The Widow and the Warrior

by Sarah Winn

  He needed something to do. If he were down in his office he could work on the books, a task he put off when there was anything else that needed doing. Now would be the perfect time to catch up on his accounts. And if he were downstairs, he could have lunch with the men and find out how things were going in the stables.

  But could he make it down the stairs? Holding the cane would make it impossible to hold onto the bannister. Which would give him the most support? The only way to find out was to give it a try. Of course, he couldn’t wander about the house in nothing but a nightshirt, and he certainly didn’t want to struggle into trousers. But he had the robe he always took when he visited his parent’s home or Firthley Hall. Surely that would be cover enough.

  Using the cane to keep pressure off his injured knee, he got up and hobbled over to the closet, wondering if he could even find the robe now that Ellen was making it part of her routine to keep everything in his room neat. He had to flip through his clothes before he found it in the far corner of the closet.

  Just as he was about to tie the sash that held the sides together, Ellen’s voice burst from his doorway. “What are you doing?”

  He turned to see her entering the room carrying some neatly folded, clean towels. “I was thinking I might go downstairs.”

  “Downstairs?” She glared at him indignantly. “You’re in no condition to go downstairs.”

  “I’m getting around on the cane pretty well.”

  “What if you fall? You could really hurt your knee.”

  He huffed at her. “I can’t just lay around doing nothing.”

  She seemed to think his statement over before saying, “What would you do downstairs?”

  “I could work on the books in my office.”

  “I can bring those up to you.”

  He added, “But I could have the mid-day meal with the men. Find out how things are going in the stables.”

  “I’m sure Mr. Samuels would be glad to come up and talk to you after he has eaten.”

  Gerald told himself that arguing with her about doing something he wasn’t even sure he could do was foolish. But he didn’t like the idea of a woman bossing him around. Who was he kidding? Women had always told him what to do—his mother, his aunt, even Mrs. Moore. It was part of having women in his life, and he very much wanted to have this woman in his.

  “You’ll have to carry a lot of stuff upstairs: the ledger, the invoice basket, ink, and pens.”

  “That doesn’t sound like much. Remember I’m accustomed to carrying Toby upstairs.”

  “Well, you need to stop doing that. He’s getting too big.” There, he had reasserted his male authority.

  * * * *

  Mr. Sam did come up after lunch and Gerald got the impression things were going disappointingly well without him. Mr. Pickering’s horse had settled into his new home, and Jim had several of the skittish horses going over the jumps in the paddock with ease.

  After Mr. Sam left, Gerald restlessly got to his feet. Using the cane, he walked around his room and finally out into the hall. He decided to walk to the far end, thinking that the knee would never heal if he didn’t exercise it. He had barely passed the stairs that ran down to the front hallway, when footsteps sounded on the stairs and Ellen’s head appeared out of the stairwell.

  “What are you doing?” she said in a disapproving voice.

  “Exercising my knee.”

  “Rest is the best thing for your knee. Why don’t you take a little nap?”

  “I don’t need a nap,” he snapped with more vigor than was really necessary.

  “Me neither.” Gerald noticed Toby standing behind his mother’s skirt with a disgruntled look on his face.

  Ellen sighed. “I can’t argue with the both of you. Since neither one of you want to take a nap, why don’t you keep each other company while I have a little time to myself?”

  Gerald’s first thought was that she was trying to trick him into going back to bed. Then it occurred to him that she spent almost every waking minute with Toby. Even though she loved the child dearly, she surely needed a little time to herself once in a while.

  Gerald looked at Toby. “What can we do together, my good man.”

  Toby’s eyes opened widely. “You can use my toy soldiers and show me how real soldiers fight.”

  “Well, I can’t get down on the floor to play with them, so we’ll have to put them up on my bed,” Gerald said.

  Toby nodded enthusiastically and then looked up at his mother for her approval. Ellen seemed momentarily stunned by this turn of events, but quickly smiled and nodded. Gerald hobbled back to his room, actually looking forward to getting off the sprained knee that had begun to ache. He stretched out on his bed propped against pillows and soon Ellen and Toby came into the room carrying hands full of lead soldiers, some of them mounted on little lead horses.

  Ellen made Toby take off his shoes and then helped him onto the high bed. She started giving the boy a stern warning about what he must and must not do while with the Captain, but Gerald interrupted her, “Don’t worry. I have my cane by my side. If he gets out of line, I can give him a rap with that.”

  Mother and child looked at him with startled expressions, but then they noticed his smile and both of them smiled back at him.

  “Fine,” Ellen said and left the room as if she had just been released from a cage.

  * * * *

  Ellen spent most of her free time in the bathing room. Mr. Moore had brought up a couple of buckets of steaming water for her, and she used one to warm bathwater and the other to wash her hair. Finally, she simply soaked in the bath until the water cooled. Feeling a bit guilty for leaving her son in Gerald’s care for so long, she got out of the tub, drained the water, and dried her body.

