She had nowhere of her own to go to. Now that Nick was more or less living with Helen she felt uncomfortable in the house in Dublin. It was time to think of the future. She’d been putting it off ever since she’d come down home. Paula shivered in the cold night air and slipped back inside to the now empty sitting-room. She poured herself a brandy and went into the kitchen and sat down at the table. A fire still blazed in the grate, its embers red and glowing in the half-light. This kitchen had hardly changed since she was a child. The scrubbed pine dresser full of shining crockery. The pretty gingham curtains which her mother made every other year matched the cloth on the table, which was laden with sandwiches and cakes and buns and bracks. The old chiming clock that had been chipped years ago, when Rebecca had knocked it off the mantelpiece, was still going strong. The small pantry off the kitchen, where her mother kept her homemade jams and marmalades and chutneys and her soda breads and scones, gave forth mouth-watering aromas that evoked memories of her childhood. When she’d been a little girl, her mother would go into the pantry and cut a slice of freshly baked brown bread, butter it and sprinkle sugar on it. Paula would stand beside her, watching her every move. Then she’d take her precious slice of brown bread and sugar and sit on the back doorstep and eat it slowly to make it last as long as possible.
Paula sighed at the memory. She wished she was a child again, free of all her troubles and heartache. It had been good to come home. Her parents’ joy at seeing her was balm to her bruised soul. She visited her married sisters and brothers and played with her nieces and nephews. Their lives were so different to hers. Louise, her eldest sister, had three children. Her life and conversation revolved around them. Thomas worked on the fishing boats with their father and had one baby. Her other two brothers were in England. Rebecca worked in an insurance company in Cork.
It gave Paula a little jolt to realize that she was far closer and had more in common with Jennifer and Beth than she did with her own siblings. She was a bit like an outsider in her own family. And it was her own fault. She’d been so interested in making a life for herself in Dublin that she’d neglected to look after her relationships at home, especially with her sisters. True, they always made a fuss of her when she came home and they loved hearing about her exciting life abroad but she couldn’t confide her woes to them as she could to Jenny and Beth. She had told Jenny all about Nick. Paula knew that her sisters had an image of her as a glamorous sophisticate who had a glitzy high-flying lifestyle. It was an image she had fostered. Paula liked the way they looked up to her. They thought she was successful. They were impressed by the way men flocked around her. How could she turn around now and tell them that she’d made a complete and utter fool of herself by falling in love with a man who had not the slightest interest in her, because he was in love with their aunt. Glitzy sophisticates on pedestals did not make disastrous mistakes like that.
So she put on a brave face and tried to get into the Christmas spirit. The old traditions of her childhood still existed. Her father was still on the quest for the perfect Christmas tree. The crib and candle ceremony were still her mother’s pride and joy, only this time it was the grandchildren who placed the statues in the crib and watched with awe as the Christmas candle was lit.
Why couldn’t she have been more like her mother and her sister Louise? Paula thought miserably as she saw the expressions of pride and pleasure on their faces as they watched the children’s excitement. They were content with their lot. If she’d stayed at home and got a job in the hotel she’d probably be married and a mother herself by now. She might have been happy.
All over the Christmas, she had tried not to think about New Year. Maura and Pete had persuaded Helen and Nick to come and spend it with them. They had met Nick several times over the years when they visited Helen in Dublin. Both of them were delighted that Helen had found happiness. Maura was overjoyed that Helen was pregnant. She knew more than anyone how much being pregnant meant to her sister. All those years of yearning for a child of her own and now the miracle had happened. Maura kept telling Paula that she was thrilled about it and that Nick was a lovely man until Paula felt like screaming her head off.
