same.
“Bedroom,” he grunted, bouncing with me in his arms down the hall. He tossed me on the bed and fell on top of me.
My shorts disappeared. His lips devoured me. My hands trailed up and down his back as he eased the tip of his thick cock inside me. I fell apart beneath him. The sting of his girth was replaced by the burn of pleasure. I’d never felt so high with a guy before. So lost, so found, so entirely unlike myself in the most transformative way.
Sometimes to find yourself, you have to lose yourself first.
We spent the next few days making love every which way we could. Against the wall, in the hall, on the kitchen table. My lips were in a constant state of just-kissed tender, and my fingertips never got enough of searching and seeking out every inch of his beautiful body.
There was no reason to come up for air until I was on my hands and knees on the couch and Wade was behind me, driving into me senselessly.
Sunlight flooded the room. Someone screamed. Wade shouted. I was high on orgasms and drunk on hopes of forever.
“You ever try knocking, Jo?” Wade growled, covering his dick with a magazine off the table.
I was a puddle of oversexed goo on the couch, sliding all the way down until I was lying with my face pressed into the crook and my ass was still in the air.
“I’m going to go blind!” Jo screeched. “How could you defile my sweet Esmaie like that? And Esmaie, you little whore. Doggie style is for one-night stands.”
“Would you cover up,” Wade snapped, smacking my ass with the magazine.
I lost it, giggling uncontrollably. I peered over at Jo who was covering her eyes with her phone. “Give us a few minutes, please.”
“Gladly.” She slammed the front door shut after her.
Wade looked over at me. “I was almost going to come.”
I pouted. “Poor baby.”
He nodded, totally meaning it. “What if she killed my boners forever?”
I giggled again, falling to my hands and knees on the floor and began crawling down the hall. “I can’t feel my legs.”
He chuckled behind me and grabbed my waist, hoisting me up into the air and into his arms. “You have a hickey on your right ass cheek. How’d that happen?”
I barely had the energy to shrug. “You’re a freak.”
“Me?” He gasped indignantly. “That shit out there was your idea. Now my sister knows what I look like naked. We’re going to have to move out and never talk to her again.”
“Don’t be dramatic.” He set me down in my room. I started getting dressed. “After some intensive therapy, she’ll be fine.”
He did the same. “She’s going to bring this up at the next family dinner. I can already see it.”
I wouldn’t put it past her. I couldn’t wait to hear it either. I didn’t tell him that part, but I did wink at him.
He groaned, reaching for the door handle. He’d dressed in a pair of jeans.
“Wade, wait.”
He paused, turning back to me. “What?”
“I want to see your shirt.” It was red and black and the logo from his team in the UK was on the back and the front. I ran my hands up and down his chest, tracing the team crest. It reminded me of how quickly things had changed for us, but that things were still the same in a lot of ways.
He sighed, his thoughts lining up with mine. �
��I’m quitting the team.”
“But you’re so good. Soccer is your dream.”
“Is it? I wasn’t dreaming over there, Es. I was in a nightmare, all day, all night. Going back there without you wouldn’t do me or us any good. I have to quit.”
“Or I could go back with you.”
His body stilled. “You’d do that? My contract isn’t up for another three years if I fulfill it. If I quit, I can’t play for anyone else, but I’ll figure it out.”
I felt the tingle of doubt in my heart suddenly. If he quit for me, I’d never forgive myself. “Of course, I’d do that. You’re not quitting. If you do, I’ll never forgive you. We’re going to England.”
He gaped at me, worked through his thoughts, and then laughed breathlessly. “You’re amazing, you know that, right? You’ve got two more semesters until you get your bachelors. What about your dreams?”
“I can finish in the UK. Don’t be a wanker! See, I’m ready to go.”
“Got your insults down. What more do you need?”
I hugged him around his waist, peering up at him with everything I’d been feeling the past few days displayed in my eyes. “I have you. That’s all I need, Wade. Everything else is extra.”
The humor dissipated from his face. He slid his grip up my arms and neck to settle on my face. He cradled me gently, his eyes electric blue with his intensity. He looked tortured and overwhelmed. He cleared his throat. “What the hell did I do to deserve someone like you, Esmaie Erickson?” He kissed me, our eyes still open. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life giving you those extra things. You deserve them.”
His lips came for me. I was so ready to show him how I felt. So, of course Joanna busted into the room, crapping on our moment.
“You’re still not done?”
We both turned to her. She looked tanned and blindingly happy. There was a light about her I had never seen before. I gasped. “Jo, no!”
She squealed. “Yes!”
We both started jumping around the room, laughing and screaming in excitement.
“Can someone tell me what’s going on?” Wade crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at us.
“I got picked for the US team.”
Wade’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “No way, Jo.” He whistled. “That’s insane.” And then a huge grin spread across his face, jumping and screaming around the room.
Jo and I snickered, joining him. “Let’s celebrate. Drinks on Wade!” Jo danced right out of the room, leaving her brother and I alone.
“Wait, what?”
I smirked at his putout expression. We showered in record time and got dressed, catching each other’s gaze across the room as we did so. While I was pulling up my panties; when he was zipping his jeans—we were connected by an intense, powerful cord. I imagined strings glimmering silver, like spider webs, strung between his heart and mine. Tying us together, beating life into our dreams.
As we were walking down the apartment steps, I caught sight of Wade’s truck. It had sat in the driveway since he left. Each time I went to Jo’s parent’s house and saw it, I was flooded with memories of being inside, of how close we’d come to escaping only to imprison our own selves in our feelings.
“Where are we going?” he asked, holding the door open for us to slide in.
