Microsoft Word - Starter Boyfriend.doc

by Lana Jovanovic

  “Oh,” he bent over and laughed hard. “Oh that! Right… right… look, my sister is out of her mind. I know I said I’d do it and all—but there was that little caveat about getting out of this agreement if I wasn’t attracted to you. Well, I’m really not. You’re cute and everything—I just need a different type of woman.”

  Zoe blinked several times. “I… what?”

  “You’re not my type, honey,” he answered speaking slowly so she would understand him. “I’m sure Minnie told you that I prefer blonds, taller, tighter blonds. I’m sorry—but I’m pretty swamped and gotta get back to the shop. I’m glad we could meet though, because now I know that it’s not going to work out. But I’m sure you’re relieved too, huh? I mean I’m sorta screwed up from my last relationship—and while I’d love to help Minnie out by dating you. Put the training wheels on and stuff, in honestly I’ve never really been one into pity dates.”

  Pity dates? Zoe blinked, not really sure how she should respond to anything he had just said.

  “I-I…” Zoe frowned. “I actually came here to tell you the same thing—um, that this was a bad. A very bad idea—but, obviously you feel the same, so I suppose I shouldn’t have worried so much about your feelings.”

  “Hey, come on,” he stepped toward her and took ahold of her shoulder. “I’m really flattered—honestly, but come on. Look at me. Look at you. We all know that if the physical attraction isn’t really there than we’re not going to go much of anywhere.” Zoe shrugged out of his grip. “Funny, I didn’t think this arrangement, as you put it, mentioned anything about physical attraction.” She hoped it didn’t anyway. She really hoped that Minnie hadn’t misrepresented what Zoe looked like to her brother. From the sound of things, she had.

  “Yeah, well, sorry,” he glanced at his watch. “I gotta run… but… hang on.” He climbed into his van and twisted back between the two seats and as he turned to face her, he extended a slightly wilted flower. “Here, a flower to match your beauty. Don’t take this the hard way or anything; I think we’re both saving each other some time in being honest upfront.”

  “Yeah,” Zoe stammered her eyes falling on the flower. “Well, sorry to bother you.”

  “No sweat, honey,” Colton said. “You’ve got some brown stains on your shirt there—just so you know.” He closed the door with a loud slam and started the van up.

  Zoe watched as he laughed and shook his head before pulling out into traffic. She stood there for some time watching the van drive away, and even when it was long gone she still stood there. The flower he had extended to her as some type of jerk peace offering was lying on the concrete before her feet. She didn’t remember dropping it. It seemed so drab and ugly against the cement.

  “There she is!” Paige’s voice came from some distant far away place. Zoe didn’t even realize that Paige was standing in front of her until the girl wrapped her cold fingers around Zoe’s wrist. “What’s wrong?”

  “W-what are you doing here?” Zoe stammered. “Why aren’t you at the theatre?”

  “I couldn’t wait, I wanted to spy on you and Colton!” she beamed. “He’s so cute, isn’t he? I really wasn’t sure about the whole thing… neither was he, but he was so willing to help! Minnie, here she is!”

  Zoe turned her head and watched Minnie approaching. She was eating a salted pretzel that she had bought a few blocks down. She smiled and hurried forward. That smile slowly inched off her face as she realized that Zoe was upset.

  “I hate you,” Zoe whispered harshly. Paige gasped, her hands flew to her mouth; Minnie lowered her arms and dropped her pretzel. Zoe felt blind by the emotions she was feeling.

  Her entire body was shaking, and for the first time in her life, she wanted to punch someone. She wanted to punch Minnie right in her pretty face.

  “I hate you for not listening to me! I hate you for making me do this. I’m single for a reason, Minnie, do you really want to be like everyone else and shove that in my face!” The last few words came out as a scream. Zoe was so blinded by her anger, sadness, and humiliation she didn’t realize that she was driving Paige to tears. She didn’t feel Paige desperately clinging to parts of her skirt. “You are such an unfeeling cow!”

  “W-what!” Minnie cried, her own eyes watering. “What did I do?”

  “What didn’t you do?” Zoe shouted. “Your brother is an asshole… I don’t know why you would think that he’d be good for me. He just told me I’m not his type—that I wasn’t pretty enough.”

