Microsoft Word - Starter Boyfriend.doc

by Lana Jovanovic

  Colton stared at his brother for a long time and then shook his head with disappointment,

  “I can’t talk to you.”

  Preston began laughing, “What? You know I’m right, come on, Colt!” Colton walked into the living room and touched Minnie’s shoulder, “Ready?” His little sister jumped up with excitement, kissed their parents’ cheeks and raced toward the door. Colton was glad that he wasn’t the only one chomping at the bit to get out of Jersey.

  After dropping Minnie off at her apartment, Colton drove around for about an hour.

  Looking back at his decisions later, he wasn’t really surprised that he drove to Zoe’s place. He wanted to see, hold, and touch her. But he didn't admit that to himself. Instead, he happily played dumb and told himself he wasn’t entirely sure why he was there. It wasn’t to sleep with her, although he had thought about it since his failed conversation with Preston. He was sitting behind the wheel of his truck stiff with an uncomfortable desire to do just that. Thoughts of Cara being with another man didn’t help either; they only provoked his jealousy and bitterness.

  Why not sleep with Zoe? he thought for a few minutes only to feel guilty for reducing her to an object. He wasn’t going to use her in such a way. And yet, he was parked outside of her apartment building at midnight wondering if she’d think that he was after a booty call if he knocked on her door.

  Uncertain about a lot of things, Colton got out of is truck and walked up to her building.

  He didn’t think or hesitate as he pushed the call button to her apartment and waited for her to respond. He’d figure out what he wanted when he went upstairs, if she let him up.

  He knew that she would let him up, which was the sad part. He was setting himself up for failure.

  “Hello?” She sounded awake, so he knew he hadn’t woken her.

  “Zoe, it’s me,” he said into the intercom.

  There was a long pause before he heard the lock on the main door shift. He pushed it open and stepped inside her building. It was when he was halfway up the stairs that he started to panic—why was he really there? She let him up without question. Was she expecting something? Would he sleep with her? Zoe met him in the hallway in front of her open apartment door. She was wearing pink pajama pants and a white tank top, her hair pulled back into a loose, somewhat sloppy bun, and she had on a pair of glasses. She looked so homey and he found that incredibly sexy. Especially the glasses, he’d always liked a girl in glasses.

  He sped up to get to her. “Hey!”

  “Are you okay?” She asked with concern. “It’s late.”

  “Y-yeah, I’m sorry—were you in bed?”

  “No, I’m working on some stuff,” she answered. “Are you sure you’re okay, Colton?”

  “I’m fine,” he nodded. “I just wanted to see you for a minute.”

  “Oh,” She smiled shyly. “Well, hello.”

  He laughed and drew her against his body. She was warm and soft in his arms, a combination that he was finding himself more and more attracted to. He felt her warm palms move against the center of his back. He lay is chin against the top of her head and tried not to focus on the swell of her breasts against him. After a while, she tilted her head back and gazed up at him. He would have kissed her and almost did, but stopped himself.

  And then she spoke and all he wanted to do was kiss her.

  “Do you want to come in, Colton?”

  He stared into the softly lit interior of her apartment with longing. He didn’t know if he could trust himself to be good and gentlemanly. Thursday night it had been insanely hard to push her away and then leave without look back; he’d wanted her so badly he’d been in absolute agony all the way home. Would this night be any different or just more of the same? He knew that he should just let her go and head back downstairs to his waiting truck, but that’s not what he did. Still holding her in his arms, he walked her into the foyer of her apartment and closed the door behind him. She’d been working from a laptop at her little kitchen table, which was cluttered with sketching pads and drawing pencils.

  The only light on was above her table, the rest of the apartment was shroud in silent, enticing darkness. He squeezed his arms a little tighter around her shoulders and felt her return the embrace.

  “Colton,” Zoe laughed after a few minutes had passed. “Are you just going to hold me all night?”