  With a towel wrapped around her wet hair, she changed into the clean underclothing she had brought, put on her robe and started down the hallway toward her bedroom. Gerald’s doorway had been left partially open and the room was so quiet, she could not resist looking in to be sure everything was okay. They were both asleep: Gerald still propped up on his pillows, Toby with his body curved around the tin soldiers scattered across the middle of the bed.

  They looked so peaceful that she didn’t want to disturb them. Then she noticed the opened window across from the bed. Rays from the afternoon sun were streaming through it along with a soft breeze. That would be a perfect place to dry her hair. As quietly as possible, she dragged a padded stool in front of the window and sat down with her back toward the window. After rubbing her hair thoroughly with the towel, she leaned back so the hair would fall into the sunlight, and began to pick the tangles out with her comb.

  The sun warmed her hair and the breeze cooled her body. The tangles were soon gone and she could bring the comb down the full length of her hair in smooth strokes. As it dried, she began to pull it away from her head with the comb and then pull the comb free and let the hair stream through the air and the sunlight.

  A soft male voice sounded from across the room. “Oh, my God!”

  She glanced over at the bed. Gerald was staring at her with a dumbstruck expression. Keeping her voice low, she said, “I’m sorry I woke you.”

  He shook his head. “I’ve never seen your hair down before.”

  She shrugged. “It’s just straight, black hair.”

  He sat up, reached for his cane, braced against it, stood, and limped toward her. “Please let me touch it.”

  She was so surprised she didn’t know what to say. He reached out, lifted a hank of hair, and let it ripple through his fingers. “As I expected, it feels like silk. I promised myself I’d let you bring this up next, but I can’t wait. Have you made a decision about what I asked you yesterday?”

  “Have you?”

  “My decision was made when I asked the question.”

  A grumbling sound came from the bed. Toby had raised his head and was blinking at them. “What’cha doing?”

  “Ah—the captain is looking at my hair,” E
llen said.

  “I’ve never seen it down before,” Gerald added.

  “Oh.” Toby lost interest in them as he reached to remove a tin soldier from under his body.

  “We’ll talk about this tonight,” Ellen said softly.

  “Tonight?” Gerald raised his eyebrows and gave her a wicked grin, and Ellen knew she wouldn’t be able to say no to this man much longer.

  * * * *

  As he went through the rest of the afternoon, Gerald’s initial buzz of excitement dimmed. Ellen had not actually said yes. There was no point in getting himself all worked up. He wasn’t even sure he wanted her to say yes. Of course, he wanted her in a physical way, there was no doubt about that, but he was also taking on a great deal of responsibility. He already had a houseful of aging servants to support, did he really want to take on a woman and child.

  Then he chided himself for even asking that question. He had no choice in the matter. He owed Philip Coyler a huge debt and the only way he could come even close to repaying it was to dedicate his life, if need be, to caring for Philip’s wife and child. And it wasn’t like he’d be doing some great act of benevolence. Ellen was an appealing woman, and a good one. She would be a—what was the term in the Bible? “Helpmeet.” Yes, she would give as much as she took. He would be lucky to have her, so he must go slow and give her the all the time she needed to make her own decisions.

  But that wouldn’t be easy. He had been so long without a woman, and now, since injuring his knee, they were constantly in intimate situations. His self-control was getting ragged. But losing control of himself and forcing the issue would be the worst thing he could do. Somehow, he had to gently urge her into making the right decision.

  Chapter 14

  Ellen went through the rest of the afternoon in a state of happy uncertainty. Should she go ahead and solidify this marriage? Why not? She liked Gerald. He was a good man, a hardworking man. He would make something out of his horse-training business. She was sure of it. And she could help him. They got along well together. She’d never find a better parent for Toby.

  When her hair was completely dry, she did not do her usual tight braids, but rather twisted it up in loose rolls so that the removal of a few pins would send it tumbling down and around her shoulders. With that act, she realized her decision was made. If Gerald broached the subject tonight, she would be agreeable.

  There was an added bounce to her step as she fed Toby and then got him ready for bed.

  She went downstairs to prepare the supper tray for Gerald with an air of building excitement. Mrs. Moore had prepared a totally unremarkable meal of roast mutton, mashed turnips, and boiled green beans. Ellen sought to make it a bit special by adding slices of the apple tart she had baked the day before.

  Mr. Moore happened through the kitchen as Ellen was about to lift the tray, and insisted on carrying it upstairs for her.

  They found Gerald sitting beside the table that now stood near the window. He and Mr. Moore chatted for a few minutes while Ellen sat out the plates and uncovered the food. Gerald’s hair appeared damp, as if he had wet it and then carefully combed it. After Mr. Moore had wished them goodnight and left the room, Ellen gestured toward Gerald’s hair and asked, “Did the cut make your hair more difficult to manage?”

  “No, I laid on it wrong this afternoon, so it stuck up in the air when I got up. I can’t believe how much I’ve slept in the last two days. I haven’t had this much sleep since…since I was getting over my war wounds.”

  “You’ve been working hard recently. You need the rest. How is your knee feeling?”

  “It’s a lot better, I can put more weight on it. I’m definitely going downstairs tomorrow.”

  “Is that your way of telling me not to argue about it?”