  “No!” Paige gasped, tears dripping off her chin.

  “Colton…” Minnie began. “He said that he’d…”

  “Well one look at me and he changed his mind!” Zoe shouted. “I shouldn’t have to go through this! You should have listened to me, Minnie, you should have! Don’t touch me!” Minnie jerked her hands back and Paige, thinking Zoe was talking to her, also let go and began crying in earnest. “I hate you for making me feel this way, Minnie.”

  “I don’t know what’s going on!” Minnie cried. “Colton came here? He talked to you?”

  “Yes!” Zoe shouted. “Yes, he told me he wasn’t physically attracted to me and that’s what mattered to him so we might as well stop things now.” Paige wailed so loudly that Zoe finally looked at her. Paige stood limply, sobbing so hard she wasn’t making any noise. Her pale cheeks were nearly as red as her hair. When she started gasping for air, Zoe rushed forward and tugged Paige into her arms.

  “I’m sorry!” Paige sobbed. “It’s my fault… my idea… my fault.”

  “Shh, hush,” Zoe whispered as she hugged her tightly. She could feel Paige trembling as she sobbed. “I’m not blaming you, Paige, this isn’t your fault. It’s Minnie’s.”

  “But it was my idea,” Paige whimpered. “I wrote the contract… I… negotiated. I thought he was good. I swear. I wouldn’t ever want you hurt. Please, Zoe, I’m sorry—I don’t want to lose you as a sister!” Zoe kissed the top of Paige’s head and then slowly eased out of her arms. Still clutching Paige’s hand, Zoe turned to Minnie.

  “We’re done, Min,” she said firmly.

  “No!” Minnie gasped, her chin trembling. “Come on, I can fix this!”

  “No you can’t,” Zoe said firmly. “Please don’t contact me—and not Paige either. She’s my Little Sister. If you want one, you can go to the YMCA and sign up. I can get Paige to the theaters and the court houses and the vet offices without your help.”

  “Zoe… please,” Minnie cried. “I don’t know what happened, but…”

  “It’s too late, Min.” Zoe rubbed her cheek on her shoulder. “I’m done.” She pulled Paige’s arm around her waist and began walking away.

  “Zoe!” Minnie cried.

  “Just forgive her!” Paige whispered desperately. “Please? It wasn’t all her fault—it’s me.

  My idea. Just forgive Minnie!”

  “No,” Zoe said simply. She wiped her cheeks again and then hugged Paige a little. “I’ll take you home now. Nothing’s going to happen to us—I’m still your Big Sister.”

  “What about Minnie!” Paige whimpered.

  Zoe shrugged her shoulder. She wasn’t sure what to do about that. “I’ll think about forgiving Minnie later.”

  Paige stared up at Zoe’s sad eyes and then twisted her head to look back at Minnie who was still standing on the sidewalk beside her dropped pretzel and a pretty pink flower.

  “What did Colton say?” Paige whimpered.

  “I don’t want to talk about that either, okay, sweetie?” Zoe hugged Paige with both arms and then picked up the pace to cross the street before the walk signal disappeared. “I just don’t want to hear anymore talk about this starter boyfriend nonsense okay? It didn’t work out.”

  Her stomach tightened a little and more tears filled her eyes. She sucked in a sharp breath and smiled down at Paige.

  “I tired okay—that’s the important part,” using her blouse she wiped Paige’s damp cheeks. As they neared the entrance for the subway, Paige looked ba
ck over her shoulder and saw Minnie still standing across the street. Zoe followed Paige’s gaze and then sighed. She hurried down the stairs, Paige matching her steps. As they waited for the right train, Paige turned her desperate eyes on Zoe, who shook her head simply.

  “I tried, okay? It just didn’t work out.”

  “But…”

  “I’m not trying again.” Zoe said firmly. “End of discussion.” Paige nodded and slipped her hand back in Zoe’s. She rested her head against Zoe’s arm and watched another train roar by.

  --

  Lesson Four:

  Mistakes do happen. It is how you respond to them that makes all the difference. If you

  do make a mistake—be sure to fix it quickly.

