Tales From a Second Hand Wand Shop- Book 1: They Were the Best of Gnomes. They Were the Worst of Gnomes.

by Robert P. Wills

Chapter Twenty-Five

  Wherein Grimbledung Foils a Robbery

  “Robbing the store?” Nulu’s nostrils flared and her biceps bulged. She spun on her heels, “Open up Door!” She roared as she charged ahead with Grimbledung and his wand, literally hot on her heels. The door clattered open and the two burst into the shop like a tidal wave.

  Because of the speed of their entry, for the briefest of moments, no one in the store paid either of them any attention. Rat was busily eating another piece of bread while Drimblerod spoke with the less trustworthy of the two Humans – Danny - while the other stood near a display shelf with his hands in his pockets.

  “Nobody move!” Said Nulu as she grabbed Peachey, hands still in his pockets and picked him off the ground with a speed that someone her size should never - without the aid of magic at least- have.

  Grimbledung moved past her, wand leaving scorch marks on the floor where it dripped lava. Rat turned and gaped, his one good eye wide in terror. Drimblerod looked where the floor was scorched to the foundation. Danny still had not looked back. “Look out! He’s on a rampage and he’s taking Nulu with him!” Warned Rat as he twisted gracefully and fell behind the counter. From Rat’s point of view, Nulu was holding the hapless customer up as a shield between herself and Grimbledung. It was an uncharacteristic move, but honestly, one of very few options available in the shoppe.

  Grimbledung pointed the wand at the back of Danny’s head. The smell of burning hair wafted through the shop. “Don’t. You. Move. A. Muscle.”

  “Grim! What are you doing?” Wailed Drimblerod. “These are customers and they want to join the Gathering Division!” He started to come around the counter and tripped on Rat who was cowering where he had landed.

  Grimbledung looked down where Drimblerod’s head was sticking out from behind the counter. “Stay down!” He commanded. Danny twirled around and swung a round house punch with all his might at shoulder level. It would have caught a human sized target squarely in the face. It passed right over Grimbledung’s head. His swing took him around so that his side was exposed to Grimbledung who promptly jabbed him in the ribs with his molten hot wand. “Take that, thief! Rob from ME will you?”

  Danny dropped in a heap, hand going to his side. He pulled them away looking for blood but the wound was neatly cauterized. Still it felt as if he were stuck clean through. Because he had been. He let out a wail of pain and promptly fainted.

  Drimblerod crawled out from behind the counter on all fours. “What is going on?” He demanded.

  Grimbledung ignored his partner and spun on Peachey, still held fast by Nulu with his feet off the ground. He struggled hopelessly against Nulu’s hands as his face turned blue. Nulu’s bulging arms showed why he was no longer able to breathe. “Let him get some air, Nulu. I wanna ... talk to him.” Said Grimbledung menacingly.

  Peachey’s eyes grew wide as he drew in a breath and realized that he was still trapped and facing a berserking Gnome. “This is all a case of mistaken identity, good Gnome,” began Peachey. He recognized the Gnome in front of him. “Oh no, not you!” He began to squirm in Nulu’s grasp then began to turn blue again as she tightened her hands.

  “Oh yes. It’s me. First you tell me you robbed Pozoolie’s shop then you said you’d rob the wand shop?” He raised the still dripping wand. “My shop,” he growled. “Do you know why you never hear about someone crossing a Gnome?” He asked, wand inches away from Peachey’s face.

  “No?” Wheezed Peachey.

  “Because no one ever lives to tell the tale,” finished Drimblerod as he stood and moved beside his partner. “So you heard him say he was going to rob the place?”

  “Sure did,” said Grimbledung.

  “That’s as good a confession as I need.” He narrowed his eyes. “Whatever shall we do with them?”

  Just then the bell over the door jingled as a customer came in. Or actually, two customers. Possibly it counted as one. Maybe two.

  “What’s going on here? The sign next door said to come by to join some sort of Gathering Division, but if this is the initiation, count us out!” The creature shuffled into the store, its three legs working in unison to carry the bulk in gracefully.

  “No kidding,” said the second head. I sure am not going to sign up if there’s tattoos involved!”