  He gave his head a little downward jerk. “Yes, it is, and I’m glad to see you’re learning to read my mind.”

  She grinned at him. “That’s what happens to married couples when they’ve been together long enough.”

  His expression grew serious. “And how much longer do you think we’ll be together?”

  She considered her answer carefully before saying, “As long as God allows.”

  His fork clinked against his plate and he reached for her hand. “I’ll do everything I can to make sure you never regret that decision.”

  “Oh, I’m sure we’ll both have our share of regrets down through the years, but I think we’re mature enough to ride through the rough spots.”

  His mouth quirked up to one side. “You don’t have high expectations for our union?”

  “I’ve been married before, so I know that there are always disappointments even when the couple is very much…” she realized where her words were heading and let them dwindle away.

  He finished her thought, “Very much in love.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up.”

  “Don’t be sorry. You’ve always been honest with me, and I hope we can always be that way with each other. So, when can we do the deed?”

  “What?” Ellen suddenly felt a bit flustered.

  “The consummation.”

  “Well—well not until your knee is better.”

  “You could get on top, so I wouldn’t have to put weight on it.”

  Ellen’s mouth dropped open. “I’ve never done that before.”

  He gave her a smug little smile. “Good. You’ll be doing something new our first time. I like that idea.”

  She didn’t know what to say. Finally, she looked down at his plate. “You’ve hardly eaten any of your dinner.”

  He grimaced. “This isn’t a very good meal and I can’t stop thinking about what I could be doing instead.”

  She removed the cover form the apple tarts. “At least eat your dessert.”

  He smiled. “That looks like something your delicate hands made.”

  After she nodded, he said, “Then I shall eat it with relish as I hope to eat—”

  “Gerald!”

  “Oops, a little barracks humor creeping out there. I’m sorry.”

  He didn’t look at all sorry, and Ellen began to feel a little trepidation, which was silly because she had been married and knew all there was to know about bed games. Of course, she’d never been on top or a lot of other things that some of the military wives had hinted at, and Gerald only had one arm. That was bound to make a difference. She was starting to feel almost virginal.

  He did eat all of the tart and complimented her on it. She poured cups of tea for an after- dinner drink but the liquid had grown tepid, so neither of them wanted it. She covered the uneaten food and stacked the plates and they sat in silence for a few moments, with Gerald watching her expectantly.

  Finally, she said, “I guess I should take the tray downstairs.”

  “Why don’t you just sit it out in the hall until morning.”

  She nodded. “Yes, I can do that on my way to change clothes.”

  “Why run the risk of disturbing Toby.”

  “But I need a nightgown.”

  He grinned—a definitely lascivious grin. “Why bother? I’ll just take it off as soon as we’re in bed.”

  She stared at him in shock and then she told herself she was being silly. Gerald was a good man, and he had done her a great service, and he was attractive and hard-working, and he was her legal husband. There was no reason she should not lie with him. She stood, carried the tray out into the hall and placed it on the floor near the doorway. Then she tip-toed over to Toby’s partially open doorway and listened for a moment. All was peaceful.

  As she re-entered Gerald’s room, she was surprised to see him standing beside the bed and removing his nightshirt. Because he had only one hand to tug at the shirt, it came off slowly. At one point, he bent over to keep the shirt from falling back down while he repositioned his hand. She felt the urge to rush over and help him, but then the garment went over his head and he straightened his body and stood in front of her fully nude.

  She had seen
most parts of his body before, but this was the first time she had seen it totally revealed. His legs and one shoulder and arm showed rounded mounds of muscle even while relaxed. The other shoulder, without an arm to work it, was not as well developed. The center of his chest was covered with a patch light brown hair, as was the area surrounding his partially erect male organ.

  A rush of anticipation ran through her. Then she looked down at the floor and blushed at her brazenness.

  “You don’t have to do this, Ellen, if you’re not ready to,” he said in a suddenly gruff voice.

  “Oh, no. I’m just a little shy about…about nudity.”

  He hurriedly sat on the side of the bed and adjusted the sheet to cover the lower half of his body. “Then take my robe and go behind the screen to undress.”

  That seemed an excellent idea, and she grabbed up the robe and hurried behind the screen in the corner of the room. While she was undressing the light in the room lessened, so she knew Gerald was turning down the lamps. When she was nude, she slipped on his robe. The silky fabric slid over her skin and covered her body in Gerald’s scent.

  When Ellen came from behind the screen, only the lamp on the bedside table was emitting light. Gerald was stretched out in the bed, the lower half of his body covered by the sheet. She hurriedly walked to the far side of the bed, sat with her back to him, and after a moment’s hesitation, pulled the robe away from her body and quickly slipped under the sheet.

  After a moment of silence, Gerald said, “I’m sorry if it embarrasses you, but I really do want to see your body.”

  “I’ve had a baby, so I’m not as slim as I once was.”

  He turned toward her. “Good, I like a woman who has curves.”

  His hand moved under the covers until it touched her midriff and then slid up and cupped one breast. He squeezed gently and then caught the nipple between his thumb and forefinger.