by Jade Kerrion
“Are you warning me away from your children?”
“No, I’m just saying I don’t know how to tell them it won’t last.”
“I’m guessing you’re not a believer in ‘better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all.’” Her tone was biting.
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then what are you saying, Connor? That I’m doing this deliberately to break your children’s hearts and to make your life impossibly difficult when I leave?”
“No, I know you’re not doing this deliberately, but you will break their hearts when you leave.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Maybe you’d rather find someone else to watch Grace and Hope for the rest of the week. I’m sorry I tried to help.” She turned and stalked to the door.
“No, Noelle, please.” He rushed after her, and bit back a curse as his back tugged painfully. “I don’t want you to leave, and I don’t want you to turn your back on my children while you’re here. Grace loves you; I can see that. She wants to be with you. I just…”
She did not turn to look at him, but neither did she step out through the open door. “You just, what?”
“Would you please tell Grace you’re leaving? Give her time to get used to it.”
She turned slowly. “What about you, Connor? Will you back away now, before you get hurt, or will you wait until January 2?”
“I backed away the first time; I’m not doing it now.”
“What do you mean?”
“Ancient history. It doesn’t matter. I want Grace to have memories she can look back on with happiness, even if they last for only a few days. I want those memories, too, because memories last for years, and they never lose their power to warm you. So, yes, Noelle, my children and I want to enjoy your company as much as we can until you return to Los Angeles. All I ask is that you help Grace understand that you’re leaving.”
“Will it make it hurt less?”
No. “I don’t know, but if you’ll help me make some beautiful memories for them, I’ll count it well worth the cost.”
Noelle pressed her quivering lips together and blinked hard, but how could those possibly be tears in her eyes? Why would she—?
She allowed the door to close behind her as she stepped up to him and gently wrapped her hands around his neck. “Yes, Connor, I will.” When their lips met, he stopped fighting his doubts and surrendered to the moment. Damn it, he deserved beautiful memories too.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Noelle surprised herself by how quickly she, Connor, and the girls settled into a rhythm. She was at the pet store by 8 a.m. when Connor arrived to drop them off for the day. Hope toddled along the aisles, staring, as if mesmerized, into the fish tanks. Her hands and lips left smears on the glass, but wiping down the glass repeatedly was a small price to pay for her excited giggles whenever a fish swam close to her nose pressed against the glass. Grace helped clean out the cages and took the dogs out into the dog run behind the store, before spending the rest of her day with the kitten, who followed her around the store like a well-trained puppy.
Connor came by around noon with soup and sandwiches or a pizza, and they had a picnic on a blanket spread out on the office floor. Hope slurped soup and nibbled bits of ham, cheese, and bread on her repeated trips between Connor and Noelle. Over lunch, Grace described the daily antics of each pet in the store while the kitten romped on her lap.
Connor went back to the clinic after lunch. At the end of the day, he stopped by the pet store, and together, they returned home to a simple home-cooked dinner, followed by an hour or two of family time, which included easy board games or building Legos into an elaborate castle, all the while taking board game pieces or Legos out of Hope’s mouth. Hope appeared unfazed by the loss and merely toddled off to find something else to put in her mouth.
Noelle became part of the bedtime ritual, which involved getting splashed by Grace and Hope as they frolicked in the tub and snuggling down beside Grace to read her a bedtime story. After putting Grace to bed, Noelle always peeked in on Hope who slept, as she almost always did, on her stomach with her little diapered butt up in the air.
Noelle bent down to kiss Hope’s golden curls and breathed in the scent of a sweet baby. It soothed the sharp, familiar ache in her chest. Surely watching the serene, peaceful sleep of a child must be the closest thing to touching heaven; Connor had, with unstinting generosity, given her the opportunity to revel in the embrace of a child and to listen to her whispered confidences.
Noelle swallowed hard through the lump in her throat. Sweet heavens, she was going to miss Grace and Hope when she returned to Los Angeles.
She would miss their father too.
She went downstairs where she knew Connor would have a glass of wine waiting for her. They usually spent an hour together after the children went to bed, sitting in front of the fire, their conversation relaxed and wide-ranging over friends who had stayed and friends who had left Havre de Grace. When the clock struck ten, she would excuse herself. He always walked her to the door, where they always exchanged a lingering kiss that sent a flutter of nerves and sensation tingling through her entire body.
It did not go beyond that.
She didn’t know whether to be relieved that he wasn’t going to complicate their relationship or insulted that he didn’t feel compelled to complicate it. Either way, she supposed that on New Year’s Eve, with her departure less than forty-eight hours away, it no longer mattered.
The crackle of flames in the fireplace welcomed her into the cozy, cluttered living room. Connor glanced up from the champagne glasses he had just filled. “Kids settle down all right?”
“Like a charm.” She stepped into the room and accepted the glass he held out.
“You have the magic touch, obviously. Bedtime’s historically been a battleground in this house. I think the transition between childhood and adulthood is most telling in the evolving attitudes to sleep.”
“Oh? How so?”
