The Boy Who Has No Redemption (Soulless Book 8)

by Victoria Quinn

  I hadn’t anticipated that answer. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”

  “I don’t have any regrets at all, but…it just seems daunting to start that process all over again.”

  I nodded in understanding. “Makes sense.”

  “So, that’s something we need to figure out. Who will make the compromise—you or me?” Her hands came together on the table, and she gently fidgeted as she looked down at her palms.

  At the end of the day, I was not losing Emerson. She and I were meant to be together. There had to be another compromise we could make. I searched for a solution in silence. “I didn’t realize I wanted a family until recently, not until I connected with Lizzie and found myself again. But it’s something I really want now. It’s not that I wouldn’t consider Lizzie to be my own, just the way my mother has always loved me like a son rather than a stepson, but I missed all those years…the diapers, the walking, the first day of kindergarten. I didn’t get that experience.”

  “Yeah.”

  “So, this is my compromise.” I stared at her until she looked at me again. “You took care of Lizzie on your own, with the help of your parents, and your entire life has been full of sacrifices because of your daughter. But you did that alone. This time, you have me. I will always be there.”

  “But you’re very dedicated to your work, Derek—”

  “My family will always be my top priority. Work will always be second. That’s not an empty promise. My dad has a really important career, but he never missed anything when I was growing up. He didn’t push us on a nanny or my mom. He made sacrifices and made it work, not because he had to, but because he wanted to. I would do the same thing. I would be there because I want to be there.”

  She watched me with eyes that started to soften.

  “Between my parents, your parents, and our nanny, we’ll be able to travel. Just the two of us. Wherever you want to go, I’ll take you. We’ll have time for us. Is that something you’d be willing to do?”

  She held my gaze as she considered my proposal, gently sucking the inside of her cheek. “Yeah, it is.”

  I got to have both things I wanted.

  “When you put it like that, it doesn’t sound as daunting as it was when it was just Lizzie and me. I know you’ll be a good father, Derek. And I would love to have your babies…they’d be perfect.”

  “Yeah?” I’d make them right now if she was into it.

  A slight smile moved on to her lips. “Yeah.”

  After my mom finished her last treatment, it was officially over.

  She beat it.

  My dad was even happier than he was the last time we went to the doctor. He was affectionate, smiling, snuggling with my mom on the couch and kissing her like he didn’t care that she was still missing her hair.

  Daisy didn’t return to her semester at Harvard because she wanted to stay home anyway.

  I continued to work part time because I wanted to be with her too.

  It was time to celebrate together, not to go back to our lives that were driven by work and responsibilities, shit that wasn’t more important than us as a family.

  Mom sat across from me on the couch and moved her checkers piece. “So, are you going to stop letting me win?”

  I grinned. “No.”

  She chuckled. “I’m used to being the dumbest person in this family, so you can stop.”

  “You aren’t dumb, Mom. You’re smarter than all of us. How else would you become the backbone of this family?” I moved my piece and looked at her.

  Her eyes were soft as they stared at me, her smile slowly fading. “It’s nice to have you back, honey.”

  I dropped my gaze because I would become emotional if I stared too long. “Yeah, it is.”

  She made her move. “How are things with Emerson?”

  “Still taking it slow.”

  “Good.”

  “We talked about having a family.”

  “Yeah? That doesn’t sound slow to me…”

  I chuckled. “It doesn’t, huh?”

  “And what was decided?”

  “She said she was apprehensive because if she had more kids, she would be a mom her entire life, but I told her it would be different with me, that I would be a present father, that I could take care of her and still take her around the world.”

  “Good answer, honey. I want to have more grandchildren from you.”

  I loved that she already considered Lizzie family. That was just the kind of person my mom was. She just loved people for no reason. She included them without hesitation. “And you think that your life will end when you have children, but it doesn’t end, it just changes, that’s all. I think you and Emerson will fall more in love.”

  “Yeah, maybe.” It was hard to imagine loving her more than I already did.

  “What else is new with you?”

  “I think I figured out what went wrong with my rocket.”

  She stopped playing the game altogether and just stared at me, unable to control her surprise. “And what did you discover?”

  “That the wiring to the capsule failed because of an electrical short. The initial explosion occurred because that short caused an electrode to explode, which caused the fire in the booster…so everything was caused by a faulty wire.”

  “What does that mean?”

  I abandoned the game and stared at her. “The electrical team failed to employ their safeguard measures and test the circuits. Those shortages never should have happened.”

  “It sounds like it wasn’t your fault, then.”

  I shrugged. “It’s my rocket. Everything is my fault.”

  “Derek, you can’t be in a million places at once. You’re one person.”

  “I know, but…” I shook my head. “I should have figured it out.”

  “You tested everything a million times, Derek. There’s nothing more you could have done. And remember, this was a test. The purpose of a test is to figure out the kinks. That was a kink—and you’ll fix it.”

  “Yeah…I’ll fix it.”

