Crazy Over You: Love Can Drive You Crazy... In More Ways Than One!

by Carol Thomas

  Abby was shocked.

  “It’s all a farce I’ve built for myself. With Nigella for company and all the committees I’m on I can pretend I’m somebody; that I’m living. When sometimes… well sometimes I just feel like I’m suffocating with the banality of it all.”

  “Bloody hell!” Eleanor and Abby said it in unison and looked at each other.

  Kennedy started to giggle and the three of them laughed, a mixture of tears and giggles as they hugged.

  “What a fine lot us Scott girls are turning out to be,” Eleanor sighed. “You with your friend and husband doing goodness knows what, you so busy impressing others you forgot about yourself and me…” Abby and Kennedy were about to join forces in protestation at Eleanor’s harsh summary of their lives when she continued, “well, I’m all alone now and who’s to say I would have had any more fun if I’d married my Albert?”

  “WHAT?” Abby and Kennedy stared at Eleanor.

  “You know, the young detective with the sharp suit and the grin that melted my heart. I’m sure I must have mentioned him before.”

  “No Mum, you never did.” Kennedy spoke for both of them.

  “Ah well, that was before your father, well, before he proposed, well, before we actually got married anyway. I went with my head you see, married the man who was safe, not the one who lived on the edge – enjoying the danger, always up for an adventure. Funny that, isn’t it – now I’m old I wouldn’t mind a bit of an adventure.”

  The three of them sat momentarily in silence. Abby couldn’t believe how strange the last twenty-four hours had been. Everything she thought she knew had been turned upside down. Nothing was quite what it seemed. Eleanor poured them all a glass of martini and they sat sipping it, along the sofa, taking in all the revelations.

  Kennedy put her empty glass on the coffee table decisively. “Right, well the way I see it we – you – need to go and confront Simon.”

  “Hey, why start with me? Clearly it’s not just my life that needs sorting, we’re all as bad as each other.”

  “Because, sister dearest, you are the one who has most hanging in the balance right now.”

  “I think the scales are well and truly tipped.”

  Kennedy took Abby’s glass. “Stop drinking – you need to have a clear head and you need to talk to your husband.”

  Abby picked up her glass again. “But really, I think it’s too late. I was trying to sort it out. I was about to tell Simon I wanted him back when I heard… I heard what I heard.”

  “You heard part of a conversation. You don’t know what they were saying.”

  “Honestly Kennedy, it doesn’t matter. It’s all too late now. I don’t have the energy to work it all out again for nothing.”

  “Nothing? Abby, sometimes I wonder at you. You and Simon, you are special you know. You share something other couples could only hope to share. I don’t think you’ve ever really known how much he loves you. He’d do anything for you. And the way he’s reacted to this… he’s a mess without you.”

  “But he had an affair!”

  “He made a mistake. You don’t really think he’s the type…?”

  Abby tried not to think how close she had come to making a mistake and pushed away an image of herself with Brad the night before. That was beside the point right now.

  “Look Abby, I’ve spoken to Simon.”

  “You have?” The thought that Kennedy had spoken to him to check he was OK stung her a little, especially after what had happened with Kerry.

  “I was cross that he’d hurt you, I was going to tell him what I thought. But I didn’t need to. He was already beating himself up enough. He’s barely coping with what he did—”

  “What he did with my best friend.”

  “But you don’t know it was with Rachel. Sure, she’s always liked him, we all knew that—”

  “You did?”

  “Yes!” Kennedy and Eleanor chimed in unison.

  Abby was taken aback.

  “But he has never looked at her the way he looks at you. I can’t imagine he cheated on you with her. He treats her like a sister and look how badly sisters get treated.” Kennedy nudged Abby and offered a smile. “Abby please, don’t let a mistake spoil what you have.” Kennedy looked at her earnestly.

  “But what if it was her? Or OK, what if it wasn’t and it happens again? I’m not sure I’ll recover after all this. I was wrong to think it would all be OK.”

  “It’s been, as it seems Kennedy might say, a shitty couple of years!” Eleanor declared.

