A Little Ray of Sunshine_A Christian Romance

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  She still slept periodically throughout the day, but she didn’t want to get back into the habit of sleeping just because she had nothing else to do. The object was to sleep less, not more.

  Maya had invited her to go out with several of the ladies for dinner, but Jason had had his first set of shots earlier that day, so he’d been a bit cranky. Though the nurse would have come earlier to watch him, Hannah hadn’t felt comfortable leaving him like that. So cabin fever had become a real issue for her.

  One afternoon, as she was seated in the armchair while Jason napped beside her in the swing, she opened up a document file on her laptop and began to type. Though she wasn’t sure that anyone would be interested in buying a book about her story, she’d begun to type out memories as they came to her.

  It wasn’t fun reliving her time in captivity, but as the words spilled out of her, the activity began to feel therapeutic. She didn’t have to censor her words for fear of shocking people or offending their sensitivities. No one would read her words, so she let it all flow out of her—fear, anger, pain, despair, loathing.

  When her phone chirped a text alert, drawing her attention from her laptop, Hannah wasn’t surprised to see that it was Maya. Even after turning down her invitation for the ladies’ night out, Maya hadn’t given up trying to spend time with her. Since they lived in the same house, they usually spent some of each day talking together, but Maya kept trying to get Hannah out of the house.

  Maya: Want to head out for a bit this afternoon?

  Hannah considered the question for a second before replying. What did you have in mind?

  Maya: Maybe we could load up Jason and the stroller and head for the mall.

  That actually sounded appealing to Hannah. In the past, she’d never been one for window shopping, but after being cooped up for so long, the idea of wandering around a mall sounded inviting. And the chances of anyone recognizing her were slim to none.

  Sure. That sounds like fun.

  Thankfully, she’d managed to get her banking straightened around, and they’d assured her that her bank card would work if she used it. Though she’d had her bank cards with her in Afghanistan, she hadn’t had them on her the day of her kidnapping like she had her passport. Though she really didn’t need anything, if she did find something, she wanted to be able to buy it.

  Maya: Yay! I’ll be by around one. See you then.

  Hannah closed her laptop and headed for her closet to find some clothes. She was currently wearing a pair of leggings and a baggy sweatshirt, and though Maya didn’t always wear brand name clothing, she always looked nice. Hannah still didn’t have a large selection of clothes, so it was really a choice between which pair of jeans and which color of long sleeve T-shirt she wanted to wear.

  Since she still had a couple of hours before Maya would be there to pick her up, Hannah took the time to grab a bite to eat then she fed and changed Jason. She was in the kitchen getting an extra bottle ready to take for Jason when Ryan walked in, his cheeks pink from the cold.

  His gaze went to the diaper bag that sat on the counter, and he asked, “Heading out?”

  She nodded as she slid the bottle into the insulated pocket and zipped it up. “Maya is coming in a few minutes to pick up me and Jason. We’re going to the mall for a bit.”

  “That sounds like…fun?”

  Hannah smiled at his words. “It will be, I think. It’ll get us out of the house for a bit anyway.”

  Before he could respond, the front door opened and soon after, Maya appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. “You ready to go?”

  “Yep. Just have to get my stuff on, and get Jason covered up.”

  “Great. I’m just going to get changed into something more comfortable,” Maya said. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Do you need the stroller?” Ryan asked after Maya had disappeared toward the stairs.

  “Yes. I left it in the foyer.”

  “Okay. I’ll go put it in Maya’s car.”

  Hannah wrapped her scarf around her neck, then pulled on her jacket and zipped it up. After tugging on her knit cap, she gave Jason one final check over before zipping up the cover on the seat. She draped one of his thicker blankets over the upright handle, checking to make sure it would protect him from the cold. After slipping the diaper bag strap over her shoulder, she picked up the car seat and walked to the front door.

  Ryan had just come back in when Maya reappeared. She was already wearing her jacket too, so it didn’t take long to pull on their boots and head out into the cold afternoon. Ryan carried Jason’s car seat out and strapped it into the back seat.

  “Have fun,” he said as he stepped back from the car.

  “I don’t think he thinks going to the mall is very fun,” Hannah said as Maya turned the car around and headed down the long driveway.

  “It must be a family thing because Gabe doesn’t care for it much either.”

  “Did you not have to work this afternoon?” Hannah asked.

  Maya glanced over at her as she waited for the traffic to clear so she could turn onto the highway. “I asked for the afternoon off since the other ladies who share the receptionist job were in. Since Makayla and Grace are back two days a week each, I don’t need to be there all the time. We have plenty of help now. It gives us a lot of flexibility.”

  “I’ve been looking for what might be available job-wise for me,” Hannah said.

  Maya shot her a surprised look. “Really? You’re wanting to go back to work already?”

  Hannah rubbed her gloved hands on her thighs. “Well, I can’t just sit around forever.”

  “I know, but it seems really soon.”

  “I’m gaining my strength back, but I probably can’t work in the hospital like I used to just yet. Although I’m not really looking for that type of work anyway. Daycares will only take Jason during daytime hours, I’m sure. So I’m kind of looking for a job as a receptionist or a nurse in a doctor’s office.”

