Colton wasn’t a scary monster after all; he was just the man she loved. Certainly she could confront him and be able to control herself, unlike last night.
Holding her breath, she pushed against the door and stuck her head in. Colton was pulling vases from the shelves; his back to her. He was wearing jeans, boots, and a polo shirt. His hair seemed longer than she remembered; the ends curled up and brushed lightly against the collar of his shirt. He turned just as her eyes had traveled down his back and stopped at his butt. Zoe exhaled sharply and Colton started at her sudden presence and dropped a vase. The sound of shattering glass echoed between them. They stood frozen and stared at one another as if they were complete strangers.
“Hi,” Zoe said quickly.
“Zoe,” He whispered, “H-hi.”
He stared at her for a moment and then hurried across the room to put the vases on his work bench. They rattled together as he set them down rather hard. He turned slowly, stared at her, and then came forward. Zoe froze as his long stride carried him to her in only a few steps. She wanted to step away form him or tell him not to hug her, but before she could his arms, long and rippled with muscles, wound around her shoulders as he tugged her firmly to his chest. She felt his lips in her hair as he squeezed her before stepping back. She closed her eyes as his hands moving up her arms, over her shoulder, and up her neck to cup her cheeks. She opened her eyes and stared up at him. The heat in his gaze made her body ache, and the moment his mouth descended on hers, Zoe came to her senses and jerked back.
The pain on his face was obvious. His eyes narrowed and his lower lip pouted out slightly; his finger brushed over her lower lip and his hands slowly fell away. He looked sad and hurt. Zoe felt an enormous swell of guilt and felt herself reach out to him. She hated that she had hurt him in anyway, but she couldn’t allow him to kiss her anymore.
Not then, anyway.
“You’re right,” he finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’re right.” He turned away, running his fingers through his hair. He paced a few steps while he rubbed his face, and when he returned to her side, he took her hand in his. It was an innocent enough touch; his fingers were warm and held her gently as he pulled her toward the small cubicle work space. He drew her forward and pulled out his large desk chair. He held her hand until she sat down and then pulled an uncomfortable looking folding chair forward for him to sit in. Zoe clasped her hands together and set them in her lap; she bit her lower lip as Colton’s fingers moved over hers and held them.
“Zoe, I’m sorry about last night—things got out of hand, I feel like I behaved like some… jerk, I don’t know.” He reached out and brushed his knuckle along her jaw, his fingers pushing her hair behind her ear. The touch made her heart race. “I just want to apologize to you.”
“I was a willing partner,” she said.
Colton smiled, “I’m glad you came here tonight.”
“I thought that I should return this,” Zoe took her hands away from his and reached into her bag for the phone. She saw him frown as she extended the phone to him. He stared at it silently and then lifted his soulful brown eyes to hers. “It’s too expensive Colton, really, I can’t accept it.”
“I want you to have this, Zoe,” he said as he pushed the phone back toward her. “You need it—your phone isn’t working and that’s my fault. I’ve… I’ve tried to call.” Zoe felt blood rush to her cheeks, she stared at the phone box for a long time and then handed it to him again, hoping that he would take it, but he didn’t. “I tried to call you a couple times today—I was worried about you.”
“I’m fine,” Zoe said as she put the phone in his lap. “Thank you for the flowers—they were beautiful, as always.”
“I’m glad you liked them,” he said as he set the phone back in her lap. “Please keep the phone, okay? I want to be able to call you.”
Zoe crossed her arms and stared at the ground. She bit her lower lip as Colton reached out to take the arms of her chair; he rolled her toward him. She sat back in the chair, not that it put any extra space between them, and looked at him hesitantly. Why did he have to be so good looking? Why did he have to look at her with such sadness and hope?
“Can I call you?”
“In what capacity?” Zoe whispered looking away from him.
“I don’t… know yet,” he said. “I haven’t talked with Cara—we’re having dinner tomorrow night. I don’t even want to do that—I’m scared, I guess.” Zoe nodded. “I would be too.”