  “MUM!” Abby and Kennedy could barely believe their ears.

  “Well it has, with your dad’s illness and then passing, your Simon’s business almost going” – she mouthed the word “tits” with a nod of her head – “up. Things happen when life gets tough. Sometimes we all forget what’s important and throw ourselves into other things when we should be looking out for each other.”

  “Did Deidre Sanders say that Mum?” Kennedy teased.

  “No, Mary down at the bingo, but it’s true.”

  They all laughed.

  “So girls, what’s it to be – am I pouring us more martini to drown our sorrows and sit here and wallow or are we going to head to Abby’s and get this business sorted out?”

  “I’ll have to drive, you two have drained your glasses. But it’s OK; you don’t need to come. I’ll go and speak to him… to them.” Abby stood, not quite feeling the conviction of her statement.

  “Well you’re not going alone, I’ll come as backup.” Kennedy leapt up from the sofa.

  “Well I am not sitting here like a spare part. Somebody will need to entertain the girls while you do the talking.” With that Eleanor grabbed her cardigan.

  “Thank you.” Abby hugged them. “I do love you both; you know that don’t you?”

  39

  Abby had never felt so nervous entering her own house. She felt sick. The memory of standing in the hall and hearing what she heard and the panic attack that ensued was too fresh in her mind.

  “You can do this!” Kennedy urged.

  As Eleanor held her arm reassuringly Abby climbed the steps and opened the front door. Bramble managed a wiggle and a token bark.

  “Mummy, you’re home! Auntie Kennedy! Nanny!” Grace was so excited to see them all she did a little happy dance in the hallway before running to Abby and giving her a hug. It was just what she needed and fortified her waning resolve.

  “Oh, my gorgeous girly, I’ve missed you! Where’s Jessica? Nanny’s come to play.”

  “Yippee! Come on Nanny, Jess is glumpy in her room.”

  Wiggling from Abby’s hold Grace took Eleanor’s hand and started leading her upstairs.

  “Grumpy, why?”

  “I played mooval men with her dolls’ house.”

  “Oh dear.” Eleanor attempted not to show her grin. “And did you take everything out?”

  Grace nodded and feigned a very wide-eyed sorry face.

  “Come on then, let’s go and sort it out shall we?”

  As Eleanor and Grace disappeared upstairs Kennedy squeezed Abby’s hand. Abby took a deep breath and headed to the kitchen where she could hear movement.

  “You’re back, I didn’t expect you until later. I would have tidied more, packed up my stuff.” Simon stopped fussing with the dinner things, smiled and kissed Abby on the cheek. He could feel it wasn’t welcome. “Sorry.”

  Abby moved towards the table and Simon noticed Kennedy skulking in the doorway.

  “Hey Kennedy, everything OK? What’s going on? You two look… serious.”

  Abby spoke before Kennedy could answer. “Simon, is Rachel still here? I need to speak to both of you.”

  Simon’s colour drained. “Yes, she’s just taking the recycling out.”

  “Smoking more like,” Abby sniped.

  “Let’s make some tea.” Kennedy walked over, rubbed Abby’s arm and went to the kettle. She needed to do something to break the building atmosphere otherwise she feare
d Abby wouldn’t cope.

  Simon looked at the gift he had got ready for Abby but thought it wasn’t the time. When Rachel finally came in they were sitting at the table, sipping hot tea silently.

  “Abby, you’re back! Kennedy, it’s been too long.” She grinned before taking in their grave expressions. “Bloody hell, who died?”

  Abby took a breath. “Sit down. I mean, please sit down, I need to talk to you and Simon.”

  Rachel faltered and then sat, but not before Abby noticed her hands were shaking. Seeing that Rachel felt nervous seemed to give Abby more strength, to drive her to say what she wanted to say. There was no point dressing it up so she got straight to the point.

  “Are you two having an affair?”

  “What? No!” Simon looked genuinely shocked.

  Abby felt a little relieved at his reaction but then she remembered what she’d heard. She looked at Rachel, who had fallen silent. “Are you?” She pointed the question directly at her.