Once, she did scream her head off. She went for a walk on the beach. It was lashing rain. And there was a howling gale. Paula didn’t care. The wilder, wetter, windier it was, the better. There wasn’t a soul around. The sea was an angry leaden cauldron, bubbling and boiling as it smashed against the rocks spraying great jets of spume in the air. The surging turbulent sea matched her mood. She felt so churned up inside. She had so many decisions to make. She’d been putting it off and putting it off. But Paula knew she couldn’t go on living with Helen and Nick. The three days she’d spent with them before coming home had almost torn her apart. Yet she didn’t want to seem to be leaving Helen in the lurch either. If she said she was moving out Helen was going to be dreadfully upset. She said over and over that she and Nick wanted Paula to live with them. Paula would just have to be diplomatic about it and say that the time had come for her to get her own place.
She could say she wanted to buy her own place as an investment. Although it would be a terrible waste of money to buy a place right now. She’d only be living in it for a few months of the year. That was another thing that troubled her. Paula wasn’t sure if she wanted to continue being a courier. She’d done it for two years. She’d enjoyed it. But it was time to move on. Especially as Jenny was planning to stay in the office. She and Jenny made a good team. It wouldn’t be half the fun without her. But what was she going to do? What did she want to do? Paula thought in desperation. She wanted to scream. She climbed up into the dunes, opened her mouth and yelled and screamed until she was hoarse. The shrieking of the wind and the roar of the sea drowned out the noise she made but she didn’t care. It was a great way of letting the frustration and anger out of her system. After her outburst, she went back down to the water’s edge and walked for miles along the curving beach. The wind was in her face, the spray from the sea and the rain soaked her, but she couldn’t care less. It was beginning to get dark as she turned towards home. In the distance she could see the lights in the windows in the village. How welcoming they looked against the lowering sky. She was lucky, she mused. She had a family waiting at home who loved her. Maura and Pete were making the greatest fuss of her. Paula had always taken it for granted. She shouldn’t. After what had happened with Nick, Paula was never going to take anything for granted again.
She saw the rich amber glow of the lamp in the sitting-room and focused on it as the light dimmed and darkness rolled in over the horizon and the shrieking of the gale intensified. For the first time in her life, Paula felt a deep sense of appreciation for her parents and her home. Usually she couldn’t wait to get back to Dublin and her hectic social life. Not this time. She wanted to stay in Maggie’s Bay and hide and lick her wounds. And pretend her problems didn’t exist.
But they did exist, Paula thought, sipping her brandy.
‘What are you doing hiding in here?’ Nick poked his head around the door. ‘Is everything OK, Paula? You’re not your usual exuberant self,’ he said. She looked into his blue eyes and saw his concern. He came around and put his hand on her shoulder. ‘Is it me and Helen? Is it because of the baby? Talk to me, Paula. We’ve always been able to talk. Don’t shut me out.’
How she longed to tell him she was miserable because she loved him. How she wanted to have him hold her in his arms and soothe her and kiss her and tell her everything would be all right. She wanted to blurt out her longing for him and to hell with the consequences. Paula struggled to quell the powerful urge to be selfish.
‘Tell me,’ he urged. ‘What’s wrong?’
Paula took a deep breath. ‘It’s nothing really, Nick. I’m missing Juan Carlos. And I always think New Year’s a bit lonely without someone you love at your side,’ she lied magnificently. She had to admire herself even in her despair.
‘You love this guy?’
Paula couldn’t look
Nick in the eye. ‘You know me,’ she said wryly. ‘I fall in love at the drop of a hat.’
‘Paula, you’ll really fall in love one day and believe me you’ll know it.’ Nick squeezed her shoulder. His voice was full of sympathy. She fought the urge to press her lips against the back of his hand.
‘Yeah,’ she murmured. ‘I suppose I will.’
Chapter Sixty-Two
‘I’m giving you a month’s notice, Kieran. Here’s my letter of resignation,’ Paula said quietly. Her boss took the letter she handed him, scanned the contents, and looked at her quizzically.
‘Sit down, Paula,’ he invited.
‘My mind is made up. I don’t want to talk about it,’ she declared.