“Zoe,” he touched her cheek to get her to look at him, “I know that we—well, maybe it was just me. I know that I moved too fast or took things to a level that was inappropriate.
I don’t know how to explain what I feel for you, I just know that things seemed to go a little too fast, but I don’t regret a moment of it. I do care for you.
“You’re so right about me needing to figure things out with Cara and that’s what I’m planning on doing. I want to hear her out and listen to whatever excuse she has, and then make the next move from there. I don’t want to lose your friendship in this process though.”
Zoe pressed her lips together to keep her chin from trembling. Colton’s big hands moved over hers again. She stared at his fingers and then looked up at him. She wasn’t sure that she could be just friends with this man.
“I want you to figure things out Colton, but I don’t think that it will be helpful for me to continue this—whatever it is—while you do that,” she saw him open his mouth to protest and hurried on so she could get everything out before he convinced her to chance her mind. “I want to be your friend, but I feel more for you at this point than friendship. It is hard for me to think about you with her.”
“I’m not with her, Zoe.”
“But… it’s inevitable, Colton,” she said.
“So, what do you want to do?” He asked as he took her hand and kissed her knuckles. He rubbed her skin delicately and lifted his eyes to meet hers. After a moment she couldn’t stare at him anymore; she drew her hand back and looked away. “You can be honest with me, Zoe.”
“I don’t think I can do this,” Zoe said. “I want to reinstate the rules from the Hamptons.”
“The no touching rule?” He asked with frustration as he sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. “The just friends rule?”
“Don’t say it like that,” Zoe snapped, feeling suddenly angry. She was so flustered and upset that she was trembling with building rage. He must have seen her change in mood because his eyes, still intense and unsure, softened and he leaned in toward her. “This isn’t a joke! Do you understand what I just told you Colton? That I have feelings for you that are more than friendship. Romantic feelings, Colton. It’s… it’s…” she looked away from his intense glare and chewed on her lower lip, “it’s more than you feel for me.”
“Says who?” He demanded, his eyes narrowing. “I don’t think I’ve been able to tell you how I feel about you, Zoe. You won’t let me.”
“I don’t care,” she said breathlessly. “I’m telling you that I can’t do this anymore—I can’t pretend to date you and I can’t… be just your friend. You can’t call me. I can’t keep this.” She tried to hand the phone back to him, but he wouldn’t take it. She set it on his desk and started to stand. Colton grabbed her wrist and tugged her back to her seat. His fingers moved over hers too softly. “Please! Don’t touch me… I can’t handle it.”
“Okay,” he said his hands falling away. “Look, let’s postpone this conversation until after I meet with Cara, okay? We let things get out of hand last night and it lead to confusing feelings.”
“I’m not confused about how I feel, Colton,” Zoe snapped her anger flaring again.
“Okay, I know that, Sweetheart,” he murmured as he gently rubbed her knee. “I don’t want you to be angry at me.”
“I’m angry at myself—and don’t call me that, you don’t call your friend by endearing names, Colton. I’m just Zoe.”
“You’re my
Zoe,” he smiled.
“Stop it!” she shouted.
Tears that she thought she was done crying began to pour freely from her eyes. She turned her chair away from him and covered her face with her hands. She felt his hand on the arm of her chair, pulling her toward him more, but he didn’t touch her and she was grateful for that. She managed to stop crying after a minute or so, but knew that she was still on the verge and any other sweet words or compassionate looks would make the tears start again. She kept her chair turned away from him and wiped her damp cheeks on her shoulder. He handed her a tissue and she blew her nose.
“I don’t want to stop being friends, Zoe,” Colton said after a minute. “I like you, a lot.
We have fun together, you make me laugh, I look forward to being around you, and I love our late night talks.”
“It has to stop,” Zoe forced out. “All of it—until you know for sure what you want. It’ll be easier that way.”