  He drew back and placed his hands on her shoulders. She stared up at him, waiting. As her eyes flickered toward his mouth, he smiled, released her, and walked toward the table. He looked over her work and then turned back to her. “I don’t know why I’m here,” he said honestly. “I… don’t know what I want.”

  “Do you want to watch TV?” she asked.

  “Not really,” he laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve stayed away from you because I—” he couldn’t tell her that he wanted to do torrid things with her in bed; that he wanted to feel her arms and legs around his naked body. But perhaps the silence between them said enough. Even though her face was partly shadowed by her dark apartment, he saw her cheeks flush with blood. He liked it when she blushed over him like that—there was something endearing and charming and lovely about it. He took a hesitant step toward her and stopped to grip the back of one of her chairs.

  “I just don’t want to rush into something, Zoe.” He said. “And sometimes all I want to do is rush.”

  “Do you want to watch TV?” she asked again.

  He stared at her for a minute and then nodded. She turned on a lamp in the living room before closing down her laptop and turning out the kitchen light. Colton followed her to the couch, which wasn’t a full sized couch, more like a big love seat with wide cushions that would probably fit both of them comfortably. Colton sat down and smiled as Zoe sat beside him.

  “Are we going to talk about this?” He asked as she cuddled up against his side.

  “About the news?” She asked. “Tell me if I am too heavy.”

  “You won’t be and you know I don’t want to talk about the news, Z,” he relaxed stretching his legs out in front of him and put his arm around her shoulders. He picked up one of her pillows and discreetly set it in his lap.

  “I’m just glad to know that your avoidance isn’t because you really don’t want to be around me,” she said simply. “I don’t want to rush either, but doesn’t avoiding things just make them worse?”

  “Yes,” he answered. “Yes, it does.”

  “Then why avoid it?” Her hand came to rest on his side.

  He hoped that she couldn’t feel his heart racing. To make sure that she didn’t, he reached over and drew her hand into his. As he played with her fingers, she laid her head against his shoulder.

  “I’m not going to say that I’m at all ready for that step, but it’s…” she shrugged her shoulder and continued flipping through the channels, pressing the button so quickly there was no way she could tell what was on. “I just like your company, Colton—I think what we both need right now is friendship. I think we’re mature enough not to jump into anything too serious.”

  He heard a slight waver in her voice and felt comforted that she wasn’t too sure of her own statements. He tried to relax, but every time her fingers gently pressed his or her cheek caressed against his shoulder, he felt riled up and anxious. He couldn’t concentrate on what was on the TV, he was so tuned in to her: every breath she took, every movement of her fingers, the way she smelled, her little sighs of contentment—at least he believed that she was content. When it all became too much he excused himself to go to the bathroom just to have a break from touching her. He returned to the living room with every intention of telling her that he needed to head home, but she smiled at him and patted the seat cushion beside her and he sat like a well trained puppy. She didn’t return to her spot against his side, but she did take his hand in hers.

  “Would it help if I told you that I don’t think I’m ready,” she asked with hesitation, “for that step,” she added. “I mean… t
his is very new to me too. You know that I don’t have a lot of experience with most things regarding men—so… I don’t have to be specific here, do I? I don’t have to say the obvious right?”

  “No,” Colton answered as he watched her rub the back of his hand. “No, you don’t have to be specific.”

  “We’ve known each other for only a few weeks and have really only been face-to-face a few times—that… step… is far, far down the road, I think.” She studied him for a while and then blushed and looked away. Charmed, Colton drew her back into his arms. “Does knowing that help?”

  “No,” he laughed against her shoulder, “no, it doesn’t help at all. Doesn’t change what I’m feeling, doesn’t make me want you any less.” She placed her head against his shoulder and sighed heavily. He thought he felt her shoulders tremble, but he couldn’t be sure so he held her a little tighter. Finally she did sit back and he saw the tears in her eyes. “What is it?”

  “Nothing,” she laughed, “just silly stuff.”

