by Jade Kerrion
His gaze lingered on her. The fluttering nerves in the pit of her stomach consolidated into the low burn of desire. “What are you thinking?” she asked, her voice husky.
“That I’d like to kiss you again.”
She wet her lips. “What’s stopping you?”
He expelled his breath in a low sigh but said nothing. He did not need to. She knew exactly what he was thinking: Grace and Hope.
Noelle shifted to face him. “This time is just for us. No promises. No expectations.”
Connor frowned slightly.
Her father’s warning echoed through her mind. He’s a good man, too good to be played around with. She hadn’t expected Connor to leap at her open invitation. Of course he wasn’t built that way. Connor was built for marriage and a lifetime romance with his high school sweetheart. He believed in destiny, in all that was familiar, but he was still a man with needs.
Yet at that moment, with more certainty than she ever thought possible, she knew that what he needed was her.
Her hand wrapped around the back of his neck; her fingers combed through his short hair. His shallow breaths came faster. His brown eyes were dark in the dim light cast by the flickering flames in the fireplace. She leaned in close until she could feel the pounding of his heart against her breasts. “Kiss me,” she murmured into his ear. “Kiss me, and we’ll take it from there.”
CHAPTER TEN
The sun was setting on December 26 when the door to the pet store opened and Holly walked in.
Noelle glanced up. “How’s Daddy?”
“Doing just fine. The visitors started up again. Somehow, everyone must have thought we invited the entire U.S. military over for Christmas dinner because they brought more food even though we’ve scarcely made a dent in the food we already have.”
“I figured.”
“You were definitely smart to run away and tend the pet store instead. Anyway, I just wanted to check in on you. How are the kiddos doing?”
“Hope’s sleeping in her play yard in the back office, and every pet has had a bath and is all cuddled out, thanks to Grace.” Noelle peeked down one aisle where Grace was playing with a white kitten.
“Busy day.”
Noelle nodded. “I was busy, but the store was quiet. I don’t even know why Daddy insists on keeping the store open the week between Christmas and New Year. Nothing ever happens.”
“I suppose not.” Holly leaned on the counter. “So, what happened with Connor?”
“Nothing.”
“Three thousand dollars worth of nothing?”
Noelle followed Holly’s gaze down to the bracelet on her wrist. Her eyes widened. “Three thousand dollars?”
“And it was on sale too.” Holly shrugged. “I couldn’t resist. I had to find out how much it cost. The sales assistant said he didn’t even look at the price tag.”
“Yeah? Probably because he was too tired to think straight.”
“So, is he as good in bed as Millie used to say?”
Noelle scowled. “I’d forgotten that you were friends with Millie.”
“Best friends. Well?”
“I wouldn’t know.”
Holly’s eyebrows shot up.
Noelle rolled her eyes. “Jeez, give him a break. The man hurt his back. He’s popping painkillers every four hours.”
“Oh, yeah.” Holly’s face fell. “I suppose you’re right.”
Noelle’s smile turned mischievous. “He is a heck of a kisser, I’ll give you that.”
“Oh. More details, come on. Don’t be shy.”
“There isn’t more to say, except that we both enjoy it, and we’re consenting adults of sound mind.” Noelle’s prim façade collapsed into a giggle.
“So, you’ll think he’ll go all the way?”
“If he doesn’t, it certainly wouldn’t be because I objected. God, he’s so sexy, and I don’t even think he realizes it.”
“The words ‘doctors’ and ‘sex symbols’ usually aren’t used in the same sentence, I grant you.”
Noelle punched Holly lightly on the arm. “He is eye candy, but it’s not his looks. It’s—” She waved her hands in the air, trying to find the elusive term. “—everything else. His strength, his kindness, not just with his children, but with everyone he meets. When you think he should stop, he keeps going. He’ll give up his vacation for a patient, for his partner. He would go to the ends of the world to make his children happy.” Her voice caught, and she blinked, startled by the swell of emotion.
