Breaking Alexandria

by K. A. Robinson

  “We’re on our way,” my mother said just before she hung up. “Alexandria? Alexandria! Look at me!”

  I felt a sting on my face. My mouth dropped open as I realized that my mother had just slapped me. “Did you just slap me?”

  “I’m sorry, but you weren’t responding. Listen to me, Landon is hurt, but they think he’s going to be okay. He was unconscious when they took him.”

  “They?”

  “The paramedics. He was on a tractor that rolled over. Come on, we need to get going. Go grab a few of your things.”

  I stood and ran to my room. I grabbed one of my bags and starting throwing my clothes inside. As soon as I was finished, I ran back downstairs. My mother was carrying a bag of her own when she met me by the door. She grabbed her keys, and we hurried to her car. Neither of us spoke as she pulled out of the driveway and headed for the interstate.

  This couldn’t be happening to me again. I couldn’t lose Landon. Terror seized my heart as I tried to process what my mom had said. He’d rolled a tractor. I’d seen the tractors my grandpa had. They were huge. And one had rolled over him. He was unconscious. I started sobbing. If something happened to Landon, I was done. I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t handle burying someone else that I loved.

  “Alexandria, please don’t cry. Your grandma said that they think he’s okay. He was knocked unconscious, but your grandpa and Kent were both with him when it happened. They got paramedics out there quickly.”

  “I can’t handle it, Mom. I can’t lose someone else,” I cried.

  “Just breathe. Try to calm your mind until we get there. We have no idea what’s going on.”

  The three-hour car ride felt like three years. I kept looking at the clock on the dashboard, expecting an hour to have passed, only to see that it was minutes instead. I nearly cried in relief when we crossed the bridge into West Virginia. After that, it didn’t take us long to reach Wetzel County Hospital in New Martinsville. When we pulled into the parking lot, I jumped from the car and ran inside.

  It was after three in the morning by the time we arrived, and the emergency room was relatively empty. A lone nurse was sitting behind a desk near the entrance. She glanced up when I stopped in front of her desk.

  “Can I help you?” she asked calmly.

  I wanted to shake her. How can she sit there so calm and put together when my world is falling apart around me?

  “There was a guy brought in tonight, Landon Rogers. I need to know what room he’s in.”

  “Are you family?”

  “No, I’m not family! Why does that matter?”

  “If you’re not family, I can’t provide you with his personal information.”

  I ran my hands through my hair to keep myself from reaching across the desk and wrapping them around her neck. “Where is he? Please. I need to see him.”

  “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you that information.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I shouted.

  “Ma’am, please calm down, or I’ll have to call security,” she said as she reached for the phone.

  “That won’t be necessary,” a voice said from behind me.

  I turned to see Gram coming through a set of doors on the right side of the emergency room.

  I ran over to her and wrapped my arms around her just as my mother walked into the room.

  “Gram, where is he? Is he okay?”

  “He’s still out, but he’s going to be okay. Come on, I’ll take you up to see him.” She spotted my mom and smiled. “Hi, baby girl. I’ve missed you.”

  “Hi, Mom,” my mother said as she hugged Gram. “I’ve missed you, too.”

  Gram pulled away from her and took my hand in hers. “Come on.”

  We took the elevator up to the third floor. When the doors opened, I all but ran out of them.

  “Which way?” I asked as I looked around.

  “To the left. Third door down on the right side of the hallway.”

  I took off down the left hallway and stopped when I reached Landon’s door. I looked inside and saw my grandfather and Kent sitting in chairs by the window. Now that I was sure I had the right room, I hurried inside.

  Kent noticed me, and I watched as his eyes turned cold.

  “What is she doing here?”

  “I called her,” Gram said as she walked in behind me.

  I ignored Landon’s dad as I stared at Landon. I started crying again as I approached the bed. He was still unconscious. He was pale and had a deep cut across his cheek. A dark bruise covered the same side of his face that the cut was on. His leg and wrist were both in a cast. But he was breathing.

