Single Witch's Survival Guide (The Jane Madison Academy Series)

by Mindy Klasky

  I didn’t notice when Gran handed me the second granola bar. Or when she supplemented my “meal” with a smooth-skinned nectarine. Or when she passed me the cup of water and, finally, a small plate with four perfect Bunny Bites.

  “So I’m trapped in a house that isn’t even mine,” I concluded. “I can’t walk down the hall without running into Raven or Emma. The living room is a film editing studio, and I’m cross-examined on every bite of food I put in my mouth. Rick Hanson is here so often, I might as well be living at the fire station. What am I going to do?”

  Gran nodded, a pillar of wise, silent support.

  “No,” I said. “Seriously. I want an answer. What am I going to do?”

  “Bring the familiars into the house.”

  “What!” I guess my improvised meal had restored my energy. That was certainly the loudest exclamation I’d made since awakening. “I just said the house is too crowded.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with my hearing,” Gran said sharply. “You’re having trouble finding the right balance with your students, right? That was the basic problem with your Lughnasadh working?”

  I nodded.

  “You need to know them better. You need to understand them. What better way to learn about a witch than to watch her interact with her magical partner? Your students came into their own powers when they awakened their familiars. If you want to know Emma and Raven, you have to know Kopek and Hani.”

  I tried to imagine the familiars crammed into the house with the rest of us. Beyond the challenge of simply finding beds for two more people, there’d be more bodies to slide past in the hallways. More rationing of hot water for morning showers. More dishes in the kitchen sink.

  Gran nodded as if her idea was brilliant. “And your students will get to know you better. When they see how well you and Neko get along, they’ll be better prepared to join you in your next working.”

  “Oh, no,” I said, realizing the full import of Gran’s scheme. “I lived with Neko for three years, and he nearly ate me out of house and home! Do you have any idea how much cheese he can tuck away? And ice cream? I won’t even mention the liquor….”

  Gran looked serene. “Am I going to have to ask for a promise?”

  Gran and her promises. She always insisted she wasn’t asking for anything major, that her demands were merely common sense. But I knew better.

  Nevertheless, my grandmother had seen me through my tempestuous years of high school. She understood me better than I understood myself. If she insisted…

  “No, Gran,” I said meekly. “I’ll move the familiars into the house.”

  “Excellent!” she said, and she actually clapped her hands together with glee. “Now, dear. Get back in bed. It’s time to get more rest.”

  “I’m fine!” I protested. But even as I said the words, a wave of weariness threatened to topple me.

  “Don’t make me cast a spell on you,” Gran warned. But I was already yielding to the mere power of suggestion. Bed. Rest. My eyes were getting heavy. I barely managed not to dislocate my jaw with a yawn.

  I scrunched the pillow into a more comfortable position. At the same time, Gran pulled the covers up to my shoulders. She smoothed them gently, and then her dry palm brushed against my forehead. I was catapulted back to all the times she’d checked my brow for fever, nursing me through childhood illnesses. I sighed deeply, and then I fell asleep.

  * * *

  Poke.

  I moved away from the edge of the bed, trying to protect my side from whatever was digging into it.

  Poke, poke.

  I pulled my knees up, putting a barrier between me and the annoying thing.

  Sniff. Sniff, sniff, sniff.

  I opened my eyes. Neko’s nose was millimeters from my own. His hand was poised above me, fingers stiff, ready to deliver another decisive poke.

  “Don’t even think about it,” I said.

  “Oh! You’re awake!”

  I grimaced and pushed myself upright as Neko bounced up and down on the edge of my bed. “What day is it?” I groaned.

  “Sunday.” His tone suggested I was an idiot for asking. But then he conceded, “It’s almost midnight.”

  “Where’s Gran?”

  “David took her home. He thought I could keep an eye on you now.”

  “David’s back?”

  I pushed off the bedcovers, almost sending my familiar flying. He only recovered by bracing one foot against the floor, and then he tried to look as if he’d intended to assume that position all along.