  “Abby! Of course not! You know Si and I, we’re close you know, but we’re just friends.”

  “Friends who fuck behind my back?” Abby couldn’t stop herself.

  Rachel looked affronted and went to stand. “This is ridiculous!”

  Kennedy stopped her. “No, you’re not leaving just yet. I don’t believe you two are having an affair but I do believe you owe my sister an explanation about something and that something is getting resolved now!”

  Abby was beginning to remember why having a big sister had its advantages.

  “But it’s not true, there’s nothing—”

  “Don’t, Rachel! She just needs to know, it was stupid not telling her straight away. I told you we should have just been honest when she found out about this whole fucking awful mess.”

  Abby sat trying to look calm, trying to look like she was ready to hear what they were about to reveal. Inside she wanted to run away. She couldn’t handle it being Rachel, if it was her then that would make everything a lie; she wouldn’t be able to trust anything from their past. Kennedy squeezed her hand under the table.

  “There’s nothing between Rachel and I. Abby, I’d never do that. She’s just a mate. I love her, sure, but like a sister. What we share…” he motioned between himself and Rachel, “it’s nothing compared to what you and I have.”

  Was it wrong that Abby enjoyed the slightly hurt look that flicked across Rachel’s face?

  Simon continued, “It’s always been you Abby. I’ve loved you from the moment you raised your hand and waved at me with that nervous smile. Then when I bought you tea in the morning, do you remember? And toast—”

  “Burnt toast.”

  They shared a brief smile.

  “You had on that pink crop top, no makeup and your hair was all messy. You looked perfect.”

  Tears pooled in Abby’s eyes.

  “I wished desperately that I was in that bed with you, holding you. I knew then that I wanted to wake up next to you like that every morning of forever.”

  Abby didn’t know what to say. He’d never said that to her before.

  Kennedy coughed; she didn’t want to interrupt the moment but she knew there were still questions to be answered. “So, what is it that Abby needs to know? What are you two keeping from her?”

  Abby shook her head and wiped her eyes. “Yes, why were you two together in Washington?”

  Both Simon and Rachel looked surprised. They hadn’t expected that.

  “You knew?” Simon stared, confused.

  “No, not until I heard you both talking and then I saw Rebecca’s tour dates… and the picture of you together, on the Internet.”

  “Abby I—” Simon went to speak but Rachel interrupted.

  “It was a coincidence. Neither of us knew the other was there, until, well, until I saw him with that woman. Abby, I didn’t know what to do.” Rachel twisted her trembling hands on the table and shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

  Abby looked at Simon, attempting to take everything in. “She saw you… She saw you there… with her?”

  Simon nodded guiltily.

  Eyes wide and heart pounding, Abby turned back to Rachel. “You saw them. You saw Simon with her!” She took a few deep breaths, attempting to control the hurt and anger she could feel building in her chest. “Rachel, you could have stopped them. You could have told me. You could have been a bloody friend!” She fought back tears.

  “Abby I know, I know all of that but I was shocked. I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry.” Rachel went to hold Abby’s hand but she snatched it away. Swallowing hard, she continued. “At first I didn’t know what to do, then eventually I called Simon and got him to meet me at one of Rebecca’s signings. I was working; it was the first opportunity I had.”

  “Is all this the truth?” Abby glared at Simon.

  “Yes.”

  “And what did the two of you decide the best course of action was? Because you obviously decided not to bloody well tell me!”

  “I told her I’d made a huge mistake, that I was scared of losing you. That I didn’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”

  “I told him not to tell you. Abby, I’m sorry. I know that was stupid but I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

  “Really? And the two of you keeping secrets from me – that wasn’t going to hurt?”

  “Well, no not until you found out,” Rachel new it sounded pathetic when she said it.

  “It’s not her fault.”

  Abby rolled her eyes. She couldn’t believe Simon was about to defend Rachel. “No?”

  “No, it’s mine, I should have told you. Well, I… I mean it shouldn’t have happened in the first place but after I behaved like… after it happened, I should have been honest. It didn’t matter what Rachel said, I should have been honest.”