  Maya was silent for a bit before she said, “I didn’t realize you were thinking of going to work already. I mean, Makayla, Grace, and Sammi each took a year’s maternity leave after their babies were born.”

  “They were probably each working full-time in the year prior to having the girls. I haven’t been, so I don’t qualify for maternity leave with Jason.”

  “I didn’t realize that.” Even in profile, Hannah could see Maya’s frown. “Maybe my dad could—”

  “No.” Hannah held up her hand. “Thank you for thinking of that, but I need to start standing on my own two feet.”

  “What about you and Ryan?”

  Hannah’s stomach did a slow roll at Maya’s question. “What do you mean?”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  “I’m sure I’m not the only one wondering if there’s something between you two.” Maya gave her a sly smile. “I mean, he’s so caring toward you, and he’s always helping you with Jason.”

  “There’s nothing between us,” Hannah said, her gaze shifting to the traffic they were currently caught up in before looking back at Maya. “It shouldn’t surprise you that he's caring. That seems to be how all the guys in his family are.”

  “True,” Maya admitted. She gave Hannah a sideways glance. “But are you sure…?”

  Hannah gave a huff of laughter. “I’m sure. We became close while we were in that cell, but only as friends. Besides, I don’t really think I’m Ryan’s type.”

  “Does Ryan even have a type?” Maya asked, then before Hannah could respond, she said, “And really, when hearts get involved, types don’t matter. All things considered, I wasn’t Gabe’s type. He’ll even tell you that if you ask him, but there was just something that drew us together. Of course, I pulled away because I thought I couldn’t live with who he was. As it turned out, I couldn’t live without him.”

  “Regardless, I come with a lot of baggage.” Hannah curled her gloved hands into fists. “Asking any man, let alone Ryan, to take that on just wouldn’t be fair.”

>   “I understand how that is,” Maya said. “Our baggage is different, true, but in my case, I was asking Gabe to accept the risks I came with. I’d gone through two bouts of cancer already by the time we met, and there was…is no guarantee I won’t face another one.”

  Hannah tried to formulate the words to share with Maya how she felt about her situation with Ryan. “The thing is, I feel indebted to Ryan.” She held up her hand toward Maya to keep her from interrupting. “And yes, I know, he wouldn’t want me to feel that way, but I can’t deny that without him, I’d probably still be stuck in that cell. So it would almost seem mean to then turn around and say, yeah, I know you saved me, but would you mind also loving me and taking on all my baggage too?”

  “It seems like you’ve given this some thought,” Maya said, her voice soft.

  Since her breakdown that night, Hannah had tried to make a conscious effort to not think about Ryan as anything other than a friend. If she truly loved him—and she was fairly certain she did—there was no way she wanted to saddle him with her baggage. She wanted him to be happy, and she wasn’t sure he’d be that if they were together. Not when she would be a constant reminder of such a horrible time in his life.

  “Well, it seems a girl could do a lot worse than Ryan,” Hannah said, trying to relax her hands from the fists that seemed to form whenever she thought of their time in Afghanistan. “Even before I ever saw him, I knew he was an understanding and compassionate man. We spent a lot of time in the dark talking. I found out how much he loves his family and his friends. And that his faith is important to him. Among other things. I feel like we became friends, and I’m grateful for that. I’m not going to be greedy and ask for a deeper relationship when I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t be good for either of us.”

  Maya let out a sigh. “I’m sorry. I know that is personal between you and Ryan. I don’t mean to pressure you about something like that. It’s just that now that I’ve found Gabe, I want everyone to be as happy as we are. And like you said, a girl could do a lot worse than Ryan.”

  “It seems like you and Gabe are great together,” Hannah commented, eager to change the direction of their conversation.

  “We are!” Maya agreed, tossing a big grin in Hannah’s direction. “But we are also very different people, so it hasn’t always been easy. However, at the end of the day, we love each other very much and are willing to work through our differences to make sure our relationship grows stronger.”

  Hannah couldn’t deny that she felt a pang of jealousy at what Maya described. Before meeting Ryan, she would have just admired Maya and Gabe for the work they put into their relationship, but the jealousy wouldn’t have been there. She’d accepted that she was just going to always be on her own. That was why she’d decided to go to Afghanistan. She’d figured it was easier for her to go since she didn’t have a family to worry about.

  “It seems like both you and Gabe have good examples in your parents’ marriages to draw from.”

  “We do, and it’s even better that our parents have become such good friends.” Maya turned the car into the parking lot of the mall. “I never would have imagined that happening when I first met the Callaghan Family.

  She drove around for a bit, muttering about finding a parking spot close to the mall entrance because of the cold. Once she found one that she was happy with, she parked and then went to get the stroller out of the back while Hannah unbuckled the car seat.

  It took a couple of minutes for them to get the seat attached to the stroller and then Hannah put the diaper bag into the basket at the back. She pushed the stroller across the parking lot, trying to avoid the small snow piles that had somehow escaped the plow.