  Colton was exhausted when he returned to the store just after seven o’clock Saturday night. It had been a long, stressful, unrewarding, disappointing day. He needed to hire someone else to help out—an assistant or something. Let them deal with disappointments that seemed to pile on one after another. He could probably find a NYU horticulture student looking for an internship, or some other poor student with a good driving record to make deliveries. He would put an ad in the papers soon, because he certainly couldn’t do the job all on his own anymore.

  Colton had had such days before—non stop and busy, busy, busy, so he didn’t know why he was overly tired and feeling slightly depressed. As he put the van gear in park and killed the engine, he rested his head against the seat and closed his eyes. All he wanted was a scalding hot shower, a few cold beers, and a full stomach. He was determined to sleep like a baby. Unfortunately, he still had a lot of work to do in the shop to get ready for another work week in the Hamptons starting Monday. He could stop in the next day, which was usually his one day off, but he didn’t really want to do that. He couldn’t remember the last time he had slept in on a Sunday. After a day like today he would have preferred to sleep for a month just to forget about it.

  He sighed heavily and unclipped his cell phone from his belt. Heading home for the night sounded much more appealing than a few long, physically-taxing hours in the workshop.

  Flipping the phone open he noticed that it was ringing silently, a call from Jamie. He pressed the green talk button and put the phone to his ear.

  “Jamie, I need you to close—”

  “Where in the hell have you been?” She shouted. It was completely unlike Jamie to raise her voice at him. They had never had an argument before and she certainly hadn’t been angry at him. He sat up a little and glanced out the window and down the sidewalk to the shop front. He could see her pacing in front of the large shop window.

  “What’s wrong?” He asked. He didn’t want to have to deal with more letdowns and bad news, but somehow he knew what she was about to tell him would only ice the cake of madness that he’d been baking all day.

  “I’ve been calling you forever! Your sister’s here… she’s gone completely psycho!” Colton sat up straighter, “Minnie?”

  Jamie huffed into the phone. Even though she was breathing hard, like she had just run a marathon, he could hear Minnie screaming. “Yes, she came in here an hour ago shouting for you—scared off four customers. She started knocking over flower arrangements and other merchandise before she went into the supply room. She’s destroying everything in there Colton!”

  “What?” Colton pushed the door of his van open and climbed out. He slammed it shut and ran down the sidewalk toward the shop. “What do you mean? Did she say what’s wrong?”

  “No, she just keeps calling you an asshole, saying you ruined her life,” Jamie answered.

  “I don’t want to go in there because she threw a pot at me earlier! Where are you?”

  “I’m coming in—I just pulled up.” He hung up his phone and yanked open the door to the shop, the bells jingled loudly.

  He found Jamie standing over a broken vase. He could see that a smaller arrangement had been knocked to the floor along with all the gardening merchandise they sold. Buckets of roses, tulips, and daisies were strewn about as well and the floor was covered with a fine layer of water. Jamie pushed her brown hair off her face and stared at him with bewilderment and a little fear. He was about to question her about Minnie when something shattered against the “employees only” door.

  “Jesus…” Colton hurried toward the door, but Jamie grabbed his arm.

  “She’s insane, Colton—I was just about to call the police.” Jamie’s panicked eyes flew to the door. “I didn’t know what to do—you weren’t answering your phone. You’re the only one who can control her. Do I call the police?”

  “No, I can handle Minnie,” he said as he stepped over flowers. “Can you pick up these flowers and get them back in to some water? Don’t worry about the gardening stuff okay; I’ll take care of that. Be careful with the glass.”

  “Do I stay?” She asked hesitantly. It was an hour past closing and she looked desperate to escape the Minnie Tidal Wave of Drama. Her eyes suddenly looked fearful. “You have work tools back there, Colton, what if she grabs a pair of sheers?” A muffled scream was followed by more breaking glass and sobs.

  “I’ll be fine,” Colton said quickly as he hurried forward and pushed open the door to the work/supply room. Glass and shards of broken pottery scraped against the floor as the door swept them to the side. The place was trashed. There were glass and clay pot fragments all over the floor making it a complete danger zone. It reminded Colton of the glass pit he had seen a magician on TV lay down in.

