Tales From a Second Hand Wand Shop- Book 1: They Were the Best of Gnomes. They Were the Worst of Gnomes.
Page 23
Chapter Seventeen
Wherein the Gnomes Make an Offer to Nulu
“That makes two of us,” said Nulu as she placed two mugs on the table. “I went a little smaller on the mugs or I’d have to carry you two out of here.”
“Well, I can’t imagine you’d have trouble doing that,” observed Drimblerod.
Grimbledung giggled.
“Miss Nulu... our shop seems to be doing well. But we seem to have an issue with time management,” continued Drimblerod, “and what we need is an outside party to keep us on track.”
“You want to borrow my sun dial?” Asked Nulu.
Grimbledung giggled. “I like that word. Sundial. Sun dial. Sun. dial.” He giggled again.
Drimblerod shook his head, ignoring his partner, “That wouldn’t work. Once it was in the shop, it wouldn’t work right either.”
“So what is it you want?” Nulu asked, wishing she had a drink as well. “Maybe we should have talked before all those drinks.”
“No!” Said Drimblerod almost too loudly as he slapped his hand on the table, “what we need is tea and cakes.”
“But I’m stuffed” complained Grimbledung as he patted his belly.
“Not now, you. I mean during the day when we’re open,” explained Drimblerod. “Say mid-morning and mid-afternoon.”
“Mid-morning” repeated Grimbledung obediently. And cluelessly.
“And what would that do?” Asked Nulu.
“Mid-afternoon” interjected Grimbledung. Still clueless.
“It would give us an idea of what time it was,” continued Drimblerod. “We lost two days today.”
“Tea Time!” giggled Grimbledung.
Nulu considered the offer. She took a swig of Grimbledung’s ale, who promptly took back the mug and caressed it. “So since I’m outside the store, I’ll know what time of day it really is.” Nulu thought out loud, “And when I bring over snacks, you’ll know too.”
“Exactly!” Cheered Drimblerod, this time definitely too loudly.
“What’s in it for me?” Nulu asked flatly.
“You can charge an extra half copper for frosty drinks, all day, every day,” said Drimblerod.
Nulu feigned offense, “You think I’d charge my loyal customers extra for cold drinks? I love my customers and I can’t believe you’d even suggest I’d jack up my prices for frosty mugs.”
Drimblerod stared at her, eyebrows raised.
“Well,” Nulu shrugged, “maybe half a copper.”
“And to help you out even more, we’ll even throw in a mop!”
“A mop,” Grimbledung agreed. “Oh yes... A mop.”
Nulu did not look impressed. “A mop? Really? How’s a girl to turn down a gift like that?” She crossed her arms. “A mop.”
“Yes, but not any mop,” continued Drimblerod as he leaned forward and whispered (loudly) “An enchanted mop. It will keep your cellar floor clean and dry.” He held up a finger. “Plus every evening you can let it run around up here to clean up.” He held up a second finger. “And along with frosty ale,” he continued as he held up four fingers, “your vegetables will stay fresher long ... fresher longer.” Drat. “Good.” He smiled in triumph.
Nulu considered the offer as she looked between the two. “So some tea and maybe crackers and toast is all you are going to need twice a day?”
“Do you think maybe you could maybe bring some scones once in a while? Maybe?” Asked Grimbledung. “I like scones.”
“It’s a Pub and Restaurant, not a Restaurant and Pub,” reminded Nulu. “It took me weeks to get my cooks to not char every piece of meat they dragged across the grill. Now you want them to bake scones?”
“Well, it’s just a thought. Maybe,” said Grimbledung dejected. “You can’t have a proper tea without scones, is all.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“So is that a yes?” Asked Drimblerod as he set his mug down.
“I may regret this, but yes. It’s a deal.” Nulu stuck out her hand.
Drimblerod slapped it. “Deal.”
“But” said Nulu, “we’ll discuss and reassess the deal every month. I won’t be roped into a lifelong arrangement. It’s not like we’re getting married.”
“Once a month, we sit down and see how things are going. That works for me,” said Drimblerod as he now stuck out his hand.