  “Is he going to be okay?” I asked, my voice thick.

  “He’ll be fine. He broke his leg and wrist, bruised his ribs and his face, but other than that, he’s okay,” Gram said as she placed her hand on my shoulder.

  Tears streamed down my face as I reached out and took his unbroken hand in mine. I could have lost him tonight. Gram pulled a chair over by his bed and pushed me down into it. I never let go of his hand as I sat down. I couldn’t. Nothing in this world could tear me away from him right now.

  “I’ve been so stupid,” I whispered. “I pushed you away, and I hurt you. I’m so sorry, Landon.”

  His dad snorted. “Now’s a good time to realize that. It takes him almost getting killed for you to show up. I wish you had stayed where you belong. You’ll only hurt him more when he wakes up and sees you here.”

  “Kent!”

  I’d never heard my grandma so angry. I looked up to see him glaring at me.

  “What? It’s the truth. She ran and broke his heart.” He glanced over at my mom. “It must be a family trait.”

  My mother’s face turned red, but she said nothing. Instead, she left the room.

  “Good job, asshole. I deserve your words, but she doesn’t,” I snapped at him.

  I’d never really talked to Kent that much, but he was really starting to piss me off.

  His shoulders hunched forward. “Damn it!”

  I watched him stand and hurry from the room. I hoped that my mother ripped him a new asshole.

  I turned my attention back to Landon. I couldn’t stand to see him like this. It was killing me. What kind of person am I that it takes a tragedy for me to realize how much I care about someone?

  As I stared down at Landon, I made a promise to both him and myself. No matter what happened, I wasn’t going to abandon him again. I couldn’t. I loved this man more than I thought possible, and I wasn’t going to let him go. I just hoped that he would forgive me.

  I must have fallen asleep at some point because I woke up to see the sun starting to rise. I looked down to see that I was still holding Landon’s hand. I glanced up to his face, and I nearly cried out when I saw him watching me.

  “Landon? Oh my God, you’re awake!” I said.

  “City?” he asked, confused.

  “Yes, it’s me.”

  “Am I dreaming?”

  I laughed. “No, I’m really here. How are you feeling?”

  I glanced around to see Kent asleep in one of the chairs by the window, but my grandparents and my mom were nowhere to be seen.

  “Like I was run over by a tractor,” he grumbled as he looked around the room. “What are you doing here?”

  “Gram called and told me what happened. I got here as fast as I could. I was terrified. I thought I’d lost you, too.”

  He stared at me for a moment, his eyes growing cold, just like his dad’s had. “Well, as you can see, I’m fine. You can leave now.”

  I ignored the iciness of his tone as I shook my head. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  He openly glared at me now. I’d never seen him angry, and it shocked me.

  “You should leave, Alexandria. You made your feelings pretty clear in that letter you sent me.”

  I took a deep breath to calm my temper. I deserved his harsh words. I’d hurt him when all he wanted to do was be there for me.

>   “I’m so sorry, Landon. I was hurting, and I pushed you away. I didn’t want to hurt you. I just wanted you to move on and be happy. I wasn’t in a good place, and I knew you couldn’t be happy with me.”

  “You never even gave me a chance. Don’t you think that I should have had some kind of say in the matter?”

  “You’re right.” I hung my head in shame. “Please forgive me.”

  “What do you want from me, City? You want me to tell you that it’s okay? I can’t do that. It’s not okay, not even close. You can’t just come in here, ask for forgiveness, and expect me to be okay with what you did. You ran, and you never once looked back.”

  “I’m done running, Landon. When Gram called and told me what happened, I thought my world was ending all over again. It made me realize how much I care about you. I’m done pushing you away.” I felt tears forming in my eyes, but I forced them away.

  His voice softened when he spoke again, “I’m sorry, City, but I can’t. You ripped my heart out, and I’m not willing to let you do it again.”