Holly looked alarmed. “Oh my God. You’ve fallen in love with him? But…it’s only been three days.”
“I’m not in love with him. I just…admire him.”
Holly arched an eyebrow. “That was a pretty extreme reaction for admiration. That’s the problem with you. You think with your heart.”
“You say it like it’s a bad thing.”
“You’ve always had good instincts about people, but wishful thinking isn’t going to make the hard facts go away.”
“What facts?”
“Connor’s a small-town guy. He’s not leaving Havre de Grace. His business is here; all his friends are here. You’re only setting yourself up for disappointment if you think you can convince him to follow you back to the bright lights of L.A.”
“Connor and I aren’t in a relationship.” Yet.
Holly shook her head. “You’re skimming right on the edge of it. Connor’s not a hard man to love. In fact, I’d say you’ve already tumbled head over heels for him; you’re just not ready to admit it.”
“I’m not the only person in this so-called relationship.”
“No, but Connor’s ready to fall. I saw him for myself yesterday, snuggling with you on the couch. He’ll always love Millie and miss her, but he’s finally moving on. He wouldn’t have held you if he was still emotionally tied to her memory.”
“Daddy said the same thing.”
“We know Connor. You don’t.”
Noelle frowned.
“Oh, don’t get defensive. You know it’s the truth. You haven’t seen each other in twelve years. You’re not the same people you were even though—” Holly bit her lip.
“Even though what?” Noelle asked.
“Nothing.” Holly flipped her wrist dismissively.
Noelle sighed. “So you and Daddy both think I’m doing the wrong thing? I’m not trying to lead him on, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“That’s precisely the problem. You’re not a cold-hearted bitch; we know you’re not doing this to hurt him. You’re honestly trying to help, and you’re genuinely attracted to him, which will lower his defenses. He’ll fall for you, and then when you leave—”
“He needs someone.”
“We all need someone, but why you?”
Noelle opened her mouth to respond and shut it abruptly. Why me? Her brow furrowed. “I don’t know.”
Holly snorted. “When you figure it out, you let him know.
~*~
The chime tinkled as Connor pushed on the door and entered the pet store. At the sight of Noelle behind the counter, a surge of joy warmed his chest, and he relaxed into a smile. “Hey.”
She smiled, too, but the curve of her lips seemed restrained somehow. “You closed up early.”
“Actually, right on time. Most days we close late, but we didn’t have much traffic today. I saw Holly leave your store just as I turned the corner. How are the kids?”
“Hope is still napping, and Grace is down that aisle. Why don’t you get her while I put Hope in her stroller?”
Connor walked toward Grace. She looked up at him and back down at the white kitten purring at her feet. “This is Snowball, because she’s white like snow and she curls up into a little ball.”
He knelt beside her and stroked the kitten, who grabbed his hand between her little paws and tried to gnaw on his knuckles. “She’s beautiful.”
Grace’s chin tilted up. “I want to take her home.”
Connor sighed. “I don’t thin
k we’re ready for a kitten.”
“I’m ready for a kitten.”
“You’re at school all day, and I’m at work all day. The kitten would be lonely at home.”
“My friends have pets, and they’re at school all day too.”
“I know you want a kitten, but we can’t adopt one, not right now.”
Grace scowled. “You always say that. When is it ever going to be now?”
“When we know we can handle the responsibility of caring for a kitten.”
“You never give me what I want.”
“Grace—”
“I hate you.”
Connor inhaled sharply. Most of his conversations with Grace ended the same way, and he was tired of it.
Noelle cleared her throat. “Is the kitten causing problems between you and your father?” Her tone was mild.
Grace searched Noelle’s face before she looked away sullenly. “No.”
“Good, because it would be a shame to have to send that kitten away to another home instead of keeping her here so that you can come by to play with her when your dad says you can.”
“Really? You’ll keep her here? You won’t sell her?”
“Only if I can find a responsible little girl to come by and care for her for a few minutes each day.”