  “Is that any way to treat your loyal, devoted familiar? The man who watched over you, hour after hour, while you slept away the one decent weekend we’ve had all summer long? I refused to leave your door, even when David wouldn’t let me in. I didn’t go, even when your grandmother ordered me to take a shower and a nap!”

  I narrowed my eyes. Neko was being his usual histrionic self. But beneath his declarations of fidelity, I could sense a true ripple of concern. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing!”

  I resumed the process of getting out of bed. “Fine, then. Thanks for your help. Goodbye.”

  He looked up at me through his eyelashes. “Well, there might be one little thing…”

  “Such as?”

  He actually dug his toe into the rug beside my bed. If he’d been physically capable of it, he might have shrunk a foot or two. “It was all my fault.” He whispered the words to his knotted knuckles, not daring to meet my eyes.

  “What was?”

  “The Lughnasadh working.” He sighed, and his entire body quivered in misery. “I never should have let you start the ritual when I was so unfocused. I was thinking about Tony, worried he was going to move back into the barn. I didn’t pay enough attention to you, and I twisted the energy you raised, and instead of feeding it back properly, I ruined everything. Jane, I’m so, so sorry. I understand if you want to banish me. Offer me up to the Washington Coven. Strip me back to a statue. Go ahead. I deserve it.”

  Three and a half years, and I’d never seen Neko grovel before. Sure, he’d made some apologies. Even begged my forgiveness. But he’d never truly believed that he was at fault.

  This was different. This was a confession that went to the very root of his being my familiar.

  “Neko, I…” I trailed off. There were so many things I wanted to say. Needed to say. The words all jumbled in my mind, and I wondered if I might have been more coherent if someone hadn’t just poked me awake.

  Neko’s shoulders collapsed, and he caught a breath that might have been a sob. He turned toward the door. With his hand on the knob, he whispered, “David can find you another familiar. And this time, make sure not to wake it on a full moon.”

  “I’m not awakening anyone!”

  Neko whirled back, faster than I’d ever seen him move.

  “Lughnasadh wasn’t your fault,” I said. “Yes, you were distracted. But so was Emma. And Raven didn’t help matters, going skyclad and pulling all that power.” I took a deep breath. “And I wasn’t focused, either. I kept thinking about…”

  David. Of course Neko knew I’d been thinking about David. Even if he hadn’t been attuned to my every witchy sensation during the ritual, he knew I’d been sleeping alone for a month.

  “He’s down in his office right now,” Neko said helpfully.

  My belly tightened as I remembered the feel of David’s arms around me on the beach. I flashed on his steady command as he ordered me to look into his eyes, as he guided me back to myself. I was halfway to the door before I realized I’d moved.

  “Not so fast, girlfriend!”

  I ground to a halt.

  “You may have forgotten, but you’ve spent three days in that T-shirt, and it’s more than a little ripe.”

  I tried to steal a surreptitious sniff at my own armpit, but Neko only sighed like I was breaking his heart. “Trust me. Take a shower. And for once, don’t go straight for the shorts and T-shirts when you get dressed. And
seriously? A little lipstick really never killed anyone. “

  I stuck my tongue out as I headed toward the shower. I was already closing the bathroom door when he called out, “Jane?”

  I glared at him. “What now?”

  “Thank you.” He finally met my eyes. “I won’t let it happen again.”

  “No,” I said. “I don’t think any of us will make the same mistakes.”

  * * *

  My heart pounded as I stood at the bottom of the basement stairs, wiping my palms against my skirt. After trying on three outfits, I’d settled on my sea-green sundress, the one with the halter straps. I’d worn it the first time David and I had ever slept together.

  Come to think of it, that encounter hadn’t gone very well. We’d had a number of misunderstandings, crossed wires that took months to straighten out. It was too late to go upstairs and change, though. He had to know I was hovering on the edge of darkness.