  She placed her hand on my arm and gave me an affectionate squeeze. “I’m so proud of you.”

  “Why?” I whispered. “The test failed.”

  “I’m proud that you aren’t afraid to keep trying until you get it right.”

  26

  Emerson

  I sat at the table with both of them while they worked on her schoolwork. I had other stuff to work on, like editing his pages and filing the work submitted by the interns, so we all had something to do while we devoured the pizza sitting in the middle of the table.

  I saw Derek work with his grad students, but he was totally different with them than he was with Lizzie. Lizzie wasn’t a graduate student pushed to perfection. He treated her with patience and affection, answering the same question in several different ways until she grasped it. Instead of using a whiteboard, he did all of her instruction in her notebook so she could flip back and look at what he had written to study.

  But honestly, I didn’t even understand what he was trying to teach her.

  I was so proud that Lizzie did.

  He never made her feel embarrassed for not understanding something, and I saw the way he got excited when she caught on to things, and as a consequence, her confidence increased.

  Derek was the best thing to ever happen to her.

  With him as a parent, a role model, and a teacher, she would reach new heights and surpass me in every way. All a parent wanted was for their children to do better than themselves, and with Derek, that would happen without question.

  I was so touched by their interaction that it was hard for me to focus on my own work.

  “You’re going to ace this final,” Derek said. “And you’ll probably get a B in the class, which is fantastic.”

  “I wish I could get an A.” Her grades had been so up and down this past semester that even a perfect score couldn’t repair the overall grade.

  “It doesn’t matter what your gra
de is this semester,” Derek said. “When you start high school, those grades will matter, and we’re going to get you a perfect GPA. You’ll have your choice of any college you want.”

  “That would be so cool.” She grabbed another piece of pizza and took a bite. “But that’s a lot of studying.”

  “With time management, you’ll be fine.” Derek closed her notebook and set it next to her.

  “I mean, that’s a lot of time for you to teach me.” When she took another bite, there was a line of cheese, so she quickly scarfed that down even though she’d already had plenty to eat. “Unless you can’t. I get it…”

  “I always have time for you,” he answered immediately. “But let’s not forget your mother is the expert in writing and literature—”

  “But you’re a best-selling writer,” she said with a laugh.

  “I can always help you in creative writing if you want, but your mother is the one who edits my books…if you didn’t know that.”

  “Really?” Lizzie turned to me and looked at me like I was a rock star.

  With my head held high, I nodded. “It’s true.”

  “Whoa, I didn’t know.” She finished her slice then wiped her fingers with her napkin.

  “We’ll make it work,” Derek said. “You’ve got two of the best tutors right here.”

  “Yeah?” Lizzie asked. “Because you guys are gonna get married…?” She waggled her eyebrows and started to put her stuff away.

  I rolled my eyes.

  Derek turned to me. “Yeah. Whenever your mother says yes.”

  Lizzie looked at me. “Mom, stop being weird and just say yes.”

  “Lizzie.” All I needed to say was her name and she knew to back off.

  She turned to Derek. “I’ll get her to say yes.”

  Derek chuckled. “Thanks, Liz.”

  She packed her things, and then Derek drove us home. He parked at the curb and walked us inside the building, taking us all the way to the front door because that was the kind of guy he was.

  “Night, Derek.” Lizzie let herself inside.

  “Night, Liz.” He watched her go before he shifted his gaze back to me.

  I loved that he had his own nickname for her, that they had their own relationship that was independent of me. I trusted him to take care of my daughter without my presence or supervision.

  He stared at me with that same intense stare. He used to be aggressive during our conversations about our relationship, but once he had me back, that desperation ceased. He never tried to kiss me or start anything physically, taking my request for slowness very seriously. It seemed like he was perfectly satisfied just to be with me, to have a relationship with me, and not anything physical. “Can we carpool again? I’m not a fan of you taking the bus.”

  I wasn’t either because it took a million times longer with all the stops. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

  “Great. I’ll see you in the morning, then.” He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me in front of the door, his thick arms protective and warm. He gave me a squeeze before he kissed my forehead. “Love you.”

  “Love you too.” I felt him slip away from my grasp, felt him leave my arms, and with every inch of distance, I felt emptier.

  He walked away and took the stairs.

  I watched him go, missing him the moment he was gone.

  When he finished with the rover, he turned to his rocket program.

  But he was the only one working on it at the moment. When he was finished, he said they would build the second prototype and do another test. He spent his time going over the schematics and testing voltages with various wires.

  It was nice to see him try again, to see him finding a solution instead of being haunted by his failure.

  And it wasn’t even his failure.

  At the end of the day, I joined him at the table, watching him work on the cables.

  He lifted his chin and gave me his attention. “Didn’t realize it was five already.”

  “Time flies when you’re—” I looked down at the wiring “—doing whatever you’re doing.”

  He grinned at my joke.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Finding a better material for the next test. The insulation should help.”