Grace jumped excitedly. “I’m a responsible little girl. I mean, I’m a responsible big girl.”
“We’ll see about that. Now, it’s time for you to go home for dinner with your daddy.”
Grace frowned. “You’re coming, too, right?”
Noelle shook her head. “I’ve spent all day with you. I think you, Hope, and your daddy need some time together.”
“But I want you to come for dinner!”
Connor cut in. “Grace, Noelle needs to spend time with her sister and her daddy too.”
“Did your daddy give you pets?”
No, no. Connor caught Noelle’s gaze. Trick question.
She winked at him before kneeling down to talk to Grace. “My daddy made me help at the pet store until he knew I could take care of a pet on my own. And I always went home for dinner.”
“I don’t wanna go home. Mama’s not there anymore.”
Like a spear hurled at fragile glass, Grace’s words shattered the thin layer of normality, of happiness he had rebuilt on the foundation of two wonderful, amazing days with Noelle. He grabbed Grace’s arm and pushed her toward the door. “We’re leaving.”
“No, I’m not.” She yanked her arm out of his grip. “I want Noelle to come with me.” She glared at her father, her lower lip quivering. “You’re mean and horrible when she’s not with us.”
His heart wrenched. Was he that much of a monster to his children? Connor turned away, not trusting himself to speak.
“You promised!” Grace wailed to Noelle. “You promised to help me make daddy smile.”
What? Connor’s jaw tightened. Apparently, he was that much of a monster if his daughter thought it was her job to help him smile. It wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t her responsibility. God, she’s only six. What am I doing wrong?
If there was an answer, he didn’t know what it was. He stumbled through the darkness, slamming against invisible obstacles, never knowing if he was getting any closer to the light—or if there was any light at all to be found.
He turned around. Noelle’s gaze met his. “Would you…like to come over for dinner?”
Her eyes were gentle with compassion. “I’d love to, thank you.”
He held out his hand to Grace, but she refused to take it and instead clung to Noelle. The conversation in the pet store that had seared and scarred his heart was apparently forgotten by Grace, who chatted happily with Noelle all the way home. He pushed Hope’s stroller but did not miss the way Hope babbled at Noelle and turned her cheek up for Noelle’s frequent kisses.
Did Noelle realize how much she was like Millie when it came to her unstinting distribution of cuddles and kisses? But then again, Noelle had always been a tactile person, and he loved that about her.
An old memory flicked through his mind. She had cradled the injured rabbit against her chest, her hands stroking the trembling creature until it calmed enough to allow her to examine its leg.
“Here, take her,” she ordered, gently transferring the rabbit to him. “Hold her against your chest. Your heartbeat will keep her calm.”
Connor couldn’t see how—not when his heartbeat was skittering like a panicked rabbit, as much from his fight with Josh as from some bewildering reaction to Noelle’s proximity—but he did as he was told. The rabbit quivered beneath his grasp, but did not try to kick or bite.
Noelle murmured soothing words as she taped a splint on the rabbit’s leg. “It’s going to feel funny for a few days, but it’ll be better after that, I promise.” She looked up at him with an expression in her eyes he couldn’t identify. “Give her to me,” she said. “You’re getting your blood on her fur.”
He turned the rabbit over and backed away from Noelle and from whatever it was about her that made it hard to think straight. His head spun, and his vision blurred. He staggered against the wall and slid to the ground. If he could just close his eyes for a few minutes—
He heard Noelle’s footsteps race away. Her voice shouted for help. Within minutes, the janitor and teacher who had broken up the fight and were helping Josh to the school nurse’s office came back and took him to the nurse too.
That evening had passed mostly in a daze. His only distinct impressions were of Noelle; odd how he recalled them so clearly even though twelve years had passed.
Would his life have been different if he’d given Noelle’s present to her twelve years ago, as he’d intended?
If I had, I might not have had Millie…or Grace and Hope.
Despite everything that had happened, he would not have traded the happiness—however brief—he had found with Millie, or the joy of his daughters, Grace and Hope.