  I watched as he scribbled a note in the corner of a document, underlining his words twice. He picked up the page and held it up to the light, as if seeking some secret message. Obviously not finding anything of interest, he shook his head and added the paper to a pile on the far corner of his desk. I could make out the array of ribbons and flash of grommets that marked the documents as belonging to the Court.

  I stepped over the threshold into his office. “Having trouble?”

  He put down his fountain pen with the precision of a surgeon returning a scalpel to a tray. “The connections are there. I’m just not seeing them.”

  “Maybe you should let this go. There are more important things than stopping one petty bureaucrat.”

  “He’s not petty, and the bureaucracy gives him far too much power over hundreds of innocent witches. I’m a warder. I have to stop him.”

  “You sound obsessed.” The words were out my mouth before I could stop them. I watched him shut down, pull away from me without ever moving an inch.

  But this wasn’t why I’d come downstairs. I didn’t want to fight about the Court. Or anything else. “Hey,” I said, purposely pitching my voice low to counter his tension. “Thank you.”

  He sucked air through his teeth as if I’d splashed acid on him. “I’m sorry.”

  I hadn’t been fishing for an apology. “What are you talking about? I needed you, and you were there.”

  “You needed me because I screwed up.”

  “I’m the one who lost control of the storm!”

  “And I didn’t protect you!” He slammed his fist down on his desk. My first instinct was to recoil from the violence that trembled through his forearm. But I knew his fury wasn’t directed at me. It would never be directed at me. I settled my palm on his shoulder.

  “You found me,” I insisted, even when he flinched. “You called me back. You held me when I needed that, and you chased away the nightmares.” I leaned forward to kiss him. I felt the moment he started to give in, started to settle his hands on my waist to pull me closer. But then his fingers slid up to my biceps, and he eased me back to the desk.

  “We can’t do this, Jane. I’m your warder. I was only acting as your warder.”

  “Stop punishing me!” I lashed out before I’d even thought my way through the words. “I said I was sorry!”

  “I’m not punishing you!” He whipped out his denial before I’d finished speaking. Then he leaned back in his chair, putting greater distance between us. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Okay. I was punishing you. But I’m not anymore. I’m trying to be practical. Your entire magicarium is on the line. We both know it. Your Major Working is more important than me, than us. At least for now.”

  My cheeks prickled with embarrassment; I felt like a schoolgirl rejected by her first crush. David hadn’t rebuffed me since the first weeks we’d worked together, the very first time we’d kissed. “If our work is so important, then why did you leave me? Why did you go to Arizona before I even got out of bed?”

  “I had to. Your mother called me.”

  “For what? What did Clara need that was so important?”

  His face tightened. “Ask your mother, Jane.”

  “I’m asking you.”

  He shook his head. “Call her.”

  “Fine,” I said. “I will.” I turned on my heel, frustration and lingering chagrin speeding my retreat. I stopped, though, when I got to the doorway. “I don’t know if it matters for your warder responsibilities, but the greenhouse and the garage will both be vacant by the end of this week.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m moving the familiars into the house.”

  “I don’t think—”

  “But I do. I think it’s best for the magicarium. And I’m the witch in charge.”

  My skirt caught on a nail as I flounced up the stairs. I yanked it free, not even caring when the fabric ripped. It was a stupid sundress anyway. Time to cut it into rags.

  But first things first.

  I stomped across the kitchen and grabbed the telephone. Clara was on speed dial, number three after Gran and Melissa. I glanced at my watch. It was late in Arizona, but she should still be awake. In fact, she answered on the first ring.

  “Jeanette!” That’s all I needed to know this conversation was not going to go well. “You caught me just as I was walking out the door.”

  Great. I didn’t have to bother with formalities then. “What are you working on?”

  “We’re going to the Bell Rock Vortex to harvest juniper berries at the stroke of midnight. The stronger the vortex energy, you know, the greater the axial twist in the branches. It’s early in the season for anything to be ripe, but we don’t want the birds taking all the berries from perfect spirals.”