  His words crushed me. How could I have been so stupid? I’d pushed him away, and now, he wanted nothing to do with me.

  “I’m not giving up, Landon. I can’t. I know what I did was stupid, but I was hurting. Please. I can’t lose you,” I whispered.

  He squeezed his eyes shut before opening them again. “You should go. As you can see, I’m fine, so you don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not leaving you.”

  I wasn’t going to give up on him, on us. No way. It didn’t matter how long it would take. Landon would be mine again.

  “Just go!” he all but shouted. “I don’t want you here.”

  “Fuck off, Cowboy. I’m not leaving. I don’t care what I have to do to prove that I’m serious. I’ll win you back. I…I love you. I love you more than I thought possible.”

  He shook his head. I could see anger burning brightly in his eyes.

  “You don’t get to say that to me. You know what? Whatever. Stay here. Leave. I don’t care. I’m finished with this conversation.”

  He turned his head away from me and closed his eyes. I didn’t try to stop the tears from falling now that he wasn’t watching. I deserved this, and I knew it. I’d dug myself into this hole, and now, I had to dig myself out. I wasn’t about to give up though.

  Landon stayed in the hospital for one more day, and then he was released. I rode back to the farm with my mom and Gram. I smiled as I listened to the two of them catch up with each other. It had been far too long since they’d last seen each other.

  “You okay back there, Alexandria?” Gram asked as she glanced back at me.

  “I’m fine,” I mumbled as I watched the scenery pass by outside my window.

  Landon had refused to speak to me after our argument. It hadn’t taken long for everyone to figure out what was going on. Kent had even tried to get me to leave, but I’d refused. There was no way that I was going to leave Landon again.

  “Want to tell us what’s going on with you and Landon?” my mom asked.

  I sighed. “I fucked up.”

  “Well, we figured that much out,” my Gram said as she grinned at me. “But what happened between you two yesterday?”

  “I asked him to forgive me, and he told me no. He’s angry with me for what I did, and he has every right to be. I never should have sent that letter to him.”

  “What letter?” my mom asked.

  “Uh…I sent him a letter a few weeks ago, telling him that I was over him and to leave me alone.”

  “Alexandria!” my mother shouted. “How could you do something like that to him? That’s horrible!”

  “I know. I was an idiot. I just…I don’t know how to make it up to him.”

  “It’ll take time, sweetheart. You hurt him…badly,” Gram said.

  “I’m not going to give up. I love him. I didn’t realize how much until you called to tell me that he was hurt. I can’t lose him, too.”

  “You’ll figure it out. Don’t worry. Give him a few months to heal and get back to normal. Then, once school is over, you can come spend the summer here again,” my mom said.

  My head snapped up to look at her. “I’m not leaving him again.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m not leaving, Mom. I’m staying in West Virginia.”

  “No, you’re not! You just got back into school, and you’re doing so well. I won’t let you drop out again!”

  “I won’t. I’ll just transfer here or do homeschooling.”

  “Alexandria, you can’t just move out and expect me not to stop you. Think about this before you act. I know you’re hurting, but this isn’t the answer.”

  “Mom, I’m eighteen. If I want to leave, I can.” I looked over to see Gram watching me. “If Gram won’t let me stay with her, I’ll find a job and someplace close to rent.”

  “Don’t be silly! Of course you can stay with me!” Gram said, looking offended.

  “Mom! Don’t encourage her! This is nuts. She can’t just move over one hundred miles away from home!”

  “Of course I can. Look, you know that I’ll be safe with Gram and Grandpa. I won’t get into trouble. That’s why you sent me here to begin with.”

  “I…no!” she said angrily.

  It didn’t matter what she or anyone else had to say. My mind was made up. I was moving to West Virginia.

  “Then, it’s settled. I have a bunch of my stuff with me already. You can ship everything else to me, or I can go back and get it.”