  Once inside, Hannah uncovered the car seat, not too surprised to see that Jason had fallen asleep. She pulled off her gloves, scarf, and knit cap, then carefully smoothed her hair down over her scarred cheek.

  “Did you want to go anywhere specific, or are you happy to just wander?” Maya asked as they moved away from the entrance.

  “I’m happy to just wander,” Hannah said.

  “Me too,” Maya agreed and fell into step beside her.

  The serious discussion begun in the car was left behind as they walked around the mall. Thankfully it wasn’t too busy, so no one minded that they weren’t moving super fast. They popped into stores when they saw something that interested them, and Hannah even bought a couple of things. She appreciated that Maya didn’t offer to pay for what she bought. She wouldn’t have felt as comfortable buying them if she had.

  Though she knew Maya had plenty of money, being able to pay for her own things made Hannah feel a bit more like they were on equal footing. She’d been independent her whole adult life, so being forced to depend on people chafed a bit. At least in this growing friendship with Maya, she didn’t feel like she had to worry about that.

  She hoped that after she was able to move on with her life, Maya would still be someone she could call a friend. For the first time in forever, she found herself wanting a friend, not just an acquaintance. Ryan had definitely been right.

  “Where are Hannah and the baby?”

  Ryan looked up from where he sat reading his work email in the corner of the family room to see his mom settling onto the couch. “They went with Maya to the mall.”

  “To the mall? Did Hannah need something?”

  “Not sure. I think maybe she was feeling a little claustrophobic because of staying inside all the time.”

  His mom nodded. “I wondered when that might get to her. I get the feeling she’s not used to just sitting around. Well, not if she has a choice anyway.”

  “I think now that her strength and energy are starting to come back, it will be harder for her to not have anything to do.”

  Ryan had been thinking about that already, given that he wasn’t particularly keen on sitting around himself. He tried to fill part of his day with going to Gabe’s gym, but other than appointments with the doctor or therapist, there wasn’t a whole lot else to occupy his time. He’d helped his dad shovel snow a couple of times, and if his brothers needed help with anything, he was happy to jump in there too.

  But the reality was, now that they were both getting stronger, eating and sleeping just wasn’t enough. Even Jason was fairly easy to care for, from what Ryan had seen. He figured it was only a matter of time before Hannah let the night nurse go.

  Though Marcus and Alex had told him he didn’t have to rush back to work, Ryan didn’t know how much longer he’d take off. Reading work emails didn’t help ward off the desire to be doing something productive. Even though Than and Connor had sent him a couple reports to read through and evaluate, that wasn’t enough. The taste of it, however, was enough to make him want to get back to work.

  “Are the girls going to be home for supper?”

  “They didn’t say. I’m assuming they will be as I think Hannah only took one bottle for Jason.”

  They sat in silence for a few minutes before Ryan asked the question that had been plaguing him for years, but even more so since starting therapy. “Mom, did you know all the details surrounding Dad’s—Jonathon’s—death?”

  She seemed to freeze at his question, then slowly lowered her phone to her lap. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, he died while he was deployed, right?” At her nod, he continued, “Do you know the specific details of how he died?”

  Her reluctance to answer was clear, but she finally nodded. “Yes, I do.” She hesitated, her eyes narrowing briefly. “Do you?”

  He wondered for a moment why he’d brought it up because now that she’d been honest with him, he had to be honest with her. “Yeah.”

  Her face softened with sadness. “Oh Ry, I’m so sorry you had to learn that about your father.”

  “Why didn’t you tell us?”

  She shrugged. “Obviously when it happened, you were all too young to understand. And then later, when you were old enough, it just didn’t seem to matter. Steve had taken over the rol
e of father to you four, and he was so wonderful. I wanted to leave the past in the past.”

  “Unfortunately for me, it didn’t say there,” Ryan said.

  “How did you find out?”

  Ryan closed his laptop than sat back in the armchair, pulling one leg up to rest his arm on, then he told her everything about that time in the military when he’d discovered the horrible things his birth father had done.

  “Is that why you decided not to be career military?” she asked when he was done.

  “Yeah. When I joined, I thought I was upholding a proud family tradition. You know, I would have been the third generation. Even though I didn’t care much for the first generation since Grandpa would have nothing to do with us, I thought at least I’d have my dad’s legacy. Turns out it was a legacy I wanted nothing to do with. So I made the decision to not make a career of it.”

  “I always wondered. You weren’t one to change your mind so easily once you had made it up.”

  Ryan gave her a sad smile. “My desire for that legacy was one of the main reasons I resisted changing our last name when Dad wanted to adopt us. I thought the McFadden name was something worth hanging on to.”

  His mom leaned forward, an earnest expression on her face. “But Ry, you have made it into a name worthy to pass on. You and Bennett both.”

  Ryan hoped his mom was right. “Did you ever wonder if Benn or I would turn out like…like him?”

  This time there was no hesitation before she shook her head. “Never. I think the way he was raised played a huge role in the struggles he had and the choices he made. Not that I’m making excuses for him because he was still responsible for every single thing he did. I was determined that I would raise you four differently from how Jonathon had been raised, and I did. And I couldn’t be more proud of the decisions each of you have made.”