‘Paula, act like a grown-up. You don’t just come in, give me a letter of resignation and swan out as if that was the end of it. You’re going to be leaving me in the lurch. I’d at least like to know why. I think you owe me that courtesy. After all, I took you on in the job. Trained you, and gave you your chance. I invested time and money in you. And, apart from business considerations, I’d like to know as a friend or mentor, which I consider myself to be, why you’re leaving so abruptly. Is there anything wrong? If so, can I do anything about it? Are you dissatisfied with your job? Are you going to another travel company? Don’t just come in to me and say, “I’m resigning and I don’t want to talk about it.” I expect much more from you than that, Paula, so sit down. I’ll get us some fresh coffee and we can talk,’ Kieran said calmly.
Slightly ashamed, Paula sat down. Kieran was right. It was high-handed and bad-mannered of her to waltz in and hand him her letter of resignation and say that was the end of it. He was entitled to an explanation, at least. She was, after all, leaving him stranded. Letting him down.
Paula sighed. It wasn’t what she wanted to do. But, when she came back up to Dublin with Helen and Nick, she decided she’d had enough. She couldn’t face the situation any more. She wanted out. Paula made up her mind that she was going to go to London. She’d get a job somewhere. Her multilingual skills would guarantee her that. Helen was at the maternity clinic this morning so she wasn’t at work. Which was why Paula had chosen today to resign. She’d have felt a bit awkward knowing that Helen was in the outer office, unaware that she was resigning.
Kieran came back into the office with a percolator of fresh coffee and two mugs. ‘You take black, don’t you, Paula?’ he asked.
‘Yes.’
He handed her a mug of coffee and, instead of going behind his desk, he sat down in the chair next to her. ‘I know I could be wrong, but I feel this has got to do with Helen and the baby,’ he said gently. Paula looked at the tall good-looking man beside her and was surprised by his perceptiveness. Kieran was always on the go, organizing this, that and the other. He was young to be so successful. Only in his early thirties. He was ambitious, hardworking, and demanded a lot from his staff. Yet he was a very considerate employer. He didn’t miss much, Paula thought wryly.
‘Partly,’ she said. ‘Helen’s having a baby and she and Nick will be setting up home together. I think it’s time I got a place of my own. To be honest, Kieran, I want to move on. Being a courier was great. I enjoyed it. I did a good job. But I want to start building a career for myself.’
‘You’re absolutely right, Paula. This is the time to start thinking about your future. I can understand that. Before we continue. Have you got a job lined up?’
‘No . . . I was thinking of going to London,’ Paula confessed.
‘Phew, what a relief.’ He smiled. ‘I thought you were going to one of the opposition. You might have heard me talking about Lorna Dunne? She worked for me a couple of years back. I taught her everything she knows about the travel business. She left me and went to another agency for a while. Now she’s set up on her own and she’s trying to poach my couriers. She’s a tough, hard-working woman but she doesn’t know the meaning of loyalty or integrity and she doesn’t have an ethical bone in her body. When you started waving that letter around and wouldn’t talk about it, I thought you might be going to her.’
‘I wouldn’t do that, Kieran. This Lorna might not have any integrity but I do. I wouldn’t play dirty like that,’ Paula exclaimed indignantly.
‘I know, I’m sorry,’ Kieran apologized. ‘It’s just, once bitten, twice shy. Now, let’s get down to business here. I’ve plans for you, my girl.’
‘Have you?’ She was curious now.
‘You know I want to expand. I took on board your suggestion about doing more up-market holidays for clients who don’t want run-of-the-mill charter holidays, but who aren’t in the Concorde and stretch-limo bracket either. I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I want to get into the villa holidays business. We can do from fairly basic to luxury. I want someone in with me on this from the beginning. I want this to be your baby.’
Paula looked at him in amazement. This was totally unexpected.