“Most children can’t wait to wake up and start the day. Most adults can’t wait to end the day and go to sleep.”
Noelle laughed. “I can’t say it applies to me. I don’t think it applies to you either.”
“For a while, it did, but not in the past week.” He settled down on the couch beside her. “Do you have any plans for tomorrow?”
“New Year’s Day?” Noelle kicked off her shoes and nestled her bare feet in the thick, sheepskin rug on the floor. “I thought I’d spend some time with Daddy, but besides that, I don’t have plans.”
“The clinic’s closed. I have the day off, and I was wondering if you’d like to spend part of your last day in Havre de Grace with us?”
Touched that he’d asked, she smiled. “I would, certainly. Anything in particular you’d like to do?”
“I thought we could head down the promenade and boardwalk. Perhaps a visit to Concord Point Lighthouse.”
“Sounds great.” She sipped the champagne. “Oh, this is yummy.”
“No better way to welcome the new year.”
Noelle relaxed into the leather seat. “I’ve always liked New Year better than Christmas. Christmas looks back. New Year looks forward.”
“What are you looking forward to this year?”
“I’m not sure.” For the first time in a long time, she was neither looking back nor forward, but simply enjoying the present; she didn’t want or need anything more than she already had. She drew a deep breath. Contentment smelled sweet; peace even sweeter.
How much of it had to do with the man beside her, and the two little girls he had fathered?
The family she was leaving in less than forty-eight hours?
She forced a smile. “What about you?”
“A new year, a new beginning.” He draped an arm across her shoulders and drew her close. She leaned against his body, enjoying the quiet intimacy. “You dropped into my life like a bomb from a plane.”
“Ouch.” She winced.
H
e chuckled. “It’s not the best analogy, I know, but it comes close to describing my much altered view of life since you came along. You helped me pull my head out of my own pain.”
Noelle shook her head. “You make yourself sound incredibly self-centered. It’s hardly the case. You were so busy trying to fill in the gap Millie left in all your lives that you forgot that you too needed to rest, to heal.”
“And thanks to you, I’m a great deal better. I feel ready to take on life again.”
And find another woman who would love him and his children, and would stay in Havre de Grace with them. Noelle huffed out an unsteady breath through the pain pulsing in her chest. “You were ready to heal,” she murmured. “I just happened to be around.”
His dark eyes locked on hers. “You know that’s not true. It couldn’t have been just anyone.”
Oh, how she wanted to believe it, but cold, hard logic stamped down, breaking her heart. “Of course it could. You don’t have to try and make me feel special. Time is the ultimate healer, and—”
Connor set his glass down and tugged her to her feet. “Come with me. There’s something I want to show you.”
He led her upstairs to his bedroom and opened a drawer in his dresser. She caught a glimpse of two wrapped packages. He took one out and handed it to her.
“Another gift? For me?”
“Read the card.”
She withdrew the card from an envelope yellow with age and turned it over.
Dear Noelle,
I realize we hardly know each other—a classroom brawl over a rabbit is hardly the best way to meet—but I hope you’ll consider attending the prom as my date. I would be honored to take you.
Sincerely yours, Connor.
The card was dated twelve years earlier.
Noelle raised her shocked gaze to him. “Why didn’t you give this to me?”
“I took it to your house. You weren’t in; your sister was. We talked, and she convinced me—or I allowed myself to be convinced—that you would never go out with me. Not when you had your pick of the jocks.”
“Holly sent you away?”
“I realize now that Holly was looking out for Millie. Two weeks earlier, I’d asked Millie out on our first date. I wasn’t sure about a second. I spent so much time thinking about you; it didn’t seem fair to Millie or any other girl. But I guess Holly knew—”
“They were best friends. Millie probably told Holly that she was crazy about you.”
“Holly did what she thought was the right thing. She sent me back to Millie. I brought Millie to the prom instead. And you know the rest of the story.”
Noelle blinked hard against the sting of tears in her eyes. Connor had wanted her. He had wanted her twelve years ago.
“Open the gift,” Connor said quietly.
Her hands trembled as she unwrapped the gift Connor had so carefully wrapped years earlier. “Oh…” She held up a little wooden jewelry case engraved with figures from Beatrix Potter’s iconic Peter Rabbit series. On the cover of the case, a mother rabbit sat on a rocking chair, cradling two little bunnies. “It’s adorable.” She looked up at Connor, a lump in her throat. “Thank you.”
“No, thank you. Thank you for being around when I needed you. It couldn’t have been anyone else.”
She realized it now. The connection between her and Connor had withstood both time as well as the well-intentioned meddling of her elder sister; no one, but she, could have reached him in his solitary, heartbroken struggles as a single parent. “Connor, I…don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing to say. Nothing has changed.” His eyes were sad, but his voice was gentle. His kindness broke her heart. “I didn’t give this to you to guilt-trip you into staying in Havre de Grace. You need to do what’s right for you. I gave this to you because it’s always been yours, and you needed to know that what you did for us—for Hope, Grace, and me—was something only you could do. It’s meant so much to us, and I’m so grateful you came back when you did. You’ve helped us all move on.”