  “What are you going to do about the electrical team?”

  “What do you mean?” He stood in a gray t-shirt with his tech watch on his wrist, his arms thick and covered in veins. He’d started to bulk up again because he was working out like he used to. He never said that, but I surmised it based on his physical fitness.

  “I mean, it was their error that caused the problem. That rocket isn’t cheap, right? Now you have to invest more money in a second prototype, when you shouldn’t have needed a second one in the first place.”

  He listened to what I said with a blank stare. “What do you suggest? I fire them?”

  “I’m not suggesting anything. I’m just curious what your approach is. I know you believe in being one hundred percent, one hundred percent of the time.”

  “Yeah, that is my philosophy. But I also believe that humans make mistakes, and it’s okay to make mistakes sometimes. That’s what the test is for, to figure out what could go wrong and to keep testing to make sure there’s no variation in the performance based on weather conditions or anything out of the ordinary. A mistake was made—we’ll learn from it.”

  “I like that philosophy a lot more than your other one.”

  “Yeah.” His eyes filled with affection. “Me too.” He grabbed his laptop and notebook and placed them in his satchel.

  “Lizzie said she thinks her final went well.”

  “Yeah, she texted me.”

  I wasn’t sure who I was more jealous of, Lizzie for having Derek’s attention or Derek for having Lizzie’s attention. “You want to come to her graduation ceremony on Friday night?”

  He stilled at the offer. “I’d love to.”

  “Great.”

  He pulled his satchel strap over his shoulder then came around the table toward me. “And maybe we can take a trip to my family’s cabin afterward to celebrate. You know, spend the weekend there. I don’t know if Lizzie is interested in fishing, but I can teach her. Or we can go on some hikes, make some s’mores at night, barbecue burgers…all sorts of things.”

  “That sounds like a lot of fun.” Lizzie loved it at Thanksgiving, so she would definitely love it in the summer, with the water right outside their deck.

  He gave a slight nod then turned away so we could leave the warehouse and get to the golf cart.

  My hand automatically reached for his arm, feeling the defined muscle at contact. His skin was warm like I remembered. His naked body used to keep me warm even on the coldest nights.

  He stilled at my touch then looked at me, barely moving, waiting to see what I would do.

  I had no idea what I wanted to do. My reaction was instinctual. He moved away, and I didn’t want him to go…that was all I knew.

  His eyes remained on me, his breathing still like he was holding his breath until he knew what I wanted.

  I gently pulled him into me, closer and closer, moving until his chest was against mine. My hand left his arm and slid up his chest, feeling his hardness, getting reacquainted with the man who made my toes curl every time he was inside me. My arm moved around his neck, and I brought him into me, my eyes on his lips. Instead of thinking about the women who’d replaced me in his bed, I thought about the man who was in front of me now, the man who loved me today, the man who promised me forever.

  He pulled his satchel off his shoulder and set it on the floor beside us before he moved in closer, taking the cue for what I wanted, the permission he’d been waiting for. His big arms surrounded me with masculine tenderness, and he squeezed me as he dropped his mouth to mine and kissed me.

  With my eyes closed and the breath taken from my lungs, I was swept away to the past, to the nights where his touch lit me on fire, when he pulled me into his soul with just his kiss
. My arms hooked around his neck, and I kissed the man of my dreams, the love of my life, the man who was worth the suffering.

  He moaned against my mouth and squeezed me tighter, backing me up into the table as he continued his slow and purposeful kisses, feeling my body in his grasp, touching me the way every woman fantasized about being touched by a man. It was with undeniable strength, like he wasn’t afraid to use his force with me because I wasn’t fragile. He held me with a grip that showed he didn’t want to let go, that I was his forever.

  I missed it when he touched me like this.

  I missed it when he kissed me like this.

  He turned his head the other way and parted my lips with his breath, with his wet kisses, and then his tongue. One hand left my waist then moved into my hair, pulling it from my face as he deepened the kiss, made love to me with his mouth, made me feel like his one and only just the way he did with his intense gaze.

  I was the one who pulled away, afraid that if this continued, we would end up naked on top of his workspace, the sweat from my back making all his papers stick to my skin.

  He let me end the embrace, but his eyes were still desperate, like the loss of my touch was devastating. His hands stayed firm on my body, keeping me close so I wouldn’t slip away.

  “You want to have dinner on Thursday night?”

  He stared at me like he didn’t hear the question. There was a long pause even though the question shouldn’t require so much time to form a response. “Yes.”

  I was sitting at my computer in the office when I got an email from Derek. The subject line read “Lab Results.” I wasn’t sure if he’d sent this to me by mistake because his health should be confidential, but I opened it anyway to see what was inside.

  He had scanned a copy of his STI panel. The date was at the top corner, and all the negative results were listed there. There was no mistake typed into the body of the email. He just wanted me to have this information, but he didn’t want to make it awkward by giving it to me in person.