“My teammates want to celebrate. One of them is dating this rich guy who owns a house in Malibu, so we’re going there.” She peered up at him innocently. “Any chance of Bank showing up?”
He glowered at her. “He went back to the UK.”
She pouted, genuine disappointment on her face. “Already?” He whispered something in her ear that made her growl under her breath. “Now you want to be my big brother?”
“I’ve always been your brother, Jo.”
I sat near the door, happy not to be in the middle of what was to come. Jo was way too into Bank to appreciate her brother getting in the way of something she obviously wanted.
“You haven’t been my brother in years, Wade. You barely call, barely see me. So, don’t show up now and sprout that bullshit at me. I can do what I want, like I’ve been doing. And if what I want to do is ride the shit out of your hot friend, I will.”
He studied her as he drove, a crazed look glittering in his eyes. “Tell me you didn’t.”
She looked straight out the front window, not answering him.
Wade groaned and punched the steering wheel. “Damn it, Jo. Why would you sleep with him? When? How?”
“Yeah, how? When?” I piped in. “We hung out that night together.”
Jo’s bottom lip trembled. “At my graduation dinner. It just sort of happened. I couldn’t breathe around what I felt, and neither could he. It was like we had to have sex, right then, or we’d both explode.” She sighed in heavy adoration, a look on her face I wasn’t used to. She looked high and low, drunk and too sober—painfully in love.
“And then he left and didn’t answer your calls or texts,” Wade finished the story for her. “Said he had no reception.”
She gasped. “How’d you know?”
“Because I’ve known him for years, Jo. He’s a player. Hook ups, one-night stands. That’s what Bank does.”
“We were different.”
“You are different. But you weren’t to him.” He put his arm around her waist and she heaved against him.
“I don’t believe it. You weren’t there.”
“Would’ve been kind of messed up if I had been.” Under his breath, I heard him say, “I’m going to kill him.”
“Don’t,” Jo whined. “I don’t think you know your friend well. He’s nothing like what you’d think he was. He’s smart, funny, and he's hurting. Right here." She patted her chest.
I gawked at her. “When the hell did you get all cheesy?”
She gave me wide open eyes. “You ever get a feeling about someone before? Like for no reason at all you know you’re going to be theirs? Your heartbeats slow down, your entire world slows down, and all you want to do is shake them, and say look at me, stupid, we’re so going to get married and have babies together? But they’re so stupid and blind they don’t see it or care?”
I could have screamed. “Your brother.”
That made her sob. “Oh, no. You mean I’m going to fuck up my love life for years before I get it right?”
Wade and I looked at each other helplessly as she sobbed. I rubbed her back and Wade tried to console her, feeding her facts about Bank that was supposed to turn her off, but really only made her cry harder.
“He’s had sex with so many girls I lost count. You’re better than that.”
She wailed.
“Shut up, would you?” I griped, hugging her to me. “Jo, calm down.” I put my lips over her ear. “It’ll work out, I promise.”
She groaned, sitting back. “No, it won’t, Es. You don’t get it.”
She sounded so sure.
So defeated.
It made me wonder where she’d been all this time, and what Bank had done to my best friend to strip her of her strength and show her all her weaknesses.
Or had the possibility of love showed her everything she was missing?
Even the mention of love around the right person shifted the atmosphere. The air you breathed tasted different. The ground beneath your feet felt abruptly less stable. Something felt like it was missing. Even before you knew yourself that what you were feeling was in fact love.
When we got to the mansion in Malibu, Jo scrambled over my lap and ran from the truck, disappearing around the turnabout in the driveway. The mansion was gorgeous, a white showcase of decadence on the edge of the Pacific Ocean. Waves crashed to the rocky shore below and it smelled like fresh air and salt.
I hadn’t been crazy falling for Wade.
I’d been perfectly, utterly sane.
Chapter Twenty
Wade
The city of Los Angeles was spread out below me.
A labyrinth of life crammed into a southern C
alifornia desert with skyscrapers and crashing waves of the ocean. They say this is where dreams come true. I’d say they’re right.
Sweat dripped down my face and chest. Behind me, Esmaie heaved and grunted, her feet slipping in the dry land. I dreamed of this place last night and knew the moment I woke up that I needed to take her here.
“I can’t make it. Go on without me.”
I looked over my shoulder to find her on her back. The hiking trail had been a favorite of Sabrina and me. We’d gone here the night before she passed. We’d whispered our dreams into the night air and kissed on them. The next day she was gone.
She wanted me to come here. To bring Esmaie up here and do it right. Scream my dreams into the sun and spend the rest of our lives falling over and under the heat of love and the hope of forever.
I chuckled, heading back down a few feet to help her. “Give me your hands, baby.” We were leaving for England tomorrow. We had to do this now because damn it, I wanted forever with this woman. I wanted to know her soul, bask in it, and rip the panties off her every single damn night.
She placed her hands in mine but pulled back when I tried to lift her. “What is it?” I asked. She was gazing up at me with a wide-eyed expression on her face.
“You’re happy,” she whispered.
I quirked a brow. “Yeah, aren’t you?”
“No,” she said, “you’re truly happy. I can see it. I can feel it. Does this place have a special meaning for you?” she guessed.
I told her and watched the way her eyes welled up. Truthfully, I was grateful for how open she was about Sabrina. She was a huge part of my life. It would hurt not being able to talk about her. I needed to sometimes, and each time, Esmaie was open and willing, so incredibly supportive I was deeply grateful to her.
She released my hands and got to her feet on her own. She clasped my hand and nodded. “Let’s go scream our dreams together, Wade.”
She dreamed for us. To be my wife. To never feel like we were missing anything ever again. To be happy together. To love so hard all the pain we felt stayed in the past.
The Jock and the Dreamer Page 16