  I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes. Now that I had a plan, I felt better. There was no way that Landon could keep denying me if he had to see me every day. I smiled. He was going to be so pissed off when he found out. I tuned my mother out as she ranted all the way back to the farm.

  When we arrived, I grabbed my bag off the seat and carried it into the house. My mother was still grumbling under her breath as we walked in, but I ignored her and headed up the stairs to my room. I dumped the contents of my bag out on my bed and started sorting through them. I’d brought several shirts and jeans along with tons of bras and underwear. Even if my mom refused to send the rest of my stuff, I could survive with this.

  I took my time putting everything away. I didn’t want to have to go back downstairs and deal with my mom until I had to. I knew she would beg and fight with me to come home with her. She would give up eventually, but until then, she would try her hardest to make me miserable.

  Once everything was put away, I lay on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. Things were so screwed-up right now. The past few months had changed me so much. I wasn’t the whiny little chick who had come here last summer. I laughed, thinking about how she would have had a fit if she knew that I’d be willing to live here only a few months later. It seemed like years instead of months had passed since Dad dropped me off here.

  My thoughts drifted to Joel. I wondered what he would have thought about the new me. I bet he would have liked me. I was still tough-as-nails Lexi, but there were more layers to me now. I didn’t see the world the same way anymore. Each day was a gift, and I needed to learn to appreciate the here and now instead of dwelling on the past. The past was the past. Nothing I did could change it. But the here and now was a story waiting to be written. It was time that I started living. Joel would want that. He would want me to be happy even if that meant loving someone else.

  My mom came up an hour later to check on me. She closed the door behind her and walked to my bed. I scooted over, so she could sit on the edge.

  “Are you sure that you want to stay here?” she asked.

  “I’m sure. I have to make this right. I can’t lose him again. I know it sounds stupid to uproot my entire life for one guy, but he’s worth it to me. I love him.”

  “I know you do. I’ve known all along. I was just waiting for you to figure it out. What are you going to do if he refuses to forgive you?”

  I shrugged.
“He won’t. I know it’ll take time, but we’ll get there. I’m too determined for anything else to happen.”

  She grinned. “You always were stubborn. I won’t fight you on this anymore, but I want you to know that you’ll always be welcome at home with me and your dad.”

  “I know that. And I’m sorry for everything I put you through. Neither of you deserved that.”

  “You’re a teenager, Alexandria. You’re young and carefree and bound to screw up from time to time. It happens. Granted, yours was worse than most teens, but still, you’re a good girl. I know you learned from your mistakes.”

  I nodded. “I did. I was messed-up for so long, but I’m better now. I’ll always love Joel, but I’ve accepted his death. I have to keep living and moving forward.”

  “You’re right.” She laughed. “When did you get so smart?”

  I stuck my tongue out at her as I sat up and pulled her into a hug. “I love you, Mom.”

  “I love you, too. Now, come on. Your grandmother has dinner ready.”

  She didn’t have to tell me twice. I hopped up off the bed and started walking to the door.

  “Finally. I haven’t had a decent meal since I left here!”

  “Hey! My cooking isn’t that bad!” she teased as she followed me downstairs.

  Dinner was uneventful. Landon and his dad were nowhere to be seen. My grandpa said that they were at their house. Kent was helping Landon settle in. I could imagine how pissed off Landon must be right now. His leg would keep him from working around the farm for at least six weeks. Once the cast was off, he might have to go to physical therapy. I hoped that he wouldn’t have to. Landon was all about the outdoors and working around the farm. He’d go crazy from just sitting around.

  “Your grandmother told me that you want to move back in with us,” my grandpa stated.

  “I do.”

  “I have no problem with it. Since Landon is out of commission, you can help pick up the slack. You’ll have the same chores as before. On top of that, you’re expected to go to school every day. If you miss, you better be on your deathbed. Can you handle that?”