“Easier?” his laugh was bitter, “For who? We just stop talking all together because Cara’s back?”
“Yes,” Zoe stood and this time he couldn’t grab her fast enough. “I know you don’t feel the same way for me, so this shouldn’t be a problem for you Colton.” She hurried for the first door leading to her freedom, but Colton grabbed her arm and twisted her around.
“No… stop! You can’t grab me anymore, Colton, you can’t!”
“I’m not grabbing you,” Colton whispered as he pulled her toward him. “I’m stopping you from running out of my life. Yes, I need to work things out with Cara, but that doesn’t mean that we have to stop being friends. I’m going to need you.”
“For what?” Zoe asked. “To be your girl on standby? Once you figure out that what you’ve wanted all along just walked back into your life you’ll drop me. I don’t feel like being dropped, Colton.”
“So you’re going to drop me? You’re going to throw our friendship out the window?” he asked. “Does that make sense?”
“Yes, I’m protecting myself,” Zoe pulled her arm free of his grasp. “I don’t want to stop being your friend, Colton, I really don’t. But we can pick up our friendship after you figure out things with Cara, okay?”
“No,” he answered crossing his arms. “That’s not okay, but since I care about you, I’m going to respect what you’re asking me to do, which is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Well, it would have to be so extreme if I trusted you when you said you wouldn’t touch me or call me sweet names or go out of your way to buy me expensive presents! You do and say all of these things and it just confuses me and makes me like you more! I don’t trust you not to lead me on—especially when you know that I… that I….” She almost said that she loved him, but stopped herself. She wasn’t sure if he knew that was what she’d almost said and decided not to think about it. So what if he knew the truth, he still had business with Cara. He wasn’t free enough to admit his own feelings or perhaps lack there of.
“Okay, I’ll play along,” Colton said softly. “But, I want you to keep the phone, okay?” He handed her the box that she hadn’t realize he had with him. “It was a gift, Zoe, I bought it for you and I want you to keep it. And I want to be able to call—”
“No!”
“Okay, fine,” Colton thrust the box into her bag. “I’m not going to call…. I’m going to figure things out with Cara and then I’m going to call you and tell you how silly you’re being.”
Zoe looked up to meet his eyes. She stared at him for some time, knowing full well that she wasn’t being silly. She was being practical. She didn’t want to lose his friendship, but she didn’t trust herself or her heart to remain a platonic friend.
“Okay, thank you.”
“I’m having dinner with her tomorrow night,” Colton said quickly. “I hope to have the closure that I need by then.”
“And if you don’t?” Zoe asked.
“I will.” Colton said positively. “I’m not going to drag this out anymore, Zoe. I want to move on.”
“You’re saying that you’re not going to give her a second chance if she asks you for one?”
Colton frowned obviously confused, “She’s not going to ask me for a second chance, Zoe. She just wants to talk.”
“I’d never hurt you like that Colton,” Zoe said as she stepped close to him, “but if I had, and knowing you like I do now, I’d ask for a second chance—I’d demand and beg for one.” His eyes softened; he lifted his fingers to touch her face but pulled back suddenly.
“She’d be stupid not to ask.” Colton stared at her for a long time and then leaned in and gently kissed her forehead. “We’ll be friends—eventually, Colton.”
“Yeah,” he sighed. “Well, I hope that when the time comes for it, you’ll give me a second chance too, Zoe.” He ran his fingers against her jaw and then nodded toward the door.
“Can I take you home?”
Zoe shook her head no. “Thanks though.”
“Any time,” Colton nodded. “I’m serious about the phone, please keep it.”
“It’s too expensive,” Zoe said with uncertainty, “but I will.” Colton laughed and gently patted her shoulder. She felt the warmth of his fingertips through the thin material of her t-shirt. She lingered at his side for a moment longer, just to feel the touch of his hand, and then left while trying her hardest not to look back.
“I need to be set up with someone new.”
