Tales From a Second Hand Wand Shop- Book 1: They Were the Best of Gnomes. They Were the Worst of Gnomes.

by Robert P. Wills

(the rest of) Chapter Thirty-Two

  Wherein Grimbledung is Kicked

  Out of Prost Garrison.

  Forever31

  “Sir, I really think we made a mistake with this one” said the Master at Arms to the Garrison Commander as they looked at Grimbledung. “He’s been in the stocks for all of three weeks and he’s even more angry now that when we put him in.” The Master at Arms, a broad-shouldered Warrior who had participated in scores of battles, took a step back from the snarling Gnome. He was, once again, gnawing on the wood braces that held his arms. “I think we should engage in a tactical flanking maneuver from our relationship with this conscript.”

  The Garrison Commander - Major General Granger Prost - looked at his Master at Arms. “What is that I just heard? The famed tactician that led the expedition to the bowels of the Bronze Mines against hordes of rampaging Orcs? That put down the Brownie Uprising? That secured the Steel Mines of Chalybeate? That Warrior is suggesting we retreat?” General Prost looked at the Gnome. He had managed to chew away half the wood once again. This would be the fourth time they would have to replace the stocks. He took a step back as well.

  “Kill, Kill! KILL!” Said Grimbledung between bites at the wood. He had said not much else since being put in the stocks. It had taken four Golems to put him in them. They barely managed. Afterwards, one of the Golems even had to be ‘decommissioned’ due to (some) physical and (mostly) emotional distress.

  “Sure, there is no honor in retreating, but there is a whole lot of life afterwards to pat yourself on the back for doing it.” Suggested the Warrior. “This crazy Gnome might just eat us in our sleep if we let him out. General, I say we put him on the next supply train going south and let the authorities in Aution deal with him.

  “Make it so, Master at Arms,” said the General as he turned to leave. Being this close to the Gnome made him nervous. “I’ll be on the wall inspecting the troops while you move him.” As quickly as he could go and still maintain his military bearing, the General left.

  The Warrior leaned in and growled at the Gnome, “You’re getting outta here, Gnome. Not ‘cause you won, but because I got better things to do than deal with the likes of you.” He kicked dirt at the Gnome who snarled in return. “And to top it off yer getting a dishonorable discharge, not one of them Failure to Adapt discharges other conscripts get!” He kicked another clod of dirt at the Gnome. Grimbledung caught the clod in his mouth. He stared at the Master at Arms as he silently chewed and swallowed it. Quickly as he felt he could afford to go and maintain his honor, the Master at Arms left as well. Perhaps, he would accompany the General in the inspection and let the Golems deal with the Gnome. After all, whatever parts they lost, could be slathered back on. Usually.