‘Don’t look so surprised, Paula. I wanted you to be a courier to get experience. But I never intended for you to keep on as a courier. I want to put your talents to much better use. You’re very intelligent. You’re multilingual, you’re interested in the company. Your suggestions are spot-on. I’m not going to waste good material like that. I’ve always had a long-term plan for you. I’ve other plans for Jennifer. I can honestly say that each of you has a big future within this company, if you want it. I’m going to give you your chance. I want you to organize our new venture into luxury villa holidays. I want you to check out the locations and the accommodation on offer. It’s something we can do in conjunction with the charter flights. The year after next, I want our Holiday Villa brochure out there with the rest of them. Maybe I hadn’t planned it quite this soon, but hell,’ he waved her letter of resignation at her, ‘I can’t let you slip through my fingers, so let’s go for it. I’ll give you an expense account, a raise in salary and commission on holidays sold. What do you say?’
Paula stared at him. What a chance he was offering her. It would be something to get her teeth into. What a challenge. She could feel her adrenalin going. She could do it too, she thought confidently. It would mean a lot of hard work. But she thrived on that. Plenty of people wanted to go on holidays that were different. But which were organized for them. Villa holidays were getting popular. It was time for TransCon to branch out. They were successful in what they did but that was no reason to rest on their laurels. This could be a whole new success story, Paula thought excitedly.
There’d be lots of travel involved. Spain, Greece, France, Portugal. They could have villas everywhere they had holiday locations. She remembered some of the beautiful villas she’d seen for rent in Majorca and on the Costa. All her ennui lifted. She would throw herself into this project. Put her heart and soul into it. She’d be so busy she wouldn’t have time to think about Nick. And she’d definitely move out and get a place of her own.
‘Let’s go for it,’ Paula said enthusiastically. ‘Let’s get the show on the road.’
Chapter Sixty-Three
‘For they are jolly good fellows,
For they are jolly good fellows,
For they are jolly good fe . . . ell . . . ows,
And so say all of us.’
Jennifer laughed with pleasure as she and Ronan were toasted by family and friends. It was the first Sunday of the New Year and Kit was throwing a little party to celebrate their engagement, which they’d announced on Christmas Day. They had decided to wait until Christmas to make the announcement because Jennifer was working abroad on her twenty-first birthday. Ronan was in America. Now, he was home for good and Jennifer had asked Kieran to put her name down for a full-time office job when one came up.
‘Well! Well! Well! Ya beat your sister to it. She’d want to get her skates on,’ Grandpa Myles cackled as he shook hands with Ronan. Brenda shot him a daggers look from where she was standing by the Christmas tree.
‘Stop that, Grandpa,’ Jennifer murmured. ‘It’s not nice.’
; ‘Well she’s not nice. She called me a cantankerous old crab the other day. No wonder she’s going to end up an old spinster. Who’d have her?’ Grandpa snorted. Brenda turned purple and advanced on her grandfather.
‘Do you remember once you told me the right way to cook cabbage?’ Ronan remarked casually, stepping in between the old man and his enraged granddaughter. ‘I was trying to remember exactly how to do it.’
‘Ah now, son, there’s a knack, d’ya see.’ Grandpa Myles was delighted to have a captive audience for a subject dear to his heart.
‘I’ll ram that little Antichrist’s false teeth down his scrawny little neck,’ Brenda fumed.
‘Ignore him, Bren,’ Jennifer soothed.
‘Ignore him! You couldn’t ignore that loudmouth, no matter how hard you tried. The cheek of him making remarks like that in front of her!’ She glared at Paula, who was chatting to Beth and Rachel on the sofa. Fortunately, Paula didn’t see the glare. Jennifer sighed. Family occasions were always fraught with danger when Brenda and Grandpa Myles were in the same room.
‘I suppose she’ll be announcing her engagement one of these days,’ Brenda sneered.
‘No, Brenda, she won’t be,’ Jennifer said gently. She wasn’t going to tell Brenda that Paula was in bits over Nick Russell. This was supposed to be the happiest time of Jennifer’s life. Brenda could have made some effort to be gracious and pretended she was pleased for her. Why was she always so jealous?
‘Is Kathy coming later on?’ Jennifer tried to change the subject. Brenda threw her eyes up to heaven. ‘The baby is sick, and she wouldn’t leave her with a baby-sitter. That’s all you get these days with Kathy. Kids! It’s so boring!’
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