“Huh, what?” Minnie asked after dropping her fork.
This late-night pancake run—something they hadn’t done in ages—was turning into a nightmare. Zoe was starting to dread the vodka shots they’d had before arriving at IHOP; her head was heavy and spinning and her lips tingled. Although a small, still conscious, part of her brain told her not to, Zoe liberally poured strawberry syrup over her half-eaten stack of pancakes and dug in with gusto. Zoe ignored Minnie’s shocked and confused look and cut off another large chunk of soggy pancakes and shoveled them into her mouth, licking the dripping syrup as it rolled off her lips.
“You want to be set up with someone new, Zoe?”
“Yes, but none of this starter crap, okay?” Zoe said as she slurped her from her large orange juice. “I need a real date—someone with real potential and real availability.” Zoe said as she flicked her fork at Minnie. “I don’t want someone tied up with past strings that will jerk him away the moment their blond, supermodel, ex-girlfriend returns.” Minnie frowned and poked at her omelet. “Maybe we should wait until after Colton talks with Cara?”
“Colton and Cara—two Cs that are meant to be.” Zoe sang sadly. “I need a new man—I know what I’m doing now. I know how to kiss—I can kiss the crap out of any man anywhere. I don’t need lessons. I don’t need lessons in dating, no one does. You do things by trial and error. You don’t get dating lessons from your best friend’s brother.”
“You’re shouting, Zoe,” Minnie glared at the trucker-types in the next booth who didn’t hide the fact that they were eavesdropping. “Why do you want to jump into something new? It’s not over with Colton yet.”
“It’s over,” Zoe snorted. “I’m not blind or stupid, Minnie. I saw her. Have you seen her lately? She’s like… Heidi Klum hot.”
“She’s not that pretty,” Minnie said flatly. “And she broke his heart! I think you’re all wrong about the second chances thing, Zoe. He’s not a stupid man.”
“He’s a man in love—you didn’t see the way he looked at her, Min,” Zoe stared at the reddish mess her pancakes had turned into and frowned with disgust. “Gosh, I can’t believe I’m eating this—I’m going to be sick tomorrow.”
“For sure,” Minnie nodded. “And Colton didn’t look at Cara in any kind a way other than absolutely shock that she came back. He’s so over her.”
“I need to be set up,” Minnie sighed and looked around, her eyes falling to the truckers.
She sat up a little and pushed her breasts out. Minnie slapped Zoe’s arm. “Stop that!
&nbs
p; You’re not a whore or something, Zoe. Put your boobs back in.”
“They’re lonely,” She whispered. “They’ve only been touched by male hands once.” Minnie turned around at the bursts of laughter from the next table and shouted at the men to mind their own business. The truckers continued to snort and laugh, one of them even made a crude joke about Zoe’s boobs and how he’d be willing to squeeze them. Zoe didn’t care that they were staring with ogling eyes and whispered things loud enough for her to hear. She didn’t care about anything. She was miserable and lonely and drunk.
Zoe stabbed her pancakes with her fork, tears prickling her eyes and suddenly the mirth she’d felt while drinking herself past a buzz disappeared and the world was black again.
“I am lonely,” she amended, “not my boobs. I am very lonely.”
“It’s not over yet, Zoe, why are you giving up?”
“I have to,” she answered. “He spent four years of his life with her, Min, four years! And how long have we known each other? Eighteen days… eighteen! And I think I’m in love with him—how pathetic am I? You can answer that. Please answer that.”
“You’re not pathetic,” Minnie slipped out of their booth and joined Zoe on her side.
Arms looped around Zoe’s middle, Minnie hugged her tight. “People can fall in love in a matter of hours, if you believe in that kind of thing. Colton’s attention and feelings for you were genuine, they really were. You just have to give him time, Zoe. You really do.”
“Fine, but I can’t sit around and pine after him,” Zoe said firmly. “I need to date. I want to date a lot. Okay?”
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