  Minnie was on the far end of the room with her back to him. She was crying and breathing hard, her hair was damp with perspiration. Under her breath she cursed him while pulling packing tissue out a box that held extra glass vases. She pulled a pink vase from the packaging and threw it violently against the floor. It shattered, glass flew everywhere.

  “MINNIE!” He shouted.

  Her body jerked at the sound of his voice. As she turned to look at him, Colton saw the rage and sadness in her eyes. Her face was unbelievably red from crying. She looked at him for only a moment and then shoved the empty box to the side and marched across the broken glass and pots to his work bench. His eyes flew to the sheers and scissors he had there and almost yelled for Jamie to call the police. Minnie didn’t reach for the sheers.

  She picked up a small clay pot and with a blood-curtailing scream, she launched it at his head. Despite the fatigue that had been pumping through his body since noon, Colton managed to duck and the pot hit the wall just over his shoulder. It exploded into a several pieces and left a fine dust in the air.

  “You stupid bastard!” Minnie shouted. “You stupid, unfeeling bastard!” Again she threw another pot, this time hitting him in the shoulder. The pain was sharp and intense, but he ignored it as he charged across the room toward her. She picked up another pot, but it was too big and heavy to wield at him like a weapon, and he was too close for it to do much damage. It shattered at his feet. He grabbed Minnie’s left arm and in doing so put himself in a pretty vulnerable spot. She punched him right in the gut with all the strength she had. It hurt like hell and the wind rushed from his lungs, but he didn’t have time to recover like he wanted to. He had to act fast so he could block her other punches and kicks. He twisted her arm behind her back and pinned her to a stack of fertilizer. Using his entire body, he held her against the bags.

  “Let me go!” She screamed. “You stupid bastard, let me go.”

  “Not until you tell me what the hell is wrong with you!” Colton shouted. He was angry, but he didn’t want to hurt her, so he made sure to loosen his grip on her just a little bit.

  “What’s wrong Minnie, what the hell has gotten into you, huh? You come in here and destroy my stuff?”

  “You destroyed my friendship, you stupid bastard,” she sobbed.

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “It’s your fault! She was my best friend and you took her from me!” Minnie tried to kick at him, but he had her pinned in a way that made her immobile.
He watched the side of her face through strands of damp, sweaty hair, and saw that her cheeks and eyes were pink. She had been crying—a lot. Minnie never cried.

  “Minnie Mouse,” he said softly; his heart broke for her. She never worked herself up like this, so he knew whatever she was upset about was pretty serious. He didn’t even mind that she had really torn his place up. “What are you talking about?”

  “Don’t call me that. I hate you,” she moaned as her shoulders began to shake with her sobs. Colton rubbed her wrist with his thumb, it was the only way he could comfort her without her freaking out on him again. “You know how hard it is for me to make friends!

  You know that I don’t have many true ones!”

  “I know,” he said calmly.

  “You’re an asshole!” She moaned. “You promised… you promised me and Paige.”

  “Whoa,” he said softly. Now he was really confused. What did red-head Paige have to do with any of this? “What about Paige?”

  “You didn’t have to be such a jerk to her,” Minnie struggled weakly and tried to pinch him. He twisted his hand to hold down her fingers and stared down at her. He didn’t get it. He was almost worried that she may be on drugs—not that Minnie ever did drugs. But this behavior was so unlike her. “You didn’t have to hurt her feelings and break her heart!”

  “Paige?” Colton asked. “I haven’t seen Paige since you brought her over here on Thursday! How on earth did I hurt her feelings? I signed her contract!”

  “Not Paige!” Minnie screamed. “Zoe!”

  “Zoe?” Colton asked.

  The moment he said her name he remembered that he was supposed to meet her at Rylie’s Café at noon. He had stood her up, completely unintentionally. Stomach tight, he looked down at his sister and then thought about his contract with Paige. He was supposed to start this Starter Boyfriend thing today. He didn’t want to let the little girl down.

  “Oh shit… Minnie I forgot….”

  “She told me she hates me!” Minnie cried. She was sobbing in earnest now, no longer trying to fight him. He released one of her arms and gently pulled back her hair to see her face. “She told me she never wants to talk to me again because of all the things you said to her.”