The tears that filled her eyes did not blur her vision of the man in front of her. She set the jewelry box down on his dresser and stepped into his arms. When he breathed a kiss upon her lips, she opened her heart and mind, and surrendered her body entirely to his love.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Noelle would not have classified the excursion to the promenade and boardwalk as a date, but she didn’t think Connor could have picked a better way to spend time together in a low-key and relaxed way, while including his children in the fun. Grace skipped ahead while Noelle and Connor followed with Hope, who insisted on walking and pushing her stroller, head down, like a charging bull moving at the speed of a tortoise.
Making love to Connor the previous night had been an out-of-the-world experience, but holding his hand the next morning seemed the most natural thing in the world. It was the obvious extension of a friendship that had developed into something more, although Noelle still struggled to define it against the looming backdrop of her flight back to Los Angeles.
She had spent her whole life trying to escape Havre de Grace.
To change her mind because of one man seemed absurdly fickle.
But that man was Connor Bradley, the man who had showed her that life could be surprisingly fulfilling in a small town where the height of excitement was a walk along the boardwalk.
Noelle inhaled deeply. She didn’t have anywhere else to be.
She didn’t want to be anywhere else.
Noelle broke the silence. “It’s hard to understand.”
“What is?” Connor asked.
“How something so simple, like this outing, can feel so right, so complete.”
Connor chuckled. “I suppose you’re right.”
Something about his tone sparked a warning. “You don’t feel complete?” Me. He’s thinking of me. To take the pressure and attention off, she laughingly deflected the attention. “Were you expecting more children?”
“Haven’t you heard? Three is the new two. Millie and I talked about three, potentially four.”
Noelle stiffened. “Four children?”
“We might have had more by now, but Millie had two miscarriages between Grace and Hope. We were excited when she made it to the second trimester and it seemed likely that her pregnancy would be successful.”
She flicked a glance at his face. “And if…when you remarry, you’d want more children?”
Their eyes met. “I’d hope she’d consider it.”
“But…aren’t children a lot of work?”
He laughed, a sound that warmed her in spite of the chill that seized her spine. “Life is a lot of work, but Millie and I had asked ourselves if all our lives would be emotionally richer with the addition of a third child. The unanimous answer was yes.”
“That’s a remarkably mature, far-sighted perspective.”
“With children, I think the only way to survive the short-term chaos is to always take the long view of any situation.” His hand tightened around hers. “Are you all right? You sound freaked out.”
“No, I was just surprised that you want more kids even though Millie…”
Connor looked away. “It wasn’t easy for me to separate the logical facts of the situation from my emotions, but what happened to Millie was unusual, even rare. The U.S. has a historically low rate of maternal death. To dismiss the possibility of future children because of what happened to Millie is like dismissing all possibility of future happiness, love, and marriage because a partner turned out to be a major jerk.”
Noelle laughed softly. “Do you ever get tired of being so wise?”
“It’s the four years I have on you.” He squeezed her hand and grinned at her.
Grace shouted. “Over here!” She had stopped several hundred feet ahead of them, in front of a street vendor. “Hurry up!”
“I’ve got her.” Noelle tugged her hand out of Connor’s and jogged over to Grace.
The street vendor nodded a gre
eting and said to Grace. “Now, here’s your mama.”
The smile froze on Noelle’s face.
Grace’s brow furrowed. “She’s not my—”
“What do you want, sweetie?” Noelle redirected the topic before the emerging facts could embarrass all parties in the conversation.
“This!” Grace pointed at the street vendor’s cart. “It smells yummy.”
“Roasted chestnuts? Okay.” Noelle tugged out her wallet to pay for it. She peeled the shell off a chestnut and handed it to Grace. “Be careful. It’s hot.”
Grace held the chestnut between her fingertips and nibbled on it. She peeked up at Noelle as they walked back to Connor and Hope, who were slowly bringing up the rear.
“What is it?” Noelle asked when the girl’s thoughtful gaze began to unnerve her.
Grace frowned and shook her head, but the distant look in her eyes told Noelle that the gears in Grace’s head were churning hard. The child’s expression grew even more speculative when she looked at her father, but she said nothing.
The glorious day with Connor, Grace, and Hope ended as it always did—with a glass of wine in front of the fireplace. Noelle cuddled against Connor’s side, enjoying the comforting weight of his arm around her shoulders. The only sound was the crackle of flames. Noelle and Connor had always enjoyed easy conversation, but recently, even the silences between them had grown easy—a silence that resonated with warmth and affection and did not need noise to fill in the awkward spaces.
Connor’s chest rose and fell on a sigh. “What time do you leave tomorrow?”
“My flight is at noon.” Her response was as quiet as his.
“Would you like me to drive you to the airport?”
“No, it’s fine. You have to work. I’ve already arranged for a cab.”
“How did Grace handle the goodbyes?”
“More calmly than I expected. You were right; the frequent reminders over several days definitely helped.” She snuggled closer, breathing deeply of his familiar, clean scent. By this time tomorrow night, she would be back in her small Los Angeles apartment.