  OK, so that’s a good point. “Yes you should have, you both should have.”

  Abby felt a weird whirr of emotions. She was relieved it wasn’t Rachel. She had been wrong. Her husband and her best friend weren’t having an affair. There really was a Helen Herne; it was a strange thing to feel grateful for. But then they had both lied to her and kept secrets. Bloody secrets!

  “You’ve both hurt me! Rachel, you could have told me.”

  “Abby, I couldn’t be the one to tell you, I’d have betrayed Simon and hurt you. I loved that we were – that we are – all friends together. I felt pulled in the middle. I couldn’t break my best friends up and when Simon looked so crushed at what he’d done I gave him what I thought was the best advice.”

  “To lie!”

  “Well it seemed like the right thing at the time but what the hell do I know about relationships? Look at the fuck-up of my love life!”

  It was true. Rachel had never managed to sustain a long-term relationship.

  “So why didn’t you say anything once I did know? You didn’t check I was OK or anything.”

  “Simon said how hard you’d taken it, and I didn’t want to be the one who’d betrayed you too. I thought it might send you over the edge.”

  That was scarily close to home. If Abby had known it really just might have tipped her; it might have been more than she could take.

  Rachel continued. “I wasn’t comfortable with lying to you. So I said nothing. I hid. I stayed away and acted like I was too busy to notice. It was stupid because I knew you needed a friend, but I convinced myself you’d be OK, that you had Simon and your mum and Kennedy.”

  Abby looked at Kennedy and smiled weakly, as Rachel continued.

  “When Rebecca’s tour ended I came here to tell you that I knew, but I got scared. You were getting better and you were making… new friends. I was scared I’d lose you. Abby, I’m so, so sorry. I’ve been such a bad friend. If I could change the fact that I’ve lied to you and my bloody awful advice I would.”

  “You need to watch This Morning.” Eleanor spoke from the door, relieving the tension.

  Abby looked at Simon, groaned and thrust her head onto the table. “Oh, what a bloody m
ess, and just when I knew I loved you and wanted you back!”

  Simon stilled. “What?”

  Abby looked up, realising what she’d said. “But that was before…”

  Everybody was staring at her.

  “Say it, don’t let this stop you. Please Abby, say it.”

  “Well I… I…” She looked at him. She loved that face, she loved the fact that he had one or two wrinkles around his eyes now and the odd grey fleck in his hair, she loved that they’d spent almost half a lifetime together, been there for each other for so long and she loved knowing that she loved him. She could still feel that little feeling inside; it was real. “I love you!”

  With that they hugged and kissed and it felt warm and familiar and like coming home. Bramble got out of his bed and weaved himself around them, wagging his tail excitedly. It wasn’t at all how she intended to say it, it wasn’t time for happy ever after, it wasn’t all sorted but they were together again. It was a start.

  40

  Six Months Later

  Picking up her bag, Abby gave the girls a cuddle and bent to give Simon a kiss. As she went to walk away he pulled her into his lap and kissed her again.

  “Oh, you’re going to make me later than I already am,” she giggled.

  “OK!” Simon pressed another kiss to her lips, pushed her to her feet and cheekily smacked her bottom. “Enjoy… I’ll look forward to seeing what you’ve learnt later.”

  Abby laughed and teasingly swiped her hand at him. “Behave!”

  As she reached the door Simon called after her, “You’ll be back about eight, right?”

  “Yeah, sure, if I survive this.”

  Jumping into her car, Abby checked the clock. Bugger! Adhering to the safety-in-numbers rule of starting any new exercise class she was collecting Melissa and her mum en route. She fired them off a text to let them know she was finally on her way. Running late was a side effect of being able to read again. She loved the fact that she could pick up a book and read it without her mind interjecting. Her head finally felt free to enjoy it. She’d missed owning her own thoughts. Even just being able to read made her feel more alive. Though being a bit too engrossed in Rebecca Giles’ book was making her late for almost everything.