  Danny groaned on the floor and tried to lift himself with his hands.

  “Not at all. Just dealing with a minor pilfering problem,” said Drimblerod as he kicked Danny in the head. Danny promptly returned to unconsciousness. “What can I do for...” He examined the creature before him. “You?” He guessed.

  “Well, like Runion said, we’re looking to get into the ground floor of this Gatherer’s Division gig,” said the head on the right. “We’re always out in the Region and come across all sorts of things. We usually leave wands behind because we can never find anyone to take them off our hands.”

  “That’s true,” agreed Runion, “we must have left dozens behind.”

  “Say, you two look like you could use a partner” began Peachey. “How about I come with ... URKK” he finished as Nulu tightened her clutch.

  “Nulu, could you put that one down and fetch the constable?” Asked Drimblerod. “Grim can keep an eye on him while you’re gone.”

  Nulu looked from the crumpled heap that was Danny and to Peachey who shook his head pleadingly. “How about Grim goes and I keep an eye on this one?”

  Peachey nodded. Tears were streaming down his face. Nulu let up her grip and he gasped for air.

  “Yeah,” said Grimbledung hopefully, “I’ll watch him. How about YOU go and get the constable.” He winked with not a bit of mirth. “Get the constable.” He looked into Peachey’s teary eyes. “We’ll see you tomorrow Nulu. Just put the thief down.”

  “Should we leave too?” Asked Runion. “We really can’t be held in town as witnesses. A lengthy trial would really cut into business.”

  “Oh, there’s not going to be any trial,” cooed Grimbledung. “We’ll just skip that part, right Drim?”

  “Hold on boys,” began Nulu. “This isn’t how respectable shop owners work. Gnomes or not. Grim, go get the constable and make it quick. You might want to send for the Doc on your way back as well. I think that one on the ground is going to need some healing, and this one’s got broke ribs.”

  “I don’t think my ribs are broken” coughed Peachey. With that Nulu’s biceps bulged and a distinct crack was heard by all. Peachey promptly fainted.

  Nulu stepped over and dropped him on top of his partner.

  “Go quick, Grim. I’ll stand watch.” Nulu folded her arms and leaned against the counter. It creaked in protest but stayed put.

  Grimbledung’s face scrunched up. “But I don’t wanna go!” He whined. “The constable gives me the willies!”

  “Are you sure you don’t want us to come back?” Asked Earl. “Honestly, this is more excitement than we have had since we went to the Mora Tau bar and BAR last week. Town should be a place for an adventurer to relax after the excitement in The Wilds.”

  “Get the constable,” ordered Nulu.

  “Or The Region,” continued Runion.

  Grimbledung lowered his wand in defeat. “Fine, I’ll go get him if I have to.” He shuddered. “He just really gives me the willies.” He exhaled slowly. “Drim, take care of these fine adventurers, I’ll fetch the authorities. Unless you want to go get him and I’ll help them out!” He added quickly.

  Drimblerod shook his head “There’s no way I’m going to the Constable’s Office.”

  “Fine,” said Grimbledung, “I’ll go. Are you going to wait?” He asked Runion and Earl, “or are you not” he searched for the right words, “inclined to meet the local law face to face.”

  “Oh no,” said Runion as they both shook their heads. “We’re respectable folk. We’ve no trouble talking to constables and such.”

  “Just because they’re constables doesn’t make them bad people,” added Earl.

  “Obv
iously you’ve never met our constable” muttered Grimbledung and with that he scooted out of the store quickly. Door let him out and quickly latched behind him- just in case the two made it past Nulu and Drimblerod. Door was going to do its part.

  Drimblerod took a deep breath. “Sorry about that, Gentlemen. You’re definitely not catching us on our best day.”

  “That much is certain” agreed Rat as he moved back onto the counter, his heel of bread battered and dusty. He dropped it on the plate in disgust. “And that was the last heel.” He glared down with his one good eye at the pile that was Danny and Peachey. “You’ve made a powerful enemy, you two,” he warned the unconscious thieves.

  Drimblerod ushered Runion and Earl over to the far side of the counter, farther from the mayhem. “So, you’re interested in our wand program then?”