  I shook my head, feeling like I was spinning into a vortex of my own. “What are you working on with David?”

  “David? He isn’t here. I thought he was back with you. Maybe if you check with your grandmother?”

  “No,” I said. “What were you working on last night? Why did you make him go to Sedona?”

  “Just a second!” my mother called, loud enough that I had to hold the phone away from my ear. “Jeanette, my ride is here. I have to run—we can’t chance letting the feminine side of the Vortex fall out of sync with the masculine.”

  “Clara— I started, but she was talking to someone else. “Mother!”

  “Bye, dear! I’ll send you some juniper berries!”

  And she was gone.

  Was Clara actively ducking my question about the ritual she’d performed? Or was she just being her usual batty self? I swore as I set the phone back into its cradle. Not only had I failed to get a straight answer to my question, but I hadn’t reminded Clara to send her belated tuition payments for Emma and Raven. I’d rather have cold, hard cash, than a fresh harvest of axial twisted juniper berries.

  But I’d be a fool to actually make plans based on any promise from my mother. I sighed and headed upstairs. The morning was going to come all too soon—and I suspected the familiars wouldn’t be thrilled when I told them they had to move.

  CHAPTER 11

  “WOULDN’T BE THRILLED” was an understatement.

  Actually, Hani was fine with his new living quarters. The cocky little familiar made it a practice not to complain about anything. Instead, he took first claim on the best corner of the basement, making sure he was the farthest from the creaky stairs.

  It was hard to measure whether Kopek’s hangdog expression was generated by shifting out of the greenhouse, or if he was merely exercising his usual pessimism. He tucked his cot close to a collection of little-used books on the construction of labyrinths, and he shoved his footlocker next to the water heater. I decided not to comment when he placed a few personal items on the shelves above his head.

  Neko, though, threw a fit.

  “You can’t make me live down there!” From his scandalized tone of voice, I might have suggested that he start wearing Croc sandals and socks. Black socks. With sagging elastic.

  “
You make it sound like I’m sentencing you to a prison cell.” I was unimpressed with his dramatics. “You lived in the basement of my Peabridge cottage for three years. This is exactly the same.”

  “Except for my roommates, you mean.”

  He had a point. But… “It’s just for this semester. Until we finish the Major Working.”

  “That’s practically forever!”

  “My hands are tied. If I showed you any favoritism, Hani and Kopek would rightfully be upset.”

  “They’ll be a lot more upset when they have to share our dormitory with Tony.”

  “Don’t go there,” I warned.

  “Where?”

  “If your romantic relationships start having a negative impact on the magicarium, then I’ll have to draw some lines. No fraternization with students’ team members is a great place to start.”

  “Spoken like a woman who isn’t getting any.”

  “Neko!” I flushed, but I wasn’t sure if my response was triggered by anger or embarrassment.

  “I’m just saying you shouldn’t take out your own frustration on innocent bystanders.”

  “For your information, Mr. Brilliant Familiar, I have perfectly good reasons to make this change.”

  “Such as?”

  Well, I couldn’t tell him I was moving everyone around because Gran had suggested it. It wouldn’t be fair to throw my poor, elderly grandmother under a bus driven by my strong-willed, motivated familiar. I stood fast and set myself up to take a direct hit. “We’ve got a lot of work to do, and not a lot of time to do it in. The only way we can possibly make our Samhain ritual a success is if we all work together as a team. And that requires getting to know each other better. We have to trust each other.”

  “Can’t we just do a ropes course instead? Maybe stand on a step stool and fall back into everyone’s arms?”

  I laughed at the plaintive note in his voice. “Seriously, Neko. This is important.” I hadn’t thought it was, when I promised Gran I’d make the change. But now I realized it could be the fuse I’d been seeking, the missing spark to ignite our elusive magical success.