  “Tears aren’t silly,” he cupped her warm cheeks in his palms, “tell me.” She shook her head again and closed her eyes as a single tear trickled down her cheek.

  Colton leaned closer and gently kissed that tear. He let his mouth linger on her cheek not intending on moving just a fraction down to her lips. A warm tear fell from her eyelash to the back of his hand. He pressed his forehead to hers and closed his eyes. She moved her head and he felt the soft swell of her lower lip and he couldn’t resist it. He turned his mouth down and pressed a kiss to her lips. The kiss didn’t comfort her like he had intended, in fact, Zoe dissolved into pieces there in front of him. She lay back against the sofa and covered her face with a pillow and cried quietly. He thought about giving her a moment, but decided against it and began tossing unnecessary throw pillows to the ground so he had more room to maneuver himself between her body and the back of the sofa. He pushed his shoes off and put an arm around her trembling body. Under the pillow she told him that she was sorry and wouldn’t release the pillow as he tugged on it.

  After a while he saw her grip loosen and he was able to jerk the pillow away. She covered her teary face and tried to turn away from him, but he locked his arm around her and pulled her close.

  “I shouldn’t be crying,” she whispered after uncovering her face and pressing her forehead just under his chin. “It’s so stupid… sorry.” She drew back only to remove her glasses and then hid her face again. Colton didn’t ask her to explain; he just held her to his chest and pressed kisses to the top of her head.

  He held her in his arms for what seemed like hours; Colton wasn’t even sure how much time had passed. He focused only on holding her, rubbing her back, and kissing her forehead. “Zoe, it’s okay,” he whispered.

  When she didn’t answer, he eased back to look at her and found her eyes closed and her lips lightly parted. As she slept, he studied her for a long while. He studied every inch of her: the soft swell of her lower lip, the curve of her little chin, the folds of her ear and the thickness of her eyelashes. Carefully, as to not wake her, Colton lifted his arm from around her shoulders. Her arms were tucked close to her chest, but her fingers clutched his shirt. He brought his hand down her side and over the slope of her hip. For a few minutes he thought about waking her and leaving for the night, but dismissed that idea quickly. He didn’t want to go home and lay there alone when he could sleep in her arms all night. He turned the TV off, set the remote on the floor, and put his arm back around her. Easing his chin against the top of her head, he closed his eyes and within minutes he too was sound asleep.

  Only an hour passed before Colton woke suddenly. He had a dull ache in the middle of his back due to the strange angle at which he was laying. Zoe still slept soundly in his arms, her body like a torch against his. Carefully, so he wouldn’t wake her, Colton climbed over Zoe and stretched his back. He turned the TV off and sat down on the coffee table. He watched her sleep for a moment and then reached out and rubbed her side.

  “Zoe?”

  She didn’t move or wake.

  He leaned over and kissed her jaw. “Zoe?”

  When she didn’t wake, yet again, Colton eased one arm under her knees and his other around her shoulder and lifted her up off the sofa. Her body eased into his and her arms went around his shoulders. He kissed her forehead as he carried her down the hallway.

  Halfway to her bedroom she work up, looked at him sleepily, and then gasped in horror.

  “Put me down!”

  Colton laughed. “Almost there.”

  “No, put me down—I’m going to break your back!”

  It was her fear and insistence than made him laugh. “I’ve got you, Zoe.”

  “No, put me down!” She twisted in his arms and he nearly dropped her. He stopped walking and tightened his grip until she quit struggling. “I’m too heavy,” she whispered staring down at the floor in awe. Colton stepped into her darkened bedroom and used the dim light from the living room to find her bed. He carefully laid her down; his arm slipped from under her knees so he could pull up the blankets. As he pulled them up over her knees, Zoe pushed herself up and kissed him. Within only a minute he found himself kissing her deeply, her body moving under his in the way he had always dreamed. Her hands slipped from his cheeks down his chest where they stalled moving no lower.

  Colton began to draw away before things got out of hand, but Zoe shook her head, wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him back to her.