Nulu slapped it.
Drimblerod winced. “Wow, I’m glad that’s settled.”
Grimbledung had been looking back and forth between the two during the negotiations, smiling and sipping his drink.
Both Nulu and Drimblerod stared at each other. When after several moments, neither added anything to the arrangements, Drimblerod clapped his hands. “It’s settled then.”
“Yes,” said Nulu as she spat into a not-so-nearby spittoon.
Both Gnomes gaped at her.
“Sorry, I was married to an Orc once. It’s a long story.”
Grimbledung hopped onto his chair and began to dance. As he did, he sang:
Trolless and Gnome -ses working togeth - er!
Selling, ale, wands and veg - er – tables!
Nulu looked at Drimblerod who only shrugged.
Once a month, we’ll have some la – amb.
And maybe eat a scone or two?
Yes! We’ll eat a scone or two - ooo!
Yes, we’ll eat a scone or two!
He then fell off his chair, landing in a heap on the floor. Nulu leaned over and examined Grimbledung. He was snoring softly.
“He is really one of the oddest Gnomes I’ve met. And I have to tell you, Gnomes are an odd race,” said Nulu. She added quickly, “No offense.”
Drimblerod shook his head, “None taken. We are a noble and proud race. But on the whole, a bit odd. It’s part of our charm.”
“I see,” said Nulu.
“Oh, one thing I’ve learned at this table,” began Drimblerod.
“Yes?”
“No matter what, don’t ever call Grimbledung stupid,” he warned.
“Oh, is that what brought about the... incident?”
“Afraid so.”
“Well,” Nulu said, “he may be odd, but I don’t think he’s stupid.” She smirked. “If he were rich, they would call him eccentric.”
“That’s a good word for him. Ectrexic. Entrecix?” Drimblerod frowned. “I think it’s time to go home.”
“I think so too. Do you need help with him?” Nulu said as she pointed at the snoring Gnome.
“No, I can handle it,” said Drimblerod as he stood. He used the table to steady himself. “Well, maybe a little help would be nice,” he said as he picked up the still sleeping Rat. “I’d hate to drop one of them.”
Nulu moved to the prone Gnome and easily picked up Grimbledung. She tucked him under her arm like a barrel of ale. “Lead the way, Drimblerod.”
Drimblerod walked in a fairly straight line to the door even though he leaned heavily as he did so. “Right this way, Mistress Nulu,” he called over his shoulder as he opened the door, gesturing for her to leave first.
“Can you let go of the door without falling over?”
“No. I think not,” said Drimblerod. “There seems to be something amiss with the establishment in your floor.”
“Come here” she said as she added Drimblerod under her other arm.
“Forward!” Commanded Drimblerod as he pointed with the sleeping Rat. He moved his feet as if he were still walking, kicking Nulu’s arm.
“Let me do the work, will you?” Suggested Nulu as she crossed the street. She reached for the catch on the door and pushed. The door remained closed. Nulu leaned as she pushed, the frame of the door groaning in protest. “It’s locked” she said finally.
Drimblerod, still pointing forward (with Rat), dropped his arm (but not Rat), “Of course it’s locked. The store’s closed. See the sign? Let’s come back when they’re open.”
Nulu shook her head. “You drunk Gnome, It’s your shop! How do I unlock the door?”
“Yes, I agree. Where’s the key?”
“Open up you door!” Scolded Drimblerod as he waggled a finger from his free hand at it. “We want to come in!”
The latch on the door clattered open.
Nulu looked down at Drimblerod, “You’re kidding me. That’s all it takes to open your shop? How is it you haven’t been cleaned out by the shadier characters in town?”
“Because the door recognizes my voice, of course,” explained Drimblerod, twisting his neck to look up at Nulu, “you don’t think it would listen to just anyone do you?” Drimblerod looked at the door, “You’re a smart door, aren’t you? Yes, you are. A smart, handsome door. That’s what you are!”
The door rattled with joy.
“Yes you are! Such a GOOD door. I’ll give you a good waxing later. Yes, I will.”
The door shuddered with glee and popped open.