And this interlude with Noelle, however wonderful, was not a second chance. She had made it perfectly clear she intended to return to Los Angeles.
What Noelle offered was a chance to heal from the loss of Millie, to find a moment’s rest from the burden of single parenthood, and perhaps an outlet for his physical needs. When she kissed him, she made both the past and the future fall away. The only thing that mattered was the present moment and the feeling of completion in each other’s arms.
More than likely, by the time she returned to Los Angeles, she would leave him in better shape, emotionally, to find permanent happiness with someone else. It was something to be grateful for, wasn’t it, even if it wasn’t exactly what he had wanted?
Wasn’t it? Connor clenched his teeth against the pang of regret. The heartache—over something he never had and therefore, could not lose—was sharper than he could have believed.
He unlocked his house door and pushed the stroller in. Hope wriggled to be let out. Noelle and Grace entered behind him, and Noelle immediately went to Hope and unbuckled her from the stroller. Hope laughed as Noelle swung her up into the air before smacking a kiss on her cheek.
“I’ll get dinner started,” Connor said. He went into the kitchen and reached for the bottle of painkillers, but he paused and carefully stretched his back. It still tugged painfully—lifting heavy things was out of the question for another week—but the constant ache was bearable. He pushed the bottle aside; he’d save it for just before he went to sleep.
Just like heartache, he thought unexpectedly. You need painkillers, but you also need to wean yourself off them.
Noelle. He just had to think of Noelle as a painkiller.
But damn if it wasn’t difficult, no, impossible, when he saw how perfectly she fit into the broken pieces of his family, how she held them all together. Under Noelle’s attention, Grace bloomed like a spring blossom. Her giggles, laughter, the gleam in her eyes—he hadn’t realized how utterly they had disappeared until they returned. Even Hope, who had never known a mother, climbed into No
elle’s lap at every opportunity, as if she knew she would always be welcomed with a kiss and a hug. The toddler appeared content to cuddle with only a stray lock of Noelle’s blond hair for a toy.
When bedtime rolled around, it was Noelle who took them to bed while he cleaned up the kitchen; Grace would have it no other way.
It was going to be hell when Noelle left.
He opened a bottle of wine and had two glasses filled and the fire stoked by the time Noelle returned downstairs.
“Connor?”
He hesitated before turning around. Damn it. Wrong move. The wine and fireplace sent the wrong message. He had to start weaning himself and his children off Noelle. He should have ushered her out the door after dinner, not invited her to linger with wine in front of a cozy fire.
But what his head knew for a fact and what his heart wanted were two entirely different things. His heart wouldn’t stop hoping, wouldn’t stop wanting every possible moment he could squeeze out of his day with Noelle.
He just needed a break. He needed a dream, an illusion, even if he knew it wouldn’t last. How could it be wrong to stop hurting for a while, even if it meant hurting more later?
Connor turned slowly. “Would you like something to drink?”
“I…think Daddy’s expecting me. By the way, the goldfish in Grace’s room isn’t looking good. It’s probably not going to make it through the night.”
“I’ll swap it out tomorrow before she wakes.”
“Don’t you think you should just talk to her? Maybe she can help you solve the mystery of the dying goldfish.”
“Will the conversation end any differently from ‘I hate you?’?” Despite his efforts to modulate his tone, the bitterness escaped.
Noelle shook her head and walked across the living room to take his hand. “Your children are so huggable, they steal all the limelight, but you need a hug too. Shall we?” She pointed to the glasses of wine next to the couch. “It would be a shame to waste the wine.”
He did not sit. “When are you going back to Los Angeles?”
“My return ticket is on January 2.” Her expression tensed. “This is about Grace and her attachment to me, isn’t it?”
Time to bite the bullet. “Yeah. We’re adults. We understand that things, however wonderful, can just be temporary. But for Grace, and even Hope, it’s not simple for them. They see something wonderful, and they want it.”