  “This isn’t a good idea,” he laughed trying to get away from her.

  “Just one night,” she whispered pulling him with ease into her arms. He didn’t fight her when she drew him back to her and he certainly didn’t stop kissing her when her mouth pressed up against his. He returned her kiss and enjoyed the feel of her moving beneath him—enjoyed it a little too much. He drew away and rolled onto his back. She reached up to pull a pillow under her head. “Will you stay?”

  Colton stared at the dark ceiling for a minute and then rolled to face her. He laid his head beside hers on the pillow and put his arm around her waist. He didn’t say yes and he didn’t say no.

  “Sometimes this—whatever we are—is overwhelming to me,” she whispered. “When I feel overwhelmed I tend to cry.”

  “It’s okay.”

  Her fingers moved against his jaw and chin, “I’ve waited so long it seems for someone to say and do the things that you do. No one’s wanted to be with me before.” He pulled her toward him and relaxed completely at her side. “It’s silly to cry about these things, I know that. And then you carried me.” Her voice wavered and she turned her head so he wouldn’t see her tears, but he did. He kissed the soft skin behind her ear and let his hand sweep down her side and over her stomach. Her hand flew to his pulling it away from her tummy. She kissed his palm and sighed. “Sorry, I know this is probably making you uncomfortable.”

  “Not at all,” he said. “I’m glad you feel comfortable enough around me to share things like this. And just so you know, I mean all of the things I say and do.” To prove his point, he turned her head back to his and claimed her mouth in a long kiss. She twisted around to lie facing him and smiled.

  “You’ll stay the night?” She asked.

  “Sure,” he nodded. “I don’t really want to leave anyway—you relax me Zoe. And this is where I’ve wanted to be all night long.” She smiled and leaned in to kiss him, but he turned his mouth away at the last minute and she kissed his jaw. “But… I think it might be wise not to kiss anymore. My resolve is only so strong, you know.” To make his point, he let his hand sweep down over the swell of her bottom and laughed at her sharp intake of air and the way her body shuddered under his touch. She eased closer, her arm moved around him and her lips traveled down his jaw to his neck. He allowed the soft nips of her teeth for only a moment and then pulled away completely and occupied the empty side of her bed. Zoe laughed as he put a pillow between them and told her not to cross the line. They talked for about twenty minu
tes before Zoe drifted back to sleep. Colton watched her for some time and when he was sure she was in the same deep slumber, he slipped out of bed and headed down to the living room to turn out the light and to make sure that the door was locked. He could have left at that moment, but decided not too. When he returned to the bed, he removed the pillow barrier and settled comfortably behind her. She woke the instant he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her back to his chest.

  “You said the pillow…” her voice trailed off as he kissed her shoulder. He stayed awake to feel her fall asleep and then closed his eyes and for the first time in a long time, he didn’t have nightmares about being alone.

  Colton felt Zoe stir against him the next morning. They were still spooning, which was a very nice way to wake up with someone, especially someone as soft and warm as Zoe.

  Although the heat of their bodies pressed together all night had left him sweaty. Not only was he incredibly warm, sometime in the middle of the night he had slipped his hand under her top and his hand had found her breast. The soft, full swell of her flesh brought him fully awake. He jerked his arm free and rolled onto his back his heart racing. Zoe didn’t move or wake. She was either a good faker or slept like the dead. Painfully aware of her body, Colton tried to focus on something else. He slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom. He returned to her bedside a while later and thought about curling back up in her arms. It was only six in the morning, far too early to wake her, Colton figured, so he let her sleep and took advantage of the time to watch her.

  At six fifteen her alarm clock—a loud, obnoxious buzzing—went off. Zoe’s face wrinkled with displeasure, but she made no effort to turn off the alarm. Colton leaned over her and pressed the off button on the small black box perched above her head on a small shelf. He smiled as Zoe’s expression eased. He gave her another ten minutes and then gently woke her by rubbing her stomach and arms.